Are you ready? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it’s time for Monday Night RAW!
I was having internet/TV troubles at the start of RAW (thanks Comcast!) so credit to WWE.com for the recap of the night’s first segment
“We are live from the nation’s capital for what should be a WWE Raw SuperShow packed with action – and high emotions. It’s been confirmed that both Brock Lesnar and John Cena are at the Verizon Center for tonight’s show, and you can bet it’s going to get mighty hot in here. Also, WWE Champion CM Punk will defend his title in a rematch against The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry.
Raw General Manager John Laurinaitis came out to introduce Brock Lesnar, proclaiming that he’s the new face of WWE. Lesnar thanked Laurinaitis for having the wisdom to bring “legitimacy” back to WWE, but that statement didn’t sit right with John Cena, who quickly charged out to the ring for a heated staredown with the very man who laid him out with a brutal F-5 the previous week on Raw. The Cenation leader proceeded to slap Brock in the face, triggering an uncontrollable brawl. Pandemonium broke loose and the WWE locker room emptied as over a dozen Superstars and Officials tried to pull the two competitors off each other. It took repeated efforts to stop Brock and Cena from tearing each other apart as the Verizon Center erupted.”
anddddddd I’m back
Vickie Guerrero is out to introduce her clients for the tag team match.
Santino & Brodus Clay v. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger
Santino goes for a quick roll up but Dolph kicks out. Dolph runs the ropes and gets caught with a hip toss. Swagger gets the tag as does Brodus. Clay floors him with a clothesline and then drops to a knee to punch him in the gut. Brodus connects with a knee and goes for the Sheeplex. Swagger escapes and dives to take out the knee of Brodus. Cover, but Clay kicks out.
Back from the break, Santino and Dolph are in the ring. Swagger gets the tag and applies pressure to the back of Santino while stretching out his arms. Swagger transitions to an arm bar. Santino escapes and charges for a tag, but Swagger catches him and drops him hard to the mat. Cover but Santino kicks out. Dolph gets the tag.
Dolph taunts Brodus which allows Santino to sneak in a roll up. Dolph kicks out and responds with a clothesline. Dolph locks on a variant of the crossface. Santino struggles to his feet and flips Dolph to the mat. Brodus gets the tag and headbutts Dolph. He bounces off the ropes and leaps for a splash. This match is over!
Winners: Brodus Clay & Santino
After the match, Santino joins Brodus for a dance party!
# The Miz is in the back with John Laurinaitis. Miz is told that there are big plans for him, but tonight is kind of crazy. Teddy Long walks into the office only to be chastised by John for the delay in finding Cena. Cena walks into the office and says that he likes to hit and be hit. Cena says that Laurinaitis had to go get Brock because he wants to put him out of business. Cena says that just because he is bleeding doesn’t mean he is going to run away, Cena still wants to compete tonight. Cena tells him to find any opponent he wants, because Cena is a legitimate WWE Superstar. Laurinaitis instructs Teddy to go find David Otunga for the match.
# Santino is backstage searching for the 3 Stooges.
# Santino is still searching for the 3 Stooges. He comes across Kane, who is sketchily standing behind a door. Santino asks if Kane has seen them, but then quickly waddles away.
R-Truth v. Cody Rhodes
Cody is knocked down with a shoulder block. Truth then connects with a clothesline and shakes his bum before connecting with a punch. Rhodes hits a vicious Alabama slam in response.
The Big Show’s music hits and he directs Cody’s attention to the Titantron. We see video of Show costing Rhodes his match last week.
Cody turns back to Truth, who hits him with The Little Jimmy! This match is over.
Winner via Little Jimmy: R-Truth
The Big Show takes a bow and smiles on the entrance ramp.
# Santino comes across a giant box marked fragile. He says it looks suspicious, and grabs a crowbar. He opens a box and the 3 Stooges fall out. They do a bit, and Santino asks what they are doing here. They discuss coming up with a plan for their live segment in front of the WWE Universe. Santino shows them how to do The Cobra, which Moe turns into the Moe-bra.
Lord Tensai v. Yoshi Tatsu
Tensai grabs the arm of Yoshi and drops a leg across it. Yoshi tries to fight back, but quickly gets torn asunder. Tensai pulls him into the middle of the ring and hits a double underhook slam. Tensai runs the ropes and leaps for a back splash. Tensai stalks Yoshi, charges, and hits a monstrous splash in the corner. Tensai bashes him with elbows, and then hits a brutal Baldo Bomb. Tensai looks to continue the attack, but referee Charles Robinson calls for the bell. This match is over.
Winner via KO: Lord Tensai
After the match, Tensai applies a claw to the face of Yoshi.
Lawler & Cole recognize that there are 30 Wounded Warriors in attendance tonight.
Video Recap: Jericho’s attack on CM Punk last Monday Night
CM Punk walks down to the ring and grabs a microphone. He says that he is here to break the silence. He knows that Straight Edge is not a choice that everyone understands. Punk says it wasn’t a choice he made to be cool or trendy, it is a choice he made because it is a way of life. He has come out here time and time again to say how proud he is to be Straight Edge. He has always kept the reasons private because first it is nobody’s business, and second who really cares. Punk says that he always told himself that he would make it to the top of the WWE. He knew that if he made it to the top it would be because he is the best damn wrestler in the world.
And then there is Chris Jericho. He comes back and tries to get in Punk’s head by saying he is the best wrestler in the world. When that failed, Jericho destroyed the privacy that Punk has tried hard to keep. Punk says that Jericho told some truths, but also made up some lies. Still, nothing mattered because at Wrestlemania CM Punk made Chris Jericho tap out! Punk recaps how Jericho attacked him last week. The one thought that has been running through Punk’s head the past week is that he smells exactly like his father did.
Punk leans against the top rope and appears to cry. Punk starts to talk about his drunk father – but Jericho appears on the Titantron.
Jericho says that Punk looks a little green around the gills; perhaps he is still a bit hung-over. Jericho says that Punk will get used to the taste. Maybe Punk is surprised at how easily he took to the bottle. Jericho says that Punk looks tipsy. The first step on the road to recovery is admitting that he is not in control of his life, because alcohol is controlling him. Jericho is making it out as though Punk has transformed into an alcoholic.
Jericho says that he didn’t just force Punk to have his first taste of alcohol; he also gave him the first taste of what it means to be CM Drunk! Jericho is smirking as Punk begins to speak. Punk says that all that Jericho broke was a bottle. Punk is going to use the dark place that Jericho has sent him to attack Jericho. This is now about Punk kicking Jericho’s ass!
CM Punk v. Mark Henry
Punk is fired up as he punches Henry at the start of the match. Punk hits a clothesline, but Henry stays on his feet. Henry hits a clothesline of his own which knocks Punk out of the ring. Punk grabs a television monitor from the announce table. He cracks it over the skull of Henry! The referee calls for the bell.
Winner via DQ: Mark Henry
After the match, Punk jumps up on the apron with the monitor. Jericho’s music hits, so Punk looks around to find his foe. Jericho appears on the entrance ramp with two cases of beer. The distraction allows Henry to grab Punk and throw him into the announce table. Henry slides Punk back into the ring and follows after. Henry hits first one, then a second, World’s Strongest Slam before exiting the ring.
Jericho gets into the ring and opens his first beer. Punk leaps to his feet and knocks Jericho down and starts to punch him! Jericho hits a Code Breaker which knocks Punk back down to the mat. Jericho calls him a stupid son of a bitch and then opens beer after beer, pouring them over Punk! Referees run down to the ring to try and break up the display. Jericho continues to splash beer on Punk from a distance. Punk staggers back to his feet, only to be met with another Code Breaker! Jericho exits the ring and grabs the WWE Title. He holds it over his head in celebration, and then throws it into the ring.
Zack Ryder v. Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez
Del Rio is fired up and drops Ryder to the mat for a quick cover. Ryder kicks out. Del Rio hits a dropkick and goes for another cover. Ryder kicks out again. Rio backs him into the corner and lands several blows. Ryder blocks with a boot and charges, and connects, with the Broskie Kick. Ryder looks for the Rough Ryder, but gets sent into the turnbuckle. Del Rio spins and locks on the Cross Arm Breaker. This match is over.
Winner via Cross Arm Breaker: Alberto Del Rio
# Backstage the Three Stooges are shown getting ready.
The Three Stooges are in the ring sans Curly. Hulk Hogan’s music hits! Curly walks out in full Hogan garb. He gets in the ring and does a spot on Hogan impersonation promoting the Three Stooges movie!
Kane’s music hits and the Big Red Machine walks down to the ring. Kane raises his arms and pyro erupts from the ring posts. Moe & Larry hightail it to the back. Curly starts to Hulk up. Kane grabs him by the throat and hits a hard chokeslam!
# Josh Mathews is in the back with Mark Henry. Henry says that he has beaten Punk the past two weeks. Next week their match will be No DQ and No Count out. Henry declares that next week he will become the new WWE Champion!
# Josh Mathews is in the back with Brock Lesnar. Mathews asks if Lesnar is proud to be back in the WWE. Lesnar replies that he is proud of everything that he has done. Lesnar puts over that after leaving the WWE he won the UFC Championship and elevated that company to new heights. Lesnar is proud that Laurinaitis brought him back at the top of the company. Lesnar is a war machine and an ass kicker; he isn’t here to make friends.
Video Package: HHH v. The Undertaker at WrestleMania 28
David Otunga makes his entrance for tonight’s main event.
John Cena v. David Otunga
They square off and exchange blows. Otunga is able to back Cena into the corner, but his advantage is short lived as Cena quickly regains control. Otunga dodges a splash and Cena crashes to the mat. Otunga drops a couple of knees and then grabs the neck of Cena. The referee makes him break the hold. Otunga lifts Cena to his feet, and knocks him back off of them with a punch. Otunga charges and connects with a clothesline. Otunga poses and then punches Cena again. Otunga whips Cena into the corner and connects with a splash followed by a shoulder block. Cover, but Cena kicks out.
Otunga locks on a rear headlock. Cena’s lip begins to bleed once again. Otunga lands several blows across the back of Cena. Otunga abandons the attack to flex and show off for the crowd. Cena gets back to his feet and lands several punches. Cena bounces off the ropes and hits a couple of shoulder blocks and a big side slam. Cena connects with the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. Otunga is up on the shoulders of Cena, and the AA connects! Cena doesn’t go for the pin, and instead applies the STF to make Otunga tap. This match is over.
Winner via STF: John Cena
After the match, Lesnar appears from the crowd and hits a low blow on Cena. Lesnar mocks the You Can’t See Me and delivers the F-5!
The opening tag match was fun, if not of much substance. I wouldn’t necessarily judge Brodus’ ability to wrestle in longer matches off of this one tonight. Washington D.C. crowds are absolutely horrible for the WWE. They constantly lack passion and energy. It’s actually quite annoying while watching the show.
At least in the opening segment the crowd showed a bit of energy. After that they essentially flat lined. I suppose they are only good for one or two segments. Lesnar nailed Cena pretty hard, which actually made the segment a bit more successful. I can’t say I’m all that surprised considering that Lesnar competed in the UFC for longer than he did the WWE. He’ll need to get back in the swing of things, without legitimately swinging off the face of his opponents.
Santino’s little encounter with Kane made me smile. It’s the little things that make me happy.
I never really watched the Three Stooges as excessive slapstick comedy just isn’t really my cup of tea. I was more a fan of the Marx Brothers personally. That being said, the backstage segment with Santino was very well done and made me chuckle couple of times. I enjoyed the pun fueled Moe-bra
This storyline is great for Cody Rhodes. If it ends in Cody regaining the IC Title it could actually propel him pretty high. I’d even argue that losing the belt to The Big Show and then winning it back does more for the career of Rhodes then if he had just beat him at ‘mania. It adds a certain degree of believability.
I was a bit unsure of Lord Tensai after last week’s debut. I was pleasantly surprised with his showing tonight. I was not even slightly a fan of A-Train during his run in the WWE. I was coaxed into watching some of his Japan work a couple of years ago and found my attitude changing. I kind of forgot about him for a bit until his return to the WWE. He is undoubtedly a stronger talent now compared to when he left, so we’ll have to wait and see how he progresses once the squash match phase is complete.
Poor CM Punk. The pre-match promo he cut came across as very heart felt, if not a bit teary eyed. The match had absolutely no point other than to showcase that despite the words of Punk, Jericho is indeed getting under his skin. The post-match beer dumping was very powerful. Something in my stomach started to feel sick for Punk in those moments. How could it not? It’s not as though the whole Straight Edge philosophy is a gimmick for his character – it’s his life. If only this was done in an arena with a kind of decent crowd… (no I’m not done bitching about how awful they were tonight).
At least Zack Ryder was on RAW. That’s all I got.
Why did the crowd even bother to show up tonight? Will Sasso’s (Curly) Hulk Hogan impersonation was spot on. The crowd didn’t even whisper, I don’t get it. I feel bad because there was no reaction whatsoever which in this situation was not the fault of the guest hosts.
Lesnar isn’t the best talker in the world, but his interview with Mathews did a decent job of getting his point across.
David Otunga got in a surprising amount of offense on the distracted John Cena tonight. In the end, Cena hit the 5 Moves of Doom to put the match away. The post-match attack from Lesnar was expected, but still delivered. They are working hard to get him over as a heel with the low blows and such, but the problem is that 50% of the crowd is still going to cheer even if Cena gets kicked in the balls (mainly because they probably fantasize about kicking Cena in the balls themselves). I’ll give credit to the crowd a tiny bit as they kind of cared during the main event. At least there were a couple of chants.
I get a kick out of the fact that Lesnar is still wearing sponsors on his shirts. He must have signed a hell of a lenient deal with the WWE.