WWF Superstars 8/3/1991

Written by: Tom Hopkins

We’re in Edmonton’s Northlands Coliseum just in time for Lizzy Borden Liberation Day. Where the hell does Vince get this stuff? Vince is joined by Macho Man and Roddy Piper and Macho does a version of the Borden poem but instead inserts Slaughter, Hogan and Warrior’s name. Roddy makes a reference to the Match Made in Heaven, too.

-The Rockers vs. Ed Moretti & Mike Roselli-
Vince makes fun of the jobbers, saying Moretti & Roselli sounds like a tomato sauce. One of the jobbers has Penn State written on his trunks. They have one of the most dominant sports team of all time, the women’s volleyball team which has won two titles in a row and currently working on a third. To boot, they’ve only lost only 2 times in the last 3 years. That’s just absurd. Oh, there’s a match going on. I’m paying about as much attention to it as the announcers are at this point. Jannetty elbows Roselli coming out of the corner before tossing him to the outside and superkicking Moretti. Jannetty heads out and whips Michaels into the jobber. Savage calls the Rockers the team of the 90’s, but not the 1790’s, the TWO-THOUSAND, 90’s. WTF? Michaels press slams Jannetty onto the jobber to end this at 2:19. Michaels hardly wrestled at all in this match.

It’s update time! We go back to last week and the Funeral Parlor with Jake Roberts. Jake said he’d share the secrets of death with the Warrior. We get our first vignette of Jake and the Warrior and this is Jake putting Warrior in the casket so he can learn about the Undertaker. I love these vignettes. Warrior is in the casket and he awakes with the same look in his eyes that the Undertaker has. Awesome stuff.

-Ricky Steamboat vs. Brooklyn Brawler-
Ricky is billed as just the Dragon and that’s a bit ridiculous. Brawler ducks a karate chop but runs into one anyway. Macho’s assessment of the Brawler (smart move, by the Brawler; dumb move…by the brawler) is funny. The high cross body off the top finishes this one quickly at 0:54. Macho calls that an important victory. That’s a little hyperbole there, Macho.

We head to Sean Mooney and the Event Center. It’s all Summerslam hype here. Let’s hear from the Mountie (with Jimmy Hart) who is ready for his Jail House Match with the Big Boss Man, who we also hear from.

-Natural Disasters vs. Stan Saxson & Doug Casen-
Typhoon and one of the job squad starts off. Let’s call him Casen. Would anyone care if I got the jobber’s names wrong? Typhoon backdrops the poor guy as we hear from the Disasters in a prerecorded interview. They tell Andre to beware. Earthquake comes in and powerslams Casen. They drag in the other jobber and promptly squash him (literally, taking a Typhoon splash and an Earthquake butt splash) to end this at 2:12. Roddy says he’s never seen that before but that’s how all the Disasters squash matches have ended so far.

It’s “Interview with Mean Gene” time! Gene brings out the Ultimate Warrior and then the Hulkster (so both guys music can play) and Hulk immediately rips off his shirt. Warrior makes no sense (we should look to the same god…) Gene also calls out Sid Justice, who raises the hands of Hogan and Warrior. Justice says that Justice will be served. Speaking of serving, this served the purpose to hype the main event of Summerslam.

-Undertaker vs. Brian Jewel-
Time of Undertaker’s entrance: 1:19
Time of Undertaker’s match (which included Bearer taking his hat and coat off): 1:46
We hear from Undertaker during the match, too. He tells Jake to stay out of his business. Undertaker whips out a back suplex here, before ending it with Tombstone. Jewel gets the bodybag treatment, too.

It’s Mooney time and more promos: Greg Valentine (who says he’ll bring a wheelbarrow with his taxes) in preparation for his match with IRS and we hear from DiBiase, preparing for his match against Virgil. We’re not done with the Summerslam hype yet, Gene is here with the Summerslam report. Let’s talk about the Match Made in Heaven, the Match Made In Hell, the Tag Title Match (LoD vs. the Nasty Boys in a no-DQ, no-countout match). We hear from the Nasty’s and the LOD here. The IC title is on the line, too, and we hear from our champ (Mr. Perfect) and our challenger (Bret Hart). The Million Dollar Title is on the line and we hear from the champ, Ted DiBiase, and the challenger, Virgil. The Jailhouse Match features the Mountie vs. the Big Boss Man and both guys have comments for us. Finally, we hear from the fans about the impending wedding of Savage and Elizabeth.

-Sgt. Slaughter vs. 2 Jobbers-
Slaughter is facing off against 2 jobbers who weren’t introduced on screen. This handicap match starts with Adnan weakening one of the jobbers as Slaughter softens up the other. Slaughter tosses one of the jobbers and he’s double teamed. Mustafa destroys him with a chair as Slaughter short-arm clotheslines one of the jobbers and pins him at 0:57. This doesn’t end the match since Slaughter needs to pin the other guy. He back drops him before delivering a backbreaker. He stomps the back and hits a big boot off the top to the small of the back before hitting a backbreaker. This sets up the Camel Clutch that ends this at 2:06. That was some sound psychology on Slaughter’s part to weaken the back before making him submit. To add insult to injury Slaughter and Mustafa do a double camel clutch to the jobbers.

Let’s finish at the Event Center, shall we? We hear again from Mr. Perfect, and from the Bushwhackers, who have Andre in tow.

We get a preview for next week and our performers will be: IRS, the Big Boss Man, more with Jake and the Warrior, Ted DiBiase, and the Nasty Boys.

-The Bottom Line-
The Summerslam hype machine was in FULL GEAR this episode and I was getting amped up for it. The matches sucked, but luckily that was only about 10 minutes of the show. Any show that features the Jake/Warrior skits and a Warrior interview are good for a viewing. That shit’s entertaining! I really enjoyed this episode for some strange reason.