Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
WWF Monday Night RAW 4/12/99
Here comes the Corporation. Shane hypes them all up. He talks about the Mean Street Posse. Ken takes the mic, as he is okay now I guess…..He is really pissed about what happened last week. Shane calms him down and want Steph to come out. She has a stupid look on his face and wants to come out and does so but Vince who has been holding her for a week, hopefully not at night decides it is okay if they all come down together. She is all excited for being able to come down here and acting like a 12 year old and all giggly. Vince is not happy and thinks this may be a publicity stunt and it better be damn good. Shane thinks that Vince’s priorities are skewed and talks about JR being rehired but he should be fired, however Cole sucks as bad. Now Shane babbles incoherently about his dad and running the Corporation and he fires Brisco and Patterson. They sadly leave. Vince thinks Shane is on a power trip and Shane responds that Vince lost his power and what happened to his balls. The fans are turning against this. Vince states he is the same man and then some. But right now Steph is his priority. Shane tells him to respect this and gives him a girlie slap. Vince glares and then leaves with Steph as Shane calls him a coward. Vince is not his daddy anymore, and he does not respect anymore and is not even Mr. McMahon and he is now just Vince. Vince leaves. Ken is yelling at Shane and he flips them off and leaves and Shane calls him Kenny and berates him for walking out on them.
Vince assures Ken he is okay and wishes he is good luck.
Rock is going to get fresh air. Shane actually sniffs the air and says smell it…..this show is really fucking horrible so far.
Match 1: Sable and Nicole Bass v. Tori and Ivory
She asks if the boys are ready for the grind. Damn that grinding looks horrible. Nicole Bass looks like she would kick my ass; I think she has an adam’s apple.
PMS comes down and they are chokeslammed by Bass. It screams if Ivory has a problem and chokeslams her too. Tori was slammed and not Teri. Tori leaves and Bass screams if she has a problem….Oh fuck, here comes the Ministry. It is just UT’s voice off the Tron and he is talking about Steph again.
Here comes Austin! He talks about WM and how Backlash is coming up. He yells about the Rock and calls him names. He wants his belt. Rock is on a bridge and he reminds Austin of what he did to the IC belt a year and a half ago. But he will not throw it over and demands Austin find him. The bridge is right by People’s Champ BLVD and Candyass Lane or something. He warns the fans to not follow along. He calls himself a super species and Austin calls him Super Feces and drinks beer.
Mankind has just shown up and asks where the Boiler Room is and Cole informs us that he will stay there for two weeks until the PPV so as to not scare off Show.
Here comes Show with his new cheesy 80s intro. Fans gives him a decent ovation.
Match 2: Big Show v. Christian
UT orders Edge and Gangrel to leave so Christian can pay more penance…..I need to take a break this is really horrible.
Show squishes him….
*1/2 Squash.
Mankind is down in the Boiler Room. Show will leave on a stretcher.
Shane wants the Mean Street to go after Mankind.
Now the Rock is pacing on the bridge.
Jesus….now the Posse is running in the back.
Christ…..Here come the Outlaws, well Billy Gunn.
Match 3: Billy Gunn v. Val Venis
Val may not be Grant Hill but this Piston….you get it.
Val hammers him in the corner and stomps a hole in him. Gunn escapes but is caught and nearly pinned after a spinebuster. Val has the arm and sways his hips and strikes with a short clothesline. Val runs his head into the corner and uppercuts him. Gunn counters with a kick to the gut and a DDT and now he straddles Val, sways his hips and gets two. Val is whipped into the corner where he is splashed and then clotheslined back into it. Val is whipped again and he collapses coming out of the corner. Ass charges him but is picked up and dropped headfirst onto the buckle. Val hooks him and butterfly suplexes him getting two. Gunn slugs away, goes off the ropes and charges into a boot. But he backdrops Val and charges again and he is tossed to the floor….guess what? Fucking interference. JJ and Owen come down and stomp on Gunn. Val does not like that and he goes after them. Road Dogg runs down and the heels are run off. Debra is in the ring making eyes at Val.
** Was not too bad until the end.
Val is swaying, not sure how that is sexy but I guess it is. JJ grabs and takes Debra. Val is sad.
The Posse is at the door and run in and after the break Mankind is laying waste to them. He knocks them back out of the Boiler Room….now there is some whimpering and Mankind looks a bit befuddled.
Match 4: Owen Hart and JJ v. Acolytes
Farooq owns him for the first minute or so….JJ is in. But he is taken down by a swinging neckbreaker. They go back and forth, and here comes Owen and Bradshaw. Bradshaw is nailed with a heel kick but he recovers and slams Owen. He drops some elbows and gets two and now all four are in…..Brood runs down and we get a DQ. More Ministry BS.
DUD Fucking stupid.
Here comes UT with Bearer in tow. Mideon is holding Debra as UT strokes her chin and calls her beautiful. This is Vince’s fault as Steph was to be the prize and now Debra will have to do. UT asks how many of the innocent will have to suffer and how many souls will he have to take. Ken runs down with a baseball bat and UT does not leave. UT warns him that Ken will never see Ryan ever again if he hits him. Ryan is in the Boiler Room and she is enjoying everything she is getting. The Ministry are in now and a pissed Shamrock wallops them and UT tells him to be very careful after he runs off.
Rock is still waiting.
Match 5: Big Bossman v. Goldust (c) for WWF IC Title
Now the Godfather comes out with a complete Ho Train. Godfather has some unfinished business with Goldust and offers all the Ho’s to Bossman who takes them.
Godfather starts slaughtering Goldust. He is hammering away, and tosses him and then hammers him some more. Goldust grabs him and gets two after a back suplex. Godfather is dumped to the floor. Goldust works him over and they get back in the ring where Goldust kicks him and then shoves him headfirst into the corner. Godfather is snapped over and Goldust rabbit punches away. Goldust is whipped into the corner and it is Ho Train time and he squashes Goldust. He runs at him again but he is elevated up and over to the floor. Goldust is holding his head but he lured Godfather in and rolls him up for two. But Goldust is nailed and is finished by a DVD.
**1/2 Actually decent. IC title is worthless….no long term feud either, too bad.
Bossman must be done as the Ho’s come down and they are piling on the Godfather.
Shamrock finds her and Mankind was there too….
Ministry is back there and they are assaulting Ken and Mankind. They are taken out and a squealing Ryan Shamrock is left being taunted by Undertaker…..this angle is so fucking asinine I could write a book on it.
Match 5: Hardcore Holly v. D’Lo Brown for WWF Hardcore Title
Snow is at the announce table. Brown and Holly go at it. They fall to the floor and brawl. The Redwings get involved and they and Holly shove each other. Now in the ring D’Lo has the hockey stick and wallops him. Now Holly is tied up in the ropes and Brown has a chair but he is kicked and Holly has a stick and whacks him a few times with it. But Brown kicks him in the nuts and knocks him to the floor. Al Snow gives him something to drink and Holly shatters it over D’Lo’s head and he gets a near fall. Holly sets up the table but Brown spikes him and now D’Lo positions it and he places Holly on top of it. Brown goes up top and Snow gets involved again. Al pulls him off the top rope and Holly off the table. Al gets blasted from a chair by Brown. He goes up, and leaps after taking an hour and misses the Frog Splash as Holly is moved by Al. Match is over.
** This would have been better had there not been constant shenanigans.
Rock is still waiting and he is getting annoyed. He has a fishing pole and he is going to put Austin on the hook and cast him out to see what they can catch.
Ken is being sacrificed….Seriously this horrible. I mean Drano drinking horrible. I would almost rather meet those dudes from Deliverance in the woods than watch this shit. Almost. UT tosses Christian and he wants Gangrel and Edge to put him on the cross. Brood attacks and now there is a donnybrook. UT is just standing and watching the brawl. UT disappears through the floor….FUCK.
Match 7: X Pac and Kane (c) v. HHH and Test for WWF Tag Titles
Test is Nash, without the charisma. Kane beats up HHH who makes Test get in and now Test gets wasted. X Pac is begging for the tag. Pac is in and Test pounds him and takes off his head with a boot. Now HHH is in and he stomps a hole in little X Pac. The ref yells at HHH and Chyna clocks Pac. HHH gets two. Test is in and he turns a gutwrench into a powerbomb….well Nash could not do that. Test gets two. Now HHH is back in and Pac tries to fight back and he is kneed in the head and nearly pinned. HHH keeps him down with a rear chinlock. Pac is up and takes down HHH. Test and Kane are in and Kane destroys both heels. HHH is clotheslined to the floor and Test eats a Bronco Buster and he wisely falls to the floor. HHH throws Test back in the ring and right into Kane’s waiting arms and a Tombstone.
**1/2 Probably overrated it but it was a clean finish.
Rock is pacing…..
So I guess Shamrock was saved due to the fight….Here he comes. Shamrock challenges Undertaker and calls him Mark! He wants to end this right now and calls him some names. The lights go out and of course UT is right behind him and he decks Shamrock. But Shamrock rolls over and punches the daylights out of him. Here comes the Ministry to pull him off. He keeps fighting but is overwhelmed. HHH runs down and beats up Shamrock. Shane looks on and the lights go out.
Austin arrives! He leaps out of the truck and knocks Rock back with a blow but the Rock fires back and he punches him over the bridge and then….I am not kidding, pushes him off and then throws the belt over.
*1/2 Where do begin with this trash. Very little wrestling. The opening promo sucked. The Ministry shit is horrible. So the police are always there…..but there is kidnapping and hinted rape? It is just horrible. The fact that Rock got the upperhand was a good thing. It looks like the WWF realized they made him look to weak or he is getting over….probably the latter. The bridge thing is still lame though but I have seen worse, and it was the face eating it so I cannot complain. Horrible show. I think I am adding a half-star for some unknown reason.