Written by: Tom Hopkins
This will probably the first thing I write that will be posted on the Wrestling Recaps site. Bob found my website (www.imemine98.com) and saw I’ve been doing WWE Superstars reviews from the WWEGreatestMatches.com service and asked me to contribute. I agreed and that’s what brings me here. There’s not too much of a backstory for me – I’ve been writing reviews for about 10 years, mostly on my own and for my website. The style I write with is more for myself – so I can look back and see what happened in a show. I try not to be too descriptive but I can write a lot if I get into a match. I do rate with the usual 5-star rating scale but for shows like this or WCW Saturday Night, I won’t rate 2 or 3-minute squash matches since they all fall in the ¼*-3/4* range and is anyone really losing sleep if Earthquake vs. Glen Ruth was ½* or ¾*?
We’re in Hamilton, Ontario Canada at the Copps Center and of course Mr. Perfect and Vince McMahon are calling the action. Mr. Perfect suggests that Alexander Hamilton and Benjamin Hamilton are from the area. He names other famous people with the Hamilton surname, all of whom I’ve never heard of before.
–British Bulldog vs. Dick Danger–
Dick Danger is a funny jobber name. It could be a good porn name, too. Bulldog no-sells a Dick shoulderblock though I’m not too impressed. I just heard McMahon mention the jobber’s name (which wasn’t shown on the screen) and it sounds like he’s saying NICK Danger instead of DICK Danger. Well, there’s goes the rest of the dick jokes I was going to use for the rest of this squash. Bulldog holds a chinlock hoping to create a limp Dick. He remembers that this is a squash and he doesn’t need rest holds so Bulldog ends with a running powerslam at 2:20. There was a Bulldog promo in the match, too, where he hypes his feud with Repo Man but I was too busy with the Dick/Nick controversy to note it during the match commentary.
We’re at the Update Center and Gene brings us footage of Tatanka visiting an old Indian site. He goes to an old tepee and then goes down by the river and does his chant. He talks to some children there (saying “you know,” about twenty times), tells them to stay away from drugs all while bringing attention to his Martel feud.
–Nasty Boys (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Rick Johnson & Chico Martinez–
Chico and Rick – one is really tall and lean and the other is very short and almost looks like a troll. I’ll leave it to you, readers, to guess which is which. The boys from Nastyville attack from behind and Johnson is choked with Knobbs’ leather jacket. Knobbs controls and sends Rick for a pit-stop. McMahon builds the Nasty’s feud with High Energy. Owen calls the Nasty’s fat which is the type of PG-insult you could probably expect to hear on today’s show. Chico tags in and is kneed in the corner. Knobbs powerslams Chico and tags in Sags who hits a top-rope elbow for the pinfall at 2:47. That was the only thing Sags did for the match – was he injured or something?
Sean Mooney joins us at the Event Center. First up is Tito Santana. He’s ready for any wrestler, especially people like Shawn Michaels or Rick Martel. Repo Man is next up and he can’t stand the summer! That just makes me a bit depressed because it is September 6th as I write this and I had to go back to work at my school just today from the summer vacation. Well, in another 10 months I’ll be free again. Oh yeah, Repo Man wants to maim or possibly kill the British Bulldog.
–Glen Ruth vs. Virgil–
Vince mentions Virgil is 100% Grade A Beef and shows how a drug free life can look like in the WWE. That’s just too funny on many levels. Judging from the commentary it seems like a Ramon vignette was cut from the episode. Virgil is on fire early. He nearly kills Ruth with a German Suplex and then clotheslines him to the outside. He follows with a slingshot plancha. Lucha-Virgil! A Side-Russian legsweep ends this at 2:00. That is a crappy finisher and another reason why he was just a JTTS. And speaking of summers ending, Virgil himself is now a high school math teacher somewhere in America (I think in Pennsylvania). Not a bad squash: *.
The Battle of the Superstars Coliseum Video is mentioned with Jake Roberts himself on the cover, though he hasn’t been on TV in ages and was probably already in WCW. There’re more interviews shown from the Event Center – first from the Natural Disaster (they want the tag titles back) and then from Papa Shango (whose voodoo is too powerful for Ultimate Warrior).
–Berzerker (w/Mr. Fuji) vs. Bruce Mitchell–
Berzerker immediately takes down Bruce with a nonchalant big boot. We hear from Berzerker in a pre-match promo where Berzerker calls out the Undertaker. Remember, Berzerker tried to impale the Undertaker a few weeks back on Superstars with his sword. Berzerker ties up Mitchell in the ropes and gives him some more big boots. A legdrop precedes a powerslam and Berzereker does HIS finisher. If you thought a Side-Russian legsweep was lame check this finisher out – he just tosses his opponent to the outside so he’s counted out. In this case, he’s counted out at 2:33.
The Legion of Doom are with Paul Ellering in the rough streets of Chicago. They look to be in the rubble of a burnt down house and Paul finds something! He finds a dummy called Rocco and both Animal and Hawk called Rocco their wrestling partner and shoulder they could lean their head on or ear that would listen to them. Can you imagine if the NWA tried this with the Road Warriors in 1988? Ellering decides to bring Rocco to the ring with them ALL THE TIME so they can know why they get into the ring.
–Nailz vs. JA Gooden –
Nailz has Boss Man’s night stick with him. McMahon says there will be an update on Boss Man’s health later and word is he may never be the same again. Nailz chokes Gooden a lot before finishing with a rear-naked choke at 1:19. He chokes him with the night stick afterwards for good measure. Gooden does a stretcher job for good measure.
–Texas Tornado vs. Dwayne Gill–
It’s kind of sad seeing Kerry here, this close to death, while just watching him on a 1982 episode of WCCW. What a tragedy that whole Von Erich family was. You know that these two both held WWE gold during their careers? Tornado goes to a full-dragon twist early and clotheslines Gill down. Vince and Perfect talk about Kerry being a second-generation wrestler and Vince actually mentions Fritz Von Erich by name. Gill gets token offense in the corner but an Irish whip is reversed and he rebounds out of the corner and into a discus punch that ends this at 1:44. Kerry would be out of the WWE just shortly after this and dead just 7 months later.
–Kamala (w/Kimchee & Harvey Whippleman) vs. John Blade–
Kamala gets a decent reaction from the crowd after doing a leapfrog and following it up with a superkick. He hits the big splash but still has problems with which side to cover. He eventually gets it right and this one is in the books at 1:39.
We take one last trip to the Event Center to hear from Shawn Michaels (w/Sherri Martel) and Sgt. Slaughter. Shawn is at his smug best, saying he’s better than everyone else while Slaughter doesn’t say much. Next week we’ll see Crush, Papa Shango, Bret Hart, hear from Repo Man and get an update on Boss Man’s condition.
–The Bottom Line–
This is a really dead time for Superstars. Hype for Wrestlemania is over and Summerslam was too far away to start hyping. So we have some small feuds running (Undertaker/Berzerker, Bulldog/Repo Man, for example) while including a ton of squash matches. There was nothing special about this episode, no cool vignettes or angles and one you regret missing.