WWF Smackdown 8/26/1999
Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
UPN decided to go with SmackDown despite some lower than expected ratings as it will remain in the solid 5’s, and will become a mainstay for UPN and will provide some steady if unspectacular ratings, also wrestling is pretty cheap to produce as the WWF will incur the vast majority of the costs. As I stated in the debut edition, the WWF will be hammered by Parent Council’s as the WWF’s programming will be seen as being far too raunchy for network TV and in fact once they lose sponsors because money talks the WWF will lessen some of the raunch (In my opinion that is a good thing…..).
HHH comes out with Chyna and normally he would have two words for the fans but now he has four. The fans call him an asshole and he agrees he may be one but he is still the WWF champion. Ironically he discusses about being held back (Jesus, how the tables will turn in a year or two). He crammed it down everyone’s throats and like it or not he is the WWF champion. He proved to the world that he is the Game. Austin is not, Mankind is not, and after he beat Austin at the PPV he beat Mankind in the middle of the ring. He will mow them all down even the People’s Ass (Rock is listening in the back). The fans chant for him and here he comes. He stands at the top of the ramp as the fans chant his name over and over. Finally the Rock has come back to Kansas City! He calls HHH a Jabroni and he is upset that he came on the Rock’s show, and mentions SmackDown and the fans erupt. He does not like him running his mouth about being the Game, and he needs to go back to the drawing board because his Game sucks! He has a plan and that is tonight he is going to beat HHH’s monkeyass. There are two things he can do about it: Nothing and like it. HHH declares that the Rock is not his league and he is nowhere near it. Rock responds that there is a miscommunication. He could take off his shirt and come back out here and start this promo all over again or he can take the WWF belt, rub some Icy/Hot on it and stick it up his candy ass. HHH calls him some names. Now the Rock has a third choice and he walks down the ramp and gets the fans to chant his name again! Rock takes off his fancy show, turns it sideways and he is going to stick that up his candyass! Here comes HBK. He wants to make it official, nice shades and white suit BTW. The only cat in the WWF who can do that is himself. The Rock will take on HHH and the belt is on the line. HHH is not pleased. To ensure there is no shenanigans there is only one man in the WWF that he can trust to be the law and order in the ring and that is HBK. Therefore he will be the referee. Shane somehow gets in the ring and tells Shawn to hold on. HBK has the stroke to make the match, but as the owner he is going to one up him and he is going to be the second ref (seen this shit already). HBK has an issue with that because Shane is going to be busy tonight and he is going to get a lesson in stroke. Coming off a stellar four star performance at the PPV he is now a WWF superstar. Shane cannot help him ref because he will be taking on a man who he screwed on RAW and cue Mankind! Mankind talks about putting off today what he can do tomorrow! He is going to take off his three dollar shirt and loosen his free tie, and start walking down the People’s aisle, and listen while the dozens and dozens of Mankind’s fans all chant his name and they do so! Rock says piss on this talk and gets in the ring and hammers HHH and Shane is mauled by Mankind and the Posse runs down right into a buzzsaw. Two are given a Rock Bottom. Mankind takes care of the other.
JJ is walking with Kat and Debra….
Mr. Ass is strolling in the back.
Match 1: Jeff Jarrett (c) v. Mr. Ass for WWF IC Title
JJ hammers him right before the bell and stomps on his back with alacrity. He chokes him out and then bashes him in the back of his skull. Gunn ducks a blow off the ropes and dropkicks JJ, after a powerslam he gets two. Puppies time but JJ’s blindside fails. Ass decks him but the fight spills to the floor and JJ posts him and then brings him back into the ring where he hammers him some more. Ass fights back and misses in the corner. Fuck, Chyna has come down. Kitty has the guitar and Chyna takes it from her and swings but it hits Debra and JJ is rolled up….Non-title after all.
Chyna nuts Mr. Ass…Fuck she is annoying.
Lillian is with Snow. Bossman is bringing Pepper. Snow is begging for him to come back and for Bossman to take care of him.
Finkel is shining Jericho’s shoes.
Test is pacing.
Match 2: X Pac and Kane v. Acolytes v. UT and Big Show (c) for WWF Tag Titles
Undertaker goes to the announce table and he is leaving the Big Show to go it alone. Show takes out Kane and Farooq but runs into a DDT from Kane and is nearly pinned. X Pac comes in and now everyone is in the ring going at it. Show is dumped to the floor and UT excuses himself and he is yelling at Show and smacks him asking if he wants the knowledge. Show gets back in and punches Farooq. He tries to powerbomb Pac who tries to fend him off. Farooq misses the clip on the knee but Bradshaw does not. Show is down. Kane cleans house and down goes Show and Farooq is about to be pinned but Show makes the save. Pac and Kane attack him. Kane is pulled to the floor and Pac tries to help but is chokeslammed and it is over.
** Not bad.
Test is still pacing and a grinning Steph shows up and she has his answer and walks off.
Bossman has the mic and brags about himself and tells Snow to get his butt out here. Snow comes out and begs to know where Pepper is. Bossman yells about something, but the gist is that he wants a Hardcore title shot and he will get the dog….damn he took a long time saying that.
Match 3: Big Bossman v. Al Snow (c) for WWF Hardcore Title
Bossman brings Pepper down. The fight is on. Snow heads to the floor to go for his dog but is cut off and dropped. Bossman has a ladder gets it pushed into him. Bossman eats the steps and back in the ring he is hit in the head with a baking sheet. Snow grabs a ladder and he starts to head up top but Bossman uses the ladder to knock him to the floor. Snow throws it back into his face and climbs into the ring and then stops and stares at his dog. Bossman again cuts him off and hits him with the nightstick and just like that it is over.
*1/2 A Hardcore match ends like that?
Bossman takes the dog too!
X Pac and Kane are arguing and Pac yells they are done. Kane is whining.
Jericho is fluffing his hair talking about how he is going to save the show.
Snow wakes up and realizes that there is no Pepper and runs off.
HHH and Rock in their respective locker rooms.
Jesus Age Christ: Now Snow is looking for his dog.
Match 4: Road Dog v. Chris Jericho
Road Dogg does his thing. He could not trade Jericho’s ass for a pack of smokes….wow, what a diss!
Jericho prances to the ring. They lock up and after some tussling Jericho runs him over but is monkeyflipped and clotheslined to the floor. Road Dogg goes after him and runs him into the barrier but Jericho reverses the whip and Dogg eats the steps. Jericho goes up top but is crotched and Dogg heads up after him and superplexes him off. Finkel hands Jericho something. Jericho wallops Road Dogg and hammers him for a moment. Jericho grabs a table, places it in the ring and then stomps on Road Dogg for good measure before setting up the table. Jericho cannot suplex him into the table and is DDT’d. Jericho is up first and after a couple of blows he is rocked by some shucking and jiving from Road Dogg who then leaps onto his back. He drops the knee and gets two. Jericho grabs him and powerbombs him and then does it again through the table….DQ. He puts him in the Walls and will not relinquish.
**1/2 Fun match. Clearly the WWF style is not like WCW’s and Jericho will be required (supposedly) to relearn the WWF method, or learn it.
He is finally forced to release the hold.
Jericho is telling Finkel about dominance. He makes fun of the other ring announcer. Finkel should be in the ring and seeing as he is a warrior he needs to prove that he is the best and Finkel runs out. He does the Warrior thing and tells Tony Chimel to hit the bricks and shoves him down. Tony blindsides him and beats him up! Jericho is in the back wincing….. Finkel is knocked to the floor! Jericho comes out and helps Finkel to the back admonishing him!
Match 5: Ken Shamrock v. Val Venis
Shamrock purposely bumps into Jericho and Jericho starts but backs off. Finkel charges after him and gets his fingers twisted. Jericho blasts Shamrock with a chair and they run off! Fucking classic. Shamrock sprints after him!
Stephanie comes out and asks Andrew to come out here. She has an answer and he gets on his knees again and she answers yes….Zero charisma. Then again I am jealous. Test and her kiss. The Posse runs down and Test tries to fend them off but is overwhelmed. Shane is restraining Stephanie. Here comes Mankind with a chair. He takes out the Posse….How much punishment can those fuckers take. Shane leaves to the floor and he argues with Stephanie. Mankind wants his match right now. Shane is not ready yet and backs off. Mankind wants him to find the testicular fortitude and will give him one chair shot to the head. Shane gets in the ring and blasts Mankind with the chair and down he goes. Shane brags. Mankind is up and Shane is clobbered. Mankind hits him with the mic and clotheslines him over the top rope. Mankind heads after him and continues to brutalize him. He suplexes him and rolls him back in the ring. The Posse is up but so is Test and he annihilates them and Patterson and Brisco run down to lend a helping hand. Test carries Steph out of harms way. Meanwhile Shane is DDT’d and it is Socko Time! Chyna comes down and HHH does too and hits Mankind with a chair and Shane falls on top getting the win….
** Hard to rate this as I am not sure when the match started….
Jericho and Fink are running and Jericho leaves Finkel behind. Shamrock screams in his face as Finkel blubbers and he supposedly shit himself.
Tori strips in the back, and they show her in a G-String and nothing else (the back of her).
Cole is with Austin and they are talking about his knee issues. HHH claims he would not be back. Austin responds that is BS, he is going through the rehab and he will figure out if and when he is ready. He praises HHH for taking a page out of his book but he has not read the whole book and he will beat his ass.
Match 7: Ivory (c) v. Tori for WWF Women’s Title
Tori is naked and stopped by officials who will not let her go out. Nice ass. They give her a shirt. The match starts and does not last long and Ivory is stripped and beaten. Luna stops her from doing more damage….
* I guess this too was non-title.
Garcia is with HHH. Chyna takes the mic from her and tells her to show HHH some respect. HHH is grumpy and declares the Rock will never walk again. They show everyone walking in the back….
Snow is still looking for Pepper.
Everyone is hugging Steph and Test.
Match 8: HHH (c) v. the Rock for WWF Title
They are eye to eye and start slugging it out. Rock is whipped into the corner but he comes out and both counter out of their finishers. Rock goes on the offensive. HHH fires back but the Rock returns the favor until hit with a knee. Off the whip, Rock sidesteps him and tosses HHH over the top rope. The fight heads to the floor and up the ramp. HHH is in control until suplexed on the stage. Rock stomps a hole in him and finally pulls him up and punches him back towards the ring. Rock is rolled back into the ring. Rock knocks him back out again and hammers the shit out of him against the table. Chyna nuts the Rock and HBK ejects him….Fucking sick of Chyna. HHH runs up and protests in vain too. HHH finally heads back down to the ring and Rock DDT’s him but Shawn was delayed and HHH is able to kick out. Overbooking time: Shane has arrived on the scene. HHH runs his shoulder into the Rock about a dozen times and the Rock sags down. Rock is whipped into the opposing corner and collapses. HHH takes his time but follows up with a vertical suplex and drills the Rock with a knee getting two. He keeps him grounded with a chinlock. Rock fighs to his feet but is kneed, HHH charges him but gets his throat bounced off the top rope. Shane distracts HBK. Rock beats on HHH in the corner and then strikes with a swinging neckbreaker. Shane is knocked off the apron by the Rock after getting on it. Rock Bottom! He goes for the Elbow and of course…..Superkick from HBK and the Rock gets his head kicked off. HHH is up and Pedigrees him and the match is over.
*** Despite the overbooked nonsense. Predictable too. I still enjoyed it.
They celebrate in the ring.
*** Enjoyable but way too much going on. I do not really need to see them pacing in the back. Most of the matches are short but then again the WWF does not have the roster size WCW does so that may cause some issues. The main event was pretty good. The opening promo was far too long but decent. Jericho’s segments were clearly the best part.