Written by: Matt Peddycord
WWE Armageddon 2006
December 17, 2006
Your hosts are Michael Cole and JBL!
MVP vs. Kane – Inferno Match
Cole says the flames will be CRAZIER than ever because they will exceed eight feet high and reach temperature levels of 500 degrees. That’s nothing! I take showers everyday in AT LEAST 550 degree water and I feel great! MVP begs Kane to chill out, and then gets booted in the face. Kane runs into a boot off a cross-corner whip and MVP tries to jump over the flames and out to the floor, but then he changes his mind and turns around into a Kane uppercut. The bigger the impact of a move done on the mat, the higher up the flames go just like in the three other Inferno matches from back in the day. Kane tries to set MVP’s arm on fire, but MVP escapes. Kane tries to wheelbarrow MVP over to the flames, but he ends up climbing the corner, so Kane slams him on his face. Kane sets MVP up for a superplex, but MVP pushes him off to the mat and the flames almost come up and burn him! Flying crossbody block to Kane leads to some mounted punching. MVP hits a running boot in the corner and puts Kane down with a clothesline, but we get a ZOMBIE SITUP! MVP tries to put Kane down again, but then runs into a boot. CHOKESLAM to MVP! Kane takes off the top-turnbuckle pad and sets it on fire! Kane shows the crowd what he just did, and then turns around into a low blow. MVP picks up the burning pad and tosses it out of the ring. Idiot! He could’ve used that to burn Kane and won the match! MVP hits a reverse neckbreaker and then repeatedly tries to baseball slide him into the fire, but Kane moves out of the way at the last moment and MVP stops himself just in time! Kane hits a whole bunch of clotheslines in the corner and then the Side Slam. Kane trash-talks MVP in the corner and then no-sells some punches, so MVP jumps up on the turnbuckle and gets thrown out onto the floor. Kane climbs up the turnbuckle as well, but he comes off voluntarily with a clothesline out to the floor. They fight over who’s going to get burnt until Kane stops it all with a boot to the face. Kane GOOZLES MVP and backs him up the steel steps and catches MVP’s back on fire to win the match. (8:19) MVP flails around WHILE ON FIRE all the way to the other side of the ring and up the entryway until he collapses and lets some ring crew guys spray him with an extinguisher. Some EMT guys stretcher him out and take him to the hospital. Not so much good on the wrestling side as it was more of a spectacle match, but the finish was pretty cool. JBL, ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? *
Teddy Long tells the ladies (Layla, Ashley, Kristal and Jillian) that they’re going to be in a “Naughty or Nice” lingerie contest. They’re so excited to be time filler! But JBL doesn’t care about that because he is PISSED that a man just got burned on WWE television!
WWE Tag Team Champions Paul London & Brian Kendrick vs. William Regal & Dave Taylor
Teddy Long comes out to bother us again and changes this match to a LADDER match and adds two more teams. Well, I guess it’s okay if you talk Teddy. But just this once! The teams added to the match are none other than MNM and the Hardys! OH SNAP!
WWE Tag Team Champions Paul London & Brian Kendrick vs. William Regal & Dave Taylor vs. MNM vs. The Hardys – Ladder Match
JBL puts the Hardys over as ladder match veterans. The faces dump the heels to start so that they can trade blows and keep the match between themselves. Kendrick takes a hiptoss from Matt while Jeff takes a rana from London. Jeff fights back with a sitout jawbreaker and goes over and attacks Kendrick to set up the double-wheelbarrow bomb. MNM takes the Hardys out to the floor to brawl while Regal and Taylor do the same in the ring with the Hooligans. Ouch! Half-nelson throw from Regal to London, then to Kendrick! Meanwhile, the Hardys don’t want MNM bringing the ladders to the ring, so they attack and do it themselves! Regal and Taylor have tossed out the champs and want to keep the Hardys from putting the ladders in the ring. They try and stop MNM from bringing them in as well, but that allows Matt to sneak in and nail them with a ladder. Now everyone is back in the ring. Taylor receives Poetry in Motion from the Hardys, which sets up a SNAPSHOT from MNM! Regal takes a double-superkick to the face from the Hooligans. Regal and Taylor get dumped, as does MNM. Kendrick gets whipped into a ladder by the Hardys, and he has no choice but to take a breather. London catches Matt with an enziguri, but Jeff nails him with a front dropkick to the face. Jeff sets up a ladder to go for the belts, but London surprises Matt with an inverted atomic drop and dropkicks Jeff off the ladder! Now London tries to head up the ladder. Kendrick intercepts Jeff’s attempt at bringing London down, and then London jumps off the ladder as he sees Nitro coming up behind him with a springboard attempt from the apron into him with something. The ladder falls over and that could’ve REALLY gone wrong had Nitro landed on one of the legs. The man is LUCKY! Mercury takes the ladder and starts jabbing everyone he sees and sets up the ladder again. Mercury starts climbing, but the faces swarm and bring the ladder to the edge of the ring. They tilt it over and send Mercury off the ladder out on top of Nitro outside the ring! Matt hits a pescado on Taylor and sends Regal face-first into the ringpost. Kendrick tries to climb up, but Matt stops him and brings him down face-first to the mat. Man, Matt Hardy is EVERYWHERE! Matt sets up the ladder in a corner and the Hardys double-whip Kendrick into it. London receives the same, except they try for Poetry in Motion. London avoids it and Jeff hits his face on the TOP of the ladder! OUCH! Cole ~ “It truly looks like Armageddon out here!” Really, Michael? The Hooligans beat down Matt for a bit. London tries to head up the ladder again, but he gets pulled down and clotheslined by Matt. Kendrick tries to shoot up the ladder and grab the belts, but Matt is there to yank him down by his tights. Matt sets up the ladder and makes a ramp out of it using the second rope. He wants to suplex London on it, but London blocks and hammers Matt down on the ladder. London lifts up the end of the ladder to put Matt at a 180-degree angle so that Kendrick can come off the top and deliver the DOUBLE-STOMP to Matt Hardy! Since the Hardys are incapacitated, MNM come back in to destroy the Hooligans. They give London a double-gutbuster and then set up the ladders to create a see-saw effect. Matt gets beat up some more and then is set up on the turnbuckle for a double-superplex on the ladders, but Jeff comes back in for the save. Matt and MNM are back on the mat while Jeff is up top! Matt gives MNM a DOUBLE-NOGGIN KNOCKER while Jeff leaps down on the ladder so that it comes up and hits MNM in the face! Mercury gets the worse of it as he rolls out to the floor with his face GUSHING OUT BLOOD! Yeah, his face is shattered. That was really sick, folks. Poor Joey. He goes away for six months and then he comes back and a few weeks later, his face gets broken. I blame Teddy. Matt and Kendrick fight on the ladder until Regal and Taylor hop in to save. Taylor slams Kendrick on and off a ladder set up in the corner and then Regal gives London a half-nelson suplex on that same ladder. Regal starts to climb the ladder to retrieve the belts, but then he finds out he’s afraid of heights! He comes down and tells Taylor to climb. He does, but Kendrick stops him half-way up. Regal gets pissed and throws Kendrick out to the floor. By the way, Mercury has been taken to the hospital. The Hardys return to the ring to stop the Englishmen. While Jeff is getting another ladder set up out on the floor, Matt is giving Regal and Taylor both TWIST OF FATES! Jeff climbs up the ladder for a possible SWANTON BOMB on Regal and Taylor, but then Nitro runs in out of nowhere and dropkicks the ladder through the ropes to send Jeff crashing throat-first on the top rope! Oh that was NOT smart, Jeff. Nitro nails Regal and Taylor with a ladder and then delivers the Shawn Michaels Special by climbing the turnbuckle and smashing the ladder into Regal. Nitro tries for the belts. Kendrick attempts to stop him while London climbs up on the apron to deliver a springboard dropkick to take him off the ladder. Crowd applauds the Hooligans, and it’s about time too. Matt meets Kendrick up on the ladder and hiptosses him down to the mat. London pounds on Matt and then climbs on the other side of the ladder for more pounding. He tries to grab the belts, but then Matt backdrops London to the mat as the ladder falls over. Jeff tries to retrieve the belts, but its set up too far from the belts so you know a spot is coming. Nitro starts the climb and gets nailed with a SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB off the ladder from Jeff. Jeff looked like he could’ve blown out his knee on that one. Matt stupidly sets up two ladders beside each other and starts to climb with one foot on each ladder. Regal and Taylor pull the ladder out from under him like anybody with any common sense would. Matt gets right back up, but gets double-teamed and booted in the face by Regal. Regal and Taylor give the ladder climb another try and set up two ladders beside each other, but Kendrick is there to meet Regal up top. Taylor pulls Kendrick down and clotheslines him, but then gets dumped to the floor by London. Regal is still up on the ladder! Kendrick gets back to his feet and climbs the other ladder and tries for SLICED BREAD #2 to Regal off the ladder, but they’re too close to the ropes for the move so they another spot is ruined. London gets back in the ring and climbs the ladder. Matt meets him there, but gets knocked off the ladder. With Nitro and Taylor both clawing at his heels, London is still able to grab the belts and win the match. (20:13) Regardless of some contrived and blown spots, it was a great match that just might solidify the tag champs run as more than just killing time. I still hope Regal and Taylor get a good long title match soon because that would still be a great match. But wow, poor Joey. ****
The Miz vs. Boogeyman
In case you care, Miz is undefeated. Boogeyman controls to start with his usual offense, which is mainly clotheslines. He actually SLAMS Miz, but then gets rammed shoulder-first into the ringpost. Miz actually uses some psychology and works the shoulder a bit. He hits an armbreaker for 1-2-NO! He works the arm a little bit more until Boogeyman powers out. Miz catches Boogeyman with a boot out of the corner. He comes off the top, but gets caught in a GOOZLE and receives a CHOKEBOMB for the 1-2-3. (2:51) Well, Miz tried at least. Miz gets WORMED afterwards. Cole ~ “I mean, they look like spaghetti, but they’re actual earthworms!” ½*
WWE U.S. Champion Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero (w/Vicki Guerrero)
Vicki got shoved off the apron unintentionally by Benoit last month at Survivor Series, and she’s been wearing a neck brace ever since. This whole Chavo/Vicki relationship is creepy. I’m talking “Hamlet” creepy. Chavo attacks before the bell, but then pays for it with a snap suplex for two. Benoit follows up with a back suplex and a backdrop and goes for the SHARPSHOOTER, but Chavo kicks him away. Haha, Benoit tries to catch Vicki napping by catapulting Chavo out to the floor. Benoit follows him out and chops Chavo up against the security wall. Back in, Benoit hits a Hat Trick of Germans to set up the Swandive Headbutt, but Chavo meets him at the top. Benoit headbutts Chavo down, but he gets right back up and heads up again to deliver a top-rope superplex. Chavo whips Benoit hard into the corner and uses the ringpost to bend on Benoit’s back. Chavo follows that up by baseball sliding Benoit into the ringpost for two. Chavo pounds some more on Benoit’s back, and then hops on Benoit to apply a chinlock. Benoit stands up and tries to come out of a side headlock with a back suplex, but Chavo lands on top for 1-2-NO! Chavo returns to the back, but almost gets caught in a CRIPPLER CROSSFACE. Chavo makes it to the ropes for the break, and reverts to Benoit’s back. He hits a pair of angled back suplexes for 1-2-NO! Next up, Benoit gets hung up in a tree of woe, but sits up as Chavo charges in with a baseball slide and crotches himself on the ringpost. Chavo gets back up and attempts an Electric Chair Drop to Benoit, but he slips out and chops back. Chavo goes to the eyes and tries for the Three Amigos, but Benoit slips out of the second suplex and hits EIGHT GERMAN SUPLEXES IN SUCCESSION! I was hoping for the Austin ten-German suplex combo, but I guess he didn’t feel Chavo was worth it. From entertainment’s sake, it was cool. But as far as rating the match, this totally goes against the story of the match considering Chavo just worked on Benoit’s back for a good five minutes. Benoit covers Chavo near the ropes and gets two. Benoit slaps on the SHARPSHOOTER! Vicki gets in the ring and wants to hit Benoit in the face with the US belt, but Benoit tells her “Don’t do it!” and releases the hold. Vicki shrieks and falls to the mat and sticks out her foot like Stuart on MadTV. Benoit decides that it’s best that she get a SHARPSHOOTER, but Chavo sneaks up behind with a rollup and grabs the tights for 1-2-NO! Benoit rolls through and reapplies the SHARPSHOOTER to Chavo for the quick tap-out victory. (12:09) Chavo’s work on Benoit’s back could’ve really factored well into the match had they booked this better and capitalized, but instead we’re left with another average match from these two. **½
WWE Cruiserweight Champion Gregory Helms vs. Jimmy Wang Yang
They trade a headlock sequence to start and come to a stalemate. Yang lands on his feet off a Moonsault Press attempt as Helms rolls out to the floor to avoid it. Yang goes out and chases Helms back in the ring and gets stomped for it in the ring. Yang comes back with a headscissors, dropkick and a suplex for two. Yang misses a charge in the corner and falls out to the floor. Helms catches him with a baseball slide that sends Yang into the security wall. Helms delivers a swinging neckbreaker out on the floor before tossing Yang back in the ring for 1-2-NO! Helms delivers another neckbreaker across the knee for two. Yang comes back with a chop and tosses Helms out to the floor. He heads up top and dives out on to Helms. Back in, Yang covers for two. Helms reverses a whip and delivers a hotshot to regain control. Yang elbows out of a crossface and rolls up Helms for two as the crowd chants “boring”. JBL “shoots” on the crowd and blames Teddy Long for making them bloodthirsty because of all the gimmick matches on this card. Yang catches Helms with a clothesline out of the corner and fires back with forearms. Yang hits the running spin-wheel kick in the corner that he missed earlier and follows up with a missile dropkick for 1-2-NO! Helms avoids a corner charge and lets Yang run himself shoulder-first into the ringpost. They both head up top where Helms hits a top-rope swinging neckbreaker. Helms goes up top again, but comes down and eats a spin-wheel kick for 1-2-NO! Yang whips Helms into the corner, but then runs into an elbow. Helms sets Yang up in the corner for a belly-to-back superplex, but Yang elbows him down and goes for YANG TIME! Helms moves out of the way and surprises him with a facebuster and rolls up Yang for the 1-2-3. He’s still the champ. (10:53) Once again, the last couple minutes of the match saves them from being mediocre. **¼
Mr. Kennedy vs. The Undertaker – “Last Ride” Match
JBL tries to put this match and Undertaker over by acting like he couldn’t find a way to beat Taker in their “Last Ride” match at No Mercy 2004, which he did win thanks to Heyman and Heidenreich. Remember that guy? Kennedy ALMOST gets caught in the corner, so he rolls out to avoid. The breather outside doesn’t help him too much, because once he gets back in the ring, he’s caught in the corner and kicked out to ringside. Taker follows him out and slams Kennedy’s face into the steel steps before giving him a hiptoss onto the SAT. They go from the SAT to the Cole/JBL table where Kennedy gets thrown off onto the apron. Back in, Taker chokes Kennedy in the corner and then misses a charge. Taker falls out to the floor and Kennedy goes out and starts beating on him. He makes the same mistake he’s made in all three matches, and that’s leap out onto Taker from the apron. He gets caught again and rammed spine-first into the ringpost. Taker puts him up on his shoulder and takes Kennedy over to the hearse. Once they get there, Kennedy shoves Taker off into the back door. He pounds on Taker and makes the first attempt at placing his opponent into the back of the hearse, but Taker won’t let him shut the door. He comes out of the hearse and beats on Kennedy throughout the rampway. Taker brings Kennedy back to the ring and delivers the apron leg drop. Back in the ring they go, Taker sets up Kennedy in the corner and hits a superplex. Taker throws Kennedy back out to the floor and lifts Kennedy up on his shoulders again to put him in the hearse, but Kennedy slips out and applies a sleeper! SMART! Kennedy chokes out Taker and then puts him in the hearse, but he has to drive off in order to win the match. He opens the car door to get in, but Taker is there in the driver’s seat to GOOZLE him away from the hearse. Taker brings Kennedy back to ringside again and drives Kennedy’s forehead into the ringpost. Kennedy gets thrown into the timekeeper’s table while Taker tries to set up the Cole/JBL table for something, but then Kennedy comes back and jabs Taker in the gut with a chair. Back in the ring, Kennedy cracks the chair across Taker’s back and then nails him in the head with it! Taker still won’t stay down, so Kennedy nails him in the face again. ZOMBIE SITUP! Kennedy rolls out of the ring with the chair in-hand and baits Taker over to the hearse. They go over to the Armageddon castle stage area and they have to climb a ladder to get on top of it. Taker wins a slugfest up there (which is like 10-15 feet up) and calls for the Chokeslam, but Kennedy low-blows Taker and tosses him down to the floor below! Kennedy goes over and opens the hearse door and then drags Taker over to it. He puts Taker inside it and closes the door. He hops in the driver’s seat and to his surprise, TAKER SITS UP! Thank goodness for that mini-cam at the wheel! We would’ve missed that! Taker pulls Kennedy into the back with him and brings him out of the hearse. Kennedy’s getting SOUPBONES-A-PLENTY and then a chairshot to the head! Taker grabs a lead pipe and swings it at a vertical Kennedy, but he ducks and lets the pipe shatter the back window of the hearse. Kennedy takes another chairshot instead and gets busted open for it. Taker places Kennedy up on the roof of the hearse and gives Kennedy a Chokeslam, followed by a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER on top of the hearse! Taker picks up Kennedy and easily tosses him in the hearse and then drives off for the win. (19:08) Hopefully this will end the four-month long feud between these two. Taker finally got his win, and Kennedy needs to feud with some one else for a change. Most importantly, he needs to stay the heck away from MVP because I’m not so sure about that guy just yet. It was a fun twenty minutes though with some cool spots, but other than that, it was the same old song. **½
In the back, Finlay and Booker agree that they will not turn on each other tonight. Finlay has “the luck of the Irish” with him (the shillelagh) and the little fella too, while Booker just has Sharmell. What? TELL ME HE DIDN’T JUST SAY THAT!
Oh boy! It’s time for the “Naughty or Nice” lingerie contest! Santa Claus is here and he’s ready to judge some lingerie-wearing ladies. Ha, Santa stumbles through his lines; “Playboy Cover Girl soon to be on the cover of Playboy, Ashley!” Well the ladies pose and the winner is EVERYBODY! Way to rip off Time Magazine, hey Santa? It turns out Santa is Big Dick Johnson. Layla, Ashley and Jillian have no shame dancing with this guy, but Kristal wants nothing of it. JBL ~ “We’re going to hell.”
King Booker & Finlay (w/Queen Sharmell) vs. WWE Champion John Cena & World Champion Batista
For some reason, this MAIN EVENT feels like time filler. Both teams give each other stern looks to start. Once things settle, Cena works the arm and tags in Batista. Finlay wants in and he gets the tag. Batista works on Finlay’s shoulder and then whips him in the corner, but runs into a knee. Finlay comes off the middle turnbuckle and gets caught and placed back down on his feet for a disrespectful slap. Batista catapults Finlay into the ropes and back down across his knees. Batista sets Finlay in the corner and delivers a weak muscle buster for 1-2-NO! Booker makes the save. This is a really quiet WWE-type mark crowd, and it annoys me. They boo Booker and Kennedy, and cheer Kane and Batista. Booker tags in and chops Batista to the corner. Batista counters a hiptoss with a clothesline for two. Cena tags in and gets thumbed in the eye by Booker to take over. Booker delivers a hook kick for two. Cena reverses a cross-corner whip and delivers a bulldog. He hits the Throwback to set up the Five-Knuckle Shuffle. FU? No! STFU? Yes! Finlay breaks it up, but gets nailed by Batista. While referee Nick Patrick tries to get Batista out of the ring, Sharmell gives Booker his scepter to jab Cena in the throat with it. Superkick gets two. Finlay tags in and applies a rigorous chinlock. Cena comes out of it, but then goes down to a clothesline. Cena sneaks in a small package for one, but Finlay is right back on top of Cena. Finlay nails Batista off the apron as the Little Fella comes in the ring. He tries to field-goal kick Cena, but Cena moves and the Little Fella kicks himself in the face! Finlay rolls that guy of the ring and cuts off Cena’s tag to Batista. Booker gets the tag and delivers the Harlem Side Kick for 1-2-NO! Booker applies an overhead wristlock, but Cena comes out of that as well. Booker knees Cena in the gut, but then comes back with a DDT. HOT TAG TO BATISTA! He destroys Finlay and catches Booker with a botched Bossman Slam. Batista sets up for the DEMON BOMB, but Finlay clotheslines him down. Cena attacks Finlay and gives him a belly-to-belly suplex to send him out to the floor. Cena follows him out and gets clotheslined. Finlay grabs a chair and sticks Batista in the back of the knee with it. Finlay climbs up on the apron with the chair and gets it booted back into him to send him crashing to the floor. Batista screws up a spinebuster attempt on Booker, but he finally gets it and delivers the DEMON BOMB for the win to end this terrible main attraction. (11:28) It doesn’t get any more average than this. *
1) A surprise in of itself is a good thing considering that it actually was a surprise.
2) The ladder match was the best thing I’ve seen in WWE since Cena and Edge’s TLC match at Unforgiven. They busted theirs to make one thing on this show memorable and succeeded.
3) Like I said at the end of the Taker/Kennedy match; I hope this means the end of the feud so that Kennedy can move on to someone else. It’s not necessarily a sure thing to list it as a good thing on the show, but my fingers are crossed.
1) Either keep MNM and the Hardys together as a team or don’t. You tell us Mercury and Matt are on Smackdown and Jeff and Nitro are on Raw, but then we see them on an all three shows. People are bound to get confused.
2) You put on a surprise ladder match on a card that NO ONE ELSE could possibly top as your second match. I mean, nothing on the rest of the card was going to bring the crowd back into the show. Once that was over, you might as well clear out the arena and had wrestled for just those watching on PPV.
3) Why is the Boogeyman being paid to wrestle?
4) Why can’t you people book a GOOD Benoit/Chavo match? I know it’s there!
5) You wonder why a crowd boos your cruiserweight title match when you make them wrestle like they are 250 pound guys. Loosen up a bit!
6) Sometimes tag main events work, but it only works with those who have CHEMISTRY. Booker has zero chemistry with Batista and very little with Cena. Finlay is the man, but even he could barely get a good match with those two. I’ll be honest; I’ve started warming up to Cena a lot more in the last seven months or so, but that main event was just so bland and minimal drama to make me just not care by the end.