Written by: Scrooge McSuck from Da Wrestling Site
– As usual, we’re greeted by Gorilla Monsoon, and YOUR host, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. They’re not in the usual studio for this episode… no, we’re what looks to be the set of a really bad TNT sketch/seriously under budget western film. Monsoon produces a mysterious piece of paper. Apparently, Heenan signed a contract last week that unless he completes his obligation for this “western”, his contract will be terminated by the USA Network.
Monsoon shows us footage from last weeks episode, where I guess PrimeTime was replaced by a bad Western movie? Some guy chucks a bunch of dynamite, and the gag is that Bobby Heenan got caught in the explosion. Then Heenan interrupts a fight scene, coaching the two actors on how to do a more convincing job. The “director” throws Heenan off the set and confiscates his bull horn. Later on, the director says he’s going to use Bobby Heenan in the production. Monsoon hooks Heenan’s vest up to some sort of mechanism, and we know somethings up. Heenan walks in on a gun fight, gets “shot”, and yanked out through the door, onto a stuntmans cushion. Heenan demands an apology for being hooked up to that gear that yanked him out the doors. I wish I had that episode.
The Red Rooster vs. “Dangerous” Danny Davis:
We’re coming to you from the Los Angeles Sports Arena, and we’ve got Billy Graham and Ron Tronguard calling the action. At least we don’t have to worry about Graham starting and ending every sentence with “Lord Alfred Hayes”, but at the same time, we still have to listen to him. The Rooster has yet to start spiking his hair and coloring it red like a Rooster. I guess that’s the only pro that the gimmick warranted at this time. Davis grabs the microphone and talks smack, including “kicking his butt.” They play cat-and-mouse until Rooster nails Davis with a roundhouse right. We get the usual butt-load of stalling from Davis. Davis cheap shots Rooster and stomps away. Irish whip is reversed, and Rooster with a back drop, followed by his own stomping. Rooster with a snapmare and knee drop, then works the arm. No offense to Terry Taylor, but I can’t stand when someone works so loosely. It seems like there’s no effort in anything right now. Davis puts Rooster down with a clothesline and rams him to the buckle. Davis with a snapmare, followed by a second rope forearm to the chest for a two count. Davis with a front-facelock to bring the Rooster down to the canvas. Rooster escapes and takes Davis down with a sunset flip for a two count. Rooster with a small package for another two count, then takes Davis down with a back suplex. Rooster with a scoop slam, followed by an elbow drop. Whip to the corner is revesered, but Rooster boots Davis coming in and covers for two. Whip to the corner, and Davis misses a charge. Rooster applies that hammerlock chicken-wing move, and the submission is made at 6:48. Could’ve been worse, I guess, but this seemed very uninspired.
– The stage is being prepared for whatever production is going to be filmed. Gorilla Monsoon promises Bobby Heenan he will get even with the Brooklyn Brawler for his actions a few weeks ago, giving Heenan a reason to do a “oh no, I’m scared” reaction. We then throw things to…
– WWF Update, with Mean Gene Okerlund. Recently at the Royal Rumble, there was a battle for the Crown, between Haku and Harley Race. Courtesy of Coliseum Video, lets see the closing moments from the match. It was actually quite decent, but in the comical conclussion, Coliseum Video EDITED OUT the match, so technically, this match wasn’t brought to us by Coliseum Video, it was brought to us by the World Wrestling Federation’s production crew. Remember Race’s short-lived run as a babyface? To be fair, it was more of a tweener, since he didn’t do much and was never much of a babyface, but was paired up against heels more often than not.
Big Boss Man (w/ Slick) vs. Rick Allen:
The Superstars of Wrestling banner is hanging, but we’ve got commentary from Sean Mooney and Lord Alfred Hayes. Boss Man is sporting a huge bruise over his left eye, and even Mooney points it out. Boss Man wastes no time pounding away on his opponent. Irish whip, and Boss Man with a forearm to the chest, followed by choking across the top rope. I never really paid attention before, but I notice Boss Man has the rebel flag stitched onto his uniform. Irish whip, and Boss Man with a clothesline, followed by a headbutt. Boss Man continues laying into Allen, talking trash the whole time. Irish whip, and the Sidewalk Slam finishes things off at 2:15. That was about as competitive as a Japan vs. Korea game during the World Baseball Classics. Boss Man cuffs Allen to the top rope, and gives him a little taste of interrogation. Heel Boss Man really did kick ass. Too bad someone thought it was a good idea to nueter him for a babyface turn.
– We throw it to the WWF Event Center with Sean Mooney. He hypes up the dangerous team known as the Powers of Pain, and their “new” manager, Mr. Fuji. I guess two months later still qualifies as new. They’ve got issues with the Tag Team Champions, Demolition, but Fuji is so inocherent, I have no idea what the hell he’s talking about. Then to continue the trend of nonsensical rambling, it’s time for “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. Mooney, in either an act of total dork or awesome, gives us a big “Hooooooo!”.
Rick Martel vs. “Mr. Perfect” Curt Hennig:
We’re coming to you from the Copps Coliseum in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, and this has a chance to be decent. Martel is fresh off a leave of absensce brought on at the hands of a Demolition beat-down, but he really didn’t do anything until walking out on Tito Santana at WrestleMania V. Hennig still has his whole name and hasn’t transitioned to those Olympic-style singlets, yet. Sean Mooney and Lord Alfred Hayes are back for more action! Lockup, and no one with the advantage. Repeat. Hennig with an arm drag and some trash talking. Lockup, and repeat. Hennig with a fireman’s carry to continue the trend of “move and taunt.” Martel counters a waistlock with an elbow to the side of the head. Lockup into the corner, and Hennig hammers away with rights. Whip to the corner is reversed, and Martel takes him over with a hip toss. Martel with a slam and dropkick, sending Hennig out of the ring. Back inside, and Hennig with a headlock, followed by a shoulder block. Criss-cross leads to a Martel arm drag, and he quickly slaps on an armbar. We return from commercial, and Hennig misses a charge to the corner. Martel grabs a headlock, and Hennig quickly counters with a back suplex. Martel sells the impact by rolling out of the ring. Hennig follows him out and rams him onto the canvas. Back inside, and Hennig with a knee lift, followed by forearms across the back, then elbows to the neck. Hennig continues working the neck and clamps on a front facelock. Whip to the corner, and Martel misses a blind cross body. Hennig covers, but only gets a two count. Whip to the corner is reversed, and Hennig does the Hitman Bump™. Martel with rights, then kicks the leg from under Hennig a couple of times. Whip to the corner, and Martel with a back drop… and the bell rings at “8:35”? I’m guessing the commercial break took out a chunk in a massive clip job, but we’re a time limit draw, regardless. Decent match, from what was shown.
– We return to the set for more filming. Bobby Heenan is being instructed on what to do (follow my direction), but he keeps insisting on shooting people. Heenan quickly breaks a bottle over one of the actors heads, then takes a chair across the chest, knocking him out the set window. I don’t think he knew that was going to happen. Some Undertaker measures Heenan while Monsoon gets in his business. “Where does it say break a bottle over the guys head?”
Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake vs. “Ravishing” Rick Rude:
More from the Los Angeles Sports Arena, and this could’ve easily been the feature match on Primetime Wrestling, considering how high both these men were on the card, at the time. Rude might have the advantage, since he was involved in a program for the Intercontinental Title, while Beefcake was in-between programs over the IC belt, which lead to a lukewarm feud with Ron Bass, and the upcoming “No Holds Barred” nonsense. Lockup, and Rude shoves Beefcake off, then poses. Lockup, and they trade roles. Beefcake pulls out a pair of scissors to scare Rude off. Technically, that’s a concealed weapon and should’ve been a Disqualification. Rude wants a test-of-strength, and they have a go at it. Rude knees Beefcake in the gut to bring him down, then shakes his hips for some taunting. It looks REAL dirty when Beefcake’s head is in his crotch and Rude is doing it, in my opinion. Beefcake battles back, knees Rude three times to bvring him down, then stomps the hands. Beefcake wants another test-of-strength, but Rude shrugs it off. They exchange boots, and Beefcake slaps on a headlock. Criss-cross and Beefcake stomps the face of Rude, then hammers away in the corner. Rude staggers around and does the Valentine bump. Beefcake with more mounted punches, but this time Rude counters with an inverted atomic drop. Rude pounds away and works the midsection. Irish whip, and Rude with a knee to the midsection. Rude with rights, and Beefcake keeps missing, until surprising Rude with his own atomic drop. Beefcake rams Rude to the buckle ten times (thanks for counting along, crowd), then drags him back over the top rope. Irish whip, and Beefcake with the sleeper hold! Rude manages to grab the ropes for the break, though, then falls out of the ring. Beefcake follows out and tosses Rude back in the ring. Beefcake with a sunset flip, but Rude blocks, grabs the ropes, ansd gets the three count at 8:18. Not the best match I’ve seen between the two, but it was pretty fun and energetic. Beefcake gets revenge, knocking Rude out of the ring with a running high knee. Rude might be the least appreciated worker of his time. Proof: He got good matches out of Warrior, who’s only real exposure to “real” matches was Hercules, and Beefcake, who just flat out stank it up, usually.
– Big John Studd cuts a promo on the African Dream, Akeem. Talk about a pointless return to the WWF. Studd won the Royal Rumble, before it meant ANYTHING, was then thrown into two programs with Akeem and Andre The Giant, the former going nowhere, the latter leading to the dumbass match at WrestleMania V, and probably a series of the worst house show matches ever.
– Brother Love Show is next, and WOAH, someone went a little over the top with the makeup. Brother Love looks like a walking tomato! Jake “The Snake” is out special guest, and he’as rocking a lot of leather and snake-skin boots. He’s still working a program with Andre The Giant over Andre’s fear of snakes. This would lead to one of the worst matches in WrestleMania history. It was 10-minutes of Andre choking and Jake trying to grab his snake bag. I can understand the psychology of the snake, but making THAT the entire match? No thanks.
– Bobby Heenan and the director have words until Heenan forces him to dance, shooting blanks at the poor guys feet. Heenan does a semi-decent job of twirling the gun, I might add. I just realized that the “director” was that guy the WWF used ALL the time for various roles on Tuesday Night Titans. One notable appearance was the doctor who tried to cure George “the Animal” Steele with shock therapy. How now brown cow! Heenan has taken over the set and the hosting duties of Primetime, it seems.
Sam Houston vs. Barry Horowitz:
We’re Joined in Progress, again from the LASA. This probably was the opening match for that card, considering the placement of both men. Houston’s JTTS feud with Danny Davis was long over and spent the rest of his tenture doing jobs on the weekend shows, and poor Horowitz didn’t get any respect until 1995, and they decided to make him a babyface. Horowitz gets a two count from a weird pinning combination. Houston with boots to the midsection, but Horowitz regains control and slaps on a lazy abdominal stretch. Yes, he DOES use the ropes for leverage. Then he gives himself a pat on the back while talking trash. Houston escapes with a hip toss, and puts Horowitz down with a shoulder. Horowitz catches him off the ropes with a diving elbow for a two count. Horowitz with a knee lift, followed by choking. Horowitz continues taunting the crowd, then hangs up Houston under the bottom rope. Houston fights back with rights. Irish whip is reversed, and they blow a leap frog. Horowitz quickly drops a leg on Houston, but only gets a two count. Horowitz with a double under-hook suplex, followed by a knee to the throat, and that gets two, as well. Houston blocks a suplex and takes Horowitz over with one of his own. Horowitz covers for two. No, that wasn’t a typo. Horowitz thumbs the eye and turns over a Boston Crab. Horowitz uses the turnbuckle and his neck strength for added leverage and to prevent escape. Houston eventually breaks free of the hold, and connects with an atomic drop. They trade rights, won by Houston. Irish whip, and Houston with a diving clothesline for a two count. Irish whip, and they blow ANOTHER leap frog, but not as bad as before. Horowitz knees Houston across the lower back, and stomps away. Horowitz turns over another Boston Crab, and Houston spanks Horowitz to trick Horowitz into releasing the hold. That’s a tap out, dammit! Irish whip, and Houston surprises Horowitz with a bulldog, and that gets a three count at 8:23. How long did this match go, in full? Horowitz was very watchable, but Houston was never really worth the time of day to pay too much attention to.
– Heenan keeps bossing people around, and calls one of the actors “Horowitz”, to which he responds with “what kind of cowboy name is HOROWITZ?” Too bad the WWF was being too classy by not out-right making a Jewish joke. Heenan then bosses around the SFX guy and calls one of the Native American “extras” “Strongbow.” Heenan gives him two cigars and instructs him not to move. Oh my, God… I guess that makes up for the lack of a Jewish Cowboy joke, by having a cigar-store Indian, instead.
WWF Intercontinental Championship Match:
The Ultimate Warrior © vs. King Haku:
Our feature match of the week, and this is also from the Los Angeles Sports Arena. This match also saw the light of day on the 1989 Coliseum Video simply titled “The Ultimate Warrior”. I’m pretty sure I’ve recapped this one before, but that was years ago, so let’s get a fresh take on it. Neither man seems to have an eddge for intimidation, so Haku attacks before the bell. Whip to the corner, and Haku eats boot on a charge. Warrior with a shoulder block and CROSS BODY for a quick two count. Haku rakes the eyes and goes for a shoulder block, but Warrior doesn’t budge. Warrior with a leap frog and hip toss, but he misses an elbow drop. Haku responds by missing a leg drop. Warrior with an atomic drop, sending Haku into the corner, then lays into him with chops. Whip across the ring, and Warrior misses a charge. Haku with a snapmare, and he quickly goes to the nerve hold. Warrior psyches himself back to his feet and rams Haku to the buckle ten times. Warrior mounts him for some punches, but Haku counters with an inverted atomic drop. We come back from a commercial, to the same point of progress thankfully, and Haku lays into Warrior with a chop. Haku with a shoulder breaker, but that only gets a two count. Haku chops away on the neck of Warrior, and goes back to the nerve pinch. Warrior escapes again, this time with elbows to the midsection. Warrior with a shoulder block, followed by a scoop slam. Warrior comes off the ropes for a splash, but meets the knees of the King. Haku stomps away on the midsection of Warrior and chokes away. Haku brings Warrior to his knees with another nerve hold. Warrior breaks free, but Haku hits the midsection and slams Warrior, but this time WARRIOR brings the knees up on a splash attempt. Warrior starts shaking the ropes, ignoring Haku’s chops. Warrior with rights, a sledge, and rams Haku face-first into the canvas. Warrior comes off the ropes with a clothesline, followed by a diving shoulder tackle. Haku counters a slam and goes for a suplex, but Warrior takes him over with his own, and the splash hits for the three count at 7:10. Way better match than you might expect when you read Warrior vs. Haku. I say this every time, but I’ve really grown to like Haku matches, and it was around this time when Warrior was allowed to work extended matches with non-slugs, and you can see he’s capable of stringing together a decent match, without it being a total carry-job.
– We’re back for more of Heenan trying to direct Horowitz, Strongbow, and the Sheriff. It sounds overly complicated and “stupid.” I have a feeling this wil lead to Heenan being hit with more props. Monsoon says if they hung Heenan for being a good director they would be hanging an innocent person. Monsoon suggests Heenan watch everything from the roof of one of the sets. The explosion doesn’t happen on Heenan’s cue, so he hangs over the roof screaming until it comes out of nowhere, knocking him off the roof in shock. Monsoon suggests Heenan climb up onto a higher roof next time. Heenan tells Monsoon he can take this job and “shove it.”
Final Thoughts: This might have been the greatest episode of PrimeTime Wrestling. All the “studio” segments were highly entertaining and usually lead to Heenan getting hurt or just being a total jerk. There were plenty of feature matches present, mostly pulled from Los Angeles, but all of them worked. Warrior/Haku was good, Beefcake/Rude was very entertaining, the opener with Rooster/Davis had it’s own charm, and even Horowitz showcased some decent ability in his match with Sam Houston. The only negative, matches wise, has to be Hennig/Martel, simply for butchering it and giving us a lame ending for no reason, because of it. A random episode of PrimeTime well worth checking out for all possible reasons.
31-year old currently living in Syracuse, New York. Longtime fan of the New York Mets, Chicago Bulls and Minnesota Vikings. Avid fan of professional wrestling and write reviews/articles on the product. Usually focusing on the old school wrestling.