WWF Superstars 5/4/1991
Written by: Tom Hopkins
Oooh, we have a new opening theme song/video. We’re in Omaha Nebraska, right in Cornhusker country. Piper makes a reference to Madonna’s Truth or Dare. I think that was her book but I can’t be sure.
-Nasty Boys(c) vs. The Rockers for the WWE Tag Team Titles-
I don’t think there was any rhyme or reason for this match. It was just hey; let’s have the Rockers take on the Nasty’s. Knobbs and Jannetty start and Knobbs pounds away at Marty in the corner. Knobbs charges but Jannetty blocks and hits a bulldog off the second rope. Sags gets in there and that brings in Shawn and the ref doesn’t see Jannetty cover Knobbs. When he sees it Jannetty only gets a two. Jannetty rolls-up Knobbs but Sags was tagged in and he breaks up that pin. The Rockers make a quick tag that Sags doesn’t see and this allows Michaels to hit a clothesline off the top on Sags and dropkick Knobbs. He sends Sags to the ropes and tries a dropkick but Knobbs holds onto Sag’s leg and Jannetty falls on his back. The Legion of Doom issue a warning for the Nasty’s as Shawn is now face in peril. Shawn ducks away from Sags and posts Sags on the cold hard steel so Knobbs cheapshots Michaels from behind in response. Knobbs hits a powerslam as Sags preps for his top rope elbow but Jannetty knocks Sags off the ropes. Jannetty is tagged in and he starts cleaning house. The Nasty’s start cheating but Jannetty backdrops a charging a helmet-wielding Knobbs but the ref sees it and he promptly disqualifies the Nasty’s at 4:37. That was a bad ending but you needed the Nasty’s to retain and protect both teams. This was really energetic for the 4 and a half minutes it was given. It was really like a 15-minute match condensed into 5 minutes without any rest-holds or slow builds. **.
Remember last week when Earthquake squashed Damien? Well, if you didn’t then here is the recap.
-Texas Tornado vs. Al Burke-
Vince hypes the Hot Ticket event featuring the stars of Wrestlemania’s I-VII, including his two co-hosts memorable moments. Warlord and Slick cut a promo promising to take out the Tornado. We have a bit of mat-wrestling to start. The announcers ignore the match and talk about the main event of Wrestlemania I and the celebs that took part in it. The discus punch finishes this at 1:53. DUD.
Sean Mooney joins us at the Event Center and we hear from Ted DiBiase (w/Sherri) and the British Bulldog (who is still undefeated in the WWE at this time).
-Col. Mustafa vs. W.T. Jones-
Mustafa attacks with a belt to start because he’s evil and that’s what evil people from Iraq do. That’s why we went to war with them. We see a gut-wrench suplex from Mustafa as Hacksaw cuts a promo saying he’ll cut him down. Mustafa continues beating down Jones before putting him in the Camel Clutch. We’re done here at 1:52. ¼*
Vince continues the hype machine and this time it’s the WBF. We hear from Eddie Robinson and he’ll be competing at the next PPV. Let’s segue that into the Event Center with promo’s from Haku (and Bobby Heenan) and a really creepy one from the Ultimate Warrior. This guy is just a total whack job.
We continue avoiding wrestling by showing the return of Brutus Beefcake and his haircutting techniques on a recent episode of Primetime while a Barbershop quartet sings behind him.
-Virgil vs. Tom Stone-
Virgil doesn’t have any theme music. Virgil throws punches, Tom Stone throws one or two of his own, but Virgil out-punches him. Virgil finishes things off with a Million Dollar Dream at 1:42. DUD.
-The Bezerker vs. Dan Robbins-
The Bezerker just destroys Robbins, felling him with a big boot and shoulderblocking him while he’s in the seated position. We hear from Tugboat who appears to be wrestling Bezerker somewhere down the line. Bezerker powerslams Robbins and then ties him up in the top rope. He charges with two big boots before tossing him to the outside where he’s counted out at 2:25. This guy was definitely unique. He wouldn’t just out-wrestle people; he would literally beat them till they were out cold and just toss them outside. He wasn’t wrestling them, he was fighting them. Too bad the character really fell apart when wrestling people other than jobbers. ½*.
It’s time for the Funeral Parlor. Hulk Hogan is the special guest and he checks the coffins to make sure Taker is not hiding anywhere. Hogan appears to be sporting a shiner over his eye. I wonder if Savage decked him for some reason. Hogan talks about Hulkamania being a spiritual force. Why does Hogan keep referring to himself as a deity? Hogan puts Bearer into one of the coffins.
Hey! It’s IRS! If there’s two certainties in life it is death and taxes. In the early 90’s the WWE had both, Undertaker and IRS. Why didn’t they team up and call themselves Death and Taxes? That would’ve been awesome.
-Bret Hart vs. Warren Bianchi-
Bret hands out the shades to a fan at ringside and Macho wonders if that is deductible. Bret snapmares Bianchi and elbow drops him as Barbarian issues him a challenge through Bobby Heenan in a little pre-recorded promo. Bret legdrops Bianchi and he goes for the side Russian legsweep. It’s time for the back breaker and I’m guessing a second rope elbow? Nope, right the Sharpshooter which ends things at 1:50. ½*.
We’re at the Event Center to hear more promo’s, this time from the Orient Express (and Fuji) and the Big Boss Man and we end with a preview of next week. It looks like our main event will be Piper vs. Martel. That should be decent but I bet it runs less than 5 minutes and I’m sure DiBiase will get involved.
-The Bottom Line-
This wasn’t quite as good as the previous two episodes but the Rockers/Nasty’s match is a fun accelerated tag match that is worth checking out and really, any time Hogan is on one of these it is notable.