WWF RAW 3/8/1999
Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
WWF Monday Night RAW 3/8/99
Once again the Rock has a problem with Paul Wight and calls him a 500 pound bag of crap and he needs to come down or he will lay the smackdown on his candy ass. Instead here comes Vince. Vince is wary of the Rock and wonders not what he is cooking but smoking. Vince blames the fans and the expectations they place on a WWF champion. He does not the rock to listen to the fans but to Vince. He will lay out all of the answers and then tells the crowd to shut up. He asks the Rock to be patient and Wight is a card carrying member of the Corporation and in good standing. Rock wants to trust him and he does but there are to many coincidences. Wight has been “accidentally” hitting him and allowing Austin to Stun him. He sniffs the air and the only thing he smells is that Wight is a roody-poo candy ass and here comes the big man. Wight argues that he listened to the Rock on Heat. He was told by Vince to protect the title and maybe it is not working out so he should take the bull and grab its horns and shove them up his…..here comes Mankind and he brags he is the second ref at WM. They can get it on tonight and he brings out the Sock in order to ref tonight as he got laid low the last time. VInce reminds him he is not quite a ref and he has to face Austin tonight with Wight as ref. This will prove that Wight is on his side. Rock will be on commentary…..here comes Austin. Austin calls what is happening a bunch of Bullshit; he does not care who the ref is or guest announcer as what he cares about is that he is going to WM and he is the special guest ref.
Ministry have arrived and are in the back of the building. UT asks someone if they have seen Bossman….maybe it was Shamrock and the Ministry kick his ass and some other guy’s.
Austin tells Mankind he does not care about the ref and it is time for him to kick his ass. Mankind hopes he changes his mind and asks for a signal if so.
Match 1: Owen Hart v. D’Lo Brown Steel City Street Fight
D’Lo hammers him but Owen kicks a steel pan back into his face and wallops him in the back with it as the crowd chants nugget. Owen piledrives him into it and he gets a two count. Owen takes it knocks him to the floor with it. Brown is flung into the steps. Owen grabs him and rams his head into the steel ramp. He takes him up to the stage area but Brown decleats him with a clothesline. Owen counters with a DDT into the grating. Now he punches him back down the ramp but D’Lo battles back and down goes Owen and he is now flung into the steps. Back in the ring Owen is blasted with the pan and nearly pinned. Brown has a broom but Owen kicks him in the gut and sledges him. Owen has a Kendo stick but they collide, broom to stick and both are down. Here comes JJ. He has the guitar and tosses it in and Owen just stands there and D’Lo gets it; Owen stands there some more and it is broken over his head and he is pinned.
**1/2 Fun….split coming with JJ and Owen?
UT is giving directions to his Ministry and splitting them up and he wants Bossman taken out and brought to him.
Here comes the Outlaws and they get the riled up.
Match 2: New Age Outlaws v. Al Snow and Bob Holly
Al and Road Dogg go back and forth. Holly comes in and they slug it out and now Al and Holly beat each other up and Gunn comes in and cleans house. But Holly kicks him and then drops him with a clothesline. Holly runs into Al and he does not like that and kicks him into a spike piledriver.
* Um….angle advancement.
The lights go out and here comes the Ministry. UT and company stomp the shit out them. UT informs the Bossman that before this night is through he will come face to face with the Lord of Darkness….I assume he means himself!
Giant and Rock are changing in separate dressing rooms and the announcers make a big deal out of it….um, are they supposed to play swordfight together and pinch and tickle?
JR wants Steve Williams to prove he is the best wrestler……
Now he comes out and states he has some explaining to do and asks Cole to come to the ring. JR shakes his hand and Cole asks what is in the bag and JR mockingly tells him that is a good question. JR is irate that it is not wrestling anymore but sports entertainment. The bag has a red outfit and mask and that was for Williams and he calls that gimmick a bunch of crap. JR asks Cole who helped him and it was JR…..JR’s face is paralyzed, scary but sad. Cole supposedly said the same thing and JR kicks him in the nuts and tells Cole to drag his Yankee ass to the back as he is going to go back to work. JR missed King and they shake….Vince and his cronies and Terry Taylor is called over and told to have Cole go home and to get JR out of there. Now Vince orders Brisco and Patterson to do something. JR is non-plussed. Terry comes out, fired from WCW and now with the WWF that quickly! JR is irate and wants to know why Terry Taylor is out here and he responds that he needs to leave. JR counters that he got screwed by Vince and he mocks the Red Rooster gimmick. Williams comes down and warns Taylor but he is calming JR down and King stands there confused. Taylor is at the announce table now as JR and Williams leave and the former is really pissed.
Ryan and Goldust are making out as Blue Meanie cries.
Brisco and Patterson are in the Boiler Room saying they are going to find them. They talk rats and they have masks.
Match 3: Ken Shamrock v. Goldust
Shamrock beats his ass out on the floor before the bell. Now they get in the ring and Goldust reverses a whip but is dropped with a back elbow. He hammers him in the corner and sends him for the ride. He goes for a leap but Goldust slides down and gets his knees up and then uppercuts him after nutting him. Meanie is down and he kisses a disgusted Ryan. Shamrock is able to escape Shattered Dreams due to the delay and after a belly to belly Goldust is done. Meanie distracts Shamrock so Goldust can escape with Ryan….
* Literally that was one minute, maybe two.
Chyna with Shane and someone else is walking in the back….forget who.
Brisco and Patterson are stumbling around in the back.
Here comes X Pac with HHH. HHH is going to take the silver spoon from Shane’s mouth and stick it up his stiff ass.
Here comes Shane with Chyna and third person was Test.
Match 4: X Pac v. Test
Test tosses him to the floor and after he gets back in into the corner. But Test misses and Pac spinkicks him in the head but misses the Bronco Buster. He is still in command though and after a whip reversal he ducks but gets his head taken off after a big boot. Pac is set up in the corner and he runs out and right into a sideslam and he is nearly pinned. He keeps Pac grounded with a chinlock but he fights to his feet and is nearly pinned again after a neckbreaker. Test slams him and goes up top and leaps right into a boot….Shane is horrendous as an announcer. Pac comes back and drops him after a series of kicks. Pac kicks him again but Test counters and kicks him in the head only for Pac to counter with a shoulder tackle. HHH shoves Shane and then pulls Chyna out to the floor as she tries to cheat. Pac Bronco Busts him and Shane is able to slide in and take off his head with the belt. Ref is not confused as to why Pac is all of a sudden out and counts the three for Test.
** Decent. Angle Advancement.
HHH is destroyed by a clothesline from Chyna.
HHH is sick of this and he is going to find Chyna and drag her ass into the ring and humiliate her in front of the world.
Brisco and Patterson are still looking for the Ministry and kick open a door and charge in and it is the Godfather and his Ho’s and they get beat up.
HHH is yelling that he is going to find Chyna as he looks for her in the back….
Match 5: Godfather v. Steve Blackman
Godfather does his thing by offering his Ho’s and he can have both. One is hideous….I would not deny her. Steve takes them and he is giddy about it but Droz clubs him from behind and now all three are going at it and enter the Ministry. They dismantle the three and UT calls out the Bossman again.
Chyna with a new extremely slicked back pony-tail hair do comes out….trying to make her less manly. Not really working. Nice body though. She has the mic and Hunter does not have look for her and tells him to get himself some and here he comes. Here comes Kane and HHH is trying to hold Chyna or something as the lights are out. He is holding her hostage and shoves her into Kane and hits him but Chyna now has him. Chyna is burned by some sort of fireball….from Kane and it hits Chyna. HHH checks on her but is tossed out by Kane and he checks on her. Medics come down and they get tossed! Kane carries her off….Yes he really threw a “fireball.” Fuck me.
Here comes Sable with her Playboy and Torrie is in tow. They show scenes from a signing she did. Sable sits right by Lawler and gives him a copy of the magazine and turns it right to her nude photos and Terry Taylor is jealous as King grins like a school boy in heat.
Match 6: Torrie v. Luna
Luna is absolutely destroying her. She chokes her out and the ref calls for the bell as Sable does not care and talks about her magazine. Luna screams at her and Sable ignores her. Sable struts her stuff after humiliating Torrie some more and then takes the magazine and leaves.
Bossman finally arrives and UT is right there telling him that he has been looking for him. The Ministry surrounds him and swarm.
Now they come out and yes they are “crucifying” Bossman. UT is telling Vince that one by one the Corporation will fall and something will be his. Bossman can never rest in peace. Bossman falls off it and the Corporation comes out and saves him after a brief brawl. Cops are there and UT sets his Satan symbol on fire as Bearer is randomly on the phone….UT is cuffed and stuffed. Paul is on the phone.
After the break UT is being led off. Vince is there taunting him for going to jail and he is warned off by the police. Vince is still yelling at him about threats. He is finally pushed back as UT cackles.
Rock comes down to the announce table.
Match 7: Mankind v. Steve Austin
Wight checks them and the bell rings. Austin kicks and punches out Mankind. Mankind knocks him to the floor and pursues him. After rocking him with some rights he flings him into the steps sand chokes him out with a cord. Austin kicks him but he gets his head rammed into the announce table and now he tossed on top of it as Rock taunts Austin. Mankind goes up to the middle rope but Austin rolls off and Mankind gets down and goes back to work. Mankind runs at him but is backdropped over the announce table and now he is getting pounded. Mankind is run into the steps. Back into the ring Austin gets a one count. Mankind is on the apron and Austin cannot suplex him and gets his throat bounced off the top rope. Mankind measures him with calculated stomps. Now they fight to the floor and Austin gets the upper hand and Mankind eats some steps. Back in the ring they exchange sleepers and Austin counters out of his with a jawbreaker. Austin lays his neck over the ropes but misses the running leap. Mankind nails him and gets a two count and applies a facelock in order to keep him grounded. Austin fights to his feet and elbows free and they run at each other and both are down after they clothesline each other. Rock has been berating Wight for being a shitty and biased ref. Both men are up and Austin stomps a mudhole in him. This time the set up on the ropes work and he leaps on him and maybe gets a two count. Mankind is up and kicks him in the gut and nails him with a double-armed DDT. Mankind pulls out Socko as the fans are not too happy to see Austin down. He misses with Socko and Austin gets the Stunner blocked. Now Austin is shoved to the apron and Socko is applied and Wight does a fast ten count and Austin loses via countout. Wight raises the hand of Mankind and then chokeslams him. Vince comes down and he tries to cool down an angry Austin. Austin and Wight stare down but will not fight and Austin does not really go after Vince but does have words for him. Rock is pissed and finally goes after Austin but predictably gets his ass kicked and Wight holds him back as the Corporation argues on the way to the back.
***1/2 I will give this an extra half star because it was one of the better main events in some time for RAW.
*** Slowly but surely they are putting the pieces together for WrestleMania. They keep teasing the break up of the Corporation. Now maybe Austing is in cahoots. They have the Ministry etc…a lot is going on. Maybe too much. Still the show was entertaining and did what it set out to do and that is set up the PPV or at least start to. Now I will stop griping about the lack of wrestling but there was a some decent matches for RAW. I am just not that into the midcard storylines or the Ministry and that hurts my overall rating. I do want to see what happens with the Rock and Austin and I hope they end the feud well and not fuck it up….