WCW Nitro 12/13/1999
Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
I have noticed that everything has become repetitive. I think I have been watching too much wrestling. I feel as if I am writing the same fucking thing over and over. The same verbs and adjectives. Sorry, but it is hard to change when I watch at night and get through what I can. I am addicted. I am also probably overrating the Russo Era because it brings back memories. I also am a mark for Bret Hart. Benoit’s push is awesome and I have become a Goldberg fan. Revolution may get interesting again. Outsiders have dumped the insider shit a bit and are classic. Still, Sting and DDP are just kind of floating around and the FA are done for. Shame too. No Cruiserweights and too much backstage shit but overall it is entertaining. It goes by fast and I am never bored. Starrcade will have a dozen matches and that is not a good thing. Still, it is well set up and will clearly be overbooked. Nitro fell to a 2.8 as the novelty seems to have worn off. The second hour fell to a 2.3 and then rose to a 2.6. RAW garnered a solid 6.1 across the board.
Start with JJ beating the living shit out of Benoit in the back. He whips him into the garage door twice but Benoit fights back and gets the upperhand by knocking him out…..I know it is fake but sometimes it does seem real and I am a puss and cannot handle real violence (I do not watch MMA because of that, don’t ask!).
Match 1: Prince Iaukea v. Maestro
Paisley just says yellow. Maestro is playing the piano with Symphony standing beside him. Jesus he just played forever and Iaukea is sucking on his finger. Fucking horrible. Match is maybe two minutes. Prince wins.
JJ comes down and knocks him out with a guitar and he has another one and blasts Maestro with it. Fans erupt. JJ calls Benoit Slap Nuts and challenges him to a Bunkhouse Brawl.
Evan was with a Nitro Girl. Jazz and Madusa beats her up!
Here comes Bret Hart! He talks about how he has discussed being the best in the past. He knew that one day he would have to face Goldberg. He talks about how great Goldberg is but he will not beat Bret. At the PPV Bret will be standing there with his hand raised and cue Goldberg! Goldberg admits the belt is looking good around Bret’s waist but he will never beat him and he is next. Cue the Outsiders. Hall makes fun of them and how they almost got into a pinch fight. They have something they want too. He calls themselves the sh….and then says bomb. Nash wants the tag belts. If they can kiss and make up how about putting the belt on the line against the greatest tag team in history and they can walk out of the building champs. Bret is all for it. Nash and Hall take a few steps towards the ring but the former needs to finish his coffee first.
Gene thinks Madusa overreacted. It was Spice. She is bitter and wants to wrestle her tonight.
Here comes Piper and his ref shirt and he talks about the Saints and jazz.
Taylor tells Lex Luger that he is wrestling tonight and that his partner is David Flair. Luger responds that Flair is a nitwit and he is not happy.
Flair is given a present and he takes it and slams the door.
Match 2: Spice v. Madusa
Spice is getting pummeled and her hair pulled. Evan is trying to calm her down. Madusa takes out her anger on Evan….
Russo is having a conference with his cronies. Rhonda breaks in and is ready. Russo will not talk to her without an agent and she leaves. Russo tells Shane (Vincent) to get Piper.
Gene is with Duggan who is getting the crowd fired up. Duggan talks about cancer and how cannot sit around and allow the USA be denigrated and he will do whatever he can to stop them. The lights go out and snow is on the Tron and Duggan is laid out.
Piper arrives. He will ref a Hennig and Buff match. It is in the best interest of Piper’s career to do the right thing.
Buff is talking to himself about being rough and tough and buff. I am not kidding.
Luger is looking for Flair. He is not happy…..
Match 3: Curt Hennig v. Buff Bagwell
Piper sets up a no DQ match. They go at it and Hennig drops Buff after a minute and gets two. Buff rolls him up for two. Buff has the arm but he is decked and then bulldogged. Buzzkill is in the crowd with a sign that say Save the Baby Seals. Curt goes to work and chops Buff around and then chokes him out. Curt hammers him and then chops him and gets two. Piper is mocking him a bit as Curt glares. Curt uppercuts Buff a few times and uses the ropes to choke out Buff and Piper pushes Curt back. Buff gets in some offense with a some punches and kicks and he gets two after a swinging neckbreaker. He slams Curt and dances before going for the splash and he eats all knees. Curt is up and he drives his fist into Buff and again Piper admonishes him and pushes him back. Curt shoves Buff into the other corner and punches him again and Curt is pulled back again. Piper decks him and fast counts for Buff.
** Decent length.
CC is at the top of the ramp glaring.
Luger has seemed to have found Flair.
JJ has a cart full of goodies. Benoit has a ladder.
Match 4: JJ v. Benoit
JJ wastes no time and attacks him in the aisle and runs him into the railing and then again. He drives a stool into the back of Benoit. Benoit ducks a cowbell swung at his head and he tears into JJ. He hammers him off the stage and rams a stool into him and then ties the cowbell around his neck and drags him back to the ring and rolls him into it. He snap suplexes him, pulls him up and gets two after a backbreaker. Benoit clotheslines him but he is knocked to the floor and run over with the ladder. Back in the ring, JJ has it set up in the corner and whips Benoit into it. Now Benoit fires back and nails him with the bullrope and flings him into the ladder. It is set up in the middle of the ring and but JJ trips him up with the rope and climbs up it and leaps right into a fist. Now Benoit goes up but he is lassoed and they are going at it until Benoit is pulled off and slammed. Dustin Rhodes runs down and beats up JJ. He hooks him in the corner for the nut shot. The ref blocks him and he is shoved down and JJ has the guitar and blasts Dustin with guitar but he is kicked in the nuts as it happened. Benoit climbs all the way up and somehow Dustin is up and JJ gives him a slight shove and he flies into the ladder and down goes Benoit and JJ wins.
*** I am desperate for a good match. No need for the overbooking. I repeat, no need.
David is rocking back and forth with a headless Teddy Bear and Luger is trying to plan out the match!
A sports car arrives.
Piper and Russo argue. The former keeps La Park and CC at bay with a bat but is blindsided by Hennig and then beaten.
Match 5: Tank Abbott v. Meng
They scrapping at each other. Meng gets the upperhand but he steps back and he is picked up and dumped. Tank has his knee ground into his throat and he wails away. They fall to the floor and keep at it. They are brawling and the bell rings for the countout. They keep fighting on the floor and up the aisle towards the back as security tries ineffectually to keep them apart.
**1/2 Good, they teased it out. I swear this was no holds barred….Mayhap I was wrong.
Kanyon is dressed as a pimp. He was in the car….
Piper is about to bring into Russo’s dressing room and is stopped by the police.
Meng and Tank are still fighting! Security stands back.
Revolution has come down. They do their thing and America sucks. Saturn cracks jokes and talks about heat and Dean tells them that is who they are facing….
Match 7: Saturn and Dean Malenko v. Harlem Heat
Midnight comes out in the dark and Saturn had tackled Malenko. Booker and Dean go at it. Booker gets the upperhand and tags in Ray who plants him. Midnight is wrestling too as is Asya. Booker is back in and he shoved into the wrong corner but fights off the Revolution before getting dumped over the top rope. Saturn rolls him right back into the ring. Dean has him in a chinlock but Booker is up only to be shoved into the corner. Dean runs at him and is picked up with one arm and slammed. Here comes Ray who nails him with some clubbing blows. Booker is back in and he is crotched on the top rope. Saturn springs out of the corner, and misses and hits Asya. Ray gets the hot tag and unloads on both men and plants Dean and then knees Saturn to the floor. Shane runs over and gets clocked. Midnight is beating on Dean but she hurts her knee. Stevie is rolled up as Booker checks on his girl….
** More HH bickering? Oh, boy.
Tenay is with Lex and David. David screams at Tenay and Lex informs us that he has filed an injunction against Liz and she can only work for him. Piper shows up swinging a chair and I think he challenges Curt.
Rhonda thinks she has found an agent. He tells her to beat it. Chavo does not….
Meng and Tank are still fighting.
Rhonda is with the Nitro Girls, dancing in the ring….That was who the earlier agent represented. Things break down.
Fit is still training a reluctant and whining Knobs.
Match 8: Norman Smiley v. Jerry Flynn
In the Block and Norman is wearing a Ricky Williams uniform. He tries to leave but is grabbed and beaten. Meng and Tank spill into the room and Flynn kicks Tank and now they brawl….
NR….That was it?
Russo is with Oorndorff now. Russo fires him because he trained Midnight. She has been a thorn in his side. Paul is not happy. Russo counters by making him suit up later tonight.
Goldberg is watching the show from the back.
Sid is working out with a kid who has Downs Syndrome. Sid is facing Dr. Death. The kid is his coach. Death is a stepping stone for Starrcade.
Match 9: Dr. Death v. Sid Vicious
OK has the mic and makes fun of NO and Ditka. This will be a suplex v. powerbomb match. They go at it and Death cannot get him up and when he does Sid slides down and pounds away. OK takes off his shoe and gives it to Death who wallops Sid with it. Vamp comes down and Sid goes for a powerbomb and initially Death escapes but not the second time.
* Not very good.
OK gets in the ring and is goozled and chokeslammed! Now that was cool. Hall comes in and gets dropped. Nash takes an hour to get in the ring but does and now Sid is mauled.
Sid is getting checked out in the back.
Match 9: Lex Luger and David Flair v. DDP and Sting
Flair goes off on DDP and everyone is kind of going at it. Luger hits Sting with the crowbar and Liz takes it away from him. She is protecting Sting as Luger has a chair and David comes in and knocks out Luger with the crowbar and she rolls Sting on top and he gets the win.
*1/2 I missed some. Something happened to the bear.
Meng is looking for Norman.
Chris Champagne Kanyon. He will be referred to as Champagne. Rhonda runs up and the agent who is with Kanyon has her taken away. Bigelow comes up and is happy to see Kanyon and the agent tells him to back off and he is grabbed, so Kanyon decks Bigelow.
Bret is tying his shoes! AWESOME!!
Bigelow has the mic and demands Kanyon to get his butt out here.
Match 10: Bam Bam Bigelow v. Chris Kanyon
The agent comes out too. He needs to take care of some legal stuff first and Bigelow disagrees and punches Kanyon. The fight is on as Kanyon is clotheslined. Bigelow keeps hammering him but Kanyon strikes back with a swinging neckbreaker. He takes an hour going up top and is caught and dumped off as Bigelow placed him on his shoulders and fell backwards. He places Kanyon over his shoulders and slams him. Now he drives a forearm onto his head and then drops the head. Match has slowed up and Bigelow goes up top and I guess he missed the diving headbutt. He is Flatlined and it is over.
Meng is still looking for Norman. Norman is shown hiding.
Mamalukes have arrived and are not happy.
Match 11: Lash Leroux v. Big Vito
Lash despite being from here gets no crowd support. Vito has been in command most of the match but Lash finally gets in some offense. Lash gets two and Bull hits his own guy with the chair and Lash gets one. He fucked up as he was supposed to put him in a bodybag. Now Vito is out again. Bull comes in after the match and beats up Lash.
*1/2 What a clusterfuck. Jesus, Lash.
Lash is put in the bag and they forgot where they parked it. They set him down and Lash is able to get out.
Match 12: Paul Orndorff v. Creative Control
Paul is game as he this is a punch kick affair. Paul does back suplex him and drop some elbows. He decks the other guy out on the apron and chokes out the other guy. Jesus, hard to keep track of who is who. The other CC dude intervenes and now Paul is getting dismantled. Larry and Arn run down and help him out. Piledriver and Paul wins!
** For Paul!
The ref reverses the decision.
Mamalukes come back and Norman was hiding in the bag!
Match 13: Curt Hennig v. Piper
Chair match. Piper rolls into the ring and basically allows himself to get drilled with a chair over and over. Piper has had enough and blasts Hennig with the chair and Hennig just leaves.
Backstage and Tenay calls the cameraman over. Bret has been attacked and Goldberg checks on him.
After the break they are checking him out and Goldberg is mad at whoever did it.
Match 14: Outsiders v. Bret Hart and Goldberg (c) for WCW Tag Titles
Nash has the mic and just tells them to give them the belts. Goldberg wants Bret to go but then states he will handle it himself. He comes out and the Outsiders want the belts but instead they get clotheslined! Hall is hammered and Nash is kicked in the head and both retreat to the floor. Hall is in the ring and he works over the arm but Goldberg brushes him off and punches and kicks away. After a pump handle slam Goldberg gets two. He shoves him into the corner and here comes Nash. Goldberg runs him over with a flying tackle and then plants him with a slam getting two. But Nash comes back and does his thing in the corner. He slams him and gets two. Hall is in and he taunts him with some smacks upside the head and then chokeslams him. Bret is gimping down to the ring and after a two count here comes Nash. Bret is in the ring and he goes after both men. Bret is hammered and now Hall takes out Goldberg but he is up and drops Hall. Hart has Nash cornered and Hall is speared! Bret is hit in the knee with the belt and he falls. Nash is covering Bret as Goldberg goes for the Jackhammer…..
**1/2 Overrating this but how the fuck was Bret ever the legal man? Hall was too. Goldberg is not happy.
*** I enjoyed the show but too many fucking errors. Lash and the ending. The cluster of the David Flair match. The cluster of the Block match. Still, I enjoy how the Outsiders still wreak havoc. Goldberg and Hart have a decent build going, not great but it did heat up a bit. Benoit is still hot. Revolution not so much. Sid has died down but is still over. Booker is not doing much and now he is bickering with Ray….again. I mean come up with something new. A lot of characters and gimmicks as there are so damn many wrestlers in WCW. Therefore they may need three hours of Nitro because they can barely cover everything. Of course they do not need to try and get everyone TV time as it seems random and shoddily put together at times. Perhaps they are hoping some of it sticks. Mamalukes got less air time but Prince and Maestro more….so it is a trade off and I would rather see the latter. At least the Nitro Girl shit is dying down and Madusa and Evan did not stink up the joint too long. They need to stay focused and get rid of the minor shit and have more in ring action.