Written by: Tom Hopkins
It’s interesting to note that WCW Saturday now coincides with the same weekly episode of Monday Night Raw. It’s probably always been like that but this is the first time I’m noticing it (thanks to the Classics team pointing it out).
We start with clips of WCW Pro from this morning with Flair asking Sting again to be his partner. This time Sting agrees. Sting says that if there is a swerve then he will leave Flair for dead. Those are strong words from the Stinger.
We are here with Tony Schiavone and Dusty Rhodes and the action is ready to start!
–Road Warrior Hawk vs. Chris Kanyon–
Hawk literally looks like he just walked out of the WWE. He’s wearing the black and red shoulderpads and facepaint. Hawk attacks Kanyon right from the start. Chris Kanyon recently made an appearance in the Tribune’s “They Came From New York.” The Tribune is a local paper from Queens and they love talking about their homegrown stars. Kanyon was listed this year (I can’t recall if he was listed in years past) probably because he just killed himself. You may wonder why I’m talking about the Tribune instead of the match. Well, it’s a jobber match and Haw doesn’t let Kanyon get in any offense. Hawk finishes off Kanyon with a flying shoulderblock and a dreaded fistdrop at 1:54.
Last week on Nitro was the Arn/Flair cage match. We join the match with Flair getting hit with an illegal object and getting pinned. Pillman was involved so Flair challenges both of them to a 2-on-1 match, unless Flair can find an opponent.
After the commercial break we continue with the recaps. This time it is from WCW Pro and Flair asks Sting out to the ring and asks him to be his partner. Sting says no so Flair brings out some kids in Sting face-paint. That convinces Sting to agree to be his partner, just this one time, but if he’s swerved he will leave Flair for dead.
–Harlem Heat (w/Sister Sherri) vs. The Southern Posse–
The jobber team is in matching tights. I don’t know why that’s important but at least it gives me something to write about this match. I’ve never heard of the Southern Posse but the one that’s in the ring stalls a bit to start. That’s incredibly stupid for him to try and get heel heat when they are facing an even bigger heel team. Southern Posse even collide as they run the ropes. I guess this was setting up the Southern Posse break-up angle? Booker hits a nice-looking pump-handle backbreaker but he gets caught get in the Posse corner and now he’s Brotha-in-peril. Of course no one cares because Harlem Heat are the heel team. The dynamic is just way off here. Dusty and Tony talk about the Yankees and Braves again as the Posse blow some double-team maneuver. It looked really bad. It looked like a double back-drop but one sold it like he was kicked and the other went ahead with the move. So they do a different Booker comeback spot (double clothesline) and this one ends soon enough with Heatbomb at 5:49. This was a giant mess, it was too long, heel vs. heel matches don’t work and there were blown spots. That’s not a good combination. DUD.
–Taskmaster vs. –
The jobber has the initials TW on his tights and The Boss on the back but I have no idea who he is. Taskmaster dumps the jobber and delivers painful back-rakes. The jobber makes it back to the ring about two minutes later and Taskmaster finishes with a double stomp at 2:26. I could do without seeing this again. DUD.
Some guy with question marks painted on his head is after Savage. Did this guy become Hugh Morrus?
–Renegade vs. Chris Nelson–
For those who don’t remember, Renegade was WCW’s Ultimate Warrior clone. I think he ended up killing himself in the end. Renegade basically runs around like an idiot and squashes his opposition. This one is over at 0:48 with a splash off the top rope. Renegade hit all his moves for once.
Hogan was at last week’s Nitro wearing all black. See, the jokes are all over. Who knew that a year later Hogan would be in black all the time and once again be the most popular wrestler on the face of the planet. Hogan challenges the Giant but that’s not going to happen because there’s a restraining order against the Giant. Of course the Giant shows up in a Monster Truck. I wonder how much money WCW wasted building these stupid monster trucks.
–Arn Anderson & Flyin’ Brian vs. Eddie Jackie & Todd Morton–
Todd Morton is like a clone of Ricky Morton. Pillman jaws with some loser at ringside which is awesome. I love when heels do that. Pillman continues with the awesome heel stuff by complaining to the ref that his hair was pulled and then doing it to his opponent. Pillman and Arn double-team their overmatched opponents as Dusty name-drops Pillman and his former teammate Steve Austin. I guess Austin hadn’t received Bischoff’s FedEx package yet. For some reason Jackie no sells some chops although that ends quickly. Even though they are jobbers Jackie still makes the hot tag to Morton who comes in with a slingshot dropkick. He promptly walks into a Spinebuster and Pillman ends this with a Texas Cloverleaf at 6:10. You know, working the tag formula always works and even in an abbreviated match like this it works. The only difference is the jobbers get way less offense. *1/4.
Okerlund interviews Pillman and Anderson about their upcoming tag match against Sting and Flair. Arn calls them the best team on paper but Arn and Pillman have the momentum.
–Meng (w/Taskmaster) vs. Rick Sawyer–
We look back at Luger getting chokeslammed by Giant and pinned by Meng. Rick is billed from Honolulu, Hawaii but he looks like no Hawaiian I’ve ever seen before. Meng lays down a nice leg drop before dumping Sawyer. Taskmaster gets some shots in, looking just as bad as he did before. Meng hits a sit-down powerbomb but that’s not his finisher – the less impressive nerve-pinch ends this at 2:16. This was just your below average jobber match.
Mean Gene meets with Meng and Taskmaster and Meng is ready for his match against Luger, although it may not happen depending on other matches that are going on. Meng says something but I quickly lose interest because Alex Rodriguez just hit #600!!! Finally! I’m happy I brought the laptop into my TV room with me so I could watch the game.
–Disco Inferno vs. Alex Wright–
The two dancers battle it out! Disco Inferno was a terrible wrestler but he had a great heel gimmick. He was an updated version of Honky Tonk Man, which is funny when you think about it. The heel was updated into the 70’s instead of the 50’s. Wright flips into the ring and ducks a charging Inferno. He dropkicks him down and gets a high knee for two. Inferno bails to the outside and Wright finally has time to take his jacket off. The two fight over an arm-bar in the early portion of the match. Wright hits a nice springboard splash off the top rope that gets two. Disco ducks out of the way of a charging Wright but Wright stops short. Disco dances oblivious to the fact that Wright is behind him. Wright hits a German suplex to end this at 4:39. Gene talks to Inferno afterwards and Disco is celebrating his victory, even though he lost. This was a harmless TV match. *1/2.
We look at last week’s Nitro again. This time we see a Sting, Luger and Macho Man match. Sting offers that if Lex and Savage win their matches then it will be a Savage/Luger rematch. That whole situation just confuses me.
–Mr. Wonderful vs. Mike Davis–
The two talk about the winning pedigree of Wonderful although I can’t think of a single title this man has won. Wonderful is way past his prime here and his right arm is much smaller than his left arm. I think his arm atrophied and it would eventually end his career. That makes Wonderful a one-armed wrestler and he can barely throw a clotheslines with his left arm, let alone a punch. It’s not easy to watch, really. Wonderful ends this with a piledriver at 2:48. Every move in this match looked terrible.
Gene interviews Mr. Wonderful and his interview is just as bad as the match just was.
–Lex Luger & Sting vs. The Barrio Brothers–
I remember the Barrio brothers. I think I called them Barrio Barrio and Luigi Barrio. We’ll stick with that. Barrio starts with Lex and that doesn’t go too well for the Barrios. Sting comes in and the Barrios pull out all stops with some early heel miscommunication. Luger suplexes Barrio from the apron and Barrio’s had enough. Luigi is tagged in and he’s quickly press-slammed down by Lex. Both Luigi and Barrio charge at Sting in the corner with clotheslines and I bet Flair is wondering why he chose Sting as his partner now. The Barrios try the same move but this time they fail. Sting is still the face in peril, which is funny since he’s been in the ring for about a minute to this point. Sting blocks a suplex and tags in Lex. Lex becomes stuck in the Barrio’s barrio until he explodes out of the corner with a clothesline. Sting hits the Stinger Splash on Luigi and Lex finishes this with the Torture Rack at 7:32. This felt more like 73:20. The Barrios sucked at keeping the action going and both Sting and Luger looked unmotivated. *.
We hear from Hogan to end the show. Hogan tells us he has a dark side that he’s been hiding that will finally be unleashed against the Giant. Hogan talks about eating diseases. I have no idea what the hell that even means.
–The Bottom Line– The first few episodes of WCW Saturday Night that has been posted has really been up and down. This would be a down week. There’s nothing on here over *1/2. Most of the matches came off as really boring and not worth the time. WCW Classics.com asked us which show was better this week, Raw of Saturday Night. I would have to say Raw wins out, and I haven’t even watched it!