USA Pro 5/31/2003

Written by: Sean McCaffrey from http://www.declarationofindependents.net/doi/pages/index1.html

PRESHOW:
The Fat Bastard, Mike, picked me up and we drank a 6 pack of Heineken. Wordlife.
Your announcer for the show is Dexter Weiner, and your ref is one of the best refs in the indies, Sean Hanson.

Dexter Weiner welcomes the crowd, and the music man plays a taped version of the National Anthem. They should’ve let Dexter and Fat Bastard sing a duet, instead of the taped version.

Highway to Hell blasts, and out comes Frank Goodman, USA PRO CEO/Owner, and the 70 odd guys who were booked for the show. Goodman makes a speech saying how much Big Dick Dudley meant to him, in a serious moment. The wrestlers were outside the ring apron to pay their respects to an indy legend. Goodman told the crowd that Big Dick worked 100 some odd shows for USA pro and was one of the most loyal guys to Frank Goodman. Goodman also was bold and said that Big Dick was the first ECW guy of many, to work for USA Pro Wrestling. Goodman also said that some of the people who worked for him last year, after Big Dick died, didn’t work this show, because they’d rather big paydays elsewhere. He also called these guys pieces of crap. He put over Balls Mahoney and Raven for being there, and also Justin Credible and Sandman. (JC and Sandman didn’t make it, more on that later) Good honest speech putting over Big Dick and the USA roster paying their respects.

The Solution (Papadon/Havok) w/Ms. Michelle d. Team Target (Tekno Heat and Devious)
The hometown boys started off the show. This could be good or bad for them, but if I was a wrestler, it would probably be nice to be home at 8:30 then the usual past midnight hours. Both teams looked very well in this match. This might’ve been the best Team Target match I’ve ever seen. The Solution are definitely one of the top indy tag teams today. Team Target are very underrated and can make any tag division flourish. The Solution had Ms. Michelle as their manager. She’s easier on the eyes than John Shane, but I still stand by saying that John Shane is the top indy manager in wrestling. The Solution pick up the win after The Problem Solver. (Doomsday device, but except a clothesline, a neckbreaker)

4 Way Ticket Seller Elimination Match
Chris Caliber d. Jav w/Mr. Big, One Man Jury and Cody Streetkill. (Names may be off, the sound system had mad static)
Crowd was not into this match at all. The thing that didn’t make sense at all was the fact that it was an ELIMINATION match, but the guys kept breaking up the pinfalls. Wouldn’t you want your opponents eliminated? Oh well, so much for psychology. Cody Streetkill gets eliminated first. One Man Jury is out next after a cool looking version of the tombstone. Caliber pins Jav after the senton bomb. Funniest moment of the match was Frank Goodman audibly saying “Take it home,” as pointed out by many to me. Not as good as the explosive bout at the last USA show. USA Pro are known for their long shows, and could’ve cut the show down by just keeping these guys in the battle royal that they were in later on.

Monsta Mack defeats Prince Nana after the Van Mackinator
Nana starts off on the mic, calling Triple A a big geek wearing a Walmart suit. I thought he looked like IRS, but Nana is entitled to his own opinion lol. What a change of pace from the last match. Monsta Mack aka Metal Maniac to some people in New Jersey, looked good here, and Prince Nana looked solid as usual. Nana hit his trademark running butt to the corner, to Mack’s head. Funny moment was Matt Zombie (from Blackheart fame, 1 718 707 1122) telling Nana, “Please don’t eat me.” LoL. Mack’s finisher must be seen live.

In The McMatch of the night
For the USA Extreme Championship
c. Grim Reefer d. Deranged w/DRS
I thought this would be the best match, and I wasn’t disappointed. Reefer and Deranged are two of my favorites today, and need to be booked everywhere, these guys get it done. Size doesn’t matter, and these guys show you don’t need to be 6’5” and 285 pounds to be a pro wrestler. These guys are phenomenal. Reefer hit all his signature spots, as he hit the 540 flip on the DRS from the top rope to the floor. He also hit his cool walking down the rope senton bomb. Deranged also countered with his flipping powerbomb. The crowd was way behind Reefer, as Deranged was the heel as usual. Finish saw DRS hit the Dirty Rotten Driver on Reefer when Deranged had the refs attention. Deranged went for the cover, but Reefer kicked out. Deranged went to complain, and Reefer rolled him up for the 1-2-3. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.

After a great match like that, The Masked Maniac comes out for his live Masked Maniac minute. I am not a fan of the Masked Maniac wrestling, but I’m a fan of his mic skills. Whenever he’s on the microphone, something interesting happens. Today lived up to that. For those not in the know, Maniac writes a column over on usaprowrestling.com, and shoots from the hips. He also comments on the world famous USA pro message board. The USA pro mb, is full of Josh Deely and Ms. Sinful posts. Some of these posts accuse of Deely having sex with this sister, having a hunchedback and other things. Ms. Sinful is accused of having a penis, spawning a flounder or dwarf, depends on who you ask, from her genital area, among other nasty things. Well Masked Maniac, like in his column, holds nothing back and asks these questions and more to Sinful and Josh. Masked Maniac even said Ms. Sinful has a cowbell. Maniac even made a shoutout to DOI Wack Pack member, Fat Bastard. This segment needs to be seen, I was cracking up the whole time. Maybe the best Maniac Minute of all time, the only thing is, if Maniac can top himself. The things he said and accused, were simply hilarious. The segment ended here, and unfortunately, The Maniac had to wrestle, but I won’t bash him too much, after his great oratory performance.

Tony Lo w/Boogie Knights, Striker, Simon Diamond and Becky Bayless d. Masked Maniac
Boo. Match wasn’t at all that great. It was more to put over Knightlife, and they were all over the show tonight. Fortunately it was short and the right person went over.

POSTMATCH: Masked Maniac grabs Adolf/Darkfire and simulates anal sex by pulling down Adolfs pants and inserting a hotdog into Adolf’s buns. Pretty gay. Adolf must be making a lot of money, or the Maniac has some blackmail on Adolf for allowing this. Yes it’s funny, but it’s fucking gross, and not needed when the show is gonna go past the 5 hour mark. Does this start a feud for the next show with Maniac and Adolf? Unless it does, it was really pointless. Should’ve left after the Deely/Sinful thing, and go out on a high high high note.

In the 2nd best match of the night, Dan Barry d. Smoked out and Azraiel. Great match. I don’t want to sound negative, but the match picked up after Smoked Out was eliminated. I don’t think he mixed with Azraiel and Barry, due to a style clash. Barry made use of the low ceiling, by hitting his head on the ceiling on a sick spot. Azraiel is fantastic and needs to be working in a lot more feds. Simply put, Azraiel and Barry are 2 great wrestlers on a stacked cruiser/light heavy scene. Smoked Out was ok, but just didn’t look he belonged. Smoked Out hit a nice piledriver on Barry, but would be eliminated first. Dan Barry wins after the McEXCLUSIVE new finisher name, The Irish Car Bomb. Gotta love a guy who names his finisher after Guiness, Jameson and Baileys. The Irish Car Bomb, is the Razor Ramon/Bradshaw fallaway slam, but executed from the top rope, into a moonsault. It’s a moonsault bodyslam, in simpler terms. Great finisher, and like Monsta Mack’s finisher, needs to be seen live. Much credit to Azraiel for walking after that move.

POST MATCH: I got more beer.

New Blood d. Johnny TNT
Eh, crowd wasn’t into it. These guys were in the rumble, and would’ve served more of a purpose in that, then watching them wrestle for no reason or story behind it. TNT is actually pretty decent. New Blood wins after the shooting star press.

Boogie Knights w/Becky d. Christopher Street Connection
2 great tag teams, one great match. Special Thanks to Abby for writing this down as I was getting a beer! This was a good match however, and Boogie Knights continue their win streak with a win over the gayest team in history. Knightlife was all over this show, talking and in a long segment later on. I don’t think Knightlife need to talk so much to get over, their ring work gets it done. They are improved, and Drake is 100% and I think Boogie Knights look very good. Christopher Street Connection was solid as always, but you can’t expect anything less from these two. These are great wrestlers. Good match.

In a TLC match, the SAT d. Wayne and Mikey Whipwreck
Crowbar was originally supposed to be Mikey’s partner, but didn’t show. Didn’t find out why. Who cares though, as I am big supporter of Wayne, and it was great to see Wayne tag with a partner who can actually wrestle, and doesn’t rely on Vulcan Neck grips. This was a TLC match, but without any tag belts hanging. It was just pure brutality of tables ladders and chairs. Good match. SAT win the match after a table spot. All 4 looked good, and another good match out of many.

Intermission. Got some more beer. Wordlife. You have to love USA Pro Shows.

These are the only shows around here that attract a mass amount of people who drink or smoke lol. The show could be crummy, but you could still have a great time with the crowd. It’s even better when the show is good and you’re drunk and chillin with your friends.

Low Life Louie d. Johnny Bison Bravado in a hardcore rules match
B-R-U-T-A-L. This is the match that Bison needed to get over and get respect with the USA Pro fans. He got mine. How Louie does these matches all the time is a question and a half. This match featured Louie getting a pair of drawers with shit stains, like a certain other fan who talks it, stapled to his head, both men going through light bulbed tables and barbed wire. These guys are nuts and had the crowd going the whole time. There was a lot of blood in this match, and Butters, on Louies shirt, looked like he just had his period on Louies chest. Crazy match.

POSTMATCH: Both wrestlers get an ovation from the crowd.

BIG DICK DUDLEY MEMORIAL ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH.
Tim Arson wins the BDD Rumble by defeating Pat Gunner:
Other participants included: Bad Boy Kracka, Southern’ Vinny Styles (Zombies new fave lol), J Kronik, Jim Hustler, Kevin Matthews, Danny Demanto, Pyscho, Rayza, Papalicious, Smoked Out, Nana (just did a run-in), Chris Caliber, Danny Yams, Cody Streetkill,, One Man Jury, Jav, Stormin’ Norman, Johnny TnT, Adolf, Tony Lo, Mike Tobin, and Danny Drake.

Your Iron Man is Kevin Matthews, who lasted the longest. Funny thing was the Matthews/Sinful altercation, which led the crowd to tell Matthews goodbye.

The Arsonist finally gets a push! This was a royal rumble type match, but turned into a fatal four way match when there were four men remaining. The final four were Arson, Gunner, Papalicious and Stormin Norman. Norman went out first, then Papalicous, and Arson defeated Gunner after hitting a F5 turned into an ace crusher. Cool move. Arson would immediately get a shot at the USA Pro US champion, Crazy Ivan.

For the USA PRO Americas title
Crazy Ivan d. Tim Arson
PREMATCH: Ivan renames his USA Pro Americas title to the Nazi title. He also calls the crowd niggers, spics and white trash. At least he’s an equal opportunity hater lol.

Ivan is a puppetmaster of having the crowd in his control. Arson cuts a semi-face promo saying who cares about creed and race, and the match starts. Match was short. Ivan gets the duke in a solid match. An Arson vs Ivan feud wouldn’t be bad, and I think Arson can be pushed as a serious face for USA Pro and get crowd support.

For the USA PRO Tag Team Titles
Simon Diamond/Striker w/Simply Luscious and Becky Bayless d. The Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz to become new USA Tag Champs
I don’t understand this booking at all. You don’t have the Boogie Knights face the DRS because you don’t want to do the heel vs heel match, but then put Striker/Simon against them, who might be even bigger heels. Can this be the start of a DRS face turn? It might not be a bad idea, as the crowd sided with him for the majority of the match. DRS are the team you love to hate. In the short time that they have tagged, Simon and Striker look incredible. DRS lose the titles after ref distraction by the ladies at ringside, and Striker hitting that cool knee to the back move. Don’t know what he calls it. DRS face turn looks inevitable. Striker and Simon are great wrestlers. PAW match here, but sometimes the crowd didn’t know who to boo.

POSTMATCH: BK and Lo come out and join Simon/Striker/Becky/Luscious, in laying the boots on the DRS. The DRS take a beating for no joke, 20 minutes, before getting stretchered out to an ambulance. It was very cool seeing an angle like that on an indy show, as the DRS really did get put into an ambulance via a stretcher, but this segment was waaaaay too long. They didn’t need to get beat up for 20 min, and be dead, before getting ambulanced out. Little things like this add up to more time on the show length. I do appreciate the ambulance injury angle, and that was the first time I saw that on an indy show.

Billy Reil d. Josh Deely w/Ms. Sinful in a match longer than it should’ve been
I don’t know who was getting punished by facing their opponent in this match. Billy actually sold some JD offense. Thankfully, Striker had open-mic night, to take the focus off the sloppy ring work of Deely, and put the focus on the raucous crowd. Striker went around the crowd, and let the crowd scream stuff. I got to add my “Ms Sinful has camel toe” and “Deely is Hulking Up” comments. Unfortunately for Josh, he didn’t hulk up, and wound up losing to Billy Reil. Does Billy Reil really need outside interference to beat Josh Deely?

POSTMATCH: Sinful gets beaten up by Knightlife. Knightlife were all over this show. They are all very talented wrestlers, but between this and the DRS match, they were on for a solid hour. Sometimes less is more.

For the USA US title
C. Kruel d. Xavier
Great match, but the energy was sucked out of the crowd. Great wrestling in this match by two of the finer heavyweights on the indy scene. Xavier is a very good wrestler and showed class by working on a show to memorialize a legend, when he could’ve done ROH. Classy. PAW match. Lots of submissions. Kruel wins by pinfall.

For the USA PRO World Heavyweight Championship
Raven d. Balls Mahoney to become new champion.
It was announced that Sandman and Justin Credible, who were supposed to wrestle Raven and Balls Mahoney, respectively, broke down on the Belt Pkwy on their way to the show. This was 100% true, as confirmed by Goodman, and the fact that Sandmans wife was waiting for him to show up, as they traveled separately. 100% professionalism by Raven and Balls Mahoney for working each other. There is a fact, which has been confirmed by numerous sources, that Raven and Balls Mahoney do not like each other and do not want to work each other. The fact that these guys put whatever shit is going on between them to make the fans happy and provide a great match is respected by the fans, including myself. Hey, this might be a good thing, as this is the match that the fans have been asking for on the message board. Raven came accompanied to the ring with Wayne and Whipwreck. I like how Wayne is being used in a more dominant role, even if it was as Raven’s lackey. Great match to close off the show, that featured drop toe holds into steel chairs and Balls Mahoney splashing a table, after Raven got out of the way. Raven gets the win after this to become the new USA World champ. Crowd was not expecting that finish, but the fans were happy with Raven ending Balls 4 month title reign.

Final McWord
Another long show filled with great matches and some unnecessary matches. Bottom line was that as a fan, you get the most out of your money, and are guaranteed at least 5 great matches at every show. Venue was not electric as the Elks Lodge, but I think that was a given going into the show. There was beer on sale, so I gotta always pop for that too lol. For the first time in a long time, USA storylines are actually going somewhere, and came off great tonight. If they turn DRS face, it will be interesting to see how they come off. I like how Grim Reefer and Deranged were allowed to steal the show. Dan Barry is a great wrestler, and it’s good to see him being used outside of gauntlet or 6 man elimination matches. Barry vs Deranged or Reefer would be a fucking great match. Lots of talent on this show as usual. I hope Arson gets a push out of this, after winning the Rumble. Again, much respect for Balls/Raven to working a great match and not holding back shit, as Balls, the company man, bled profusely. The USA shows are too long and ½ the crowd emptied out before the main event. Some segments need to be cut or eliminated all together. Hell it took me 2 hours to write this fucking review! (That means no spell/grammar check lol) Overall though, another good and enjoyable show, and you gotta love the USA crowd, from Derangeder, to the DOI, to Fat Bastard to JC to the Blackhearts. I also always have a great time hanging out with the DOI family, even though only Mike, Jason and Brian showed up. Marc was hard at work doing something, and Joel was watching a japanese tape lol. Thank you to MZ for finally taking care of the mail! Bottom line though is this, you always have a great time, and I’d like to thank the man who gave me the $1 beers. USA runs again on June 27 in the elks lodge. No matches have been announced yet, so keep checkin the DOI site for press releases or go to usaprowrestling.com

This is Sean “The MiC” McCaffrey