ECW Massacre on 34th Street 2000 12/3/2000

Written by: Arnold Furious

December 3rd 2000. We’re in the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City.

PROMO – Steve Corino as the ECW champeen. He says Bruno Sammartino sucked and Pedro Morales can’t even get a green card nowadays. Funny promo including Jack Victory saying he voted for Bob Backlund when he ran for office. Bottom line – Corino is going to retain. Victory steals the promo, “High Spot”.

Hosts are Joey Styles and the Quintessential Studmuffin, Joel Gertner.

Simon Diamond/Swinger v Christian York/Joey “The Future” Matthews

I mark out for Simon’s music, which rules and I’ve not heard for ages thanks to the DVD whores editing it out. Dawn Marie joins us to put her “managerial services” on the line for this match. Swinger takes an early Futureshock and Simon gets double suplexed. Swinger gives York an Ensiguri though to turn the tide. Russian legsweep gets 2. Double STO gets 2. Northern Lights from Simon into Simon’s Series ending with the gourdbuster. Heels miscue though to allow a facebuster from York and Matthews gets the hot tag. Neckbreaker on Swinger and he cleans house. AWESOME TOPE! Remember when Joey Matthews was good? York hits a wicked plancha with major height on it. What happened to these guys? Back inside York is crotched and Joey takes a jawbreaker and the Simonizer. York is set up for a double superplex but Joey hits a few low blows and powerbombs Simon. Super rana on Swinger from Joey and York comes in with Rebel Yell for 3 at 5.37. **1/2. Good stuff, bit short. Joey Matthews is down hurt and Dawn Marie turns heel on York to allow a Problem Solver. Dawn joins up with the losers somewhat screwing the contractual situation on that…

Joel Gertner goes to check on Matthews.

PROMO – Doring and Roadkill. They’re after the tag titles tonight. Interviews tonight look cheap as shit. “Chhhhampions” – Roadkill.

Balls Mahoney v EZ Money w/Hot Commodity

Cyrus turns up to replace Joel Gertner, again. Incidentally “Big Balls” is a track we routinely listen to down the pub screaming “she’s got big balls” at women we don’t know. I love beer. We start technical, which doesn’t last in a Balls match. The commentators can say he’s a good wrestler all they like – he’s a brawler. Money hits a HUGE plancha. The guys are really flying out there tonight. Back inside and Balls hits a AJPW style back suplex for 2. Money bails to recover and Balls hits a freakin’ plancha. Back inside and Balls misses the New Jersey Jam allowing Money to hit the Money Clip for 2. Jawbreaker from Money but he gets crotched climbing. Balls hits a superplex for 2. Balls gets caught going for a Brisco corner roll up? EZ DRIVER! Holy shit. That only gets 2. Swanton misses and Balls tunes up the band – SUPERKICK…for 2. Balls gets pissed off and goes for the chair but Hamrick steals it. Money gets a leaping calf kick for 2. Hot Commodity spill in to triple team with Dinero hitting a neckbreaker before Hamrick drops the Conferate Crunch. Money follows down with a moonsault and that’s enough to put Balls away at 7.52. **. Plenty of effort, no doubt about that. Again it’s a bit short but that’s probably for the best because I couldn’t see it getting any better with time. Balls Mahoney gets mugged post match provoking the Nova run in.

Impromptu match – Nova v Julio Dinero

Slegdeomatic from Nova off the bat. Balls is tidying up at ringside. Hamrick comes in anyway with a MONSTER springboard dropkick. Spinning neckbreaker from Dinero gets 2. Moonsault press gets 2. STO gets 2. Nova’s comeback features any number of his horrible punches. ENSIGURI and HOW (well to the lower back but HARD) gets 2. Nova takes a chair shot from outside allowing a Dinero 2 count. Spin Doctor (called the Roll of the Dice by everyone including myself although Nova used it before the other guy) but Dinero hits before turning. Electra comes in and takes a Kryptonite Krunch. Nova hits a leg jam but in comes Hot Commodity to kick Nova’s ass. Balls comes back in and dishes out some vicious chair shots. Swanton on the now fallen Dinero and Nova takes it at 5.59. Somewhat overbooked. Call it *. Effort was there but it was fairly unfocused. Hot Commodity got really creamed there.

PROMO – Rhyno runs down New York City comparing it to Dudleyville segueing into some door punching F bomb dropping verbal abuse for Spike Dudley.

SHILL – ECWwrestling.com, which, last I checked, was gone. They do the sell on tickets for the only remaining shows in ECW history, which is a little odd to think of it that way.

Tag titles – FBI (c) v Danny Doring/Roadkill

“You don’t cut the beard off an Amish man, there’s some things you just don’t do” – Joey Styles referring to a previous match stip where the FBI cut off Roadkill’s beard. If Doring and Roadkill fail to win they’ll split as a team. Doring runs right into an armbar and Guido schools him on the mat for a while. Doring comes back and we work the mat into a dropkick stand off. Nice. Tags and the crowd love Roadkill but he’s bulldogged and armdragged by Mamaluke. Roadkill slams him and drops the elbow off the ropes. Dirt Road Slam. Hart Attack. Doring/Roadkill well in control here so Roadkill goes out to throw rights with Big Sal and Mamaluke DIVES OFF THE TOP TO HIT A FLYING DDT to the floor. Awesome. Doring looks to go out but he’s caught and the FBI hit a double powerbomb onto a chair for 2. Mamaluke with a dragon screw and a dropkick. Guido in with his own dropkick to the face for 2. Side Russian legsweep gets 2. Sicilian Slice gets 2. Doring comes back with a Stroke before hot tagging Roadkill. Barnburner (spinning Diamond Cutter) on Guido. Roadkill hits a frickin’ plancha on Big Sal. Holy crapola. The FBI are all down bar Guido who crotches Doring. Mamaluke heads up but Doring low blows him and hits…something or other off the top for 2. “That move sucked” – New York. Guido belt shots him for it but that only gets 2. Roadkill gets back but gets double Fujiwara armbarred. Mamaluke gets thrown off by Doring though and SUPERKICKED INTO THE FRONT ROW HEAD FIRST. HOLY SHIT! That bump was absolutely uncalled for and I applaud Tony for doing it because he really, really didn’t need to. Roadkill avoids the Kiss of Death and the Buggy Bag finishes at 9.11. ***1/4. Solid tag match only screwed up by the odd Doring mistake. One thing ECW had when they went out was a damn fine tag team division and the best tag team in the company hasn’t even come out here yet.

PROMO – Spike Dudley mocks Rhyno and then points out that he’s beaten every big man that’s come into ECW (ahem – Mike Awesome). He gets somewhat unfocused towards the end though and ruins the promo. Out in the ring is TOWEL BOY, Eric Tuttle, superstar in the making.

Tommy Dreamer v CW Anderson

CW gets right in Dreamer’s face and provokes him into a brawl but Dreamer comes out on top with a neckbreaker. Dreamer turns a handshake into Russian legsweep then a grounded Octopus. They blow an armdrag in fairly winceworthy fashion. Dreamer goes one better with a jumping armbreaker though and he works on CW’s arm on the ring post. Hammerlock slam is avoided and CW breaks out the SHOULDER STUNNER! Superkick and CW stomps the arm. CW takes the madness outside and shoves over Towel Boy. Dreamer is busted open. CW puts Dreamer’s arm in a chair and nails it with another chair. Note – it’s odd how every ECW DVD I’ve ever bought has worse sound quality than this excellent recording from Simania.co.uk. Major props. Out into the fans and CW hits a suplex out there before we go back to the ring. SHOULDER STUNNER OVER THE ROPES. CW stays on that arm with chair stomps. CW works an armbar but can’t get a submission. Reverse single arm DDT gets 2. Chair set up but CW gets reversed into that shoulder first. Dreamer modifies his pose to one arm before dropping an elbow off the ropes. Towel Boy spot as Dreamer borrows the towel and drags CW along the ropes. CW gets pissed off with that and drags in Towel Boy blaming him for the towel incident. Dreamer uses Towel Boy as a weapon into the tornado DDT for 2. Lou E Dangerously comes out to push Towel Boy over. Lou uses his MASSIVE TRIPLE WEAVE KEVLAR 80’S CELL PHONE to knock Dreamer out and CW adds a DDT for good measure. Out comes the real boss and Paul Heyman uses one of his classic original phones to lay out Lou E. This all gives Dreamer recovery time – SPICOLLI DRIVER…FOR 2. They counter standing and CW hits the Ferris Wheel for 2. There’s a chair in the ring and Dreamer sets CW up in the Chair Tree of Woe. Basement dropkick w/chair. Piledriver and Dreamer rolls outside for a table. It’s not set up but instead laid out for a side slam. CW gets back up and chairs Dreamer as he climbs – SUPERPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE, although it’s not even set up…for 2. CW gets himself another table because tables are over. CW walks right into the Tommyhawk for that. Dreamer sets the table up legs out and CW catches him – SPINEBUSTER INTO THE LEGS OF THE TABLE (although they clearly folded back in on impact) gets the job done at 16.47. ***1/2. Could have done without the run in’s, otherwise a solid affair with the arm working. Shame they couldn’t figure that into the finish somehow. The sequel at Guilty As Charged 2001 was marginally better.

PROMO – Mikey questions Tajiri about Super Crazy’s mystery tag team partner. He doesn’t know. Sinister Minister arrives producing a barrel of laughs, although at what I’m not sure. Those wacky kids.

TV title – Rhyno (c) v Spike Dudley

Rhyno has already seen off New Jack, Sandman and Rob Van Dam for the belt. Spike goes for the Acid Drop right away but Rhyno throws him off. Spike goes for a GORE, GORE, GORE and then attacks Rhyno’s legs. Outside and Rhyno takes an advantage and breaks the timekeepers table with Spike’s face. Rhyno uses a chair to draw a little colour and I mean a little as you can barely see the trickle. Rhyno goes after the surgically repaired leg of Spike Dudley. Spike comes back with a chair shot and we go into the fans. Spike dives off a balcony New Jack style and follows up with more chair shots. Back inside and Spike gets 2. Rhyno blocks the Acid Drop again and THROWS SPIKE OVER THE ROPES THROUGH THE TIMEKEEPERS TABLE. And that’s about it for Spike. He kicks out but the match has turned in Rhyno’s favour. GORE, GORE, GORE. Spike falls outside while the fans mockingly chant “Goldberg” at Rhyno. Spike grabs a chair outside and batters Rhyno in the knee with it before tying him to the ropes. Rhyno grabs him though and chokes him out at 9.50 retaining his title in the process. *3/4. A bit of a mismatch although Spike tried hard to tell a story. Rhyno chair shots Spike’s lifeless body 3 times to emphasise his point. Out comes the table and the referee gets GORE, GORE, GORED through. That was obviously for not calling his match down the middle. He deserved it.

BACKSTAGE Steve Corino gets joined by Francine who decides to blow Jack Victory because “he holds the belt sometimes”. Justin Credible canes Corino because it’s a set up. Francine promptly bites down, so to speak, allowing a distinct tactical advantage to go to Credible/Francine.

Mikey Whipwreck/Tajiri v Super Crazy/Kid Kash

Crazy’s mystery partner is Kid Kash but he’s late so Crazy gets his ass kicked 2 on 1 for a while. CRUISERWEIGHT BRAWL! Mikey and Kash start with some killer sequences. Kash hits a sweet rana and we get a stand off. Tajiri and Crazy tag in. Tajiri hits the handspring elbow right away but then gets caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Both guys kip up afterwards. Double hand held Northern Lights into counters and Tajiri hits a wicked rana. Tajiri armdrags out of the tilt-a-whirl into a stand off and the crowd LOVES this. Tajiri kicks Crazy right in the quad to break up the applause. Sharpshooter through the ropes from Tajiri and Mikey guillotines him with the legdrop. Kash gets levelled with a kick and triple chaired with kicks. Who was the innovator of violence again? Kash/Crazy in the trees of woe but they dodge the baseball slides. Crazy with a springboard Asai moonsault wiping out Whipwreck/Tajiri. Kash uses the referee for one of his patented big ass planchas. Back inside and Kash flies with a corkscrew attack. Count along in Spanish goes well, as per usual. Crazy dives off something off camera, probably the rail. Kash takes the awesome double rolling offence of Mikey/Tajiri and a pair of dropkicks to the head. Kash hits a Falcon Arrow on Mikey though. Chairs into play. WHIPPERSNAPPER INTO A PAIR OF SET UP CHAIRS. Mikey makes matters worse for the dazed Kash with a WHIPPERSNAPPER OFF THE APRON THROUGH A TABLE. In the ring Crazy hits the moonsault trifecta on Tajiri. Crazy somehow lands on his feet on the buckles and Tajiri pushes him off to the floor and Crazy lands on his feet again. Incredible balance. Back inside and Crazy hits a super facecrusher and an Arabian press for 2. Tajiri plays possum and then lifts an RVD-Lynn sunset flip chair shot block. TARANTULA! Kash breaks with a dropkick. Mikey is back up too. Crazy ends up getting MIIIIIIIST. Mikey gets a table and Crazy is in trouble. Kash is set up on a table at ringside but Mikey takes too long coming off the top – SUPER RANA THROUGH THE TABLE FROM KASH! Holy Shit! In the ring Crazy hits a missile dropkick on Tajiri. The follow up powerbomb is countered into an awesome DDT from Tajiri. Jawbreaker, KICKS and a slam from Tajiri and he goes to get some chairs. Table is set up ABOVE the fallen chair covered Crazy. Oh boy. TAJIRI STOMPS THROUGH THE TABLE OFF THE TOP ROPE. Well that was different. Tajiri gets the win at 18.24. **** and ‘A’ for effort. They lost the plot towards the end going for huge highspots instead of great tag team wrestling. The highspots gave it a slightly different feel but lost the focus. Mikey and Tajiri were the premium tag team in wrestling when sadly ECW ran out of cash. Tajiri went to the WWF and Mikey retired. Still they leave matches like this as a legacy. Thanks guys.

BACKSTAGE or rather on the underground Da Baldies cut a promo claiming tonight they’re going to cause a massacre on 34th street. That IS the name of the show but they’re nowhere to be seen so what was the point?

BACKSTAGE or rather out on the streets cruising for whores is the Blue Boy. He picks up Jasmine St Claire.

ECW title – Steve Corino (c) v Jerry Lynn v Justin Credible

Cyrus calls Jerry Lynn the “Bret Hart of ECW”. Francine and Jack Victory are out here too. Crowd chants “we want Sandman” showing the popularity of the contestants is this one. Lynn steals the Singapore cane and knocks the other guys down. Lynn then goes for out wrestling the others as well hitting a bulldog on Credible in the process. We go outside and Credible blows a backdrop sell into the front row landing on the rail and hurting his own knee. Corino gets Irish whipped into the front row on the other side wiping out some chairs. Back into the ring and Credible hits Lynn with a sit out powerbomb for 2. Credible takes a moment to cut a sweary mid match promo. Quick 3-way near falls with Lynn getting a double sunset flip in there. Corino breaks out Da Dweem elbows but Lynn gives him a tornado DDT for his troubles and a 2 count. Lynn blocks the Old School Expulsion into an inverted DDT for 2. Lynn gets a Brisco corner roll up on Credible for 2. That’s Incredible is countered – THAT’S INCREDIBLE ON CREDIBLE…for 2. Corino comes in with a chair – VAN LYNNINATOR. Chair set up and Corino takes a cradle piledriver on the chair. Francine sneaks in to charm Lynn but miscues with a nut shot and then Credible levels Francine in another heel miscue. THAT’S INCREDIBLE on Lynn again though and this time Credible gets a pin on Jerry Lynn at 11.41. Well, that’s this match screwed.

Cyrus walks out of the broadcast area being so upset with Lynn “being screwed”. Outside and Corino eats a superkick. They fight up into the entranceway. Corino produces a ladder up there and promptly gets whipped into it. Back inside and Corino lifts Raven’s chair drop toehold busting Credible open. Credible clearly isn’t happy as he goes low and hits a suplex on the ladder for 2. They brawl out into the crowd onto a balcony and Credible swings for the bleachers with his cane. He throws Corino off the balcony and he hangs on until Credible canes him off and then poses. That was cool without being needlessly violent. By the time we’re back in the ring Corino is bleeding. THAT’S INCREDIBLE connects for 2. Way to bury Jerry Lynn. Credible misses in the corner and the Old School Expulsion finishes at 22.50. **1/2. Decidedly mediocre especially in the horrific 10 minute spell after Lynn’s departure. The Sandman shows up post match drawing a larger pop than those involved in the main event. He breaks his Singapore cane on Jack Victory’s face. Sandman steals the ECW title belt.

BACKSTAGE Cyrus catches up with Jerry Lynn and Lynn signs up to work with Cyrus creating his one month heel run before jobbing to RVD.

Overall PPV rating – C+
A lot of solid effort but too much disappointment in terms of the big matches booked. The main event was way too dull. Still there are 3 matches over the *** rating, which isn’t too bad for a smaller promotion. Especially the Mikey + Tajiri stuff with their match being a total showstealer. The effort was there on the vast majority of the card and bar the main event I enjoyed everything. So I present this show with a thumbs up.