Written by: Arnold Furious
Last time out at Bad Ass Mother 3000 PWG crowned its first heavyweight champion in Frankie Kazarian. The tournament nature of the shows made it hard to develop rivalries beyond various wrestlers being pissed off with losing to someone in the tournament. The main instance of this being Joey Ryan defeating Adam Pearce during the finals. Ryan went all the way to the last match before being defeated by Kazarian. PWG felt Kazarian needed more of a challenge for his first defence and brought in both AJ Styles and tournament loser Chris Daniels to go after the title.
We’re in the Jewish Community Center in Hollywood, California. Hosts are Excalibur and Disco Machine.
PROMO TIME – out comes PWG commissioner and “token Asian” Paul T. Excalibur makes fun of him over the promo and mentions he’s from Japan rather than China (as you’d imagine from his “slanted appearance”). Excalibur’s hilarious commentary continues to run down minorities including Jews who are a “sneaky people” although none are present in the building this evening. The event is interrupted by the arrival of Adam Pearce and his manager Vander Pyle. Excalibur’s racial abuse continues as he refers to the Japanese as “filthy slopes” and claims Chow Yun Fat is a pitcher for the BoSox. Anyway Vander Pyle talks about how Pearce’s foot was on the bottom rope when Joey Ryan beat him. Disco is upset that women get the vote AND are allowed to drive. I know some people hate the commentary but I love these guys. Excalibur gives us a lesson in the history of cheques bouncing in wrestling history and claims Pearce needed reconstructive surgery after being struck by one. These bizarre tangents just seem to come out of left field. Meanwhile TARO~! is all pissed off with Pearce’s attitude and comes out here. Taro gets blown up walking up to the ring and gets in Pearce’s face. Pearce with a “veiled sexual reference” and calls Taro a disgrace to professional wrestling. Vander Pyle brings the distraction allowing Pearce to jump from behind and hit a piledriver. Joey Ryan makes the save “dressed for war” with technical shinguards to “protect himself and the other competitor”. Excalibur makes fun of Joey’s promo skills as he talks about beating Pearce later on. Initially Taro was wrestling Pearce but Joey takes that match instead. Excalibur talks about how Joey taking the match means they have to pay out less money because Joey is one of the owners. Disco claims that Joey Ryan has a bed made entirely of ladies. Excalibur thinks they’re dead. Anyway Pearce is confident of winning later.
TARO/Mr Excitement/Phoenix Star v Lil Cholo/Topgun Talwar/Zokre
Topgun Talwar is nuts. Excalibur introduces the lucha drinking game. Armdrag, drink. Headscissors, two drinks. ARMDRAG! Drink! Mexican Indy Standoff! Another armdrag. Drink! Lots of lucha moves in the early going. Another armdrag. This is Zokre and Phoenix Star doing armdrags btw. Taro pops up an armdrag and that’s another drink but he blows out his knee. “I believe Adam Pearce piledrove his head not his knee” – Excalibur gets critical of Taro’s selling. Mr Excitement comes in and wants Topgun. He’s in the “dangah” zone. Excitement bails. Excalibur is making wild claims about Kenny Loggins being backstage. Excitement controls Topgun with power while Excalibur makes bad taste jokes about Princess Diana. This segues to suggesting Topgun chest is caved in after a double knees in the corner. Topgun comes back with repeated clotheslines and a big shoulderblock. Mr Excitement takes a huge bump off that. In comes Taro for a shoulderblock duel. “Two mack trucks being struck by moose’s”. Chop duel. Excalibur makes accusations about Lil Cholo stealing all the other wrestlers hubcaps. The Taro team work over Topgun including a nice neckbreaker over the knee from Taro/Excitement. Star-Zokre for some nice lucha style spots again. The counters are at speed and super-flippy. Zokre busts out a reverse DDT to win that encounter for dos. Star gets held in place for Zokre to hit a double ankle kick to the side of the head. Cholo finally tags in after 11 minutes. He does some crowd friendly stuff like the 10 count punches. Taro in and the straps are down! LARIATS! TOPE! Topgun gets wiped out by remarkable competence from Taro. Zokre hits a “tornillo”; I’ll have to take Excalibur’s word for that. Mr Excitement and Cholo trade moves including duelling Exploders. Texas Cloverleaf should finish but Star breaks it up and hits a flip piledriver. We’re getting spot heavy here. Topgun murders Star and the spots go back and forth. The commentators are increasingly drunk after a series of armdrags. Springboard senton from Star but then another rope flip misses. Tornado DDT from Taro gets 2. “Armdrag” – Disco. Taro breaks out the freakin’ DRAGONRANA for the pin at 16.02. **1/2. Well that was crazy stuff for an opener. Bit spot heavy but it did get the crowd’s juices flowing. The commentary is very distracting but it’s also funny so I’m torn as to whether it’s a good thing. Perhaps paying attention to the finish and the promos would be a start.
Excalibur/Disco Machine v Chris Bosh/Quicksilver
So now Excalibur and Disco commentate on their own match. Excalibur compares his demeanour to a pit viper. Boshomania appears to be runnin’ wild. Bosh & Quicksilver jump from behind and knock the commentators out of the ring before adding stereo dives. Disco takes a Blue Thunder backbreaker and Quicksilver helpfully adds a standing moonsault. Quicksilver breaks out the lucha submission headscissors but Excalibur dives in and double stomps his head. Excalibur claims this commentary is live. Quicksilver gets picked off and his arm is worked over. Quicksilver’s attempted comeback is met with a kick to the “inner thigh”. Bosh gets the tag and shows his agility by jumping onto the tope rope and coming off with a crossbody. LARIATOOOOO! Excalibur lands folded up on his neck. “Ouch. My neck”. Boshorelli Basher gets 2 with Disco saving. Superfly splash and a moonsault on Disco. Bosh gets picked off and Disco hits him with a chokebreaker for 2. This really has degenerated badly. Excalibur sees Quicksilver open – LARIATOOOOOOOOOOOO! That was even stiffer. Quicksilver is hauled back up and Excalibur’s version of the Jay Driller, which he calls the Excalibur Execution, finishes this at 5.25. **. Short and very spot heavy but still good fun. Excalibur is always entertaining.
POST MATCH Excalibur cuts a promo on Bosh. Excalibur claims the commentary is now coming via telepathy.
Hook Bomberry v Scorpio Sky
Excalibur makes an odd claim about the Nigerian flag prominently featuring the colour yellow hence his outfit. The Nigerian flag is green and white. These guys start at speed with counters on the mat. They throw elbows out of the lock up, which is really nice. Hook gets slapped in the face and takes Scorpio down. This leads into a headlock. Scorpio shoves him off and hits a dropsault. This has been quite excellent in the early going. Snap belly to belly gets 2. Hook with some hard Irish whips where he just throws his whole weight into it. Gutwrench suplex gets 2. This is a nice change of pace to the earlier matches where they’re building stuff but they’re doing it strongstyle, which is nifty. Hook hits a backbreaker for 2. Scorpio fires up but that gets him a backdrop driver. Hook is a little slow on the pin because this has been an intense opening five minutes. Boston crab from Hook but its way too close to the ropes. Hook with three bodyslams. Excalibur resorts to reciting the lyrics to Triple H’s entrance music. Scorpio comes back with the TKO over the knee for 2. Snap rana into the triangle choke and Scorpio adds in forearm smashes for good measure. Hook moves his legs under the ropes to stay alive. Scorpio goes up top but gets crotched. Hook dropkicks him in the back leading to the tree of woe basement dropkick. Boston crab is on again. This time closer to the centre of the ring. Scorpio is still too close and survives once again. Hook comes off the top but gets caught in the Ace Crusher into the Dragon clutch. Hook is also too close to the ropes. Scorpio can’t hit a suplex because his back is too hurt. Hook gets kicked in the face though. Scorpio with elbows to the throat into an inverted DDT over the knee he calls the “Argle Bargle”. That’ll do it at 11.19. That match just flew by. ***.
Briscoe Brothers v Super Dragon/B-Boy
B-Boy and Mark start out with some smooth mat wrestling that gets polite applause. The back and forth just keeps getting better with headlocks and headscissors until the Indy Stand Off. Super Dragon-Jay. Dragon tries to impose his will on Jay but Jay shows his strength and holds on with a headlock. Mark tags in on the bottom of the foot, which is good teaming. Dragon gets out and works a top wristlock. Mark tries to drop down but that just gets him double stomped and in comes B-Boy to spinal tap him. Dragon with Koppo Kick in the corner and the quality in this one so far has been great. B-Boy & Dragon’s double teaming is very impressive. B-Boy with a kneedrop to the back of the head. Dragon back in with a double leglock. It seems they’re wanting to isolate Mark. CURB STOMP~! He sets up the Oriental Crossbow but Jay saves. B-Boy comes in to dropkick Mark in the back of the head for 2. Mark elbows at him but gets caught in a spinebuster. Jay again runs in to save. Dragon back in with the Full Nelson Mandela and he adds in kicks to the head! Mark tries to lean back into a pin but can’t get both shoulders down. Dragon gets it back up and hits a snap suplex for 2. Mark with a double springboard crossbody on B-Boy as he comes in then an Enzuigiri to set up the HOT TAG. Jay with a snap suplex of hid own for 2. Jay with a flying forearm. B-Boy falls and suffers a kick to the face in the process. Mark is already back in showing a slight issue with selling on the part of the Briscoes. That happens from time to time. He at least keeps this grounded to show his fatigue before nailing B-Boy with a kneedrop receipt. Jay back in for double team kneeing. He makes the mistake of spitting at Super Dragon. He’ll pay for that. Briscoes blind tag and hit the Decapitation Device for 2. Dragon makes the save. B-Boy starts no selling after Mark Irish whips him from outside the ring, which is different. Jay stomps him and drops the knee. Jay again provokes Dragon, this time with an elbow. I can’t see that working out in the long run. Mark with a big powerbomb but the moonsault misses. B-Boy comes back with a fisherman buster out of desperation. Jay in and here comes Super Dragon on the hot tag. VIOLENCE PARTY~~~~!!! Mark tries to save but Dragon missile dropkicks him out of the ring while hitting a senton onto Jay. Mark falls outside and Dragon kills him, and the front row, with a TOPE CON HILO. Goddamnit, I love this fucking guy! B-Boy takes over with a superfly splash for 2. B-Boy and Jay with an elbow duel, PADLESS! B-Boy with an awesome SHOTEI~! Jay’s bump was slick on that. Exploder on B-Boy from Mark but Dragon kills him with a LARIATOOOOO. Jay is up – YAZKUZAAAAAAAAAAAA KIIIIICK. B-Boy gets one too but doesn’t fall. Jay sets him up on the ropes and Mark adds the springboard ACE CRUSHER for 2. Doomsday Device and Mark hit that lariat SO hard. Jay & Dragon brawl to the floor. Not for long though as Dragon bashes Mark with an Enzuigiri and then rolls with suplexes just killing Mark over and over again…for 2. LIGERBOMB INTO THE BUCKLES into the STF. B-Boy can’t hold Jay back who makes the save. DVD on Dragon and now B-Boy saves. B-Boy avoids the Cutthroat Driver but not Jay’s Falcon Arrow. They keep making saves here. Jay survives the Psycho Driver but when he attempts the Jay Driller B-Boy leaps off Dragon’s back and nails Jay with the Shining Wizard. PSYCHO DRIVER. It’s over at 19.22. B-Boy does a great job of protecting the pin with a flying knee on Mark. I told you Jay shouldn’t have gone and pissed off Super Dragon! ****. While it’s probably too spot heavy, a familiar complaint by this point, its great action.
POST MATCH Crowd chants for both teams and Dragon shows respect to the Briscoes provoking the big Indy babyface pop for everyone.
Pinoy Boy v Vito Thomaselli
These guys have a hell of a job on here following that last match. They run some mat counters but they’re just not smooth enough. Mainly because Thomaselli is jumping into everything and Pinoy Boy isn’t on top of it quick enough. It’s hard to follow up on a great match. Sometimes you just need a buffer match. These guys are it. They duck a few high kicks and the crowd are responding, which is good news. Thomaselli starts popping off armdrags, which doesn’t bode well for the commentary. Some of the stuff in this match is just too telegraphed. Like Thomaselli standing there waiting to be kicked and getting his arms up. Why not just move? I know some people don’t object to that and figure as long as they’re safe and the actual move looks fine then it’s ok but I’m not in that camp. They run some improved counters but end with a convoluted Enzuigiri. Match is somewhat dragging now. Thomaselli works a chinlock to demonstrate that but then moves up to a Cattle Mutilation. That’s not cool. You shouldn’t be borrowing finishing holds from the Indies as a transition. Bryan Danielson would whip him for that. And probably should have. Pinoy Boy hits a few dropkicks and whatnot. Phoenix DDT from Pinoy Boy but Thomaselli falls into the ropes and can’t be pinned. Set up for that was weak but the speed was impressive. Pinoy Boy with boot scrapes and they’re trying desperately hard here. TIGER SUPLEX ’85 from Thomaselli gets 2. Death Valley Driver gets 2. Are you kidding me? That’s two huge power moves one after the other. Some more poor countering leads to Pinoy Boy on top for the pin and the duke at 11.34. That dragged but at least they tried hard. *1/2.
POST MATCH Excalibur claims Pinoy Boy stole that one like “a child from Brazil”. Thomaselli flips him off and walks out.
The X Foundation (Scott Lost/Billy Kim) v The Ballard Brothers
Shane & Shannon Ballard both look like freaky rat people. They’re also pro-Canada and comes out with the Maple Leaf to “USA” chants. The Ballards go onto the stage so they can play the piano performing their “two man play; Wild Rose of the Summer”. Or perhaps one of them just plays the Exorcist theme. This starts out very basic, which is what I’ve come to expect from the Ballards. Shannon and Kim run a near falls sequence, which is met with polite applause. The Ballards have better teaming so they take over by doubling up on Kim. We get a brawl with Shannon attempting a suplex off the stage, which Excalibur points out isn’t covered by PWG’s insurance. The X Foundation work a great double team where they bash both Ballards off the piano creating a bizarre and musical duel. Is that Chopsticks? Lost breaks out the SUPERMAN SPEAR into the corner. Shane comes in after low bridging Lost and hits a DDT on Kim for 2. Double slingshot elbow drop gets 2. Excalibur has taken to calling ref Rich Knox “Jabberjaw”. He does actually look like Jabberjaw. Urinage from Shane and Kim is struggling in this heat segment. He manages a flying headscissors for two drinks but gets cut back down. This has gone a bit messy. The Ballards work better as a team then in singles but Kim isn’t great at selling the heat segment. Hot tag and Lost cleans house on everyone…bar Jabberjaw. You can’t clean house on Jabberjaw. That’d just be wrong. Lost has some nice innovative stuff and stretches Shane for a while until Shannon saves. Kim gets back in and sets a double team but the Ballards are better at teaming and take over into a double team facebuster. Jabberjaw has lost control. The brawling continues with tags no abandoned. Lost decapitates Shane with a Savage Elbow over Kim’s knee but Shannon runs in with a Blue Thunder and switches the pin over. That gets 2. Is this still going? And can we get some order back if it is? WIND UP FACEBUSTER~! That was cool. It’s Lost who gets planted and the Ballards win it at 14.10. Geez, that was long. **. The Ballards are supposed to be like the Hanson Brothers from Slap Shot but they’re not weird enough or violent enough for my liking. They don’t stand out from the crowd. Gimmick needs work boys.
Adam Pearce w/Mr Vander Pyle v Joey Ryan
Vander Pyle wants to know where the Jewish women are at. Excalibur points out the crowd are all Mexican. Vander Pyle offers to sing Pearce’s entrance music. It’s pretty horrendous but he’s a hell of a sport for dancing and singing on back to back shows. This is the one match that already has heat on it because these guys hate each other. They blow an early spot then blow something else. Ryan makes up for it by slapping Pearce. They chase around outside and Ryan slaps Vander Pyle too. He really is a sport taking a huge bump off that. I like manager’s who bump like crazy. They counter on the floor and Pearce hits a reverse suplex and Ryan lands on the top of his head. This isn’t a good match but they’re still feeling it. The hatred and energy compensates for a lot. Pearce makes a rare trip to the top rope and hits the Savage Elbow. Gutwrench suplex gets 2. Pearce brings the classic heeling by kneeling across Ryan’s shoulder to argue with the ref. Ryan gets thrown out to Vander Pyle who also chokes him. Vander Pyle jumps into the ring but gets knocked on his ass and Ryan super rana’s Pearce onto him. That was cool. Kazarian would approve. Vander Pyle is still in there and he gets wiped out again. Ryan with a belly to belly for 2. He’s getting frustrated now because he’s caught Pearce a few times but he keeps kicking out. Texas Cloverleaf from Pearce into an STF and Pearce won’t break it despite Ryan getting the ropes. Pearce goes the piledriver but Ryan backdrops him over the top and Vander Pyle gets wiped out again! Excalibur and Disco Machine come out here to applaud Ryan while in runs Super Dragon – PSYCHO DRIVER~! Pearce won’t pin him though because he wants to win his way. Piledriver finishes at 10.45. *. That really didn’t pan out as I’d expected or logic dictated. Ryan, the plucky underdog, gets largely slaughtered and then double killed by Super Dragon who went out of his way to be more like a babyface in his earlier match. Plus Excalibur and Disco Machine are babyfaces too so you’d think it’d be more logical to mess with the heel in this one. And they had a perfectly good match set up anyway with Ryan-Pearce. The only entertainment I got out of this was from Vander Pyle and his wacky managerial antics, which shouldn’t be.
POST MATCH the X Foundation runs out here to ensure Ryan doesn’t get anymore beat up but they’re a bit late. So this is setting up a 6-man tag I guess but it all seems very out of left field.
PWG title – Frankie Kazarian (c) v AJ Styles v Christopher Daniels
Everyone is a babyface so we’re set for a spot heavy main event madness match. AJ was NWA champion at the time. The outsiders take out Kazarian first. Better the devil you know. AJ calls for double dives but then clotheslines Daniels and hits the dropsault. Daniels catches AJ with a back elbow and Kazarian slingshots in to DDT the NWA champ. I get the feeling this is going to be very spotty. Kazarian does his corner flipover Edgeomatic. Corner dropkick on AJ but Daniels runs over to back suplex him. Daniels calls for Last Rites but AJ hits him with an Enzuigiri. AJ calls for the Styles Clash but Kazarian dropkicks him over and Daniels ends up on top for 2. Coolness. 13 count vertical suplex on AJ from Daniels and up goes Kazarian for one too but AJ kicks him in the leg. AJ and Kazarian both hit dives. Kazarian with a high crossbody on Daniels for 2. Anytime someone considers a pin the other guy runs in, which is a general 3-way issue. At least in 3-ways outside of the WWE they tend not to do such ridiculous selling in order to incorporate various one on one spots. Kazarian with a springboard double legdrop. AJ with his suplex into a neckbreaker. This has been way spot heavy. But then 3-ways usually are. Daniels with leaping calf kicks all over the place. Flatliner/DDT combo. He pins both guys for 2. Pumphandle backbreaker on Kazarian from AJ and the same move gutbuster version on Daniels. Daniels goes for a reverse DDT but AJ quebradas into it and gets his own inverted DDT on top of it. DISCUS LARIAT on Kazarian. I love that move. AJ just throws himself into that. Everyone down. Excalibur talks about “ref seconds” and how they’re slower than usual seconds. Cobra Sleeper on Daniels but AJ boots Kazarian in the spine. AJ sets Kazarian up but runs into Daniels Blue Thunder for 2. Best. Moonsault. Misses. Daniels with Angels Wings on Kazarian but AJ saves. AJ and Daniels start trading, which is just beautiful but the near falls leads the Styles Clash but Kazarian is up and as AJ hits the Styles Clash Kazarian adds in the WAVE OF THE FUTURE, which is just completely awesome and naturally ends the match at 13.30. The Ballards match got longer than this? What the fuck? ***1/4. Good little three way spotfest with an awesome finish. Shame it was so short comparatively but they never stopped working.
BACKSTAGE Daniels cuts a serious promo using the goofy show names PWG have. He points out that Kazarian has now pinned him twice but that doesn’t mean he’s beaten him. Daniels claims the PWG title is in his destiny and he will chase him until he’s the champion. Great promo. We get a promo off AJ too. He says Kazarian got him but he pinned Daniels not him. He points out he’s a winner. He points out Kazarian got lucky but he did outsmart both himself and Daniels. Horrible promo btw. Kazarian gets a shot too. He puts his challengers over and reminds that he has the sash of bananas.
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