WWF Superstars 4/13/1991

Written by: Tom Hopkins

It seems like so long since I did one of these reviews. Even though they are posted every week and I do one a week, last one’s was finished by Friday night (when they updated early). Now it is Thursday as I watch this episode and it’s been almost two weeks. It is tax-time now and Piper is jawing with Macho Man about his still-recent retirement.

-Texas Tornado vs. The Black Knight-
Vince calls Tornado the Texas Whirlwind. Clever use of synonyms or Vince forgetting his name? The guys wonder who The Black Knight could be and Piper thinks it is Pat Patterson. Vince is just like, he retired years ago. The commentary is much more interesting than this match, with Black Knight getting knocked to the outside a few times. This is one of the slowest squash matches I’ve ever seen. Discus Punch finishes this at 2:12. DUD.

It’s time for Mean Gene to update us at the update center. We look at the Earthquake/Jake meeting from last week with comments from Quake and Hart as well as

-The Bezerker vs. Jim Colliff-
The Viking has been renamed to the Bezerker. Bezerker has his usual unique offense, brawling more than actually wrestling. He powerslams the jobber and just decimates him before tossing him to the outside so he is counted at 2:26. ¼*.

Sean Mooney join us at the Event Center. He segues from Bezerker being odd right into Hacksaw Jim Duggan. He has a flag and says he will fold it properly later like he learned in the Boy Scouts and gives a pro-USA speech. Mr. Perfect also chimes in and states he’s the greatest IC champ ever.

-Bret Hart vs. Barry O-
This would be Bret’s first solo match on Superstars, the start of his singles push that would last his entire career. Hart hits a quick cross body for two before going after Barry’s arm and after the Barbarian in a pre-recorded promo. Barry slams Bret’s head down to the mat in a spot that looked awkward. Barry slams Hart down and heads upstairs but misses a stomp from the top and buggering up his knee. Hart rolls up O for two. An atomic drop leads to a backbreaker and that’s just a precursor for a clothesline. Hart puts O in the Sharpshooter to end this at 2:45. This was a good way to showcase Bret’s wrestling ability to start his new career away from the Hart Foundation. *1/2.

Sean Mooney returns with some promo’s from Ted DiBiase (w/Sherri) and The Rockers.

-The Nasty Boys vs. Stephen DeLeon & Riki Ataki-
Knobbs and Siaki start and Knobbs rubs Siaki’s face into Sags armpit. Sags comes in and brings DeLeon in and getting a pump-handle slam. The Legion of Doom have some comments for the Nasty’s. A running powerslam/flying elbow drop combo finishes this at 3:40. This was your standard tag-team squash. ½*.

It’s time for the Funeral Parlor and Paul shows Warrior a casket made especially for him! Bearer tells Warrior he’s scared to enter the ring with the Undertaker. Warrior tells Bearer he’s not scared. The Undertaker comes out and attacks Warrior from behind and the fans are not amused at all. Taker tosses him in the casket and locks it. Remember this is airtight! It takes a while for Warrior to get out and by gawd he may be dead!

-Tugboat vs. Brooklyn Brawler-
Great, consecutive Brawler appearances on Superstars. All the announcers are all serious about Warrior almost dying. Brawler tries a clothesline but he can’t move the Tugboat. Tugboat comes back with a clothesline of his own and an atomic drop. Brawler pokes the eyes and he tries a bodyslam which goes nowhere. Tugboat avalanches Brawler in the corner before finishing with a big splash at 2:01. DUD.

We end with an IRS promo. He’s wearing his suspenders and red-tie outfit here. We head to Sean Mooney again and MORE PROMOS! Haku is back with Heenan and we hear from Big Boss Man. Vince closes out the show with the guys working next week.

-The Bottom Line-
This episode was really highlighted by the Ultimate Warrior on the Funeral Parlor. It really ate up about 25% of the show, leaving only a few matches. One was Bret’s first solo match for his second singles run which is a treat to watch. Basically, if you like trying to see people pry someone out of a casket, this show is for you!