WWF RAW 3/15/1999
Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
WWF Monday Night RAW 3/15/99
Here comes the champ. He reminds Austin that WM is in 13 days. Rock proposes two options and now he pauses as the fans chant both for the Rock and some tell him he sucks. One option is for Austin to lay his head on the train tracks and wait for the Rock Bottom Midnight Special. Or he can come and go one on one with the Great One. Now he gets some millions chants and he is the chosen champ and the best damn WWF champ there ever was. For weeks he has not been able to trust that 500 pound bag of monkey crap in Wight. Now some Rocky chants that Cole claims are for Austin as they try to maintain the Rock as a hell. He wants Wight to get is roody poo candy ass out here and sing to the Rock. His excuses do not hold water. Oh, Vince needs to get out here. He asks if the crowd can smell what he is cooking and does not like them singing along with the champ and does so by himself. He finishes and here comes Vince. Vince is called an asshole and tells the crowd to shut up and does not like being called monkey crap. What the Rock is cooking is a big load of monkey crap. He thinks this Rock stuff is going to his head and Dwayne needs a reality check. He reminds the Rock that he has done so much for him and how he owes him. He took care of his dad and Vince Sr. did the same for Rock’s grandad. The championship is Vince’s and the Rock will not lose it to SCSA. So far this has been a bad dream but it will not become a nightmare of Austin beating the Rock at WM. Rock has to understand that this is about family. Rock is like a son to him and through three generations Vince’s family has looked out for the Rock’s. He brought in Wight to protect the family and that is his job. Wight has already done so much to help the Rock such as win the title and he will make sure he keeps it at the PPV. Wight may not be a mental giant but he will make sure Rock keeps the belt. Here comes Wight. Now Vince is calling him the Big Show. Mankind will face him at WM for the rights to be the ref. Wight does not like being told he is not smart. He is going to take one of Vince’s checks and cash it in on Rock’s punk ass. Vince tries to calm things down and reminds Wight how expensive he was to bring in. He does not like the tenor in Wight’s voice and tells him to keep cashing his checks and that Vince always gets his money’s worth. He slaps Wight and nearly gets his heard torn off. Rock stands idly by watching. Vince admits that this is his fault and everyone needs to calm down as this is what Austin wants. Wight and Rock will team together and one of the opponents will be Mankind and SCSA and both the Rock and Wight like that. He demands they shake hands and act like a Corporate unit. They shake.
A constructino crew is out and they have wood and other material and they are building something near the announce table.
Here comes Road Dogg and he yells that he will become the new IC champ.
Match 1: Road Dogg v. Val Venis (c) for WWF IC Title
Val does his thing and the ladies love it. They are in San Jose and he makes some shark references and womien going into feeding frenzy (San Jose Sharks, NHL).
Road Dogg charges him but is dropped by a forearm. Val is in complete command. He is knocking him around and gets a couple of two counts. Val powerslams him and goes for the Money Shot but misses. Road Dogg boxes him and then does a non-gay wiggle and drops him. Now he shakes, rattles and rolls and drops the elbow. He pump handle slams him and gets two. Val uses the ropes and is caught at the count of two. Now they keep exchanging two counts. Road Dogg spikes him with a DDT and Road Dogg is randomly the IC champ.
** This is one way to pull a WCW. Randomly give a guy who is not even feuding for a title the title!
Wight and Rock are arguing and Rock threatens to slap the taste out of his mouth.
DX are celebrating the IC win. Road Dogg thinks he is going to face the Rock. Gunn puts a damper on the situation by wanting a title shot.
Here comes Vince and Shane. Shane promises this will be short and sweet and will beat X Pac: 1-2-3 Kid. He will prove he is ready by taking out LoD. Instead it is Brisco and Patterson dressed as them.
Match 2: Shane McMahon v. Legion of Doom
Shane is dismantling them. Vince is at the announce table bragging about his son. Shane Bronco Busts both! He takes out both with the title belt and covers both getting the win.
NR Angle Advancement….okay *
The Ministry creeps up to the McMahon mansion.
After he notices Vince is on the phone with security at the house demanding they do something. The construction is complete by the announce table and it is covered by a tarp.
Here comes JR and Dr. Death. It is another announce table!! The fans fucking love it. So do I. Cole sucks.
Match 3: Jeff Jarrett and Owen Hart (c) v. Public Enemy for WWF Tag Titles
PE thinks that getting a title shot this quickly is fine but they will earn their respect in the WWF.
All four are slugging it out. Rock gets crotched on the ropes. Owen suplexes him off the middle buckle. Cole and Lawler mention that PE worked for two other crappy organization and that has led to animosity…..JR is trying to talk over them. Owen is working over Rock but he tags in Grunge and he takes out both JJ and Owen. Grunge is hammered in the corner but the ref shoves him back and JJ breaks a guitar over his head and the ref does not care and JJ and Owen get the win.
*1/2 Angle advancement. JR is ahead of Cole on announcing too!
Now Shane is on the phone with the police. He hands it over to Vince who is trying to explain the situation. The Seargent thinks it is a publicity stunt! Shane and Vince are befuddled. The phone rings and it is the Undertaker and Vince just hangs up looking really sad. UT wondered if Vince knew where his family is.
Match 5: Mideon v Big Bossman
It is a steel cage match. Bossman is attacked right when he gets in. The tide is promptly turned and Mideon is stomped and squashed in the corner. Bossman wraps a chain around his wrist and decks Mideon. He stomps on him as Mideon bleeds from the mouth. Here comes the Corporation and JR is threatening to kick Cole’s ass for complaining about him being in front! They all enter the ring and beat him up. Vince has the mic and he knows UT can see what is going on. Vince will allow his cronies to destroy Mideon if he does not leave his home. UT does not care the Ministry is prepared to give themselves to the Lord of Darkness. UT talks about pain and pleasure and he has to do what he has to do.
NR Angle advancement.
Shane keeps dialing the home phone but there is no answer as Vince freaks out.
Lawler went to the Playboy Mansion over the weekend. Sable is lounging there and he is nearly stopped by security. She is going to give him a tour and acting like a bitch. They are cracking terrible jokes. Hugh Hefner comes up and kisses Sable and wonders who Lawler is. He dives into the pool with the girls and is told to leave in his suit. Jesus.
He is now in the ring and he claims that the security guard was fired. Here comes Sable. They show it on the TitanTron with the naughty bits blocked out. Torrie comes out and refuses to stand in her shadow and she will show off her goodies for free. Torrie speaks like a robot when she challenges her at WM. Sable wants it all and will drop the bomb on her. Torrie is fine with that but has a bombshell of her own and takes off her dress and for some reason that angers Sable.
Now cops have shown at Vince’s house. He knocks on the door and looks around the premises with a flashlight.
There is some vignette with Rodney and Willie Green and they are making some sort of jokes. They are talking about Shane beating up people. They always win and they are the best and no one is better than Shane.
Match 6: Billy Gunn v. Bob Holly (c) for WWF Hardcore Title
Holly runs him over. He waits for him to get up and kicks him in the corner. Gunn is tossed over the top rope and Holly goes out after him and he grabs a trash can and bounces it off his head. Cole and Lawler are barely getting a word in as JR bellows. Holly’s whip is reversed and he crashes into the steps and Gunn gets two. He goes for a piledriver but is backdropped. Back in the ring Gunn smashes a broom into him and then breaks it into him. He drives the point of his stick into the head of Holly. He hammers him some more and now brings in a chair. He pullls him up and wants to drive his head into the chair but Holly blocks it with a gut punch and then spikes him headfirst into the chair. Holly delays the cover and gets two. Holly clotheslines him to the floor and goes out after him but is punched in the nuts and he falls to his knees. Gunn fires off some rights to the heads and Holly staggers back but grabs a bottle of water and smashes it against Gunn. He brings him back into the ring and has the chair. He waits for Gunn to get up and knocks him out with a shot to the head but Gunn is barely able to kick out. Holly is tossed onto JR’s announce table and JR is pissed. Holly cannot get up and Gunn comes out and rolls him back into the ring. Gunn is struggling to and pulls him up to his feet finally and Rocker Drops him into the chair and it is over.
*** Good brawl.
Vince is in the back and the cop did not see a thing. Vince still thinks they are there. But Brisco and Patterson thinks they left. UT is speaking and now that the police are gone it is time to get back to business. She will be home soon and he will take her and there is a UT sign burning on Vince’s lawn.
Here comes HHH. He is not too pleased about Kane. He does not really care about Chyna because the flame was meant for HHH. Now HHH’s fuse is lit and he then calls him out. Kane will burn, bitch, burn. Cue Kane’s music. They brawl in the aisleway as HHH greets him there. Here comes Vince as Kane works over HHH who fights back. Vince is screaming for Kane as he needs his help. Kane flings him into the steps. Vince wants Kane to talk to the Undertaker and he thinks he can get to him. HHH puts a stop to that as he attacks Kane but he is taken down after a flying clothesline. Vince pleads his Kane again. Kane unmasks and it is the Undertaker and Vince’s jaw drops and the lights flicker as he was being grabbed. He tells Vince it is that simple and when the lights come back on UT is gone and Vince is scared.
Rock comes down for his match and he is going to take Mankind’s monkeyass and run it down the boulevard and Austin’s roody-poo candyass and drag it down Jabroni Drive and check him in to the SD Hotel!
Match 7: Rock and Big Show v. Austin and Mankind
Mankind attacks a slightly svelte looking Show right at the bell but he gets manhandled (Supposedly Show got Liposuction!) Here comes Austin and he predictably cleans house. He rocks Show and then takes it to the Rock who gets in one blow before getting clotheslined. Now he is Thesz Pressed and annihilated. He gets a two count. Rock has the arm after getting up but gets poked in the eye. Now Mankind is in and now the Rock is allowed to get in some offense. But it does no last and Mankind punches a hole in him in the corner and then crushes him with a knee. Mankind kicks him in the head a couple of times and then chokes him out on the middle rope. Austin sets up the knee and Rock is driven into it. Now Austin is in and Rock fires off some shots and puts him in a sleeper but it is reversed and Rock drives him back into the corner. Rock punches him but Austin returns the favor but he is whipped into the corner and Rock runs into a boot. Austin goes for the Stunner but Rock rolls free and heads up the ramp. Austin heads after him and decks him. He brings him back into the ring….but Rock takes it to him. However, he looks at Mankind and gets taken down and nearly pinned. Mankind is in and he slams him. He goes off the ropes but Show takes him down with a boot. Mankind gets planted via a Rock DDT and he is nearly pinned. Rock escapes and tags in Show who dismantles Mankind and chokes him out on the ropes. Show headbutts him and down goes Mankind. He strikes with a side Russian sweep and tags Rock back in and he measures his stomps. Mankind makes a comeback but runs into a back elbow and he is bodyslammed. It is Elbow time. Rock goes for the pin and Austin makes the save. Rock taunts him and gets rolled up and nearly pinned. Show gets the pin and he hammers Mankind and then knees him. Mankind stumbles into the Rock decking him. But he stumbles into a Show headbutt and is stood upon. Rock is in and he continues to punish Mankind. Mankind dodges a blow after the whip and strikes with a double-armed DDT and Rock is down. Mankind manages to make the tag and he unloads the fury on the Rock. He stomps a hole in him but Rock hooks him only to be elbowed and now Austin goes for the Stunner but Rock escapes only to be taken down and nearly pinned. Show comes in and now all four are in. Show knocks Mankind to the floor and goes after him. Now Austin beats on Rock on JR’s now broken announce table. Austin tosses Rock into the crowd as Show chokes out Mankind with a cord. Austin places him on the table and elbows him through it. Rock tries to attack Austin but is knocked back and run into the steps as Mankind rakes the face of Show and we fade….
***1/2 Really good main event setting up WM. Rock was portrayed as never backing down but damn does Austin kicks the shit out of him every single time. It finally sets up their match as it is always fucking Vince and Shane hogging the spotlight. The problem I have: Zero drama. Austin has been kicking his ass and WM is right around the corner. There is no way in Hades Vince is going to have Austin lose at WM. Therefore Rock looks really weak. They need to book him getting in more than one or two blows in a ten minute match! Okay the rating of the show will be a ***1/2 too. I find myself wondering what will happen next. The success the WWF has is that it is like a soap opera or prime time drama with a cliffhanger. Sure, there is not much wrestling. Yes the Ministry sucks balls but at the same time it is damn compelling, that storyline with Linda/Stephanie or their imminent arrival. The entire show is compelling. Not quite a train wreck though at times it is, but like a train wreck I want to see what happens next. I just wish they had better wrestling and better feuds. Also, the Rock looked a bit stronger but he is a heel champion. However, I must say, Austin is getting old. He has not been on TV a lot and that is wise but at the same time the focus is now more on Vince and Company but also I just get irked that Austin runs in and cleans house EVERY time. Still, he is fucking over, so what do I know.