WWF RAW 12/1/1997

Written by: Matt Peddycord

WWF: Raw is War
December 1, 1997
Roanoke, VA
Roanoke Civic Center

The current WWF champs are as follows:
World Champion: Shawn Michaels (11/9/1997)
Intercontinental Champion: Steve Austin (11/9/1997)
European Champion: Shawn Michaels (9/20/1997)
World Tag Team Champions: Road Dogg & Billy Gunn (11/24/1997)

TIME TO GET RAW! Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jim Cornette.

The NEW WWF tag team champions Road Dogg and Billy Gunn start the show. No imitations this week – just wearing their typical d-bag attire. Due to all the LOD chants, Road Dogg announces the Legion of Doom are at home licking their wounds from last week. He calls the shoulder pads “wrestling history”. However, LOD will get their rematch at In Your House. Over to Billy, he announces that they will have a non-title match tonight against the former champs the Headbangers. Next thing we know, the Legion of Doom appear from out of nowhere in their street clothes. Corny exclaims how we’ve never seen them look like this before. Crowd loses their MINDS as Road Dogg and Billy Gunn hightail it up the aisle. Animal gets on the mic and reminds us all that there’s no way Road Dogg and Billy Gunn could beat them fair and square. Animal continues to say that he will do everything possible to make sure they don’t leave Roanoke with the WWF tag belts. Hawk takes the stick. WELL, Billy Gunn and Road Dogg won’t make it to December 7 because the LOD will be on them like “ugly on an ape”. What a rush.

SURVIVOR SERIES: WHO SCREWED WHO? You make the call – tonight.

LAZER TAG SLAM OF THE WEEK: Shotgun Saturday Night, 11/29/97: Flash Funk beats TAKA Michinoku with the Tumbleweed.

WWF Light Heavyweight Title Tournament Semifinals: TAKA Michinoku vs. Aguila
Sunny announces the two competitors here – because what else does she have to do? After some short-lived lucha submissions, they go to the air as TAKA lands his “no fear” plancha onto Aguila. When Aguila gets his chance to do something death-defying, he does a corkscrew moonsault out of the corner onto TAKA. Back in the ring, TAKA palm strikes Aguila. Some “Sunny” chants going out here. The crowd just has no real connection to these characters. TAKA heads up top, but no water in the pool for a flying corkscrew moonsault press. Aguila gets a nearfall off La Magistral cradle. TAKA blocks a headscissors with a powerbomb. He comes off the top with a missile dropkick and then executes the MICHINOKU DRIVER to advance to the finals. (4:21) Just a couple high spots without much flow to the match. SPOILER ALERT: they do meet again at WrestleMania 14. **

In a pretty shocking image even for Goldust, he comes out to the ring with Luna Vachon. There’s some SERIOUS dominatrix stuff happening here. Goldust this week has pink hair, black on green vinyl costume, some strap-on nipples, a ball gag in his mouth, and a dog collar down around his neck while he’s down on all fours. I think I saw something like this on the TLC channel one time. His wrist is still in a cast, but it’s now pink as well. Jerry Lawler holds the microphone here. When you’re a grown man wearing a crown and you’re the most normal looking dude in the ring, there’s a problem. Luna says that the BITCH is BACK. She also says that Goldust has been a prisoner his whole life. First to an overbearing and overweight father, and then to a petite, cum-sucking (did she really say that?) gold digger. Luna has set him free from his closet: The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust. He crawls over to Luna and nuzzles up to her like a dog and gets pushed away. JR – “What a loving relationship they must have, huh?” Yeah, because up until that moment, I thought this was exactly where Nicholas Sparks gets all his inspiration. No rules, no boundaries, but there will be whips and chains. Lawler is intrigued by those last comments, it seems. He asks Luna about Vader. Luna says pain and pleasure go hand-in-hand. Not sure what Luna says after that, but she pulls down the ball gag and gives Goldust some over-the-top tongue kisses. Cornette – “This interview is illegal in 27 states.” HA!

KARATE FIGHTERS TOURNAMENT: Jerry Lawler beats Tito Santana. Next week, Lawler will face Sunny for the championship.

Elimination Match: D’Lo Brown (w/the NOD) vs. Recon (w/the Truth Commission) vs. Chainz (w/the DOA) vs. Miguel Perez Jr. (w/Los Boricuas)
Get ready for a train wreck, folks. The Rocky sucks chants are LOUD, folks. This is just 2-on-2 with tags involved. D’Lo faces off against Chainz and Recon, but it’s Chainz who gives Recon the Death Valley Driver to send the Truth Commission to the locker room at 2:08. Of course, the Truth Commission stick around and jaw with the other factions. Miguel Perez blocks a monkey flip by D’Lo and pins him at 3:16. Next thing we know, Chainz gives Perez a Death Valley Driver. As it looks like the end of this match, all four groups enter the ring for a big GANG WARZ brawl as the match gets thrown out. (3:39) Jackyl joins the commentary table for reasons that seem unknown even to him. DOA stand tall in the ring while the other three factions brawl up the aisle. ½*

Time for D-Generation X to come out and speak to us. Shawn Michaels is in a wheelchair with his legs crossed. They’re also sucking on lollipops and tell us they played Bret Hart for a “sucker”. Tonight, they will finish the job when they beat up Jim Neidhart and run him out of the WWF. Hunter Hearst Helmsley takes the mic and calls Neidhart an idiot and insults his intelligence. As for Commissioner Slaughter, Helmsley will bring all the heavy artillery he has for the Boot Camp match. There’s only one piece of artillery he won’t use because he’s saving it for Slaughter’s old lady: his BAZOOKA. SUCK IT! Shawn says he isn’t injured, he’s just been recently put through hell by Chyna in the gym. His legs have been trained pretty hard and his pain tolerance right now is very high. To show off just how high his pain tolerance is, they mock the anklelock as Helmsley twists HBK’s boot around on his foot. Oh the hilarity. You make the rules and DX will break them.

They replay the Montreal Screwjob and tease some “never before seen” footage for the next hour.

ENTER THE WARZONE! Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler.

Rocky Maivia (w/the NOD) vs. Vader
Yeah, Rocky is still wearing the IC belt. He declares this will be a non-title match. Such a dick. Before this really gets underway, Stone Cold Steve Austin enters the arena in his black truck blaring AC/DC’s “Back in Black”. He stands up on top of the cab and drinks a six-pack of Steveweisers during the match as the crowd is just COMPLETELY enthralled with this character. What an amazing moment that I’m sure is never shown because of copyright issues. Poor Vader though, right? Any and all babyface attention is taken off him and put onto Austin. Vader does his typical offense on Rocky. The tide turns when Rocky slams him coming off the middle rope. Rocky hits a Hurricane DDT and tosses Vader out to the floor for a beating from the NOD. Back in, he slams Vader and punches him in the balls. Rocky tries a sunset flip and moves away from the butt splash. He punches Vader out to the floor as TAFKA Goldust appears. He lays into Vader and puts him back inside the ring for a suplex into the PEOPLE’S ELBOW, but Vader refuses to sell that crap and kicks out big at two. Screw this match, Vader chases after Goldust and Luna Vachon and loses by countout. (6:16) From this match alone, you have to believe Austin and Rock is the REAL draw for In Your House, right? **

Special look at Ken Shamrock. We see some UFC footage. He taps people out! He throws people around! He’s crazy!

WWF Light Heavyweight Title Tournament Semifinals: Scott Taylor vs. Brian Christopher
Before Brian Christopher can make his entrance, Kane and Paul Bearer come down to destroy Scott Taylor. Despite some dropkicks from Taylor, Kane drills him with a Chokeslam and a TOMBSTONE. This is on your hands, Undertaker! Until accept the challenge of your brother, the beatings will continue. OHH YESSSSS. Alright, so what does this mean for the tournament?

Ahmed Johnson vs. Jeff Jarrett
Ahmed was in a really bad car wreck just eight days ago. This guy has the WORST luck. Anyways, he’s definitely lucky to be here right now. Jeff Jarrett comes out and refuses to wrestle because this match wasn’t properly promoted for a star like him. None of his contract stipulations have been met either. Ahmed is just not on his level. Well, Ahmed calls Jarrett a chicken shit. Commissioner Slaughter comes out and takes the mic away from him. Jarrett doesn’t have to wrestle, but he will wrestle this Sunday at the DX: In Your House PPV. If Jarrett doesn’t wrestle, he will be suspended. His opponent will be the UNDERTAKER. Is he on your level, Jeff?

Special look at Sgt. Slaughter heading into DX: In Your House. His cobra clutch is DEADLY, folks.

So far, there’s only been 14-15 minutes of wrestling tonight here.

Road Dogg & Billy Gunn vs. The Headbangers
Six weeks ago on WarZone, Billy Gunn smashed a boombox over Mosh’s head. Time for payback, I suppose. Road Dogg gets owned by the Headbangers until Gunn blasts Thrasher with a cheapshot from the apron. Billy gets the tag and delivers a reverse neckbreaker and tags in Road Dogg for a flying legdrop, but Thrasher moves and hot tags Mosh. Before Mosh can get any revenge on the tag champs, the Legion of Doom run down and clear the ring of Road Dogg and Billy Gunn for the DQ. (2:56) I think we all knew that was coming. The tag champs sprint to the locker room and zoom off in their rental car. Meanwhile in the ring, the Headbangers have to be held back by some WWF agents and refs from getting into a fight with the Road Warriors. Can’t we all just get along? *

We get some footage hyping the Marc Mero versus Butterbean match scheduled for the DX: In Your House PPV.

Jim Cornette brings out Marc Mero and Sable to the ring for an interview. Sable gets some love from the crowd as you can imagine. Corny asks Mero if he thinks he is walking in Sable’s shadow since his return. Mero asks Sable if she can do a Merosault or has beaten anybody in the ring. He blames the people for ignoring what he can do because they like chanting for Sable. He then calls Sable nothing before she came to the WWF. Sable belongs to him and she is his property. Mero has Sable disrobe him so he can show off his boxing skills to intimidate Butterbean. Sable puts on some boxing mitts with Butterbean’s likeness glued to them. Mero punches the mitts so hard, one of them falls off her hand. He tells her to pick up the mitt and then goes on a rant about how when he was in rehab for seven months, Sable was going around modeling t-shirts for Stone Cold Steve Austin and the Undertaker. She should have been modeling Marvelous Marc Mero wear. He calls Sable useless and she tries to cry. Enough of this – Mero makes her leave. Mero then cuts a promo on Butterbean saying he’s the best boxer wrestler ever and will knock him out and anybody else who looks at his property. SNAP.

We get about a minute of footage involving the Montreal Screwjob with maybe some different angles of what went down, but it’s not like they are giving us the Zapruder film or anything.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/DX) vs. Jim Neidhart
If Montreal Screwjob was a shoot, wouldn’t THIS be a shoot? Neidhart beats down Helmsley for two minutes and then we go to the finish. Shawn gets up on the apron and distracts Neidhart while Chyna slides in a chair to Helmsley. After Neidhart knocks Michaels down to the floor, Chyna distracts the ref while Hunter blasts Neidhart in the back with the chair for the three-count. (2:30) Afterwards, Neidhart receives a PEDIGREE on the chair and then gets WCW spraypainted on his back signifying Neidhart is on his way to other side. Instead of playing dead like they do on the other show, Neidhart pops up and clotheslines them both down. Chyna comes in and helps out with this guy. They handcuff Neidhart to the top rope so they can continue the beating. Commissioner Slaughter runs down to try to save Neidhart, but Shawn and Hunter beat him up. That’s when Ken Shamrock appears and gives HBK a belly to belly suplex. While Neidhart has hold of Chyna, Shamrock applies the ANKLELOCK to Shawn and taps him out. Meanwhile, Slaughter grabs the COBRA CLUTCH on Helmsley as he slowly starts to fade away as we close out the show. Just an angle match.

WE’LL SEE YOU AT IN YOUR HOUSE~!

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