Written by: Justin Rozzero
Monday Night Raw
October 29, 2007
Announcers: Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler
– We are live from the home of the original ECW: Philadelphia, PA! And we also waste no time getting to our opening match.
1) Kelly wins the Divas Halloween Battle Royal
Participants: Maria, Mickie James, Torrie Wilson, Victoria, Kelly, Layla, Brooke, Melina, Jillian Hall & Michelle McCool
All the ladies are dressed in the same costumes as last night, except Torrie Wilson who has switched from a Redskins uniform to an Eagles one. Jillian sings her way to the ring in the most annoying way possible. All the ladies are in and we are off. Victoria can hardly move in the big Yokozuna tribute costume, but is able to splash Layla. Layla gets tossed by Jillian right after. Lawler says he is dressing up as the “Perverted Magician, David Copperfield” for Halloween as Victorian nails a Bonzai drop on Brooke before sending her out of the ring. Michelle tosses Jillian after abusing her “children”. Jillian is tossed by Michelle, who is then tossed by Mickie James. Melina and Mickie get stiff in the corner and then Melina crushes Mickie with a face plant off the apron, eliminating both of them. Victoria and Torrie face off Banzai style and Torrie wins the showdown. Kelly and Torrie team up to toss Victoria out, but Kelly then tosses Torrie out to win the match. However, her celebration is short lived as the “Glamazon” comes storming out to the ring. Kelly tries to escape but gets thrown back into the ring by Jillian and Melina. Beth grabs her and spikes her hard with the Double Chicken Wing slam. Grade: N/A
– We now head back to last night and take a look at the Shawn Michaels/Randy Orton Championship battle. After the package we see HBK walking in the back and we are told he will be out next.
– We are back from break and find out that the Coach will square off with Hornswoggle later tonight. Now we are joined by Shawn Michaels who seems to be in a surprisingly good mood as he heads to the ring. Shawn thanks the fans that voted him in last night but tells us he has good news and bad news. He asks what we want first and then decides on the good news, which is that he knocked Orton out cold. The bad news is that he did not walk out as World Champion. He said lots of guys around here walk around bragging about the grapefruits but that “H.B.Shizzle” will not lie and claims that someone needs “pinpoint precision” to hit him in the “bad boys”. He says he wants his rematch and Title right now. That brings Vince out to the ring and JR references the McGrapefruits for us. The Boss asks who wants to see Shawn get a rematch and how many people want to see him be Champion. Vince says that Shawn knows deep down that he wants to be World Champion because Shawn knows he won’t blow it this time and that he will bring in huge numbers and become the greatest World Champion of all time. Vince then says that he knows Shawn wants revenge on Orton as well and says that he has known Shawn since he was 23 and that, despite all the changes, deep down he has a rotten part in his soul. After some prodding, Shawn admits that he wants revenge and wants to take Orton out. He says that when he came back in 2002 he swore to himself that he when he leaves the industry it will be on his terms and no one else’s. He says he wants to hurt Orton, make him suffer and take him out in his prime. Shawn asks for his rematch again and Vince tells him to be careful what he wishes for. Vince mentions that “Survivor Series is an aptly named PPV” and then tells Shawn that he has his rematch and asks him “what are you going to do with it?” Vince starts to leave but Shawn goes to Superkick him but misses wide and Vince falls down scared. Not sure if that was supposed to hit or not. The promo itself was fantastic though, as is usual with HBK.
– We return from commercial and see the two remaining Diva Search contestants backstage as JR lets us know we are running out of time to vote.
2) Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes defeat the World’s Greatest Tag Team when Cody Rhodes pins Charlie Haas with a DDT
As Holly makes his way to the ring, we take a look back at last week’s antics between these four mean, where Holly made the save for Cody. Sisqo and Holly start things off and Benjamin takes control early, forcing Holly into the corner and tagging in Haas. Holly battles back with a couple of chops, but Haas takes his former tag partner down and slugs him across the face a few times. We get a couple of quick tags as TWGTT works over Holly some more. Holly is finally able to hit Haas with a dropkick and is able to tag Cody in. Cody heads up top and lands a big shoulderblock on Haas. He follows up with a clothesline and dropkick for a 1 count. Irish whip leads to a nice Powerslam by Cody for another near fall. The crowd erupts into a big “Y2J” chant. Holly and Shelton battle to the floor as Cody hits Haas with a DDT for the big upset win. Holly doesn’t give Cody any love as he just leaves the ring and walks back on his own. Grade: 1
– Backstage we see Orton and Umaga plotting for their match with Triple H later tonight.
– As an aside, this commercial with these XBOX singing children are driving me insane. Where is the Berries ‘n Cream weirdo when you need him?
– OK, we are back from break and JR and the King are discussing Candice’s nasty fall from last week. We look at the video and are informed that Candice broke her clavicle and will be out 4-6 weeks. We head backstage where the Grish is talking to Beth Phoenix. Beth says she has no regrets about last week or tonight as she wants to make a statement. She claims that all the Divas dress up and be something they aren’t, like Candice who dressed up as a wrestler, pretending she was something more than she was. She said all the training was for nothing and that Candice can go back to Wisconsin, have some kids, wait some tables and tell everyone that her dreams were killed by the Glamazon. That was a killer promo by Phoenix. We cut to Trevor Murdoch reading WWE magazine where he is interrupted by Mickie James. Mickie thanks him for saving her last week. Trevor says it was instinct and that he doesn’t want to see an innocent girl get hurt. Mickie says she isn’t that innocent, but is interrupted by Cade and leaves. Cade tells Trevor that Mickie is out of his league and that he cost the team their match last week. Murdoch says he is 100% focused and that he will have Cade’s back later tonight. Now we head to Regal and Vince backstage where Regal is pleading to Vince about the matches he is making. He says the roster is beat up enough as it is. Vince says he doesn’t want to see anyone hurt, but Triple H is different because it is personal. Vince asks where the “little toad, little frog” is and Regal brings him in to see his Dad. Vince asks Regal to leave for a moment and then sits down with his son. Vince says he knows he hasn’t been around much for Hornswoggle and says they are the same blood and that in order to be a McMahon you need to stand on your own feet. He tells Junior that he made the match tonight because every grown man needs to be knocked on his ass at least once in his life. He says a McMahon gets knocked down, but always gets back up until they don’t have it in them to knock you back down. Hornswoggle is pumped up. He says you need to deal with success as it is their right to be successful. Vince tells him he better learn to hate if he wants to be a McMahon and be successful. Vince tells him to go to the ring and prove that he can hate.
– Back from break and we get another SAVE_US promo that said “Launch_19” at one point. We take a look at the Liberty Bell and then head back to the ring.
3) Hornswoggle McMahon defeats Jonathan Coachman with a Frog Splash
Coach is out first and looking serious. We then hear the fantastic Irish jig music of McMahon, Junior as he makes his way to the ring. Just as they are about to lockup, Lillian announces the special guest referee: Mick Foley, who is out to a decent pop. Mick is looking to be in pretty good shape and he gives Hornswoggle a Low 5. The bells rings and Foley is warning Coach to play it safe. Coach garbs Hornswoggle and tosses him to the corner, but he comes back and stomps the Coach’s foot and lands an Erik Watts style dropkick. Coach catches Hornswoggle and puts him on his shoulder and walk around, but gets bitten on the nose. Hornswoggle runs in a circle and Mick whips him into Coach’s gut. Hornswoggle with a dropkick for a 1 count. Junior heads to the bottom rope and goes for an elbow, but Coach moves in time. Coach accidentally elbows Foley, but then slugs him down from behind and heads outside to get a chair. Hornswoggle begs off but Foley grabs the chair and punches Coach down to the mat. Out comes Mr. Socko and then Hornswoggle pulls out Mini-Socko and grabs a Testicular Claw on the Coach, sending him down. Hornswoggle up top and hits the big Frog Splash for the win! This was obviously played strictly for comedy, but the crowd is so into Hornswoggle it made it fun to watch. Grade: 1.5
– We head to the back where the Grish is with the Game. He recaps the beatings of the last couple weeks and tells Trips that it doesn’t look good. Hunter thanks him for the pep talk and weekly reminder of the tragedies in his life. He says he has always been a gambling man with an ace up his sleeve. He says if he goes down tonight, he will take Umaga and Orton down with him. He says that despite how bad Umaga and Orton may be, he is the Game.
– We return and get the Slam of the Week, which is Trevor Murdoch saving Mickie James from a big Lariat on last week’s Raw.
4) Lance Cade defeats Paul London with a Powerbomb
The bell rings and we are off. London starts with a go-behind and then grabs a side headlock. Cross body gets 1 for London, but Cade is able to gain control of the match. Cade with a pair of clubs to London’s back. He whips Paul to he corner, but eats boot on the charge. Body block gets another near fall for London, who then hits an atomic drop and Huracarrana. London is tossed outside, but hits a sunset flip coming back in. London charges Cade coming back, but Cade catches him with D-Lo style Powerbomb for the victory. As the Champions celebrate, the bagpipes hit and the Highlanders march to the ring and destroy London and Kendrick with a pair of reverse slingshot suplexes. Nice to see some tag team issues developed. Grade: 1.5
– Back from break and we get an ad for the big Monster Mash battle royal tomorrow night on ECW, which I am looking forward to for some reason.
5) Jeff Hardy & D.H. Smith defeat Carlito & Mr. Kennedy when Hardy pins Carlito with a Swanton Bomb
We take a look back at Smith’s big debut match last week, which was a win over Carlito. Smith no longer has “Rule Britannia” and has switched to some generic rock music, which is not a good thing. Hardy and Kennedy will start off of here, playing off of last night’s match. Lockup to start and Kennedy grabs a side headlock. Shoulderblock takes Hardy down, but Jeff lands a big clothesline. Kennedy takes over with a knee and tags Carlito in. Jeff into the turnbuckle and Carlito buries his shoulder into the stomach. Jeff battles out and hits a kick and grabs a headlock. Jeff lands the Legdrop/pin combo for 2, but Carlito is out. Jeff tags Harry in, and he immediately works the arm. JR excitedly runs down Smith’s stats and it is 1989 all over again. Carlito is able to gain control, but is eventually caught with a big back body drop and a clothesline to the floor. Kennedy in and he gets tossed by Hardy as well as we head to break. Back from commercial and Carlito is in control of Harry with a leg submission. During the break, Kennedy nailed Smith in the knee and the two have been working on it since. Harry punches his way out, but Carlito takes his knee out and then tags in Kennedy, who works more on the leg. Lawler lets us know that D stands for Davey and H stands for Hart Family. Kennedy gets a 2 off some leg work and then continues to slam Smith’s knee into the mat. Kennedy rushes over and cheap shots Hardy and then the heels do a blind tag spot and Carlito takes over in the ring. We get more quick tags as Carlito and Kennedy continue to work over Smith’s leg. Carlito with a knee breaker for 2 and then we get another tag to Kennedy. Harry is able to land an Enziguri and he crawls over to the make the hot tag. Jeff hits Carlito with a wrap around clothesline and Whisper in the Wind for 2 before Kennedy breaks it up. Kennedy misses a charge and goes flying outside as Jeff hits a Twist of Fate and Swanton on Carlito to pick up the win. That was a solid match with a typically hot Jeff Hardy ending. Grade: 2
– Back from break and JR lets us know that they got over 13 million votes for Cyber Sunday. And now we hear the beautiful opening strains of Santino Marella’s music. Lawler lets us know that Bonnie Hammer was inducted to the Broadcasting Hall of Fame. Santino is making a formal complaint to the WWE travel department which prevented him from being at Cyber Sunday and giving Steve Austin a piece of his mind. He was happy that the in flight movie was not the Condemned, as there wasn’t enough vomit bags for it. And with that, we get the glass breaking…and a fake Steve Austin on the Titantron, played by Santino himself. This poor audience is just being cock teased all night long. Austin even has an Italian accent which is great. He tells Santino that he should have been in the Condemned and in the WWE Magazine instead of Austin and that he will “open a can of the ass whip, stomp a mud pie and eat some non fat frozen yogurt, because that is the bottom lines” to anyone who disagrees. Maria heads out and tells Santino that she just found out that “he” will be here next week. Santino asks who “he is and if it will be someone from Philadelphia like “Benjamin Franklin or Tom Hanks with the AIDS”. Maria says she means Steve Austin. Santino asks if Maria has been on the “internet chat rooms” again saying she believes anything. Santino said that Austin would have showed up by now if he ever will and that the only place we will see him is on the cover of the Condemned at some gas station discount bin next to “Jillian’s CD”. Great stuff again that I can not do any justice to, so track it down!
– We return and it is time to end the Diva Search. The Grish is out to end this year’s contest. This may have been the wrong place to do this as the crowd is already shitting all over it. Brooke and Eve make their way out to the stage and we are set to see who the big winner is. The crowd continues to boo as Grisham tells the ladies what being a Diva is all about. Grish asks the crowd who will win and they respond with boos and apathy. We get the drum roll and the winner is…Eve! Look forward to seeing you in Playboy in 2009, Eve, thanks for coming.
– We get another SAVE_US video that seems to be an interestingly placed cryptic indicator as we head to ringside for the Main Event.
6) Randy Orton & Umaga defeat Triple H by Disqualification when Shawn Michaels interferes
Orton heads to the ring and we head to our final break of the evening. Back from commercial and Umaga makes his way out for the Handicap match. Trips comes down and cautiously gets into the ring to start off with Umaga. The two trade blows, but Orton comes right in and takes Triple H down. Outside they go and Orton is rammed into the barrier. Umaga sent outside now too and Trips and Orton are back in the ring. Hunter pounds away in the corner and is able to avoid a running splash from Umaga, who hits Orton by mistake. Pedigree attempt is stopped by a big headbutt from behind. Umaga takes over and the two men double team Hunter in the corner. Trips tries to battle back, but Umaga nails a Samoan Drop to put him back down. Hunter is being beaten down in the corner, but Shawn Michaels runs down and he and Triple H clear the ring and toss a couple of crotch chops. Grade: 1
– We cut backstage and Vince and Regal are talking as Vince makes a tag match for next week as we will get a “one night return of DX.” Back to the ring and we fade out without any sign from our Savior.
Well, this wasn’t the best Monday effort, I must say. The sole highlight was definitely Santino Marella, who is our savior until the true Savior returns to Monday nights. The only decent match was the Hardy tag match, but even that was sluggish in the middle. Just a weak effort all around, which is a bummer coming off of last week’s fun outing. The Hornswoggle match was fun and the Beth Phoenix and Shawn Michaels promos were great, but not enough to save things overall. I feel bad for the crowd, as they were basically cock teased with Austin and Jericho, but they did get a Foley appearance I guess. Oh well, there is always next week. Grade: D+
MVP: Santino Marella
Runner Up: Beth Phoenix
Non MVP: Vince McMahon
Runner Up: The rest of the show