Written by: Colin Rinehart
March 13th, 2011
TNA Impact! Zone, Orlando, Florida
We continue down the “Road to Lockdown” tonight as the big matches booked include Sting defending his newly won TNA World Title against Jeff Hardy, a four-way Ultimate X match for the X-Division title, and a number one contendership match for the World title between Rob Van Dam and Mr. Anderson. Card looks lackluster on paper, so let’s just jump right into it.
Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz
No DQ Falls Count Anywhere Match
Tommy Dreamer vs. Bully Ray
Ray and Devon have been feuding so this is just a way to continue that feud really without having them wrestle. Before the match Ray grabs a mic and thanks God for Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff, cutting an ironic promo about how Hogan and Bischoff have what it takes to bring a wrestling company to the top. Tommy dominates to start, slamming Ray on the guardrail. A fan lifts up his chair and Tommy slams his head into it and then grabs a huge stuffed animal from the movie Despicable Me that a fan has and hits Ray with it. BAH GAWD THE HUMANITY! They brawl into the crowd now and Tommy slams Ray into the Impact billboard, which I think is a legally required spot in any hardcore match in TNA history. Ray racks Dreamer crotch-first on the steel guadrail and they make their way back to ringside. Tommy throws an assortment of weapons into the ring, including a sawhorse of all things. Kendo stick shot off the top from Tommy and he grabs an inflatable sex doll of all things. They do a bit of comedy with Ray getting splashed with the doll on top of him for the first pin attempt of the match. Dreamer hits the DDT but Ray kicks out again. Tommy brings a table into the ring and tries for a piledriver but Ray counters and smashes him with a trash can. “We want Devon” chant of all things starts up, for possibly the first and only time in documented history. Ray canes Tommy and sets the table up. He grabs a mic and starts taunting Tommy, beating him with the cane. Suddenly the Team 3D music hits and Devon’s two sons come own the ramp while Devon sneaks up behind Ray and he and Tommy give him the 3D through the table, giving Dreamer the win at 10:45. For a hardcore match to kick off a show, this wasn’t too bad. There was no rhyme or reason to any of it, sure, but this was certainly more entertaining than the match Devon and Ray had last month, and it served it’s purpose to get the crowd fired up. **
Backstage Christy Hemme gets a few words with the Beautiful People and Winter about their KO tag title match next.
TNA Knockouts Tag Team Title Match
Angelina Love/Winter (C) vs. Sarita/Rosita
Before the match Sarita gets on the mic and talks some trash in Spanish, then promises that Mexico is taking back what’s rightfully “theirs”. Winter is wearing some kind of lace over her eyes, which just looks weird. Angelina and Rosita start us off with a side headlock. Angelina hits a few right hands and then Sarita tags in. Angelina gives her a snap suplex and just like that Sarita tags back out again. Winter tags in and the match instantly improves because of it. Backbreaker gets Winter a quick two. Sarita tags in and gets flap-jacked, and then Winter reverses a wristlock into a beautiful Northern Lights suplex. My god! A Knockouts match where they actually wrestle?! What a concept! Just as I write that though Angelina comes back in and gives Rosita a slam for two. Winter tags back in and misses a boot. Sarita comes back in and misses a dropkick and then Winter applies a tight wristlock, tagging Angelina back in. Sarita and Angelina start fighting outside and Rosita tries to nail Winter with the title belt, but Velvet Sky runs in and takes it from her. You’d think that would be the finish but instead Sarita rolls up Winter and gets the win and we have new champs at 4:58. Much better than your usual knockouts match as Winter is actually a good worker and looked pretty good out there in the short time she got to shine. This probably would have been much better if it was just Winter and Sarita. *½
We cut to footage of Jeff and Karen on their “honeymoon” at Disney World with their kids. This is just weird as Jarrett is supposed to be this big heel, but he looks like a loving happy father here just trying to please his kids while Karen comes off as the evil stepmom from hell. Is this leading to a Jeff face turn or something? What’s the point in this?
Backstage Christy Hemme gets a few words with Matt Morgan about his upcoming match with Hernandez, a feud that just pisses me off everytime I watch it because of how illogical the whole thing is. Remember, Morgan is the one who was the heel last year and broke Hernandez’s neck and made fun of him for weeks because of it. He comes back and now we’re supposed to be on Morgan’s side here? Makes no sense, but that describes alot of TNA’s booking doesn’t it?
First Blood Match
Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez
The less I say about this feud the better honestly. Suffice to say, I’m not a fan. It’s a brawl to start with both men trading lefts and rights. They take the fight to the outside, slamming each other into the guardrail. Hernandez hits a big shoulder-block and then grabs a wooden stick, breking it in half and attempting to stab Morgan with it ala Magnum and Tully’s famous I Quit match. Hernandez gives Morgan a freaking BACK RAKE and Morgan sells it like he just got shot. These two guys just do not have any chemistry together whatsoever, you would have thought their lame tag team from last year would have shown that. Big discus lariat from Morgan and both men are down. Fallaway slam from Morgan and he grabs the same broken wooden stick Hernandez tried to use on him. Hernandez gets tossed off the top rope and suddenly what appears to be a fan jumps in the ring. The ref quickly tackles the fan and you can hear security screaming “GET HIM OUT OF THE RING!” while Morgan stomps a few legit boots into the fan and he’s taken out. That definitely wasn’t planned. Back to the match. Morgan grabs Hernandez’s chain and TNA, being the high quality production company they are, immediately have a camera zoom in at ringside directly to Hernandez, where we can clearly see him pulling a razor blade out of his shirt in the corner and cut himself with it. They did this same shit to Angle a few months back and it’s just as unforgivable as before, whoever is running that camera crew needs to be slapped. Hernandez stands up and has the slightest trickle of blood on his head. That makes a Lex Luger bladejob look like a Great Muta bladejob for God’s sake. Hernandez pulls out some sort of spray or bottle of sorts full of clearly fake blood and starts squirting it on Morgan’s chest. Oh dear, I don’t like where this going. Sure enough the ref comes back to the ring, sees the fake blood on Morgan’s chest, and awards the match to Hernandez at 8:35. Wow, what a Dusty finish, that is pure Vince Russo bullshit at it’s worst. Totally boring brawl with almost no heat made even worse by an extraordinarly stupid finish. DUD
After the match we cut backstage to where Christy Hemme is interviewing both members of Generation Me. They apparently have worked out a deal to have Max win tonight. Elsewhere Jeremy Borash gets a few words with the X-Division champion, Kazarian.
TNA X-Division Title Ultimate X Match
Kazarian (C) vs. Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E
Apparently TNA is trying to re-focus on the X Division. And THIS is the best they could come up with? Not that Kaz and the two Bucks aren’t great, but where’s Jay Lethal? Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley? Robbie E is involved, so odds are all the life will be sucked out of this match within minutes. Gen Me team up on Kaz to start while Cookie and Robbie E act like morons outside, so you know, their usual shtick. Kaz springboards up to the cables but Gen Me pulls him back down quickly. Stiff leg lariat from Kaz to Max. Robbie comes in and attacks Kaz from behind, choking him in the corner and then tossing him to the floor. Max tries to climb the cable but Robbie takes him down as well. Robbie tries climbing the cables now and doesn’t get very far before Kaz shimmies up behind him and knocks him off. Jeremy springboards in with a facebuster on Kaz and the two brothers try climbing the cables again only for Robbie E to give Jeremy a neckbreaker. Max gets taken inside out by a lariat from Kaz and he and Robbie began exchanging right hands. Kaz tries for the reverse piledriver but ends up back dropping Robbie out of the ring instead. He follows him out with a slingshot body-press. The Bucks are alone in the ring again and they do a nifty little monkey flip move into Jeremy doing a moonsault out of the ring, wiping out Kaz and Robbie. The story here I guess is that Jeremy is working with Max so Max can win the title. Back inside the ring Kaz eats a dropkick from Max. Max tries climbing the cable again to the title but Kaz knocks him down. Double hiptoss-dropkick combo on Kaz from the Bucks. The Bucks try shimmying on the cable again but Kaz takes Jeremy down and then swings Max down, hitting him with an ace crusher as he falls to the mat! Didn’t get all of that but it was still a cool spot. Nice springboard neckbreaker from Max onto Robbie while Cookie screams at ringside. Max gets just shoved off the top turnbuckle RIGHT into the steel structure from Kaz, which just looked NASTY with his head getting stuck inbetween the bars. Jeremy, Kaz, and Robbie do the old powerbomb/superplex Tower of Doom spot. Kaz hits the reverse piledriver on Robbie E, but then eats a big spinkick from Jeremy Buck. Kaz hits the old one-man Spanish Fly (Back to the Future) off the top on Jeremy, a move I haven’t seen him use in quite some time. Kaz and Robbie both start shimmying across the cable in opposite directions now. The Bucks pull Robbie off and then swing Kaz off as well. Jeremy starts climbing and this pisses Max off. Jeremy doesn’t care and climbs anyways as the Bucks are racing towards the title while Robbie E pulls a ladder into the ring. Isn’t the ONLY rule of this match that you CAN’T use a ladder? Kaz is perched up on one of the steel structures, wlking across the cable just as Robbie climbs up the ladder for the title, but Kaz grabs the belt first and retains at 14:22. The Bucks and Kaz saved this from sucking as Robbie continues to prove that he does not belong in the X-Division. The ladder bit was stupid as well since the only rule of the match is that you can’t use one, but there were enough nice spots and some decent action for me to give this a pass. This probably should have been the opener though. ***
We cut back to Karen and Jeff’s honeymoon where Jeff continues to be the loving father while Karen is the evil bitch stepmom from hell. I’m just baffled by the point of these segments.
Backstage Christy Hemme gets a few words with Beer Money about their upcoming title match with Ink Inc.
TNA Tag Team Title Match
Robert Roode/James Storm (C) vs. Shannon Moore/Jesse Neal
This should be pretty decent as apparently Ink Inc have been improving a ton on the house show circuit and Beer Money are always up for a good tag match. Storm and Neal start us off with a nice feeling out process, trading armdrags. Neckbreaker from Storm gets a quick two count. Cross-body block off the second rope gets Neal a two count of his own and both men shake hands in a sign of respect. Roode and Moore tag in now and lock-up, going into a nice feeling-out process of their own. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Roode gets another two count and Moore tags Neal back in. Powerslam from Roode but Neal kicks out at two and Storm tags back in. Ink Inc starts beating down Storm, isolating him a bit while Moore slaps on a side headlock. Ink Inc trade quick tags, continuing the beatdown on Storm. Swinging neckbreaker gets Neal a quick two on Storm. Moore tags back in and misses a cross-body into the corner, giving Storm the chance to get the hot tag to Roode. Neal and Roode start trading stiff forearms, but Roode gets the better of him and gives him a big spinebuster for a quick two count. Beer Money start double-teaming Neal now, hitting the wheelbarrow-lungblower combo they love to use. Moore comes in now and hits a hurricanrana on Roode. Moonsault takes Storm down and then Moore hits a bulldog on Roode for another quick two count. Roode evades another double-team move while Moore hits a twisting moonsult on Storm. Yuranagi from Roode on Neal, but again he kicks out at two. Taz and Tenay are going crazy trying to figure out who’s legal but tag rules went out the window several minutes ago. We get the Beer Money chant and the crowd is fired up now. Ink Inc hits a neckbreaker-ace crusher combo on Roode. 1-2–NOO! Roode gets the shoulder up just barely. Moore grabs his chain now but Jesse tells him “No! We don’t win that way!” only for Storm to give him a stiff superkick and for Beer Money to finish off Moore with the Drinking While Investing at 12:30. Damn good formula tag here as Ink Inc came off looking better than they ever have before even in the loss. Match of the night thus far and something tells me that might be as good as it gets tonight. ***¼
Backstage Christy Hemme interviews “Cold Blooded” Matt Hardy and Ric Flair, where Flair has the unbelievable ability to call Matt “the man” (as in “you have to beat the man to be the man”) without a hint of irony. Matt cuts his usual rambling, completely nonsensical promo that you can see at anytime on his Twitter or YouTube accounts.
AJ Styles vs. Matt Hardy
So hopefully this is better than what we’ve seen out of Matt over the last few months. I’m still in disbelief at how little they’ve done with Matt since he joined the company, here’s a guy that was on WWE TV only a few weeks before joining the company and he’s done almost nothing but job since arriving. Matt said on Twitter earlier today that he wants to steal the show with this match, so lets see how it goes. AJ dominates to start with big chops and right hands. Big dropkick sends Matt to the outside. Matt evades the slingshot splash attempt and then tries to suplex him back in, but AJ evades and send Matt out to the floor again. He tries for a suicide dive but Flair grabs his foot from ringside, giving Matt a chance to come back in and hit a clothesline for a quick two count. Hardy gets knocked out yet again and finally AJ hits the moonsult to the floor on Hardy. Matt slams AJ into the steel post though and breaks the ref’s count. Matt tries tossing AJ into the guardrail but AJ slides underneath it and then launches himself off the guardrail with the big flying forearm! Very fluid delivery from AJ there. Back inside both men trade waistlocks and then Matt hits a quasi-German suplex/throw into the corner turnbuckle, with AJ’s head slamming nastily against the second turnbuckle. Flair gets a few cheap shots in on Styles and Matt is back in control, locking in a double-underhook grapevine submission that’s actually rather impressive looking until AJ gets the rope break. Reverse STO from Hardy gets a quick two count. Both men connect with a clothesline but AJ hits a big jumping heel kick. Death Valley Driver into a backbreaker from AJ gets him a quick two count of his own. He tries for a discus lariat but Matt hits the Side Effect. 1-2–NOO! AJ kicks out at two. Matt counters a Styles Clash attempt with a big Alabama Slam (love that move) and he gets a two count of his own on Styles. AJ botches the backflip-reverse DDT spot of his, which is something you don’t see very often, and Flair starts getting in AJ’s face. Flair eats a pele kick from AJ though. Big DDT from Matt and a moonsault, 1-2—NOO! AJ gets the shoulder up. Matt goes to the top again but AJ hits a pele kick on him too and then hits the Spiral Tap for the win at 17:38! By far Matt’s best match in TNA so far, AJ is always good and Matt to his credit actually looked decent out there, and a whole lot less sluggish than usual. To my surprise, a good little contest. ***
TNA World Title #1 Contender’s Match
Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam
Anderson has increasingly become more and more of a joke since his title win and loss. They’re trying to book him like the anti-hero Austin, but instead he comes off like a whining little bitch most of the time, constantly crying to Hogan and Bischoff about getting a title shot. I’ve gone from being indifferent about his character to hating him within a month, good job TNA. They trade left and right hands to start before going into a feeling out process, exchanging side-headlocks. Slow and steady pace to start with Anderson trying to out-wrestle the high-flying RVD. Van Dam hits the Rolling Thunder and Anderson slides out of the ring for a breather. RVD follows him out with a slingshot cross-body. Van Dam suplexes Anderson onto the guard-rail and then goes for the spinning legdrop off the apron, but Anderson moves at the last second. Anderson starts working on the leg, slamming it into the steel post. RVD starts the comeback though and hits a few spin kicks, selling the leg all the while. RVD evades a reverse STO attempt from Anderson and then applies a side headlock, which Anderson counters out of with a back drop suplex. This hasn’t been bad so far, but it really hasn’t been interesting either. RVD misses a shoulderblock and both men butt heads. Cross-body from RVD sends both men out to the floor. They fight up the rampway and Anderson hits the Mic Check on RVD right on the ramp! The ref starts the count though and neither man are able to make it to the ring, so we get the double-countout finish at 12:54. Good god that is a slap in the face of all of the people who bought this show. Typical Russo bullshit, every PPV has to have twelve fucking Dusty finishes, can’t just have clean finishes on a PAY PER VIEW, no, we have to save that for free TV obviously. Match wasn’t particularly bad, but the ending absolutely killed it. *½
TNA World Title No DQ Match
Sting (C) vs. Jeff Hardy
I won’t even get into the absurdity of giving the title belt to Sting, again, so I’ll just stick to calling this match. Somehow Mike Tenay tries to convince us that this title win is the most important and impressive in Sting’s career, but not even Steve Borden would buy that load of bullshit. Before the match can start Eric Bischoff comes out and tells us that there’s a change of plans and that this match is now No DQ. Okay that could imrpove things. Bit of brawling to start and then the Scorpion Death Drop from Sting almost immediately…and that gets the three count?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Match is over at a whopping 1:28. Unbelievable. I cannot believe they really just did that, what a way to just give the middle finger to all of your paying fans. We easily have our candidate for worst and most downright insulting match of 2011 thus far. The biggest joke of a main event I’ve ever seen in my life. DUD
After the match, since we still have 20 god damn minutes left until the top of the hour, we recap literally every single match of the night with Taz and Tenay, which eats up about 5 minutes. That’s it, that’s how the show ends. No, really.
Addendum*: It’s come to my knowledge that apparently Jeff Hardy showed up for the PPV tonight “in no condition to perform” according to the PWTorch. What a shocker, the drug addict with drug charges came to a show on drugs. Frankly this is the kind of thing that Jeff should flat out be fired for. Unexcusable on his part and even worse is that TNA couldn’t have just thrown out a substitute for him? Seriously, it would have taken five minutes to have someone beatdown Hardy backstage and have someone else plugged into the title match, but then again our #1 Contender’s match earlier ended in a fucking double countout, so I guess they didn’t really have any acceptable replacements. Any way you slice it this is just unforgivable on Jeff’s part and he should probably be fired for it.