Written by: Tom Hopkins
We’re in Edmonton’s Northlands Coliseum as we count down to Summerslam and the Match Made in Heaven and the Match Made In Hell.
-Big Boss Man vs. Mike Starr-
Of course, Boss Man is preparing for his Jail House Match at Summerslam with the Mountie where the loser must spend a night in jail. Boss Man clotheslines down Starr as Mountie chimes in about his upcoming match. Mountie says that Boss Man will be serving hard time come Summerslam. Boss Man sends Starr hard into the corner before connecting with a big boot. Boss Man calls out the Canadian Mountie, which in Canada probably isn’t a smart idea. The Boss Man Slam ends this at 2:11. This match seemed to go on forever.
It’s update time! We look back on last week’s Superstars where the team of Hogan and Warrior meet Sid Justice. So let’s hear from Warrior and Hogan.
-The Beverly Brothers vs. Brian Jewel & Louie Spicolli-
Is it sad that the only person in here whose name I know is the jobber’s? Louie gets clotheslined to the outside where the Coach shows him his clipboard. When I say show him it doesn’t mean he hits him with it, he literally just shows him what’s on the clipboard. Louie gets hiptossed across the ring into his corner where Jewel is tagged in. The Beverly Death Drop ends this at 2:42.
We head to Sean Mooney and the Event Center and the announcement of a new match: The Bulldog, The Dragon and the Tornado vs. Warlord & Power and Glory. Since the Bulldog walks on land you can literally say you have the Earth, Wind and Fire team here. We hear from the Nasty Boys and their upcoming match with the LOD which is now No-DQ.
-IRS vs. Chichi-
I didn’t catch the last name, but it doesn’t matter. This one ends early (1:40) with a Samoan Drop.
-British Bulldog vs. Jobber-
This is two jobbers in a row who haven’t been introduced. This one looks pretty tall. He doesn’t fare too well, succumbing to a powerslam at 1:55. This action was so intense we see replays!
We’re with Sean Mooney who introduces us to promo’s from Summerslam competitors including: Ted DiBiase and Bret Hart.
-The Nasty Boys vs. Doug Casen & Ken Johnson-
Sags has a nasty bruise on his arm that the announcers talk about. The Nasty’s make quick work of these jobbers and they are so pathetic they are taken out by a Knobbs powerslam at 2:43.
Ooooh, more of Snake and Warrior! We have Jake monologuing here as Warrior “digs up the past.” Warrior is literally digging in a cemetery. Warrior takes out a skull before he’s buried into the dirt. Jake puts the skull face to face with Warrior. This is definitely some awesome (corny) stuff.
Let’s go to a Summerslam Report! We hear from the Trio of Terror, Mr. Perfect, Bret Hart, the Natural Disasters as well as a run down of the other matches.
-Ted DiBiase vs. Bobby Jones-
DiBiase elbows Jones down and follows that up with a suplex. We hear from Virgil but he has nothing to say. I can’t believe this guy is a teacher now. He can’t talk! He just SHOUTS every other WORD. DiBiase powerslams DiBiase before locking him in the Million Dollar Dream to end this at 2:08.
It’s Mooney time and more promos. We hear from IRS and Big Boss Man and neither has much to say.
We get a preview for next week and our performers will be: the Texas Tornado, the Bezerker, the Superfly Jimmy Snuka, the Legion of Doom, and something about Bobby Heenan and Ric Flair?
-The Bottom Line-
The Jake/Warrior stuff was cool, but everything else was flat and tepid. Don’t waste your time with this one.