3PW A Funkin’ Classic 5/3/2003
Written by: Bob Colling
Pro-Pain Pro Wrestling presents A Funkin Classic
From: Philadelphia, PA
1.)Trent Acid defeated Ric Blade
2.)Da Hit Squad defeated Rockin Rebel & Jeff Rocker
3.)Kid Kash defeated Homicide
4.)Balls Mahoney defeated Ian Rotten in a hardcore match
5.)Josh Daniels defeated Damian Adams & Chris Chetti
6.)Blue Meanie & Roadkill defeated Christian York & Joey Matthews
7.)3PW Heavyweight Champion Gary Wolfe defeated Kevin Sullivan to retain the title
8.)Terry Funk defeated Jerry Lawler
1.3PW is still holding their shows inside of a bar because XPW has a lease on the ECW Arena. As I said before in a different recap, the venue is awful and just makes 3PW look grimy to me.
2.They start off with some movie scene like fighting, but it looks horrible and not natural in any way. Blade blocks a tornado DDT and hits a northern lights suplex in the corner. Blade plants Acid with a springboard DDT from the apron. Acid avoids a kick on the apron and low blows Blade before hitting a DDT on the apron. Blade is busted wide open thanks to that spot. Acid continues to control the bout with a missile dropkick and a springboard tornado DDT. They sure do like the DDT spot, don’t they? Blade hits the Emerald Fusion but misses a reverse back flip senton splash. Acid puts Blade away with the yakuza kick. There was some good spots, but Blade just doesn’t flow well when it doesn’t involve a high spot. Oh, and the high spots were just repetitive.
3.Rebel is splashed several times by Da Hit Squad and Rocker is sent to the floor following a overhead belly to belly suplex. Rocker is worked on by both Mack and Maff with chops. Rocker drops Mack with a t-bone suplex for a near fall after Rebel distracted Mack. Rebel works over Mack with a swinging neck breaker. Rebel delivers a power slam and a dropkick before Mack fights back with a clothesline. Maff enters and cleans house, as per usual. Maff drops Rocker on his head and Mack hits a splash off the top while Maff has a figure four on Rocker. Maff covers but Rocker pops his shoulder up at two. Well, he will wish he had stayed down because Mack leaps off the top rope to dropkick a chair into his face as he sits in a corner. Maff covers Rocker and gets the win. The only positive thing about that match was the finish. After the match, Rebel clotheslines Rocker and heads backstage.
4.Kash and Homicide trade a series of counters out of arm locks and go behinds in the opening moments of the contest. Homicide actually shakes Kash’s hand, which some of the fans didn’t seem to like see. They both try to do a dropkick but they miss and proceed to have a standoff. Kash is the first one to do something bad as he pokes Homicide in the eyes and works on his left knee. Kash stops Homicide with a snap power slam but only gets a near fall on the cover. Kash gets annoyed when a fan is just meowing during the match. So, he rips on the fan. Homicide lands on his feet on a German suplex attempt and knocks Kash down with a forearm shot before hitting an elbow drop off the middle rope. Kash hits a middle rope somersault splash for a two count. Homicide plants Kash with an ace crusher and has an STF locked in! Kash doesn’t give in so Homicide just lets go of the hold. Homicide goes to the top rope but misses a diving head butt. Kash slams Homicide face first into the canvas and gets a near fall. They trade several sloppy pin attempts as the crowd is actually dead for this. Kash picks up the win following the Money Maker. That was really disappointing and very sloppy towards the end. Homicide excels at brawls and this was the exact opposite of that.
5.Well, I’m predicting blood to be spilled in less than two minutes for this one. Mahoney is in very good shape at this point, but the referee still says he is 360lbs when he is clearly 100lbs less than that. You may be surprised to know that these two are doing mat wrestling to start off. My interest in this becomes less and less. Mahoney jabs Rotten with scissors, and now the match we were expecting begins. Jesus, Rotten shoves the scissors up Mahoney’s ass. Rotten hits himself with the chair on accident. Mahoney whacks Rotten with a chair but Rotten plants Mahoney with a DDT onto the chair. Mahoney finishes this off with the Nutcracker Suite right onto the chair, of course. I like hardcore matches just as much as the next guy, but this one was lame and not all that violent compared to all the millions of other hardcore matches.
6.Chetti is focused on early by Adams and Daniels because no one likes Chetti, lets face it. Adams and Daniels briefly brawl in the ring until Adams back dropped Daniels over the top onto Chetti. Adams followed up with the mandatory cross body off the top. Daniels gets his moment to shine with a series of clotheslines. Daniels soon hits a release German suplex on Adams. Adams finally got offense in with a middle rope hurricanrana on Daniels. Chetti nearly pins Daniels after a Blue Thunder Bomb. Chetti super kicks a chair into Adams face but can’t get a three. Adams accidentally hits Chetti with a chair and Daniels pins him after a northern lights suplex. A decent three way contest, and oddly enough, probably the best match thus far on the card.
7.Prior to the tag match, Christian York tried to make his return to 3PW a big deal, but no one was buying it. York tried to get Roadkill to say some words, but that doesn’t happen. York and Matthews hit each other early on accident and Meanie gets a couple of quick near falls. This is one boring contest. They are trying to be funny but it just isn’t working. Uh, they trick Matthews into pinning York after blinding him. Roadkill is hit with a chair on the floor. Roadkill continues to be worked on as he is driven down to the mat with a double vertical suplex. Matthews is caught coming off the top by Roadkill and he hits a power slam. Meanie gets the hot tag and power bombs York. Meanie hits a running bulldog on Matthews as well. Roadkill hits the TKO and Meanie hits the top rope moonsault to win the match. If they had cut out the stupid comedy stuff early on, this wouldn’t have been as bad. When they kept to a normal tag match it wasn’t horrible and considering Meanie wasn’t involved for all that long, it didn’t seem to drag on or anything.
8.The 3PW Heavyweight Championship match quickly went to the floor where Sullivan worked over Wolfe with a steel chair. Wolfe is bleeding within a minute of the match. They are fighting into the crowd but it’s just so slow moving that it’s not entertaining. Sullivan tosses Wolfe outside and they quickly return to the building. Back in the ring, Wolfe accidentally spears the referee in the corner. Sullivan is giving up to an arm lock but there isn’t a referee. This match is just so bad. Wolfe kicks out of a pin attempt after a double stomp. Wolfe low blows Sullivan as he charges the corner and wins the match. Easily one of the worst matches I have ever watched in my life.
9.There is a whole lot of nothing going on in the opening moments of the main event as Funk keeps it simple by working on Lawler’s arm. Lawler breaks free and pummels Funk with several right hands. I guess when you know you can’t have a good match, you decide to bleed because Funk is busted open now as well. Lawler begins to smack Funk with a steel chair over his head. Lawler comes off the middle rope to deliver a fist drop but isn’t able to keep Funk down long enough. Funk slaps Lawler several times to make his comeback and rams Lawler head first into a table on the floor. Funk gets some payback with a few chair shots of his own. Funk leg drops Lawler through the table as this bout has turned into a messy brawl. Lawler spikes Funk with a pile driver but Funk kicks out! Lawler spikes Funk with a second pile driver but still can’t get the win. Lawler delivers another pile driver on the floor! Lawler gets on the microphone and begins to taunt Funk. Lawler hits the Stunner on Funk and laughs at the fans! Funk low blows Lawler to hit a Stunner but Lawler gets his foot on the bottom rope. Funk plants Lawler with a pile driver but pulls Lawler up to avoid getting the win. Lawler drives Funk through a table with a pile driver but is still unable to get a pin-fall. That’s all they have been doing is pile drivers and reversals. Funk reverses a pile driver and rolls Lawler up for the win. Apparently, the match went 22-minutes. That was just far too long and while it may be a independent show, they kind of killed the Lawler and Funk’s pile driver finisher. I get the story that Funk never dies, but it was just overkill.
This was just a rough show to get through. The main event matches involved guys that just couldn’t deliver good matches at this point and even the matches you would think would provide great entertainment, such as Kash/Homicide, didn’t live up to what they could have done. I have no choice but to give this a thumbs down.
Thanks for reading.