WWF Superstars 6/13/1992
Written by: Tom Hopkins
We’re in Lexington, Kentucky at the famed Rupp Arena. Vince mentions that Kentucky is the horse capital of the world and Mr. Perfect and Vince McMahon are here with a good field ready to go. Vince mentions a stable of WBF stars ready for their championship. Perfect does a funny Run for the Poses pun and manages to put a Gallup Poll in there, too.
–Tatanka vs. Barry Horowitz–
McMahon brings up Tatanka’s undefeated streak – a streak that would extend into 1993. Tatanka almost trips doing a leap-frog and I actually would’ve liked to have seen him fall just to hear what McMahon and Perfect would’ve said. Horowitz gets a jawbreaker in on Tatanka but his Irish Whip to the corner is reversed and Tatanka press-slams him on the rebound. We hear from Martel during the match, saying that beating Tatanka will put another feather in his cap. See what he did there? He stole Tatanka’s feather and he just subtly reminded him of that fact. Top-rope tomahawk chop sets up the Samoan Drop to end this at 2:24.
It’s time for the Update Center (brought to you by ___ Magazine, and the ___ Merchandise Catalog). Mean Gene is all about the Ultimate Warrior and the curse of Papa Shango. Last week Okerlund interviewed Shango and after the interview Okerlund had some black goo coming out of his hand! Ultimate Warrior speaks out on Papa Shango. He says something about becoming a skeleton and standing as a skeleton of the Ultimate Warrior.
–Shawn Michaels (w/Sensational Sherri) vs. Graig Brown–
I miss Sherri’s singing of Michaels’ theme song. Sherri is carrying a mirror around so Shawn can admire himself. Vince says that Narcissus himself can learn a lesson from Michaels. Perhaps that is where Vince got the idea for Lex Luger’s new WWE gimmick? Shawn cuts a promo saying he will take the IC title from Bret Hart. Graig Ruth slams Michaels into the buckle and Shawn goes outside to make sure his face was alright. Shawn dropkicks Ruth, superkicks him, and the Teardrop Suplex ends this at 1:41.
Sean Mooney brings us an interview from the Repo Man. He wants to choke British Bulldog again. Texas Tornado makes an appearance here, too. He’s dedicated his life to Jesus Christ apparently. He’d only last another month in the WWE and another 7 months on Earth before taking his life. Sad.
–Natural Disasters vs. The Executioners–
The Executioners attack from behind, dropkick the Disasters and try to bodyslam them but they fail miserably. The Disasters lay into them with backbreakers. Executioner 2 is dumped with 1 starting off with Typhoon. EX1 takes a clothesline in the corner. Typhoon suplexes EX1 and tags in Earthquake. It’s double Avalanche time! Executioner 2 tries to interfere but he’s destroyed after trying a double clothesline. Earthquake powerslams EX1, lands the butt splash and tags in Typhoon who ends with a big splash at 2:59. Pretty much the same exact match as two weeks ago.
Time to go to the Event Center! Here’s Skinner! He likes the summer and things are heating up in the WWE. He calls out Crush and Virgil. We hear from the Undertaker, too, who builds his match with Berzerker.
–The Mountie vs. Bill Koby–
Koby is not very intimidating at all. I’m more muscular than this kid. Mountie smacks him around, ties him up in a Tree of Woe and boots away. We hear from Sgt. Slaughter who is still upset at getting shocked by the Mountie. You know what; I can’t remember the Mountie ever turning his back on his country. A dropkick ends this at 1:26. Whose finisher is a dropkick? Mountie takes out his shock-stick afterwards and intimidates the jobber. He asks the kid who the man is and Koby answers that Mountie easily is the man. The jobber escapes any shocking, though.
Gene is with the WWE Champion Randy Savage and he’s being interviewed in an empty arena to address Flair and Perfect’s allegations. Savage doesn’t mind bending the rules, especially when he wrestles people who bend the rules, too. Savage can do it any style, bending the rules or scientific wrestling. Savage quotes Bon Jovi (shot through the heart and you’re to blame, you give love a bad name). Savage will do anything to keep his title.
–Kamala (w/Harvey Whippleman & Kimchee) vs. Dale Wolfe–
Usual Kamala squash – including splash to the back of Wolfe and his problems in covering. Great line from Perfect, “Of course he’s a savage, he’s from Uganda!” Time of the match was 1:25 for those keeping track.
–Tito Santana vs. Mike Samples–
The Samples won’t delay! Okay, if you got that then awesome but I am assuming about 99% of people reading this will not. Tito is asked about the WBF championship and he says Danny Padilla will win. Way to hype your big feud there, Tito! Samples gets in a few rights but that’s about it. Paso Del Morte ends this at 1:27. Wow, match times of 1:25, 1:26 and 1:27 over the last three matches.
Mr. Perfect calls The Big Boss Man, who is recovering in Cobb County. We see photo stills of the Big Boss Man’s injuries. I remember seeing those pictures in the WWE Magazine. They did a nice job with the make-up there. Perfect asks Boss Man how he’s feeling (he’s recovering) and how he feels that his career is over. Boss Man says he’s coming back and Perfect calls him idiotic and hangs up on him. That was some fantastic journalism on Perfect’s part.
–Nailz vs. Ron Cumberledge–
Nailz chokes Cumberledge, kicks him and ends this with a rear-choke at 1:06. The fans start a Big Boss Man chant, just to show where their allegiances lie.
Vince makes a call to the bullpen to bring in Sean Mooney to close this out. We hear from Papa Shango who wants to turn the Ultimate Warrior into a mindless troll. If you’ve read his tweets I think we can conclude that Shango succeeded. The Legion of Doom (all three of them) mention they are the only great team in the WWE. Next week on Superstars – Crush, The Undertaker, Money Inc, Papa Shango and the Legion of Doom and we end with Perfect telling us that Shawn Michaels has left the building. Vintage WWE Stamp (100% beef – tested and approved) closes this out.
–The Bottom Line–
I was reading my Bottom Line for the episode two weeks ago and I could easily put this here – it’s 1992 Superstars so you know what you’re getting. Feuds were built and jobbers were destroyed. This gets the usual 2 Voodoo Curses out of 5.