Written by: Kevin Kindelberger
WCW Monday Nitro 8/30/99
The more I think if it the more I wonder what WCW was smoking putting Kiss on for the main event. My hope is that it was an overrun. Seriously, why would wrestling fans listen to a mediocre song when a WWF title match is occurring? Look, bring in music and marry it with wrestling, however, do not put your eggs in one basket and pay those guys so much damn money and create an asinine wrestling character and then put them in the main event. It is idiocy. Put them in the first hour, or on Thunder. Or do not sign them at all. It smacks of desperation and that is partly why Hogan has the belt, as well as politics of course. Somehow they think that Hogan is still a bigger draw than Goldberg when he clearly is not. His face turn is also a bit unbelievable as for three years, like Lex said, he was the baddest of the bad guys. There should have been some sort of seminal event to change him face. Not his son giving him his gear….something big, like saving the company and it should have been saved for the PPV…..Last week if the KISS segment was the lowest rated, I wonder what the main event did because the last hour did above a 3, so that must have been in the high 3’s (Sid v. Hogan). The ratings were up to a 4.0 with a 3.3, 4.2 and 4.5. I believe RAW was preempted but not sure, as it had a different time I think. RAW fell to a 4.2 across the board (when I watch RAW I will figure it out).
Match 1: Disorderly Conduct v. Steven Regal and Dave Taylor
They start the show with them in the ring. The match goes for two minutes. It is back and forth. Sid comes down and clears out the Brits and DO are both powerbombed and pinned! He is 75-0 now!
Sid talks about the tally going higher and higher and there is no end (He repeats that a lot!). He has to pick it up a little bit and bring the intensity and bring the number higher and higher. He is the Millennium Man and he has no equal. Two enter and only one survives. The fans can call for Goldberg until their eyes pop out of their head and they do. Now Sid screams for them to shut up! He is upset and so he powerbombs a DO member. Sid will keep rolling and marching until he is on top of the world. He repeats that last part. In the year 2000 there will only be one name and that is Sid Vicious. Sid, enough said, and he repeats that. The fans taunt him and he yells for them to shut up. They will force him to do it again and so he powerbombs the other DO guy!
A Taxi has arrived and Lodi gets out. He is mobbed by fans. Lenny gets out too and they are upset for not being on the list. They yell at security and get back in the Taxi and fans chase after them.
Gene is in the ring and here comes Luger. The former discusses Sting and Hogan. He asks Luger about his information pertaining to Hogan. Luger has known Sting for a decade and he knows something is up with Hogan. The Red and Yellow was built on vitamins and prayers. But for the last three years Hogan proved it a sham. People do not want to hear this but he will provide irrefutable proof that Hogan is a con artist and scammer. It is on its way. Some boo but Lex gets a lot of cheers too.
A car has arrived and out come Berlyn along with a female interpreter. He refuses to speak English despite knowing it.
Match 2: Lash Leroux v. Scotty Riggs
Not much to see here. The fans chanted for Sid. Vampiro and ICP come down and tell Riggs he owes them and after about four minutes Riggs gets the pin.
**
Riggs acts like he does not know what Vampiro is talking about.
Here comes the Revolution. Shane screams to the crowd if they are ready for one. They are getting decent but not spectacular responses from the crowd. He asks the crowd if they believe it is time for a revolution and the response is decent. Shane continues to try and rally the crowd asking if the crowd thinks they are the Real Deal. Same response. Saturn has the mic and challenges Rick Steiner at the PPV. He struggles on the mic and stuttered and stumbled. Benoit is much better on the mic and he throws out an open challenge. But he says the word experience six times in two sentences. Malenko talks some more about a Revolution. I like the stable but the repetition of the word revolution gets old.
Match 3: Kaz Hayashi v. Lenny Lane (c) for WCW Cruiserweight Title
Kaz ducks a blow and Lenny clotheslines Lodi to the floor. Fuck I am drunk or something. Kaz is facing Lodi. He is battering him and has the pin and Lenny pulls him off. Kaz slingshots into Lenny. Lodi goes up top and strikes with a plancha. Back in the ring Lodi gets two after a powerslam. Kaz counters with a slam of his own and knocks him around. He heads up top but is crotched but Lenny and so Lodi bulldogs him from the top rope and gets a near fall. Kaz is sent into the corner. He floats over but is swung around and he kicks the ref. Lenny runs in and gets rolled up! Lenny and Lodi protest to no avail and so they destroy Kaz.
** Okay.
Hogan. Fuck. Jesus, the guy is hobbling. Think about this. Savage could be coming out or Goldberg or Sting or DDP. How about a Benoit or Booker match. I need to relax, a couple more weeks of Hogan BS. Face Hogan has no place in 1999. In 2002 it was a bit different. But when you have Austin and the Rock you are not going to survive too long Hulking up every fucking match. After a month or two it will get old. Hogan again reiterates that he went back to the Red and Yellow for his son. He is unsure what is up Luger’s shorts but will sit in the back and eat fruit and be cool as he finds out what evidence Luger has. He will say a prayer and kick his ass too if necessary. He talks about Hulkamania running wild on Sting. He and Sting are buddies too.
Match 4: Blitzkrieg and La Parka v. Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio
Blitz goes to down on Eddie and nails him with two standing somersaults but he walks into spinning slam. Rey is in and he connects with a springboard moonsault. Parka is in and flies right into the canvas. Rey drops him but is caught after a slingshotting into him. Parka sets him down, chops him and then struts! Parka is whipped into the corner but he comes out and slams Rey. Parka holds him up for Blitz who kicks Rey getting two. Vampiro and ICP are on the ramp watching…..Rey ducks and Parka takes out Blitz. Eddie hits a missilekick and Eddie strikes with a headscissors from the ropes. Rey takes Parka to the floor. Blitz whips Eddie into the corner and then he does a series of flips and misses in the corner. Rey runs up and Frankensteins him from the top and Rey is launched on top of Parka and Eddie hits the Frog splash for the win!
*** Great but way too SHORT!
Here comes Berlyn and his entourage. This time Shitvone does not call him Alex Wright like he did over four months ago. He hopes the fans have forgotten….now there is no mention of Wright. Okerlund gets patted down! Berlyn speaks German. The babe tells everyone that he has a message. Berlyn has a knowledge of wrestling that Americans do not understand. It is just wrestling when they wrestle but not when he does…..He was built by a German consortium and built into a perfect German machine. He has chosen his first man that he will destroy. It is Buff Bagwell. Bagwell, like all Americans is narcissistic etc. He has been here before and he speaks perfect English but the language disgusts him and will not speak it. He demands Buff and she stumbles and finally slurs that in Germany losing is unacceptable.
Lex is with Gene and he claims that he saw Hogan rifling through his bag. He had been blindsided in the back and he also smashed out all the windows in his vehicle. Hogan knew he would be exposed and that is why he did it, and he will expose him.
Match 5: Kaos and Prince Iaukea v. West Texas Rednecks (c) for WCW Tag Titles
Kendall unloads on Iaukea but the latter counters with a reverse crossbody and springboard kick. But gets his head taken off with a big boot….Call the match Shitvone. Kendall beats him for the next minute and it is over.
* Jesus? That was it….terrible. Poor Iaukea.
BW has the mic and there is no tag competition in WCW. Harlem Heat is weak and they could beat them at anytime. Curt brags too. Here comes HH. The fight is on! The Rednecks get demolished and knocked to the floor. Kendall is in the ring still and gets his head kicked off! Booker pins him and the ref counts it. Classic. Now Bobby runs down and blindsides Booker and ties him up and Ray is down in the corner getting stomped.
Here comes Luger with some supposed evidence. Gene calls him a straight up guy….He has been? Okay. Gene thinks that things have been far fetched as of late. These pictures disgust him but Sting needs to come out and he calls him out. Gene reminds us that Sting is facing Hogan at the PPV. Lex stumbles over his words, snorts and corrects himself. He knows that Hogan and he have become friends. When Hogan was supposed to be rehabbing his knee he as busier than everyone thought. There is more to him and Nash fighting at the PPV. When it comes to the elusive Hummer that no one could find was driven by none other than Hogan. Hogan is standing next to a white Hummer wearing an nWo shirt. Hogan hobbles out. Gene says that is just a picture of Hulk standing by a Hummer. Hogan yells that this proves nothing but demands to know where he got it. Hogan says Lex is out of his mind. Hogan wants to know if Sting believes him or not and wants Sting to look in his eyes. Hogan thinks Lex is up to something. Luger is just trying to expose him. Sting just wants some answers and DDP runs down and blindsides him and just leaves….Hogan is up and Sting reminds Hogan that he has screwed him before. Hogan yells that Sting is as bad as Luger is if he believes him as security gets in between.
Match 6: Buff Bagwell v. Van Hammer
Buff gets the crowd riled up. Hammer knocks him down and uses the ropes to choke him out. Berlyn is at the entrance having his interpreter take notes….it is just his entourage. Hammer works him over but is kneed and while Hammer blocks the hiptoss, Buff flips over him and hiptosses him. Buff charges him but gets his eyes raked and he is placed up top and tossed off. Hammer straddles him and nails him in the head over and over. He drops the elbow, gets two and then tosses him to the floor. Hammer goes after him and drives him into the side of the ring and rolls him back into the ring. Heenan is obsessing over the hot interpreter! Hammer sits on Buff and pulls back on the neck and jumps on the back. Hammer pounds the back of the neck, and pulls him up and yanks the arms back, weakly, and Buff back kicks him in the nuts and he tees off on Hammer and runs him into the corner and then the other one and runs him over getting two. Buff goes up and hits the Blockbuster….over.
**1/2 Not great but at least it had some length. I wonder what happened to Buff’s push?
Match 7: Evan Karagias v. Mike Enos
Enos knocks him to the floor and springboards into him; he is caught and put over Enos’ shoulder and taken up the steps and tossed headfirst into the ring. Karagias though goes on the attack but lowers his head.
I kid you not, they keep showing the countdown of the WCW Mayhem clock, it is in 26 fucking days….but they keep showing the countdown. It is a videogame and nothing like the great N64 games of previous years.
Enos goes back on the offensive and Evan is down. Enos is tossing him around but taking his sweet time. Not sure what the purpose of this match is and he piledrives Karagias. Here comes Vamp and ICP. Vampiro comes in and wipes out Enos and Evan gets the win….
*1/2 Okay, it is some sort of angle advancement. The fans chanted for Sid and then for someone else.
Vampiro tells Evan that he owes him. Evan has no idea what he is talking about. Here comes the KISS Demon. He screams at Vampiro, not here, not now and not this time and then screams….Holy fucking shit that was terrible.
Match 8: Brian Knobs and Hugh Morrus v. Dean Malenko and Shane Douglas
Knobs screams that they are not the revolution and calls them crybabies and punks. The brawl is on and all four are going at it. Shane is cornered and destroyed as Dean cannot get to him because the ref holds him back. Knobs swings him into a clothesline from Morrus. Now it is just Morrus who stomps a hole in Douglas. Malenko has had enough and unloads on the Family and I guess he is the legal man. I must have missed the tag. He destroys Morrus and then Knobs. He has the latter in the Cloverleaf and Jimmy runs in Malenko goes after him. Knobs flies at them and squashes Hart. The fight spills to the floor and Malenko is tossed into some chairs and the railing. In the ring is Hugh and Douglas. Douglas is laid out but Morrus misses No Laughing Matter and he is knocked to the floor. Shane goes up top and leaps into both heels. Jimmy starts throwing his weight around and the fight continues….the match is thrown out.
**1/2 Not bad. Not sure why the Revolution is feuding with these guys….
They are still brawling and bodies are all over the place.
Fuck. Hogan again. He is gimping on out. Hogan gushes that the crowd stood behind him. He is going to prove Luger wrong, but that will be next week. It takes a lot to be champ. He is tired of DDP calling him out every week (He has been?). He may have broke his leg but that is part of the business. A couple of months ago he was really pissed. This is who he should have feuded with for a month or two after coming back. He knows that Goldberg is supposed to face DDP tonight and wants to take him on. Here comes Goldberg, and Hogan cannot think straight and he wants to take out DDP. Goldberg agrees that Hogan has a reason and therefore he and Hogan will wipe out the Triad (Hogan placing himself in the main event….shocker). Hogan is for it. DDP calls them bald geeks and he is all for it. Hogan declares that he and Goldberg will rip the roof off the building and Goldberg tells us to tune in and watch the massacre.
Disco has come down. He is not happy with Rick Steiner trying to copy him and tells him to bring his tush down here with his TV title.
Match 9: Disco Inferno v. Rick Steiner (c) for WCW TV Title
Rick works him over. I mean he annihilates him.
DUD. So much for Disco.
After the match he continues to beat his ass. Saturn runs down and they start fighting. Rick knocks him into the corner but Saturn is game. He kicks Steiner to the floor….It does make Steiner look like a badass.
Match 10: Jerry Flynn v. Chris Benoit (c) for WCW US Title
Flynn spinkicks Benoit in the head as the ref was randomly checking the latters boots. He kicks him over and over in the corner and then runs him over. Benoit ducks a kick to the head and dragon whips him down and picks him up and hangs him out to dry on the top rope, and a chop sends him to the floor. Hart grabs Benoit’s attention and Benoit chases him and runs into a kick to the head. Back in the ring Flynn gets two and then hammers him in the corner. Benoit tries to fight back but is kicked some more and then flung across the ring and Flynn gets two. Benoit counters with a cradle and gets two. Flynn goes back on the attack and thrusts him into the corner but misses a running kick and gets some skin chopped off. Benoit gets two after a snap suplex. Rolling German time! He hits all three and releases the third. He goes up top and Jimmy is waving down the troops. The headbutt connects and here comes the First Family and they assault Benoit. Here comes the Revolution…..the fight is on.
**1/2 Pretty good, Flynn can go, but I am just baffled as to why they are feuding.
Benoit has the mic and makes no sense, and says there is only one way out of this. Benoit then calls out Sid Vicious. He does not call what Sid has done any kind of victories. He will taste a loss and then he talks about powerbombs and it does not make much sense.
Match 11: Jersey Triad v. Goldberg and Hulk Hogan (c)
Jesus the intros are going on five minutes. Now six plus minutes. Bigelow and Hogan finally lock up and Bigelow rakes the face and clubs the back. He slams Hogan and goes up top missing the headbutt. Hogan wipes out all three Triad members. Hogan calls out the crowd to see if they want Goldberg: they do. Here he comes. Kanyon is not happy that he got the tag and he gets planted. He follows up with a gorilla press powerslam. Kanyon fights back and whips him into Bigelow and he is staggered but he hits Bigelow and kicks Kanyon. DDP flies from the top and nails DDP. He has some knucks and drops Goldberg and he then stomps a hole in him. Kanyon gets the tag and elbows him in the head a few times. Bigelow continues to punish him. Kanyon is back in and so is DDP and they continue to doubleteam him. Kanyon Russian sweeps him and DDP drops the elbow getting two. A bunch of quick tags keeps Goldberg on the defensive. The fans try to rally him and he breaks through a double lariat and flies into both. Goldberg tags in Hogan who hammers Page and the boot sends him to the floor. Kanyon is speared as Hogan hits Bigelow with the boot. DDP comes in and hits Goldberg with a chair and then DC’s him…Hogan gets the pin. Goldberg hops up and is fine…DDP wisely retreats.
*1/2 Hogan got most of the glory of course. Clusterfuck of an ending.
Sting knocks on Hogan’s dressing room door, despite him being out for a match….He opens it and there is Randy Savage! Sting is stunned.
**1/2 Looking back I know I overrated last week’s show but I am not going back. There is no life right now. What the fuck happened with Kidman and DDP? Why is the Revolution feuding with the First Family? Is this a rehash of late 95 when Luger and Hogan did this dance? Why has Savage disappeared for weeks and then randomly showed up for probably one last time? Why isn’t Bagwell getting a push? I was hard on Hogan but Goddamn enough is enough. I cannot take it anymore as it has not only gotten old but made WCW worse. He has taken quality time away from better performers. His shtick is fucking old as he is too. Where is Flair? Is he “fired?” Why did Sid only show up once and why is Goldberg barely acknowledging him….The good things: Some okay wrestling. Berlyn has potential. Saturn and Steiner could be good. Poor Benoit will have his title run stopped with Sid….no way they will have him win. Sid does not need a fucking title. He just needs to have it out with Goldberg. Why was Hogan in the main event…..I am getting pissed. Schiavone talked about everything else but the match at hand. Fucking getting pissed. I think I overrated this one by a half star.