Are you ready? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it’s time for Monday Night RAW!
No Count Out, No Disqualification
CM Punk v. Mark Henry
They square up and Henry pushes Punk into the corner. He delivers a head butt followed by an axe handle. Punk spins away and lays in with a couple of kicks to the leg. Henry lifts a running Punk into the air and unceremoniously dumps him onto the mat. Punk knocks Henry out of the ring and charges for the ropes. Punk leaps to the outside with a gorgeous suicide dive that drops the World’s Strongest Man to the floor. Punk tries to whip him into the barricade, but Henry reverses and sends him into the steel post. Punk dodges a couple of splashes with a big boot before scurrying away. Punk leaps up onto the barricade, runs across it, and flies at Henry for a splash!
Punk attempts to lift Henry up and into the ring, but Henry pushes Punk’s midsection into the apron. Punk responds with a couple of kicks to the kidney. Punk launches off the apron for a clothesline. Henry catches him and chucks him right into the barricade!
Back from the break, Henry is choking Punk in the ring. Punk escapes but runs straight into a clothesline. Henry steps on Punk’s sternum whilst using the ropes for leverage. Punk uses the ropes to hit a jawbreaker. Punk exits the ring and grabs a steel chair. He thrusts it into the gut of Henry and then smacks it across his chest. Cover, but Henry kicks out. Punk lifts the chair over his head, but Henry kicks him in the gut. Henry walks over and picks up the dropped chair. Henry lifts it high over his head and then bashes it across the back of Punk.
Henry sets up the chair in the corner and attempts to throws Punk into it headfirst. Punk counters and chops his way to freedom. Punk charges for the high knee, but gets demolished by a clothesline. Henry pulls Punk into the middle of the ring and applies a bear hug. Punk escapes with a bear hug and goes for a cover – Henry kicks out.
Punk climbs to the top rope and leaps for a crossbody. Henry catches him and tries to set up the World’s Strongest Slam. Punk escapes and kicks Henry square in the jaw! Punk runs for a high knee in the corner and tries for a bulldog, but Henry throws him across the ring. Henry charges for a splash in the corner, but Punk moves out of the way and Henry crashes into the steel chair that had been set up earlier in the match! Punk picks up the steel chair and takes to the top rope. Punk points to the air before leaping into the ring with chair in toe. Punk connects with a steel elbow, and this match is over!
Winner & STILL WWE Champion: CM Punk
Chris Jericho appears on the Titantron and is in a bar. Jericho says that he knows Punk can’t wait to get his hands on him. The good news is that Jericho has received a Title match against Punk at the Extreme Rules PPV. The match will be a Chicago Street Fight. Punk grabs a mic and says that Jericho doesn’t have a chance beating him in that kind of match. Punk says he is excited to wrestle Jericho in front of his father, mother and sister. This is no longer about Punk proving that he is the best in the world, now it is about kicking Jericho’s ass.
Chris Jericho shows footage of CM Punk walking into and then later out of a pub. Jericho tries to say that Punk had been drinking and is even drunk right now. Punk tells him to come down to the ring like a man right now and smell his breath. Punk says that he might not drink but he has friends that do so he went in for some fish of chips. Jericho claims that Punk just likes to be around alcohol. He has lost his honor and beliefs as his Straight Edge lifestyle has become a façade. Punk goes to respond but Jericho disappears from the screen.
R-Truth is backstage dressed as Sherlock Holmes. Teddy Long walks into the shot and asks what he is doing. Truth says that Long lost a job at Wrestlemania, he is on the case to find him another one. Long says that somehow that is the best news he has heard all month.
United States Championship
Santino v. David Otunga
During his entrance Santino is wearing a series of Football jerseys that he takes off much to the chagrin of the crowd until he reaches an England jersey on the bottom.
They lock up and Otunga takes him down to the mat. Otunga jumps off the second rope and goes for a cover. Santino kicks out. Santino gets to his feet and punches Otunga before dropping into a split position for a punch. Otunga counters and goes for a cover. Santino gets his leg up on the bottom rope. Otunga begins to argue with the referee. Santino connects with the split this time and hits a hip toss followed by a head-butt. Santino reaches into his singlet for the Cobra! Santino pumps it up and this match is over!
Winner & STILL US Champion: Santino
# Josh Mathews is backstage with Lord Tensai. His sidekick begins to talk, but Tensai raises his arm and says that people fear the unknown. He speaks in Japanese and then says that he knows what people should fear.
Video Package: Brock Lesnar’s Life and Times
Zack Ryder v. Kane
Ryder climbs up onto the apron after Kane sets off his pyro. Kane delivers a big boot and sends Ryder flying into the announce table. Kane chucks him into the steel steps and then into the apron. Kane rolls Ryder into the ring and the match has not yet started. Kane lifts up Ryder in the middle of the ring and delivers a chokeslam.
Match Never Begins
Kane paces around the ring and grabs a microphone. He says that last week was a joyful family reunion for Randy Orton on Smackdown. Both Orton and his father were laid out in the hallway helpless. Kane expected Cowboy Bob to go down without a fight, but who would have thought that the Viper would be so easy? But it’s true like they say – like father like son. Kane drops the mic and exits the ring.
# Backstage Daniel Bryan walks up on AJ talking to Kofi. Bryan tells Kofi that just because he wants nothing to do with AJ, doesn’t mean that Kofi can hit on her. Bryan says that tonight he is going to place Kofi in the LeBelle Lock. Bryan then questions why he calls it the LeBelle lock when he is better than LeBelle ever was. Bryan announces that the move is officially renamed the “Yes Lock” because when he locks it on the referee will ask his opponent if he gives up and the only respond is yes. Bryan then raises his arms in the air and shouts “Yes” over and over again to the delight of the crowd.
Cena’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring at the start of the 10pm hour. Cena says that Wrestlemania may indeed have been the end of an era, because after Laurinaitis took power it might just be the end of Cena’s career. Cena says that when someone like Laurinaitis uses his authority to try and end and replace John Cena, he has a problem. The sad part is that Laurinaitis doesn’t want to fire him to his face because he can’t handle the responsibility. The result was that Laurinaitis went out and signed Brock Lesnar to accomplish his task.
Cena says that Lesnar was brought in because he simply stands for destruction. Lesnar does not care about how many people he wins over, he only cares about pain and dominance. At Extreme Rules Lesnar claims he stands for torture. Lesnar has won everything that there is to win. Cena is stepping into the ring with a man whose sole purpose is to end and replace him.
Earlier tonight Lesnar said that Cena was afraid. Cena admits he is a afraid, but he will fight. He is going against the most vicious man in the most brutal match. Cena says that if he walks into the PPV to receive the biggest ass kicking of his life he doesn’t care – because he WILL fight.
John Laurinaitis walks out onto the ramp and begins to introduce himself. He agrees that it is the end of an era and the beginning of the People Power era. Laurinaitis says that everyone wants to see Cena fight, so tonight he will be in an Extreme Rules match. He also announces that next Monday on RAW there will be a contract signing between Cena and Lesnar. It’s the end of an era and the beginning of a new one. Laurinaitis puts over the excitement and innovation of People Power.
Hornswoggle is backstage banging on a bookshelf trying to search for a disappeared R-Truth Holmes.
Kofi Kingston v. Daniel Bryan
The crowd is loud in their yes chants. Bryan throws Kofi to the mat and shouts Yes. Kofi is whipped into the corner and hit with a high dropkick. Bryan drops a knee across his head once then twice. Bryan wrenches his arm and twists it behind his back. Bryan uses the ropes for leverage and kicks the mid-section of Kofi. Kofi is whipped into the ropes and then dropped with a knee to the gut. Cover, but Kofi kicks out.
Bryan gets back to his feet and twists his arm around on the mat before stomping on it. Kofi tries to punch his way to his feet but Bryan drops him with an uppercut. Bryan again twists back the arm of Kofi. Kingston escapes, leapfrogs, and hits a dropkick. Bryan sends him out of the ring and then charges off the apron for a knee. Kofi moves out of the way, leaps to the top rope for a springboard, and hits a crossbody! Kofi shouts “YES!” as we go to commercial.
Back from the break, Bryan pushes Kofi into the corner. AJ is shown watching the match on a monitor backstage. Bryan walks across the chest of Kofi. Bryan lifts him up in the corner and kicks across his chest. With every kick the crowd shouts yes. Bryan goes for a cover, but Kofi kicks out. Bryan applies a chinlock. Kofi slowly gets to his feet and kicks his way free. Kofi connects with a couple of chops, a dropkick, and a crossbody. Kofi sets up and delivers the Boom Drop. Kofi looks for Trouble in Paradise, but Bryan grabs his arm to counter. Kofi turns a Yes Lock attempt into an SOS. Cover, but Bryan kicks out.
Kofi is whipped into the corner but dodges a splash with a seesaw kick. Bryan heads to the top rope with Kofi and tries to hit a Superplex. Kofi knocks him off with a head-butt and leaps for a crossbody. Bryan moves out of the way and cinches on the Yes Lock! This match is over!
Winner via Yes Lock: Daniel Bryan
AJ is shown smiling backstage. Bryan celebrates the victory for a moment and then goes back to the Yes Lock. Sheamus runs down to the ring after Bryan, but Bryan dodges a Brogue Kick and slides out of the ring. Bryan smiles as he heads back up the entrance ramp. Sheamus helps Kofi to his feet.
Brodus Clay v. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero & Jack Swagger
Brodus engages in a full on funky dance party before the match begins. Vickie comes out on the ramp to introduce her wrestler.
Ziggler starts the match with a dropkick. Clay responds immediately and looks for a splash. Swagger jumps into the ring to save his teammate. The referee calls for the bell.
Winner via DQ: Brodus Clay
Brodus headbutts Swagger as he and Ziggler are now out of the ring. Vickie is on the apron and gets pulled into the ring. One of Clay’s dancers pushes her down and she rolls out of the ring. Another dance party breaks out after the match.
# John Laurinaitis is backstage with David Otunga and tells him that the sky is the limit. Eve walks up and says that they were supposed to have a one on one today. They step into the office to discuss her idea.
Tribute: Chief Jay Strongbow
R-Truth is backstage and tells Long that he has found him a job – GM of Smackdown. Long says that that is the job he just got fired from. Truth replies that he has eight years’ experience so it’s a perfect fit! Long says that there is something seriously wrong with Truth and walks away.
The Great Khali & The Big Show v. Primo & Epico w/ Rosa Mendes
Epico and Khali start the match. Khali throws him into the ropes and drops him with fist. AW walks out onto the ramp to scout this match. Khali hits a monstrous chop across the chest of Epico. Primo is on the apron and Khali pulls him into the ring by his head. Khali hits a big boot. The Tag Team Champions try and leave the match. Show grabs them and throws them back into the ring. Both members of the tag champs are in the ring with the giants. Show hits a chokeslam and Khali hits the Punjabi Plunge. This match is over!
Winners via being freakin’ huge: The Big Show & The Great Khali
Extreme Rules Match
John Cena v. ??
John Laurinaitis walks out onto the entrance ramp with David Otunga to introduce Cena’s opponent… Lord Tensai.
They lock up and Tensai throws Cena headfirst into the turnbuckle. He continues to kick and punch the Face of the WWE. Tensai lifts Cena to his feet and goes for a suplex. Cena counters and hits a suplex of his own. Tensai no sells and charges for a shoulder block. Tensai connects with a head-butt and then whips Cena hard into the corner. Cena bounces out and crashes to the mat. Tensai kicks him in the gut and then whips him hard towards the other corner. Tensai charges and hits a brutal splash. Cena rolls out of the ring.
Tensai follows after and kicks him in the gut. Cena gets to his feet and tries to fight back but gets chucked into the steel steps! Tensai sets up Cena for a Powerbomb. Cena reverses and flips Tensai over his back! Cena grabs the steel steps and charges towards Tensai. The steps thwack into Tensai’s skull. Cena rolls him back into the ring, but then gets attacked by Tensai’s sidekick! Otunga walks over to Cena and rolls him back into the ring. Tensai hits a side slam and goes for the cover. Cena kicks out.
Tensai gets behind Cena and applies a nerve pinch on Cena’s neck. Cena slowly gets to his feet and tries to lift Tensai up onto his shoulders. Tensai blocks and whips Cena hard into the corner once again. Tensai is stalking his prey and charges hard for a splash. Cena tries to stagger him with a shoulder block, but it takes three to knock him down. Cena lifts Tensai into the air for a side slam with nice elevation. Cena looks for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle, but is blocked by Tensai. Tensai bounces off the ropes and hits a devastating back drop. Cover, but Cena kicks out.
Tensai drops a leg over an arm bar and then falls to the mat to lock on the hold. Cena counters into the STF! Otunga is sent into the ring to break the hold. Cena responds by hitting him with an AA. As Cena turns back towards Tensai he is hit in the face with green mist! Tensai hits the Baldo Bomb – and this match is over!
Winner via Baldo Bomb: Lord Tensai
After the match Cena calls for water as he has been blinded by the mist. Tensai celebrates in the middle of the ring as RAW goes off the air.
I’ve long been a fan of RAWs that open with a match instead of a fifteen minute blabbermouth segment. Each certainly has their uses, but it is fun when things are mixed up and the show gets right down to the action. The match itself was solid. The steel chair was used to perfection. It’s refreshing to see a foreign object that elevates instead of detracts from a match. The segment with Jericho after was useful for the storyline. The pub video was clever.
R-Truth as Sherlock Holmes was dumb and useless… oh and fun and entertaining! I’ll call that a push.
The crowd ate up Santino’s jersey bit. I’m sure the American audience was baffled but that’s not what it was about. The match itself was what you’d expect, nothing to write home about. What is something to write home about? Probably running out of bug spray – that’s worth writing home about.
The Lesnar hype video was effective in its purpose. Cena did a far better job of selling the Lesnar brand impact during his in-ring segment than Lesnar did in the pre-tape.
Daniel Bryan as the ex-boyfriend who broke up with his girlfriend but doesn’t want her dating anyone else works perfectly for his character. If you think about his character progression and can buy into the whole relationship angle it actually makes sense. Besides, who hasn’t been there?
I can appreciate Bryan renaming his finisher the “Yes Lock”. He does claim to be the best, so his rational of being better than LeBelle ever was is fitting. Plus, on the bright side I no longer have to think of Patti LaBelle and misspell his finisher name repeatedly.
Ryder was at least on RAW… so there was that.
Clay’s dance was longer than his match yet again, just saying.
Big Show & Khali are a pretty ridiculous tag team combination. Those guys are monstrous. Damn.
Tensai looked pretty good against Cena in the main event. Obviously Cena is going on a losing streak of sorts against credible opponents. The concept seems to be to bring him down before building him back up. His character was starting to stagnate so this could be a defining time in Cena’s career. I’d expect Cena to lose to Brock; I can’t see Lesnar losing in his grand return match. Besides, Chicago hates Cena.
I’d like to thank the London crowd for NOT being the Washington D.C. crowd. Seriously, they were so bad last week I’m still complaining
34-year-old currently living in Syracuse, New York. Long-time fan of the New York Mets, Chicago Bulls, and Minnesota Vikings. An avid fan of professional wrestling and write reviews/articles on the product. Usually focusing on old-school wrestling.