Are you ready? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it is time for Monday Night RAW!!!
HHH is in the ring and talks about his responsibilities as the COO. It is up to him to make decisions. One of which is that RAW will be joining Smackdown for a RAW Super Show! Is it the end of the brand extension? Trips continues on to discuss the Kevin Nash situation. HHH is still denying the fact that the text was sent by him. He calls Kevin Nash to come out to the ring. Instead, CM Punk’s music hits.
The Cult of Personality himself makes his way out onto the ramp and then down to the ring. He congratulates HHH on such a great performance. Punks tells HHH to just admit the fact that he was in on everything with Nash since the start.
Nash’s music hits which sounds like a remix of the nWo theme. First, Nash admits that he lied. He says that he had his driver call Laurinaitis and say that he was in a wreck. The reason was that he knew HHH couldn’t take care of things. He says that Punk is the problem and HHH is keeping him from accessing the Straight Edge Superstar. Nash says that Punk is not just insulting himself, but also HHH and his wife. Nash asks what kind of man HHH is for letting those comments go unpunished. HHH wipes his brow and says that he is the kind of man that doesn’t expect to be lied to by his best friends. HHH says he can’t trust Nash anymore =/. He asks Nash to leave the arena.
Nash responds by saying that he lied about the accident, but not the text. Nash then reveals that he was just signed to a very lucrative contract. HHH can go ahead and fire him, because the contract is for guaranteed money. HHH goes on a heartfelt rant about how their trust has been broken.
CM Punk begins to pantomime like he is vomiting. He says that he is acting, just like HHH and Nash are acting. How can anyone believe this crap? Punk says great, the Kliq is back. Too bad people turn their TVs every time Nash is on screen.
Nash has had enough and asks HHH to make a match for him and Punk. Punk says that they should have the match at Night of Champions. Punk taunts HHH about his wife. Punk says that HHH might not wear the pants in his family, but he does wear her panties!
HHH stares Punk in the eye, and grants him the match. In prototypical DX fashion, HHH says that he has two words for these two – the audience responds with “Suck It”.
Orton’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring.
Randy Orton v. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero
They lock up and Orton throws a European uppercut. Ziggler whips him to the corner but Orton responds with a clothesline. High dropkick from Dolph and a cover attempt – Orton kicks out. Dolph takes the Viper to the corner and stomps on him. Orton gets to his feet and hits a head-butt. Dolph dodges a clothesline but gets hit with a Thesz press! Orton takes Dolph to the ramp and sets up for the suspended DDT. Vickie jumps up on the apron to distract Orton. It works just long enough for Dolph to knock Orton out of the ring. The referee begins a 10 count, but Orton slides in at 9 1/2 .
Back from the break, Dolph is in control He transfers into a rear headlock. Orton gets in a couple shots and then follows Dolph up the turnbuckle for a Superplex! Cover attempt, but Dolph kicks out. Orton whips him into the ropes and hits a beautiful snap slam. Belly to Belly suplex results in another near fall. Dolph hits a Unicorn Leg Drop and goes for the cover. Orton kicks out. Orton catches Ziggler in midair and sends him into the mat. Orton hits a gut wrench, but somehow Dolph still kicks out!
Orton runs for a punt, but Dolph kicks him in the throat with a boot. Cover, but Orton kicks out. Randy throws him onto the apron, and this time connects with the suspended DDT. He charges up for an RKO, but Ziggler counters into a sleeper. Orton escapes and throws Ziggler into the air, and then connects with an RKO! This match is over.
Winner via RKO: Randy Orton
In the back, Cena cuts a quick promo on being the #1 Contender, and Del Rio’s attack last week.
Cena comes out to the ring and compliments the fans on their mixed reaction for him. Cena says that Del Rio’s actions have been speaking louder than his words. Rio said he would be someone of class and dignity. Instead, he is ac ting like a coward. Cena says that if Del Rio wants to attack him, then he should do it face to face. “If you want some, come get some”.
Instead of Del Rio, Mark Henry’s music hits. He says that he is down in the ring to get him some. Henry says that over the past three months he has dismantles Kane, The Big Show, and many others. Last week he even gave Shaemus a World’s Strongest Slam on steel steps. He says that Cena is going to enter the hall of pain. Henry says that he is going to win the World Title.
Christian’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. He says that he is tired of Cena complaining. Cena says that if he wants some, come get it – or else leave the ring. Christian laughs that it is 2 on 1. Shaemus’ music hits and he joins Cena’s side. Christian exits the ring, and after about 30 seconds, He heads out himself.
In the back John Laurinaitis is talking to Charles Robinson. He wants the 4 men that are in the ring to have a tag team match. HHH comes in and says that he already made that match because he is the boss. He is even John’s boss.
CM Punk is in the ring, and The Miz walks out with a mic. He says that he was cutting explosive promos long before Punk came around. (Because he’s the Miz, and he’s awesome)
The Miz v. CM Punk
They square off and Punk shouts a mocking, “I’m awesome”. Miz backs him into the corner, and punches him in the head. Punk responds with a heel kick and then an elbow to the face. Punk tries for a vertical suplex, and it connects. Punk stomps on Miz’s head and then heads to the top turnbuckle. Miz runs into the corner, causing Punk to fall crotch first onto the top turnbuckle. Miz kicks him in the skull and then goes for a cover. Punk kicks out. Miz hits a couple knees to the back and midsection. He hits a couple hammering blows to the collarbone for good measure. Cover, but Punk kicks out.
The Straight Edge star gets to his feel and kicks Miz in the calves. Miz responds with a DDT and cover. Punk kicks out but is quickly caught in a rear headlock. Miz heads to top rope and leaps for an axe handle, Punch dodges, but gets kicked in the face. Cover, but Punk kicks out. Punk is tossed to the outside of the ring as we head to commercial.
Back from the break, Miz is in control. Punk fights to the advantage and looks for a GTS. Miz counters into a Skull Crushing Finale attempt, but Punk counters that and Miz is on the ground. Punk takes to the top turnbuckle. Miz follows after, but Punk throws him down. Punk leaps and connects, but R-Truth is running down to the ring. Truth distracts Punk, which allows Miz to get in a cheap shot. Punk throws Miz out, and manages to ground Truth. Kevin Nash walks his way down to the ring. He pauses, and Miz sneaks in before Punk. It is now 3 on 1, and not even Super Straight Edge Magic can save Punk. Nash lifts Punk high into the air and connects with the Jackknife Powerbomb! He raises his arm in victory as he towers over his prey.
Sin Cara v. Jack Swagger
They square off and Cara starts to spin around. He sends Swagger out of the ring and then follows with a nice plancha. Swagger gets back into the ring and hits a Swagger Bomb. Vickie Guerrero walks down the ramp to watch her prospective client. Swagger smiles and tries for a pin. Cara kicks out. Cara attempts a bit of offense, but Jack hits a shoulder block, and Cara falls to the ground.
Dolph Ziggler runs down to Vickie. He begins to argue with Swagger which allows Cara to hit a springboard DDT. He follows up with the Feminatchi Sequence, and this match is over!
Winner via Feminatchi Sequence: Sin Cara
Video package airs highlighting the Tag Team Championship match from last week.
WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne v. David Otunga & Michael McGilicutty
Michael and Evan start off. Michael gets the upperhand and tries for a cover, Bourne kicks out. Otunga gets the tag and pounds on the back of Bourne’s neck. Michael gets the tag. He hits a backbreaker and goes for a cover. Bourne kicks out. Kofi gets the hot tag and cleans out the ring. Michael pushes him into the corner, but Kingston responds with a top rope Phoenix crossbody. Bourne reenters the ring, only to fly back out at Otunga. Kingston hits the Trouble in Paradise, and this match is over.
Winners & STILL WWE Tag Team Champions: Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne
After the match, Otunga and Michael start to yell at Lawler for the comments he has been making about them. With a vicious sneer, Otunga stares down Lawler.
Kelly Kelly w/ Eve Torres v. Brie w/ Nikki Bella
In the back, Natalya and Beth Phoenix are watching the match on a monitor. Natalya says that if the WWE knew what makes a good Diva, they would be the ones in the ring. They claim not to be jealous.
Back in the ring, a little Twin Magic allows The Bellas to pick up the win.
Winner via Twin Magic: Brie Bella
Christian & Mark Henry v. Sheamus & John Cena
Christian and Sheamus start the match off. Christian gets in a punch, and Sheamus responds with a clothesline. Christian clings to the bottom rope to keep Sheamus off of him. Sheamus gets him to his feet and hits a slam. Mark Henry enters the ring off the tag. Sheamus stares him down and Henry shoves his check. Henry tries for a clothesline but Sheamus responds with a series of clubbing blows. Henry pushes him into the ropes and then knocks him to the mat. Henry rips the bandages off that were protecting Sheamus’ ribs. Christian gets tagged back into the ring and tries to keep Sheamus away from making the tag. Christian tags Henry back into the ring. He steps on the ribs of Sheamus, and then brings back in Christian. Sheamus is knocked by Christian but gets the tag to Cena.
Christian is hit with a flurry of offense which leads to the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. He goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Christian escapes. Cena lifts him up on his shoulder for a shoulder slam. Christian tries for a crossbody, but Cena catches him. He lifts him up onto his shoulders, but Christian grabs on to the tope rope for leverage. Henry and Sheamus charge into the ring. Henry is sent to the outside, and Sheamus leaps out after him! Christian hits Cena with a Spear. Cover – but Cena kicks out. Cena takes the advantage, and this match is over!
Winners: John Cena & Sheamus
In the back HHH is with CM Punk. He says that he just got off the phone with the Board of Directors. Punk asks if HHH if he has resigned. The COO responds by saying that that Punk’s match with Kevin Nash has been cancelled. Instead, he will be facing Punk at Night of Champions!
HHH finally decided to man up, and can you blame him? There is only so much abuse that a man can take from someone insulting the love of his life. Good for you HHH. Though, I actually think you should have guaranteed a punishing beatdown by allowing Nash into the match as well. Just think about it.
There are a lot of people that are going to be hurt if the brand extension ends. I really feel for the underappreciated talents in the company that aren’t going to get a fair shot at screen time because the same main eventers will be soaking up time on both shows. These guys have worked their asses off to get into the company, and they may lose their jobs as a result.
Swagger/Orton was fun to watch up until Dolph decided to be a little baby and interrupt. He needs to get it through his bleach soaked brain that having Swagger as a part of Vickie’s managerial services could result in a very valuable ally for treacherous situations.
It’s always great to see Sin Cara back on RAW, but has anybody noticed his recent weight gain? I’m not trying to meddle in his person life, but I’m worried for his health. That can’t be natural.
I can see Jerry Lawler’s point that Otunga and Michael couldn’t possibly have lost their match because of the comments that he was making on commentary. However, in the same vein I can’t help but wonder what I would do if when I went home to watch tape of my match, I heard the commentators calling me bland and boring. Lawler has a mean punch, so the former Tag Champs might just want to back off. Think about it from a business decision. If they antagonize Lawler, he is going to keep making fun of them on commentary. He’ll personally dislike them outside and inside the ring, abandoning all hope that they can escape the hateful comments by proving Lawler wrong.
Beth and Natalya are a lot of talk, but they need to actually DO something. I don’t mean cheap attacks, I mean they need to go to HHH and asked to be put in a program for the belt. Talking to a TV screen has never solved anyone’s problems. Actually that’s not true, but in this case it won’t. It could? Maybe? I don’t know.
I want to see John Cena face Mark Henry in the hopes that Henry will leap off the top rope, Cena will catch him, and then hoist him up for the Attitude Adjustment. Never Give Up.
The last Monday of the month is “kayfabe” night in my RAW Recaps. Wrestling is supposed to be fun, so relax and enjoy
Alright the lame kayfabe thing is done, so let me step in and analyze the show like someone that doesn’t still sleep with a teddy bear.
It was a great segment to initiate RAW tonight. The brand split is something that I can’t really comment on in such a short space, so hopefully David and I can co-write a column together on the topic. Besides it would be nice to see a reason for him to still have a column since he never bothers to post it.
Thank God for Punk, the vomiting was exactly what that segment needed. It was just so drawn out and melodramatic. I did enjoy the bit tonight where Kevin Nash pretended to light a lighter before raising his fist into the air. Trying to get “heat”, I see what you did there.
The Miz is decent on the mic, but I oppose the proposition that he was a “pipe bomb” long before Punk. Unless we are talking about his ignorant racist remarks as a Real World Housemate, in that regard maybe he has a case.
Other than the fact that we both watch Archer, I have no reason to like Dolph Ziggler. He’s a bland, bleached-blonde, blather-mouth that relies on Vickie for a reaction. Watch his entrance without her, the crowd doesn’t care about him. Orton was on top of his game tonight, and the match was actually very solid.
If you are going to switch the talent playing Sin Cara, so be it. This guy tonight (Hunico for you Mexican Wrestling Geeks) was so much more adaptable to the WWE formula. That being said, Mistico is no longer Sin Cara, so the commentators need to stop citing Mistico’s pre-WWE accolades as accomplishments of the Sin Cara character.
On a side note, those Sin Cara lights… Seriously? That’s the type of lighting stoners turn on when they totally wanna like understand the world man. Just – no.
David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty are terrible. This is not a debate, especially not in the case of David Otunga. If you are a member of the IWC you can only either like Otunga for one of two reasons. 1. You are a contrarian, 2. You are a moron.
I don’t at all understand why Natalya & Beth Phoenix are dolling themselves up to complain about the women’s division being too girly. They are trying to be ironical, but it is just a big bowl full of stainless steel fail. (take that Nash, I’ll see your “heat” reference, and raise you an “iron-stainless steel” pun)
The main event did not start until after 11:00pm EST which is never a promising sign. It was fine, but I would have liked to see Sheamus without the bandages and act as the climax hot tag recipient. Cena is tailor fit for that role, but they could have mixed it up and surprised the audience.
Not a terrible RAW by any stretch of the imagination. We basically learned that the brand split is de facto ending, Smackdown may permanently move to Tuesday nights as a Live show, and Eve Torres is a babe. I’ll take it.