WWF RAW 7/5/1999
Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
It has been a bit since I watched. Nitro got a 3.4 and RAW a near 6.0.
Austin asks the crowd if they saw him whoop the UT’s ass. Austin is not a hard man to find him. There will be a First Blood match at Fully Loaded against the Undertaker. I hate those. Here comes Vince. He has someting to say about that. The fans call Vince an asshole and Austin makes fun of him about that. The WWF is not big enough for the both and according to Vince someone has to go. Vince has a challenge for him. He is fully confident that the Undertaker will bloody him that Vince will never bother him again. If Austin loses he can never attempt to become the champ again. He wants lawyers to sign it up…..the sight of Austin makes him want to vomit. If Austin is somehow victorious the people will never see Vince McMahon again. Austin asks the crowd and they do not want to see Austin again and so he agrees. Beer time.
The Rock has arrived. Cole is with him and is told to shut up. He puts his new shirt over Cole’s head. Rock is going to lay the SD on HHH. Rock talks about electricity all year and Gunn is nothing but a peon to him. Tonight the Rock is going to lay the SD on his candy ass. He takes the shirt off of Cole and tells him to finish his catchphrase and tells him to shut up before he can do so.
Bradshaw was Tombstoned into the steel steps on Heat….He is fine now! A medic though begs to differ and gets decked.
Match 1: Hardy Boyz v. Acolytes (c) for WWF Tag Titles
As the champs stroll down Matt leaps on top of them only to be caught. Jeff flies into all of them sending them all tumbling. The fight is all over the floor and now in the ring Jeff gives Farooq a neckbreaker and both Hardyz strike from the top. Jeff with a splash and Matt with a legdrop; he gets two. Farooq fires back and slams both men. Bradshaw runs in and clears out Jeff and punishes Matt. He slams him and then kicks him in the back for good measure. He runs into a boot and Matt leaps right into his arms and Jeff dropkicks Matt down on top of Bradshaw and he gets two. Matt is tossed to the floor and Jeff is run over by both. Farooq and Jeff go back and forth. Bradshaw gets the tag and works Jeff over in the corner. Bradshaw is hit in the head and he is sent reeling. Matt though lowers his head and gets it taking off after the kick and clothesline. Jeff makes the save. Michael Hayes and Farooq brawl. Hayes’ cane is used on Bradshaw and Matt hits a top rope DDT! They win!!
*** I like this. Give the young guys a tag title.
Matt tries to speaks and is not very good at it but he is happy to win….
Droz and Albert on GTV and Droz likes glitter…
Match 2: Gangrel v. Godfather
Val Venis comes down and Godfather talks about Ho’s and he calls out Droz and Albert who are dressed like Ho’s.
Gangrel attacks the Godfather from behind. It does not last and Godfather squashes him.
Val is attacked by Droz and PA. Gangrel takes out the Godfather and helps out the other two. Edge and Christian do not like Gangrel teaming with other people and take him away.
Steph wants Test to be okay. He is a man and he will be fine! WOW, that was so fucking “touching!”
Match 3: Test v. Posse Member
It is Joey Abs. Test is suplexed but counters with a powerbomb. Shane has Steph and is pushing her towards the ring. The Posse run in and annihilate Test. Steph nuzzles a destroyed Test.
Chyna has had her car spraypainted and is squeaking about it to the police. She is really upset. It says suck it and HHH cannot calm her down as she kicks the car.
D’Lo Brown is someone not to be messed with and Al dared challenge him. Al comes up from behind and wallops him.
Match 4: D’Lo Brown v. Al Snow (c) for WWF Hardcore Title
The fight heads to the back and a concession stand where they hit each other with food. Now they fighting up an escalator. Al is knocked into the middle area and down he goes. Brown goes after him but a potted plant hits him. Brown chokes him out with a phone cord and plugs 1800COLLECT. He hits him with the phone and the fight is in a hallway and they are wailing on each other. They are in a cafeteria and Snow is slammed onto some tables. D’Lo Frogsplashes him. Al fights back and pummels Brown until he is whipped into a table. Mideon dumps some hung up tables on top of Brown. Al disappears for a moment and he he has a lift and falls on top of Brown!
*** Solid. Cooler had Al leaped instead of just fallen but it was still a cool spot.
Police are looking for Road Dogg and X Pac. Finkel tells them.
Why do the police need to find him when he is coming out to the fucking ring?
Match 5: Road Dogg v. Val Venis
Val is dismantling him. He has controlled most of the match….Police have Pac and now Road Dogg and they are cuffed and stuffed.
*1/2 Angle Advancement
They are now being put in the police car.
Match 6: Jeff Jarrett (c) v. Chaz for WWF IC Title
Chaz starts strong and runs him over in the corner and then clotheslines him. He jumps on his back as he is hung up on the ropes. Debra does her thing and Chaz is rolled up and nearly pinned. JJ hits the Stroke and gets the win.
*1/2 That was quick.
Chaz gets beat up after the match. Thrasher runs down and clears out JJ.
Jesus, Michael Cole just told us who we will hear from later: WHO CARES.
Match 7: Edge v. Big Bossman
Bossman pounds him but gets his head run into the apron. Edge missile kicks Bossman but he counters with a powerslam. Bossman gets a couple of two counts. Bossman argues with the ref and is rolled up. Bossman is up after the two count and clotheslines Edge. Edge Spears him! He wins!
** A bit sudden and makes Bossman weak but nice win for Edge.
Bossman gets right up and beats the hell out Edge with the nightstick. Christian runs down and dropkicks Bossman and instead of following up he grabs the keys…..and he is hit with the nightstick and he too is locked onto the ropes and beaten.
Cole is with HHH and Chyna. The latter has been violated and she will press full charges. She calls them losers. HHH looks grumpy. HHH is tired of beating up the Rock as it gets him no closer to the WWF title.
Match 8: Mr. Ass v. Meat
Meat is getting demolished. Meat slams him twice and gets two. Ass grabs him after Meat lowers his head and powerslams him. Famouser. Over.
* Nothing much.
Jackie screams at Ass and gets punched and DDT’d by Chyna. Ass DDT’s Meat. They have spraypaint and spray Terri’s ass. They spray the two downed ones with a DX sign….Gee who sprayed the car?
Match 9: Big Show and Hardcore Holly v. Kane
Kane and show hammer each other. Kane grazes him with a dropkick and then runs into a powerslam. Holly wants the tag and he goes to work on Kane. Kane is whipped into the corner where he is kicked over and over. Kane is hammered and Holly keeps after him and here comes the Undertaker and Kane chokeslams Holly and gets the win as Show glares at the Undertaker. Kane clips him from behind and now both brothers pummel him.
*1/2 Not bad. Show stared at the Undertaker for an hour…..a bit much and never checked behind him.
They continue to pummel him and double suplex him. Still doing it. Show is split open.
Match 10: HHH v. Rock
In a cage. Rock slugs away with some hard rights. HHH fires back and knocks him into the corner where he hammers him with a series of hard rights. Rock flies up from the corner and clotheslines him. Rock has him in the corner and Rock unloads on him. HHH takes him down. They go back and forth. Rock is down and HHH goes for the door and Rock tries to pull him back into the ring but is shrugged off. Chyna gives Rock some handcuffs and he uses them as brass knuckles and is going to try and lock him against the cage. First he runs him into the corner and then his head into the cage. Rock kicks him in the nuts and then clotheslines him. Rock lowers his head off the whip and HHH gives him a swinging neckbreaker. They both collide and Rock crawls to the door. Chyna hits the ref and closes the door on the Rock’s head and pulls out HHH. Here comes the Rock and he goes straight for HHH. He pounds him and then kicks Chyna. HHH clotheslines the Rock as they brawl on the ramp. HHH punches him back towards the ring. Rock catapults HHH into the cage and then shoves him back inside the ring. Rock runs his from one end of the cage to the other. He follows up with a Samoan Drop. Rock starts to climb the cage. HHH pulls him back down only to be kicked and crushed with a DDT. Rock climbs up the cage and leaps into HHH. But he lowers the head and eats a knee, tastes the steel and is clotheslined. Both are laid out now. Rock is up and tries to climb but is knocked off. He starts to go over the top and is dangling but Rock has his hair and slowly pulls him back to the top and both are straddling it and they pound each other. HHH pokes the eye. Chyna has a chair and gives it to HHH who knocks out the Rock with a skull shot! But HHH topples and crotches himself on the top rope! He falls to the floor and the ref opens the door. Rock is moving and he falls down and wins!
**** I love how the WWF is finally going back to long, as well as really good main events. It washes the taint and makes you forget about some of the more shitty parts of the show!
Mr. Ass comes and attacks the Rock and we fade with the Rock being dismantled.
***1/2 I will rate this a bit higher than it deserves…..there were some fun matches. The main event was great. I enjoyed the drama of the night. The usual hypersexualized crap was kept to a minimum.