PWG An Inch Larger Than Average 10/15/2003
Written by: Arnold Furious
15th October 2003. We’re in Los Angeles, California. Hosts are Excalibur and Disco Machine.
Ballard Brothers/Topgun Talwar v Lil Cholo/Chris Bosh/TJ Perkins
Topgun rants at the camera shouting “come on baby, take your pants off”. I love this guys gimmick. He does a series of hand clapping push up’s to show off. TJ was wrestling as Pinoy Boy prior to this and went on to wrestle as Puma. Armdrags to start here with Bosh getting the best of it. Excalibur points out they’re not playing the lucha drinking game thanks to liver damage after the last show. Excalibur makes a series of gags about how fat Chris Bosh is. The Ballards generally get schooled by TJ and Bosh. Shannon blows the nip up to make matters worse. Topgun comes in and he’s extremely intense. So much so he tags out. Cholo comes in and bounces around the Ballards, who are having a hard time getting started here. Cholo hits a neat belly to belly overhead at speed. Topgun comes in and chops away. He’s in the DANGAH ZONE~! Topgun spikes Cholo with a high angle DDT for 2. Topgun is so far the best of his team by some distance. Cholo still hits him with an Exploder. Ballards run in but get beaten up again by the face team. They really do suck. They finally get something going to spinning wheelbarrow Perkins into a dropkick. It’s the first time the Ballards have been in at the same time. They team again to prevent Perkins hitting a headscissors and TJ gets powerbombed on his face. Shannon blows an Arabian press. Perkins with a flying headscissors and the Ballards make sure it looks convoluted as hell. Cholo gets a hot tag and chops away at Topgun. Cholo manages to Exploder Shannon onto Shane for 2. Everyone is in there and the ref has lost it. Heels all collide giving us a little rowboat action for the Star of David pin for 2. Boshorelli Special for Topgun. Everyone comes in to hit finishers one after another. I don’t really like that. It’s like the guys should know what’s coming. And yet Cholo doesn’t see the Dangah Zone coming despite everyone other than Topgun having hit their finishers and that’s enough for Talwar to get the pin at 11.58. *3/4. Kind of a fun opener but the Ballards didn’t exactly cover themselves in glory during it.
M-Dogg 20 v Jardi Frantz
M-Dogg now wrestles as Matt Cross. He’s one of the Indy straightedge brigade. Frantz on the other hand comes out to Afroman’s “Because I Got High” and has the munchies. Frantz is sporting a t-shirt to cover up his lack of upper body structure. All the armdrags in this look terrible. I can’t tell why but there’s something amiss with either Frantz’s delivery or Cross’ bumping. The result is a fairly even matchup until Frantz goes to the eyes. That’s the first sign of a heel-face alignment. They run another dodgy sequence where Cross takes a shoulderblock and back bumps and it just looks wrong. They do something else wrong and then Cross hits a standing moonsault. The problem with a lot of Indy wrestlers is they can hit high spots just fine but can’t do basics. Like M-Dogg hitting a backflip version of the armdrag. Frantz makes a hash of a spinning heel kick. Candice Michelle style~! Flying ass attack! Cross flips out of the corner and Frantz flips over him with a headscissors. They can certainly flip. If you like gymnastics in wrestling this is your thing. M-Dogg hits a dive where he flips backwards over the ropes and lands on his face. Ouch. M-Dogg goes vertical on the ring post and elbow drops Frantz on the floor. Excalibur flubs a joke so badly that Disco takes over and starts actually calling the action. Scandalous! Frantz with a super rana for 2. M-Dogg hits a DVD over his knee and flips off the top for 2. M-Dogg falls off the buckles and Frantz tries to suplex him off but Disco sums it up with “that was ridiculous” as they both fly into the middle of the ring in a big pile. This match is a mess. Frantz with a springboard Rocker Dropper that M-Dogg has to stand conveniently in the way off. M-Dogg with a swinging DDT to set up the finishing SSP at 10.57. ¾*. If you like flips this match is for you. Everyone else should fast forward.
The X Foundation (Scott Lost/Billy Kim) v Team Chismo (Excalibur/Disco Machine)
Disco is totally feeling the dancing tonight and Excalibur has to calm him down and CAN’T. It’s like James Brown on crack. Disco points out he’s blown by this point. “I heard you got blown by a black girl” – Excalibur. Meanwhile Excalibur grabs the mic and demands a referee as there isn’t one out here and gets his nemesis Chris Bosh as the official. Kim overpowers Disco to start with. Kim adds a few kicks in for good measure. Lost starts out wrestling Excalibur and Bosh gets in his face asking him to quit all the time. Bosh does manage to forget he’s the ref when a pinfall goes down though. Lost in with the Superman dive into the corner. Excalibur claims his stomach was crushed and he couldn’t eat for days before listing all the food he likes. Disco takes a ridiculous bump off the apron that makes him laugh on commentary. Excalibur goes low twice to stop the X Foundation from double teaming him. Lost gets folded up with a back suplex. Double spinebuster for Lost. Excalibur complains about Bosh’s counting although there was nothing wrong with them. Excalibur breaks out a LARIATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO so hard that it gets a standing ovation. Disco gets caught in a Diamond Cutter trying to take advantage. He backdrops Kim to the floor but then face bumps Flair style. The X Foundation blow a double team and Lost looks suitably unimpressed with Kim falling over. Lost hits a brainbuster. Kim falls over on another Excalibur move so Excalibur brainbusters him too. Billy Kim had a nightmare minute or so there. X Foundation both hit pescados. Decapitation Device on Disco while Excalibur argues with Bosh. What the hell is the deal there? Bosh has been impartial and Excalibur has argued with him anyway. In particular just after that where Bosh ignores Excalibur low blowing Lost before the Tiger Driver ’98. Excalibur berates Bosh anyway for not counting it as he’s distracted by something outside the ring. Oh boy. Bosh has made a right mess of this job. Kim sunset flips Excalibur and Bosh doesn’t even count quickly as he counts Excalibur down at 11.06. *. Another in a series of error filled bad matches. Everyone seems to be having an off night. Hey, it happens.
POST MATCH Excalibur berates Bosh some more and tells him he’ll get a “deep dicking” in December challenging him to a hair vs hair match at their next show. Bosh retorts but makes the mistake of turning his back on Excalibur and gets the Galactaca Phantom or half nelson suplex for it.
Guerrilla Rules match – Joey Ryan v Super Dragon
Excalibur fakes Ryan out with a fake Super Dragon. The real Super Dragon jumps Joey from behind. They trade slaps and that’s stiff. In comes chairs but Dragon throws his at Ryan. Joey retorts with a chair shot to the leg and then throws his chair but misses and nearly hits the ref. This is Guerrilla Rules so anything goes. Dragon totally schools Joey on the mat until Joey throws some knees. Dragon with the Full Nelson Mandela. Joey tries to use a chair with his feet but can’t. Armdrags and Dragon gets dropkicked outside. Dragon goes after a chair but Ryan trips him up. That felt very intricate and not terribly well executed. Dragon bashes him with the chair anyway. Joey looks a little out of it so Dragon stretches him instead. CURB STOMP ON A CHAIR MOTHERFUCKER~~~~~~! Dragon with a triangle and he hits Ryan with a chair just because he can. Ryan rolls out so Dragon chair shots him in the back. Dragon kicks Joey in the head like a total jerk. LIGERBOMB INTO THE BUCKLES into the STF and Joey has to be close to giving up. Dragon adds in a short chair shot for kicks. Excalibur points out that as this is no DQ the ropes don’t mean anything. Ryan gets the chair instead and chair shots Dragon off his back. Dragon breaks out the VIOLENCE PARTY~~! But JOEY FUCKING NO SELLS IT. ENZUIGIRIIIIIIII. VIOLENCE PARTY WITH A CHAIR~~~~! Dragon chair shots Joey out of the ring and then kicks the chair out hitting Joey in the head. Dragon goes for a tope but Ryan is pissed off and has the chair hitting him in the head on the way down and that’s probably the best I’ve seen that done since Sabu on the Indies back in 1994. Joey gets a near fall on the floor and ANGRY FAN has words with him. Joey has a ladder and decides to hit a bastard CACTUS ELBOW and Angry Fan has more words for him. 10 minutes gone.
Ladder is set up and Dragon gets backdropped into it as he attempts a sick powerbomb. BELLY TO BELLY ONTO THE LADDER. Joey gets 2. Joey with a superplex, which seems tame by comparison to all the crazy shit they’ve done so far and it gets 2. Both guys are looking somewhat hurt now. Dragon gets perched on the buckles but he punches Joey off and DOUBLE STOMPS him. Dragon dumps the ladder on Ryan and heads up for another DOUBLE STOMP WITH LADDER…for 2. Outside and Dragon has a table to bridge the rail and apron. Ryan is dumped on the table and Dragon goes up top but Joey moves so Dragon just changes to a TOPE CON HILO~! Back on the table and up goes Dragon again and again Joey escapes leading to Joey spearing Dragon through the remains of the ladder for 2. Dragon grabs a chair but Joey German suplexes him. Dragon still has the chair though and nails Joey with after the first roll. But Joey hits a Northern Lights onto the chair hurting both guys. Dragon with the Rolling German into a Dragon suplex for 2. “Joey Ryan as stupid as he is gay” – Excalibur. Dragon with the springboard spinning heel kick for 2. This has slowed right up and it takes the shine off it somewhat. Dragon looks for the Psycho Driver but that’s blocked and Dragon pushes Joey into the ladder instead. Dragon lariats Joey in the neck. He goes for another one but Ryan blocks it with a chair. Holy shit! Dragon goes down hard after that. Ryan follows to the floor and hits a pumphandle suplex on the floor for 2. Dragon’s arm is bothering him so Ryan works it over on the rail and the post. Joey chair shots the arm, which looks nowhere near as painful as the initial shot but it’s still good stuff. Ryan tries to finish with the Fujiwara armbar and the crowd want a tap out, which would make sense. Dragon rolls out so Ryan hooks up the cross armbreaker instead and Dragon is really struggling.
Dragon won’t quit though so Joey goes after that table on the floor and throws it into the ring. He’s looking tired and has to get the ref’s help. He dropkicks Dragon in the head to keep him down. The table is wrestled onto the buckles, eventually. Dragon tries to hit Joey with his bad arm but just hurts himself so Ryan suplexes him on his head and bails for another table. Geez, the first one was tough enough Joey! Both guys are pretty gassed here. The table is set up as it the original one on the top rope. They try and use that top rope table as a platform. This doesn’t look safe. They make it up there and Joey hits a swinging neckbreaker off the top and he bounces off the table in the ring because they hit the end. FUCK ME. Joey eventually gets the pin…for 2. To the ropes again and Joey thinks about something sick to the floor. It’s the swinging neckbreaker off the top to the floor as seen as Bad Ass Mother 3000 but Dragon grabs the ropes leaving Ryan to crash and burn. Dragon has trouble with the table thanks to his bad arm. He wants to kill Joey Ryan for attempting that last move. Joey gets dumped on the table for the third time and the crowd is super psyched. SENTON OFF THE TOP THROUGH THE TABLE from Dragon. He had trouble doing that because of his bad arm. No cover as both guys are dead. Perhaps a double stomp would have been better advised? Dragon is so out of it he forgets the rules and throws Joey inside to pin. Dragon looks for the Cutthroat Psycho Driver but Joey counters into a roll up for 2. Dragon chops Ryan but hurts himself and goes SOUTHPAW ON THE VIOLENCE PARTY~~~! He resorts to just kicking Joey instead. LEFT ARM LARIATOOOO. Both guys are fucked here. Just nothing left. Dragon wants the guardrail to totally kill Joey Ryan permanently forever but can’t lift it because his arm is injured. That gets balanced on the bottom rope and Joey is dead weight as Dragon hits the Supernatural Driver off the top but Ryan clipped the rope and the rail collapsed. That spot went wrong. It’s a pity because this match started so well. PSYCHO DRIVER ON THE RAIL. You know that’s it and Dragon gets the pin at 31.46. ****1/4. It was so great to start with but some of the stuff near the end went tits. To his credit Dragon sold the arm throughout after the chair spot though creating some excellent continuity. I just wish they could have kept the match a bit shorter and kept that insane pace of the first ten minutes.
Adam Pearce w/C. Edward Vander Pyle v Colt Cabana
Vander Pyle claims he’s secured the services of the best ring announcer in the business to introduce Adam Pearce and brings out Justin X. Roberts. He’s done a lot of ring announcing all over the place but the fans in PWG don’t know him and boo him mercilessly. He tries to suck up to the audience who boo him some more. Everyone in this match is from Chicago. Pearce addresses Justin and hugs him because he works for Vince. He then points out he considers himself number one contender for the title and doesn’t have a title match tonight. Justin heels all over the crowd calling them pathetic. Angry Fan berates Justin so Colt grabs the mic and accuses him of fucking Pat Patterson. “Shut your fucking mouth marks” – Pearce @ the crowd. That gets the fans firmly behind Colt. They bounce off each other. “Fuck you” – Pearce. “Fuck you” – Cabana. “Watch your language” – crowd. We get an impromptu YMCA dance from Pearce and Cabana that somehow feels out of place but it doesn’t make it any less funny. Cabana does some nice countering on whips and armdrags his way into a near fall. Vander Pyle tries jumping Colt with a sign and it has STOP written on it Chikara style. Cabana therefore can’t attack him but Vander Pyle gets cocky and forgets about it thus getting himself punched. Cabana breaks out the neck snap head twist action. First time I saw that I winced something fierce. Cabana with a whirl headscissors at speed. He usually doesn’t have anyone big enough to that to. Colt goes up top but Vander Pyle distracts and Pearce pushes him over the post to the floor. Vander Pyle continues to berate Colt as Pearce suplexes him on the floor and adds a Cactus Elbow. Back inside a spinebuster gets 2. Pearce has controlled the pace of this one. “Get your ass down here and count again, fucker” – Pearce @ ref. He’s got a nasty mouth on him don’t he? Colt gets in some desperation jabs but misses a dropkick. Pearce shows he can fly too with a spinning heel kick for 2 followed by the Savage Elbow for 2. Good skills for a big man but not the kind of agility of an Awesome or Burchill. They trade on chops until Pearce cheats by going to the eyes. Colt with his tornado suplex and the floatover into the pin is nice. Both guys are doing fatigue selling so you get the feeling we don’t have long to go. Colt busts out the quebrada press for 2. You sense that was a desperation move as well. He’s taken quite a beating. Whirlybird slam from Pearce but Cabana falls too close to the ropes. Vander Pyle calls for a piledriver. Cabana gets out into a Kryptonite Krunch but Vander Pyle pulls the ref out to ask him how much time has gone by in the match or something. Cabana bails out to shut him up. Cabana tries to sunset flip back inside and the ref has to stand on the floor to count as Pearce drops down. Colt would get out if Vander Pyle wasn’t holding Pearce’s hand. Geez, ref, are you far sighted or something? Match time is 13.27. **1/2. It was solid but unspectacular. Colt busted out some interesting stuff without ever really getting out the kind of variety and comedy he’s usually capable of.
Samoa Joe v
Hardkore Kid CM Punk
Joe is seriously over with this crowd as he’d busted his ass out in California for some time. “Welcome back” chants Cali. Paul T comes out here to point out that Hardkore Kid isn’t here but Paul is here to look out for “each one of you stupid faggots” and replaces him with CM Punk. Crowd digs Punk too. Punk nearly gets kicked in the face before a lock up as Joe tries to catch him cold. Joe grabs the arm and controls on the limb. Crowd politely applauds. PWG fans have this weird thing of shouting “ssssh” whenever serious wrestling is taking place. Punk uses his headlock offence to keep Joe under control and it’s been a battle initially of armlock versus headlock. Punk goes after that headlock again though and Joe back suplexes out HARD. Joe then flattens him in the corner and lays in the chop, kick and kneedrop for 2. Joe kicks at the spine to get Punk set for the Boston crab then pulls him up into the Samoan crab, which is a sick version of the crab. Punk gets the ropes. They nearly fuck up a whip but improvise well to get around it and Punk hits a slingshot dropkick. “Heh, I got you down motherfucker”. Joe kicks shit out of him so Punk whips the leg and goes after a series of leglocks to ground the big man. Interesting to see Punk’s headlock strategy go nowhere in this one. I’m guessing he got better at headlocks for the ROH series. Joe is so concerned by the leglock that he uses the ropes. Punk snapmares Joe over and stamps on his knee. “Thought I was gonna kick you in the back didn’t you?” Shinbreaker and Punk even hurts himself on that because Joe is so heavy. Punk makes the mistake of chopping Joe, which gets him chopped back much harder. Joe is selling the knee big time here. However Punk runs into him to allow the S.T.JOE to score. Joe can’t keep up with the selling though because he has violence in mind. OLE, OLE, OLE, OLE…WHAMMO~! Punk gets his face kicked off. Punk shows some knowledge of Joe’s trademark stuff avoiding a powerbomb and hitting the Shining Wizard for 2. Punk tries striking but Joe just murders him with a lariat and hooks up the Oriental Crossbow. Punk flips out into a near fall. Joe goes for a back suplex and Punk flips out into a near fall. So Joe goes for a roll up instead and Punk gets into the ropes. To the ropes and Punk wants the Pepsi Plunge but Joe is too heavy to lift so he attempts a sunset flip bomb and falls over the ropes by mistake. Oops. Punk opts for a leg whip off the buckles instead into a half crab. Punk has had tremendous focus in this match. Always going back to that leg when anything else he tried didn’t work. Speaking of stuff not working he goes to strike against Joe again and Joe nearly kills him with a slap. Powerbomb into the STF and Punk is left floundering in the middle of the ring but he works his foot on the bottom rope showing his ring awareness. Joe wants the finish and boots the shit out of Punk but he escapes the Island Driver by kicking the knee. He goes for the Shining Wizard again but Joe just powers him up into a powerbomb and that looked hardway as well. Joe knows Punk is struggling and slaps on the STF for the tapout at 12.21. Of course that would have worked better if it was Joe and not Punk who’d been working the leg all match but Joe couldn’t do much else because his mobility was limited. In fact it was a desperation move as he knew if he let Punk get back up he could simply take the knee again. ***1/4. It’s a good match and the wrestling is mostly flawless but it’s so far beneath what they’d go on to achieve in ROH that it’s hard to really get into. June 2004 was their legendary first ROH title match at ROH’s World Title Classic. That’s eight months on from here. During those matches they showed a better understanding of each other’s movesets and it’s thanks to having matches like this in the past. Like practically every place he goes Joe is considered practically indestructible and rolls through the undercard like a machine from this point onwards.
POST MATCH Adam Pearce comes out here and he hugs Punk before helping him to the back teasing a future alliance. Oddly enough they’d end up on opposing sides of the main event of the next show…
PWG title – Frankie Kazarian (c) v Bryan Danielson
Kazarian has certainly been a fighting champion since winning the title. He defended it against both Chris Daniels and AJ Styles in his first show as champion. Now he has arguably the best technical wrestler in North America as his next challenger. Kazarian’s only real advantage is the home town venue. They start out with a felling out process that gets politely applauded. It’s mostly a test of strength with Danielson showing his superiority in that respect before working his way into a Goku Raku stretch over his own knees. Kazarian flips backwards over him to reverse it. Now both men are cautious of locking up because of the others prowess. It’s like two boxers who are scared to move in just in case they get punched. To the mat and Kazarian gets a ride and won’t let go despite Danielson’s motion. It’s almost like watching amateur wrestling. “Frankie can wrestle too” points out a ringside fan. This is true and probably came as a surprise to Danielson who’s rarely ever matched on the mat. How long can Kazarian keep it up is the question though. Nip up mule kick from Kazarian to chants of “that was cool”. It was as well. Danielson gets caught in a headlock and tries a Northern Lights out but Kazarian holds on and rolls to the side keeping the headlock. Kazarian then ducks a kick and nips up again. He’s looking fantastic here. Makes you wonder why he hasn’t worked for ROH. Attitude issues perhaps? He was certainly a good choice to make PWG different and keep their champion on a par with the Indy circuit’s best competitors. Slingshot DDT from Kazarian and that’s the first time he’s taken to the air with Danielson perhaps a little more off guard thanks to the chaining success. “I am the coolest person in the world” – Kazarian. Danielson dumps him on the ropes then forearms him to the floor. “Who’s the coolest person in the world now?” – Danielson. He bails to convince at least one fan that he’s cool by nailing Kazarian with a European uppercut. Danielson singles out the arm for abuse thus creating the first body part assault of the match after 10 minutes. Danielson stamping on the elbow draws mixed reactions. Some fan gets on Danielson’s case; “shut up, you don’t know shit about wrestling” – Danielson. I didn’t catch what he said but that wouldn’t be the first time a PWG fan had irritated Indy stars from elsewhere. “Why’s he so angry?” – same fan. “Because of dumbasses like you” – Danielson. Danielson just dismantles that arm striking under the arm while holding it. The crowd is generally rooting for Kazarian now as he’s become an underdog. Kazarian gets all fired up so Danielson takes his arm again. If he has no weakness then create one! Now Kazarian is trying all the stuff that worked earlier in terms of chaining but now Danielson just goes to the injured arm and breaks it up. Easy as that. Kazarian still has his speed though and dodges the European Uppercut into a backslide for 2. Kazarian is now protecting his arm where ever possible. The crowd call Danielson a jerk. One of the fans is joking around and Danielson takes it personally. “You think wrestling is a joke. Get in here and I will kill you. I will KILL YOU”. Whoa. Man, Danielson has a lot of rage issues. He keeps beating on Kazarian while abusing the fans. Kazarian takes the opening and kicks Danielson in the face with a bicycle kick. You can’t allow yourself to be distracted by a few fans. Kazarian fires up but struggles with only one arm. Danielson seems shocked because Kazarian looked to be dead and buried. Back to the Future gets 2. Kazarian couldn’t hold the bridge one side though because his arm is bad. Wave of the Future is blocked and Danielson NAILS Kazarian with a massive European uppercut for 2. Swandive headbutt gets 2. Danielson knows Kazarian is weakened though and hooks the CATTLE MUTILATION and the crowd is actually chanting “Frankie”. He kept his knees up when the move was applied giving him more leverage to slip out and into a choke with bodyscissors. That’s great wrestling. Danielson turns into it to avoid the pressure and runs the buckles to pin Kazarian with his own move…for 2. The old Bret-Piper Wrestlemania 8 spot, eh? To the ropes and Kazarian can’t get anything because of his bad arm allowing Danielson to hit a diving European uppercut. That’s always awesome. They start headbutting each other. These guys are nuts. This is REALLY fucking stiff. Kazarian sensibly gets to his feet and kicks at Danielson after stunning him. Kazarian takes it up top for the FLUX CAPACITOR but he hurts his arm on landing BUT it only delays the pin, which still wins it for Kazarian at 22.31. ****1/4. That’s the second great match tonight. The psychology on that was far superior with Danielson bringing the goods and Kazarian keeping pace. If anything Danielson’s hot headed nature caused him to lose focus and let Kazarian back into a match he’d already lost. If he’d just ignored the fans he’d have won the title. Kazarian turned in another great performance though solidifying his status as the man around these parts.
POST MATCH Adam Pearce runs in and gives Kazarian a kicking. Colt Cabana runs in to save BUT then turns heel and stomps Kazarian some more. Joey Ryan tries to save but gets killed by Super Dragon again. Finally Punk runs in here as the fourth guy in Pearce’s evil stable as established earlier BUT he turns babyface again and makes the save setting up a six-man for…
POST, POST MATCH Punk makes that six-man challenge for the December show. Vander Pyle wants Punk. “Let him go…he’ll be blown up before he gets to the ring”. The babyfaces run fat jokes for a while as the show finishes.
BACKSTAGE Danielson talks about his debut match here in PWG and he’s disappointed he lost but Kazarian was the better man tonight. That doesn’t mean it’ll happen every night and he guarantees he’ll beat Kazarian next time but he won’t jump him from behind he’ll fight him in his face.