WWF RAW 12/13/1999
Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
Two shitty December PPV’s and let’s be honest I am probably overrating both RAW and Nitro because I want to like them. I am writing far more negative things than I am positive. There is so much wrong with both Federations, such as the pushing of the wrong people, short matches, burying of talent, misuse of belts, lame skits and a lot of McMahons clogging up the show. At the same time both shows are often entertaining. They are decently paced, and some of the skits are entertaining. The HHH-Steph angle is good as is a few other things. Both shows at least use younger talent. Anyway, I think they could have dragged out the HHH-Steph angle but at the same time, what would they have done? I see the point, and I am sure it will be explained in a 45 minute HHH interview, when it could be done in less than 10 (I will give him the benefit of the doubt saying it needs some explaining.). I mean HHH is so fucking long winded. Show needs to lose the belt ASAP, no point on keeping it on him. They finally made him a monster but at a random time and giving him the belt was even more so, and then they barely use him. My advice give it to Angle. Kidding. Kind of. That guy is fucking classic. I swear I did not really like him back in 99 and if that was the case then I am an idiot. Now we need a good follow up to a shitty PPV. RAW dominated with a 6.1 across the board and Nitro fell to a paltry 2.8.
They pan to Steph and HHH holding hands.
Shane is pacing, checking his watch and waiting for Vince out back.
Jericho! Quite the pop he gets. He could have got that in WCW had they used him better. Well, he did get crowd support but they misused him egregiously in 99. He is bragging about winning the IC title. He has proven that he is a champ and that this is his show: RAW is Jericho. Cue X Pac. Poor Jericho! Kidding. X Pac is booed. He does not know what he is sicker of (Is sicker a word?) and that is his crap or that the fans buy it. Fans call him an asshole and he is greater at treating a lady than he. Is Pac drunk? He wants Jericho to nut up or shut up. Jericho waves him in and Pac responds that hisass is grass and he is going to smoke it. He heads to the ring and now here comes Chyna.
Match 1: Chris Jericho (c) v. X Pac for WWF IC Title
Pac uses the distraction to his advantage and belts Jericho. But he is nailed and then springkicked to the floor. Jericho goes after him and rolls him back into the ring and goes up top. Pac crotches him and shoves him to the mat. He stomps him and drops the quick leg. Jericho is grounded with a chinlock. Jericho is up and shoved into the ropes where he is heel kicked and then kicked into the corner. Pac misses the Bronco Buster and now a heel kick takes down Pac. Jericho drops him with an elbow and gets two after a moonsault. Pac ducks and now he connects with a heel kick and he goes up to the middle rope and leaps right into a fist. Powerbomb and Jericho turns him over into the Walls. Here comes Chyna who was watching from the top and Pac taps but Chyna had decked the ref. She now randomly leaves. Jericho rolled to the floor…..
**1/2 Chyna is annoying. Clearly joining DX again.
Now Steph and HHH are arm and arm. They head up to Shane who is pissed and talks about what she did to her family. HHH wants a hug as Steph grins.
Shane is still waiting….
Godfather and his Ho’s are in the ring. GTV and Mark Henry is in the bed talking about how he has just had an incredible experience and they pan to Mae Young smoking a stogy! They go back at it! Godfather is stunned and Lillian Garcia is laughing.
Match 2: Godfather v. Mark Henry
Godfather is tearing into him. Big boot and a clothesline after a minute into the match. He is kicking him in the corner. Mae Young is in the ring and Henry rolls up the Godfather and gets the win.
* Is this really angle advancement? Fuck me….But it is funny.
Shane is still waiting as a limo arrives. Shane is trying to get Vince to clam down who has a bat and he is really angry. This is terrible drama. Sledgehammer. Shane needs acting lessons. Shane keeps yelling that he wants to feel better than he needs to break down the door and so Vince does. Shane is still pleading.
Vince is in the ring and he is calling out HHH, calling him a rapist and a coward. He will go after him if he does not come out. Here he comes. Nope, it is Steph, wearing hot leather pants! She is a shitty actor too. She talks about bashing brains in with the sledgehammer and if Vince wants to do it to her. Like it or not she and HHH are married. It has always been about Vince even at the expense of his family. She loved Andrew but did not want to get married. Fans call her a bitch. She is not daddy’s little girl anymore and she is doing things her way and it feels damn good. She used to get butterflies when HHH looked at her and she did not mean to but it happened. And she liked how he stood up to Vince and made business personal. She reminds Vince of him allowing her to be abducted. Fans chant slut. She recaps that horrible fucking angle and how she was sacrificed, simply so he could screw Austin. What goes around comes around. She was hurt by him and the best way to get him back was to marry the man he hated the most. HHH really turns her on and I will admit that she has a sexy look about her….Vince looks ill. HHH is at the top of the ramp and Steph walks up to him and they are arm and arm. HHH made a mistake by leaving him in a puddle of his own blood, unconscious and he could not see what happened. So he shows him now and they kiss!
Shane is still pleading and they get in a limo and leave together. HHH and Steph are happy and they will have to run the show and take over.
Here comes the Rock! Wade Boggs who is still playing baseball in 99 and 00 is in the crowd and Rock talks bats and candy asses.
Match 3: Rock and Sock v. Dudley Boyz
Devon talks about the 3 Commandments and Rock stops him and wants to know who the hell they are. Bubba stutters that they know who they are and the Rock yells that it does not matter and decks him!
Bubba is getting pasted by the Rock. But Bubba tosses him and hammers him in the corner with some help from Devon who gets the tag only to get a short armed clothesline. Rock punches him in the nuts and here comes Mankind. But his offense does not last and Bubba is in and he stomps a hole in Mankind. Mankind fights free but he is raked in the face. Devon gives Bubba a chair and the Rock goes after him. The ref takes the chair away….Bell rings and it is a DQ and all participants are baffled. Here comes HHH and Steph. HHH is taking an hour in informing us that he and Steph are in charge. Fans think he is an asshole. This match is no DQ. Rock does not give a monkey piss and he will whoop their monkey asses all night long. He wants HHH to walk his ass down the peoples ramp and bring his little tramp with him….Her facial expressions are a bit much. Dudleys attack.
They are on the floor and Devon is getting kicked. Mankind whips Bubba into a chair wielded by the Rock and it happens to Devon. Now Rock whips them into Mankind who has the chair. Rock rolls a backpedaling Bubba into the ring and then hammers him. Bubba is game and fires back and shoots him inot the ropes but he lowers his head and eats a swinging neckbreaker. Rock gets two and now he goes off the ropes and into a sideslam, and Bubba gets two. Bubba argues with the ref and turns into a DDT and nearly pinned. Here comes Mankind. Mankind is whipped into the foot of Devon but he knocks him off the apron and goes to the floor after him but he is doubleteamed and eats steps. Mankind is rolled back into the ring. Dudley nut drop! Ouch! Bubba is destroying Bubba and backdrops him. He keeps working him over but Rock gets the hot tag and he demolishes the heels. Spinebuster and Devon is Elbowed! Bubba pulls out the ref and Rock goes after him and runs him into the steps. Here comes HHH and Steph again and out comes another ref and this one is in a Vince mask.Devon pins Mankind and now the Rock and Sock are going after the masked ref and it was Al Snow! They beat him up. Here come the Dudley Boyz and Bubba is Rock Bottomed! The other ref counts the win….Confused but whatever.
***1/2 A long match on RAW? Extra half star!
Posse enter the room with Steph and HHH. They want some extra perks because they are from Greenwich. Steph reminds them of how they disrespected her and they will face the Acolytes tonight.
Match 4: Ms Kitty v. Tori for WWF Women’s Title
She comes out in a bikini and she is wrestling in a mud match. She wants to be known as the Kat now. In the back Steph is telling Tori that she has to wrestle Kat tonight or else.
They are rolling around in the mud. Choking each other. Pac comes out in a wetsuit. Tori jumps on his back and brings him into the pudding, not mud. Kat gets the win.
*1/2 Extra half star for the bikinis.
Kane tosses Pac into the pool and the Outlaws assault him from behind. Kane is up and heads after them. Lillian calls Kat, Ms. Kitty and that upsets her and so Lillian is shoved into the pudding.
Match 5: Posse v. Acolytes
Posse use their numbers to get the upperhand early. It does not last. Bradshaw uses a chair. It is over.
* Acolytes portrayed as bad asses.
Match 6: Hardy Boyz v. Edge and Christian
Not a tag match as all four are going at it. Christian flies into Matt but is caught and powerbombed. Russian sweep from the top rope and Matt and Christian are laid out. Jeff is trying to climb out and he kicks Edge back to the mat. Jeff is on top of the cage and misses the senton bomb!! Edge is climbing up and Matt goes for him but Christian is there. Edge is up top and corkscrews on top of both and all four are laid out. Matt is up first and starts the long climb. He is up top and now Edge and Christian head after him and easily catch up. Jeff pulls Edge down and they run into the cage and both fall to the floor….Christian and Matt. No one jumped down. Always baffles me about a cage match. Oh well. They hit at the same time so the match continues. Jeff takes down Edge with a swinging neckbreaker. He starts to climb up. Christian hooks him and Edge goes out the door….Um, it was supposed to be over the TOP of the cage.
*** Good stuff. Um, another shitty ending due to fucked up stipulations.
Kane is told that he has a triple threat match or he is suspended.
Match 7: New Age Outlaws (c) v. Kane
Kane is manhandled but rises up and pummels both. Ass is tossed over the top rope. Kane keeps after them and chokeslams Ass but Road Dogg makes the save. Road Dogg goes for his finisher but is tossed over and goozled. Kane is nutted and nailed by the Famouser. They back suplex Kane and Ass covers him but Kane kicks out and now a spiked piledriver. Kane gets his shoulder up but not in time….
* Angle advancement.
HHH and Steph are talking abou the title. Show will have to face Bossman and Albert.
Match 8: Big Show (c) v. Bossman and PA
Bossman comes out and gets demolished. Now PA too. For a moment the numbers game works but it does not last as PA is chokeslammed. Now Bossman is too and it is over.
Steph tells the Outlaws they are wrestling tonight. They beg off and HHH tells them that they are. She also wants HHH to wrestle too and she wants him to have Test as his partner against the Outlaws. He is a bit reluctant but agrees.
Match 9: HHH and Test v. New Age Outlaws (c) for WWF Tag Titles
Outlaws assault Test before he gets to the ring and run him into the steps. Test mounts a comeback and hammers both. But it does not last as he is doubleteamed until Road Dogg walks into a big boot. Now the Meltdown! Test is knocked to the floor and doubleteamed and dumped onto the barrier as HHH distracts the ref. Back in the ring Test is spiked and nearly pinned. Steph is rooting for Test! Ass is kneeing him in the head over and over and Test is up and they collide and both are down. HHH is in and he decides to stomp a hole in Test. No shit JR, it was a set up. Obvious too. Steph slaps him in the face. Now DX dismantles him.
*1/2 Disappointing main event. Obvious set up. Steph looks pathetic doing the DX crotch chop. A lot of make up too. But hot.
***1/2 The final part of the show was not very good. It dragged a great show that had a hot first hour. Shame too as this had the makings of the best RAW in some time. Oh well as it was still a good show and there were no long winded speeches and there was some actual wrestling! Always a bonus. A solid start to the McMahon-Helmsley Era.