Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
WWF Monday Night RAW 3/22/99
Here is a shocker. Vince and Company come out first: Well, Vince with Shane and the Rock in tow. Vince brags about Rock and Shane being title holders and that they will leave WM as champs too. Shane gets to start first. Everyone knows he can take X Pac because he has his number. It will be an honor to embarrass him. However, he cannot wait that long and wants a piece of him tonight in a street fight. Vince is a bit taken aback. Vince claims his family is very secure and UT will be busy with the Bossman and others. He has it all figured out as the fans call him an asshole. The Ministry and Austin have been trying to divide his attention and that would allow Austin to become WWF champ. He introduces the Rock and the Rock goes off on Austin and calls him trailer park trash. Austin is watching in the back. Rock is happy that he is watching. Rock states that Austin is drawn to him and he wants to go one on one with the great one. Austin will never beat the Rock becoming WWF champion. Austin has left and Rock gloats and tells him to get a breath of fresh air. He talks about the millions of his fans and he cannot wait to kick his monkey ass all over God’s green earth. Now Vince has the mic again and he is planning the burial of Austin as he has to face Big Show tonight and Rock will be the ref. Here comes Mankind. Mankind states that is a good idea and seeing as he is the best ref there was, is and will be then he should get in the ring and ref the match too. Vince thinks Mankind has been hitting the sauce. Now Mankind appeals to the Rock to get in on one more time. Rock responds by telling him to kiss his ass. Mankind thought he would say something like that so he went to Texas and got a signed letter from HBK stating that the winner of their match will ref the main event tonight. Vince asks if the Rock has a problem with that and he does not. Here comes Austin driving a beer truck! Austin is on top of the truck bellowing that he has been pushed around long enough. He threatens the Rock and continues that he has listened to the Rock and his catchphrases. He is going to burn SD hotel to the ground. Austin declares himself the next WWF champion. He wants to share a prematch beer right now. Rock states that Austin’s threats are idle and tells him what he can do with the truck. Austin has a hose and sprays them with beer!
Debra is getting all sexed up.
Match 1: Jeff Jarrett and Owen Hart (c) v. the Brood
Before the match JR is at a JR is War Frat Party and talks about partying.
Gangrel takes it to Owen and tags in Edge who gets two after a powerslam. Owen counters right back with a belly to belly. He tags in JJ who plants an elbow after Owen slams Edge. Edge comes back with a slam but JJ fires back and now Gangrel tries to run in but is shoved back. Christian who is not a part of the match is in the ring and the ref ignores a minute of brawling. Edge comes back in and leaps on top of JJ and now Owen is in and it has broken down. Edge is in the Sharpshooter and Public Enemy runs down and the fight continues. The lights flicker and go out and Debra is doused in blood.
* A mess.
Gunn and Dogg are discussing their title for title match.
Vince is bitching at his cronies.
Match 2: Road Dogg v. Billy Gunn Title for Title Match (IC and Hardcore)
Gunn works over the arm. Dogg escapes and puts him in a headlock only to be shoved off and knocked down. Dogg boxes him and down goes Gunn and he shakes, dropping the fist, getting two. Gunn escapes and weakly scissors him over and now hiptosses him twice and finishes with an armdrag. Dogg is set up in the corner and Gunn charges but misses. Dogg though is caught and given the Famouser but of course Goldust and Al Snow run down and they get cleared out.
*1/2 Jesus.
Brisco and Patterson are in the back and are giggling and then freak out by saying no and…..
A ref is out as are Patterson and Brisco. It was LoD who cane in and beat their ass.
Match 3: Blue Meanie v.
He does not look happy and demands the music be cut. He calls out Shamrock. He is taking a stand and wants to know if he has the guts to get the spanking he deserves. It is Ryan Shamrock who comes out. That is who he called out. He goes to spank her and Ken runs down and Goldust is right behind but he is taken down and put in the Ankle Lock and he knocks him out with one half-assed shot by the chair. Cole tries to sell it like it was the shot heard around the world. After they leave Shamrock runs after them.
Now to JR’s party and the Frat Boys are chanting his name. He talks about Holly and his party etc.
Sable is getting makeup on.
Ministry arrives.
Vince is coaching Shane up and talking to Patterson and Brisco and not too happy that he did not get his coffee.
Here comes Sable….Jesus I need Ritalin.
Seriously that was awful. She awkwardly gyrates after saying this is for the women who want to be me and for the guys that do something…I forgot. Her attempt at being sexy failed miserably.
Match 3: Sable (c) v. Ivory
D’Lo is at the announce table. They go back and forth. PMS has come down. Ivory gets a couple of near falls. They awkwardly roll around the ring. PMS trips up Ivory. Sable sets up the Sable Bomb and gyrates and it takes her three times together up and slam her for the win. Torrie runs down and takes an hour to get in the ring and she gets pummeled. Sable gyrates some more and she gets pummeled.
* Jesus the wrestling sucks tonight. Sable keeps fucking gyrating and it is not pretty.
Rock and Mankind are walking in the back.
After the break Austin is getting ready.
Match 4: Mankind v. Rock (c)
Rock and Mankind hammer each other out on the floor. Rock gets the upperhand but the whip is reversed and he is flung into the steps. Mankind breaks the count and that allows Rock to get up and clothesline him and now Rock takes it to him. The ref takes away a chair and Mankind uses the opening to his advantage and beats his ass with a flurry of punches. Rock blocks a suplex and counters with one of his own. They get in the ring and slug it out. Rock has him in the corner and does not like being told that he sucks. Mankind throat punches him and follows up with a bodyslams. He is going for his version of the Elbow and the Rock rolls and Mankind elbows canvas. Rock stomps on him and chokes him out on the ropes. He pounds him in the corner and Mankind kicks him in the nuts. Mankind gets in some punches but Rock tackles him and punches him square in the balls! He pulls Mankind up and dumps him to the floor. Rock has the headset and brags that he is beating Mankind’s ass only to be squashed against the table and hammered. They get back in the ring and Mankind telegraphs a backdrop and is kicked and clotheslined. Rock stomps on him in the corner. Now Rock telegraphs the backdrop and is nailed with a swinging neckbreaker. Mankind hammers him in the corner and down goes the ref via a Mankind lariat. This allows Rock to kick and DDT him. Rock misses a few blows off the whip and now he is DDT’d. The ref is still out. Mankind has Socko and Show runs down and they exchange blows and Mankind is chokeslammed and the ref DQ’s Rock. Rock is not happy but neither is Show.
**1/2 Okay but nowhere near what they have done in the past.
Show is tering shit up in the back.
Austin is pacing in the back.
Match 5: Kane v. Goldust
It is HHH dressed as Goldust and he has a flamethrower and he burns Kane with it and rips into him with blow after blow. Refs try to calm him down but he beats on them a bit too.
NR Angle advancement.
X Pac goes looking for Shane in the parking lot. Guess what after a couple of blows the Greenwich Posse beat his ass and take off in a car.
Close up of UT’s face.
Match 6: Ministry v. Corporation
Shamrock and Farooq go at it on the outside. Test is there too. Bossman clocks UT with the nightstick but UT gets up and tees off. Now they are all brawling on the floor. They brawl towards the back and the lights go out….that is it.
NR
Vince is back down and showing off his abs and just wearing a suit coat and no shirt. He replays the beer truck incident and he tells Austin will pay for it tonight. Austin will never become champ. Rock is introduced as guest commentator.
Match 7: Big Show v. Steve Austin
This has been five plus minutes going….all the introductions. Austin ducks some blows but is finally caught and dismantled. Show works him over in the corner. Show knocks him to the floor and lifts him up by his throat and holds him there. Mankind leaps on him breaking the hold. Show slowly stalks him and a fan hits him cleanly with a soda! Austin comes in and takes off the buckle pad but after a few blows he is shoved into it and crushed with a big elbow. Mankind and Show and Austin takes advantage and goes for the Stunner but is picked up and tossed and then decleated by a big boot. Austin stumbles to the floor and gets on the apron only to get knocked off. Show goes out after him and works him over with stomps. Show gorilla slams him. Show continues to dismantle him. Mankind brandishes a chair and tells Show to put him back in the ring and Show wallops Austin with a chop before rolling him back into the ring. Show takes an hour to drop the elbow and misses. Austin takes charge and stomps away but whispers in his ear and the whip is reversed and Show applies a bearhug. Austin tries to escape but cannot. Austin goes limp but then all of a sudden comes to life and Thesz Presses him. Austin tries to cover him and Mankind is confused. He counts one. Austin grabs a chair and belts Show with it about six times. He runs off the Rock and wins with a Stunner!
** Seriously. They jobbed out Show that quickly?
Show is pissed and Rock runs in and brawls with Austin and gets in his one blow against him in months: Rock Bottom.
*1/2 I cannot rank this any higher. Overbooked nonsense. Seriously they need to stop this shit. But Goddamn the ratings are in the mid 6’s! I love how WCW gets shat on but Show was jobbed in a month. Austin is invincible but at least the Rock got in a move. One. The beer truck segment was cool. The Mankind and Rock match was decent. But normal booking tells me that Rock wins that match. You put the face at a disadvantage. He and Show cheat and beat his ass….leave him for dead and Austin gets revenge at the PPV. It is that simple. Instead the faces dominate, Austin wins and it is silliness all around. If anything they set up the PPV but the show still sucked.