The world will not be a better place. You will be missed, Eduard Khill.
School’s out! Have no fear recap readers of Monday Night Raw. Dave Stephens will be back next week.
In the good words of my good friend and co-host of The Teacher’s Lounge “Are you ready? The stop questioning your heart and join me, because it is time for Monday Night Raw SUPERSHOW”.
Cue the intro.
We start with a review of The Big Show’s destruction path last week. Last Monday on Raw, it was Brodus Clay, Alex Riley, R-Truth, and Kofi Kingston. Last Friday on Smackdown, Zack Ryder and Santino Marella were the victims of Show’s attacks. He said he was most disappointed at John Cena, who did not care and told jokes.
No Nickelback, we are saved.
Michael Cole is in the ring to begin Monday Night Raw Supershow. Cole asks for everyone’s attention and receives boos. Cole said there is one man responsible for The Big Show’s carnage, and that man is John Cena.
Cena sprints to the ring and grabs a microphone. Cole mentioned how Cena was KO’d twice by The Big Show, and then Show destroyed many wrestlers. Cole said to Cena if not for his jokes a couple weeks ago this would not happen. Cena talks about Cole’s collection of My Little Ponies, and then said John Laurinaitis is a power hungry bully. Laurinaitis embarrassed his former friend, The Big Show. Cena then discussed how he was about to get rid of Laurinaitis at Over the Limit and Show would have had his job back.
Cole thought it was arrogant to make that statement. Cole calls Cena “self-centered” that he forgot all of this. Cole said that Show had to sign with Laurinaitis and it was time to teach the WWE Universe a lesson. Cole stated that Show is a giant that cannot be beat, and that means at No Way Out he will beat Cena. Cena responded by saying that Show took the easy way out. The Big Show turned his back on everyone, according to Cena.
Cole thought that Cena was jealous of The Big Show, maybe because Show won his match at Wrestlemania. Cole was an advocate of Cena since “Day 1″, but said that Cena is “overrated”. Cole hopes that The Big Show puts us all out of our misery. Cole mentioned that he can’t be attacked, as it is prohibited.
John Laurinaitis enters the ramp, on his cart, and introduces himself (Cole is clapping). Laurinaitis said that Cena gets to pick his opponent tonight and Show is not here. Laurinaitis also stated that he retired as a competitor, but anyone else is good. Cena said it is no problem, but said this is a good thing (the first one). Cena said tonight he wants to face the wrestler that he scouted for a long time. Cena said that his opponent will be MICHAEL COLE! (sorry for the caps, I feel that is important).
Cole said that Cena can’t do that. Cena said let’s do this “under people power”. Laurinaitis drives away and Cole is powerless. Cena hugs a fan and is excited. Lawler said this could be the greatest Raw ever.
Later: There Must Be A Winner! CM Punk vs. Kane
Sheamus is walking backstage, he will face Dolph Ziggler next.
Cole runs backstage, and asks John Laurinaitis to reconsider. Laurinaitis said that Cole’s job will be re-evaluated. Cole said no one wants to see this. Laurinaitis said “Yes they do, and don’t call me Johnny”.
Two Weeks Ago, Sheamus bulldozed Laurinaitis. Last Friday, Sheamus hit the Brouge Kick to David Otunga.
Vickie Guerrero excuses herself. (Meanwhile, Michael Cole is storming to the announce table). Guerrero announced that the man entering the ring will show off and beat the World Heavyweight Champion…Dolph Ziggler!
Non-Title Singles Match
Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero) vs. World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus
Remember, at No Way Out Sheamus defends the World Heavyweight Champion vs. Alberto Del Rio.
Ziggler started off with strikes, but Sheamus follows suit. Sheamus hit some rolling fireman carry slam on Ziggler. Sheamus was about to attack, but Ziggler pulled the ropes from under him. Sheamus then dragged Ziggler to the outside. Ziggler tried to use the post, but Sheamus powered out. Sheamus tried to shove Ziggler to the steps, but he jumped over the steps. Guerrero is arguing with Sheamus and Ziggler connected with a basement kick as we head to break.
Sheamus tries to get the advantage, but Ziggler grounds Sheamus with a weardown tactic (during the break, Sheamus’ shoulder met the ringpost). Sheamus comes back with some ax punches and a powerslam. Ziggler kicks out from the cover at 2. Ziggler then comes right back with an attack to Sheamus and covers for a two count. Ziggler went up to the top and Sheamus blocks it. Sheamus climbs up and Ziggler avoids the attack and works the shoulder. Ziggler then hit a modified Famasser from the top and got a two count after a cover.
Ziggler tried to hit the sleeper, but Sheamus reversed to The White Noise. Sheamus is warming up, and the Brouge Kick Hooligan ends it with, well, a Brouge Kick.
Winner via the Brouge Kick: Sheamus.
Grade: C+ (maybe a B-)
After the match, Sheamus celebrates up the ramp and Alberto Del Rio attacks Sheamus from behind. Just when Sheamus was about to gain the advantage Ricardo Rodrieguez holds Sheamus leg down. Del Rio gained the advantage and then applied the Cross Arm Breaker on the stage while Sheamus was mainly on the floor. Sheamus grimaces in pain and Del Rio said something that I could not understand.
Laurinaitis asks for coffee. David Otunga entered and announced that Vince McMahon will be on Raw next week to give Laurinaitis a job evaluation. Cole said that it all makes sense, Lawler is still making fun of Cole.
Sin Cara vs. Hunico (w/Camacho)
I am glad that Sin Cara does not bounce on a trampoline anymore. Hunico and Camacho enter with a gold bicycle.
The lights go blue and Hunico went on the attack early. However, Sin Cara follows it with a springboard wristsnap and flying head scissors to the floor. Hunico gains back the momentum with a pop-up backbreaker and then covers for two.
Hunico then applied the chinlock. Sin Cara then reversed Hunico’s offense, then gives Hunico a kick to the face and goes on a very fast run and a couple handspring moves. Sin Cara then goes up, spins around, and hits La Mistica (without the armbar) for the win.
Winner via La Mistica version 2.0: Sin Cara
Grade: C (maybe a C-)
Up Next is Ryback.
There was a Raw clip to anticipate the 1000th episode of Raw. John Cena’s favorite moment was June 6, 2005 when Cena got Raw.
Arthur Rosenburg and Stan Stansky vs. Ryback
The two jobbers talk to together. Together they are a 10. On a side note, I am sorry if I misspelled the names of Ryback’s opponents.
Ryback launches one guy, and then throws the other jobber at the first jobber. Ryback then does a parade march vertical suplex. Ryback then connected the two guys with a single clothesline. FINISH THEM! Ryback then destroys both men with a Double Modified Muscle Buster. It was a true Mortal Kombat squash.
Ryback Wins…Flawless Victory
Grade: D+ (love a good Ryback squash)
After the match, Ryback is hungry. FEED HIM MORE~!
Up next: CM Punk vs. Kane.
Non-Title Singles Match (Must Be A Winner)
WWE World Champion CM Punk vs. Kane
Michael Cole needs to make a phone call while CM Punk made his introduction. Laurinaitis said for Cole to do it under People Power. Daniel Bryan “Yeses” his way to the commentator table.
Bryan stands on the table and said before the match starts we need a Question and Answer time with Daniel Bryan.
Has AJ gone crazy? YES!
Will Kane destroy CM Punk tonight? YES!
At No Way Out in the Triple Threat match will Daniel Bryan be the NEW WWE Champion? YES! YES! YES! YES!
Kane ends Q&A Time with Daniel Bryan.
Kane begins the match by attacking CM Punk at the corner. Kane goes to another corner and attacks CM Punk with punches. Punk comes back with a clothesline that took Kane over the ropes. Punk then hit a suicide dive and then a top rope sledge drop.
The action is back in the ring and CM Punk landed a crossbody cover for two. However, Kane responds with a dropkick to Punk’s head. After an attempted pin, Kane sends Punk to the corner and delivers an uppercut. Kane then kicks Punk a couple times and delivers a few elbows to the chest cavity. Punk kicks out of a cover at one. Kane then delivered a slam and dropped a leg across Punk’s neck. After another cover, Kane wears Punk down with a body scissors/chinlock combination. Punk battles out with elbows to the thigh. Punk then gets back up with punches. Punk goes off the ropes, gets out of Kane’s grasp and attacks.
Kane pops back up, grabs Punk by the neck and launches him over the ropes as we go to break.
After break, Punk is fighting away and applies a sleeper. But Kane delivers a back suplex and covers Punk for a two count. Kane then wears down Punk again with a chinlock. Punk once again fights away. Kane delivers an uppercut, and then side slams him to the mat. Kane goes up top, but Punk runs to deliver a running knee and both wrestlers are down.
Punk delivers another running knee and a bulldog. CM Punk covers, but Kane kicks out at two. Punk then went up top with a Springboard Lariat. CM Punk went for the Go To Sleep, but Kane fights back with a boot. Kane sets up the Chokeslam, but Punk executes the neckbreaker (Daniel Bryan is sitting back, pondering). Punk went up top, but Kane catches Punk with a punch. Both now fight at the top, Kane falls down, and delivers the Macho Man Elbow Drop. Kane kicks out at two.
They go outside the ring and after Punk’s punches Kane drilled Punk to the barricade. Punk gets blindsided by Daniel Bryan. Kane brings Punk into the ring the hard way. Punk strikes Kane with a big kick to counter a Choke Slam. AJ runs to the ring to yell at the ref. Punk floors Bryan, comes back to the ring, and Kane welcomes him to the finish of the match.
Winner via the Choke Slam: Kane
After the match, Kane sadistically looks at AJ. Daniel Bryan then attacks Kane from behind, but Kane clobbers Bryan. AJ then looks at Kane and starts to smile. Kane, maybe realizing how crazy AJ is walks away. AJ concludes this after-segment by checking on Punk.
Later: John Cena vs. Michael Cole. Cole is begging Laurinaitis for leniency. Lawler said to take it like a man.
Backstage, AJ is walking around. Josh Mathews asked about “the look” with Kane. AJ likes it when men look at her. AJ then smiles at Mathews and asks if he is uncomfortable. AJ asks if he likes aggressive women, and said that he might be her time. #LetsGetWeird.
Earlier tonight, Cena announced that he wanted to face Michael Cole tonight.
Michael Cole asks the WWE Universe to use social media and help him get out of the match with John Cena.
Then we see a Big Show promo in which he is tired of smiling to the fans. Now he can do whatever he wants to. He talks in a deep, low tone and talks about being a fool for 18 years and it is time to feel his pain. He is a giant, NOT an entertainer.
Non-Title Tag Team Match
WWE Tag Team Champions Kofi Kingston and R-Truth (w/Little Jimmy) vs. Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks
After break, Kingston gets an elbow in on Hawkins. Truth is tagged in and they did a couple good tag team maneuvers. R-Truth then hit a theatrical leg drop. Hawkins quickly tags in Reks, and R-Truth hits the Corkscrew Elbow. At the corner, Hawkins helps Reks out and now Reks is in control thanks to a backbreaker to R-Truth. Hawkins is tagged into the team’s corner. Hawkins kept R-Truth grounded and tagged in Reks. R-Truth ends Reks’ run with a leg lariat.
Hawkins is in, and Kingston is in with the hot tag. Kingston hits Hawkins with a springboard lariat, dropkick, and Boom Drop. Kingston overshot the Crossbody a bit. After the shenanigans, the match ends with the champs standing tall.
Winners via the Trouble in Paradise: Kofi Kingston and R-Truth
John Cena is walking backstage. Lawler tells Cole to get ready.
The audience witnessed another video hyping up Raw’s 1000th episode. On January 7, 2002 Triple H returned from a devastating quad injury.
John Cena vs. Michael Cole
Before the match, John Laurinaitis drives to the ramp. Laurinaitis said that the people want to see Cole vs. Cena, and he tends to over-deliver. Laurinaitis decrees that this will be a no disqualification match if John Cena defeats this man…Enter Sakamoto and Tensai. Michael Cole is dancing. Tensai shoves Sakamoto away.
The Cena vs. Cole match is delay for the following contest.
John Cena vs. Tensai (w/Sakamoto)
Tensai starts by stomping and elbowing Cena in the middle and the corner of the ring. Tensai then slingshots Cena neck first to the ropes. Cena tries to fight back, then it is Cena who gains the upperhand with a clothesline over the top rope. Outside the ring, Sakamoto kicks Cena a couple times and we are on break.
Tensai wore down Cena as we come back to the action. Tensai continues the attack with a corner splash. Cena finally pops up with a leg drop from the top. However, Tensai gets hold of Cena and after a cover applies a vise grip.
Outside the ring, Tensai attacks Cena. Then Michael Cole foolishly slaps Cena across the face. Cena climbs up the ring and Tensai headbutts him down to the floor. Tensai then whipped Cena to the steps and Cena is clobbered. Cena jumps back into the ring, only for Tensai to execute a Butterfly Suplex.
Tensai then missed on the Back Senton and Cena is making his run. Cena floors Sakamoto, then hits Tensai with the 5-Knuckle Shuffle. Cena then makes this the Worst Raw Ever for Michael Cole.
Winner via the Attitude Adjustment: John Cena
After the match, Cena smiles and now Cole does not mean anything. The bell rings.
John Cena vs. Michael Cole
Cole begins to run out of the arena, but Cena catches Cole on the run. Cena gives him a “noogie”. Cole continues to flee. Cena catches him on the run again. Cole on the mic tells him to wait and listen. Cole does not want to do it this way. Cole said they go “way back” and “supported Cena”. Cole wants to shake hands like “friends do”.
Cole then screams if the people think it is funny. Cole said keep laughing and then stated that it would be embarrassing to lose to him. Cole said don’t forget his name. Cena said that we will remember getting his @$$ kicked.
Cena chopped Cole and stripped him to his boxer briefs. Cena then stomped him below the belt. Cena then mocks The Big Show Overhand Chop. John Cena applies a chinlock and tells Cole to apologize to Jerry Lawler for last year’s WrestleMania. Cena then told Cole to apologize to Jim Ross. Cole the apologized to both Lawler and JR. Cena then mentions that JR’s BBQ Sauce is good.
Cole said that the sauce is “Slobber Knocker Good”. Lawler said he has some bottles of sauce. Cena then hit Cole with a microphone and then poured some BBQ sauce on Cole. Cena then grabs a fire extinguisher and extinguishes Michael Cole (something that many wrestling fans wanted to do to Cole). Cena sets up for the finish, but Tensai hits the Tensai Bomb on Cena. Cole then tried to cover Cena, but Cena kicked out.
Cole then screams “Look at Me”! Cole has the fire extinguisher, but Cena counters it to the finish.
Winner via the Attitude Adjustment: John Cena
After the match, Lawler thanks Cena. Lawler gave it an A+ and reminds us that next week there will be a job evaluation.
The audience watches the replay of what Cena did to Cole.
The show ends with Cena extinguishes Michael Cole.
Next Monday: The Return of Vince McMahon.
Sheamus def. Dolph Ziggler (Brouge Kick)
Sin Cara def. Hunico (Modified La Mistica)
Ryback def. Arthur Rosenburg and Stan Stanley (Modified Double Muscle Buster)
Kane def. CM Punk (Choke Slam)
Kofi Kingston and R-Truth def. Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks (Trouble in Paradise)
John Cena def. Tensai (Attitude Adjustment)
John Cena def. Michael Cole (Attitude Adjustment)
Mr. V’s Quick Thoughts
I have to say, I really enjoyed the opening act with Cole and Cena. Laurinaitis allowed Cena to pick his own opponent, and after Cole berated Cena for minutes it made sense that John Cena wanted to do his best impression of Kurt Busch (NASCAR reference) and actually clock a reporter. I think it set the tone that the show will be babyface-heavy. It is something that the WWE needed to kick off the show.
The Sheamus vs. Ziggler match was pretty good for the time they gave the segment. I liked how Ziggler attacked Sheamus’ shoulder during the match and, after the match, Del Rio getting a cheap attack to make him a legitimate threat to Sheamus’ World Heavyweight Championship.
David Otunga was on Raw. He tweeted a Starbucks recommendation that I order a Cinnamon Dolce in honor of my 1st full year as a teacher (I’ve been part-time and substitute for years). Let me tell you, Mr. Otunga knows his coffee. If you are in a rut, tweet him a coffee question.
Sin Cara vs. Hunico was predictable, but a lot more crisp than previous Sin Cara matches. What Sin Cara may need to do in the future is to have a few more wrestling moves. He was high-flying, but will need to do more in order to be a top-level guy. Remember, the WWE signed him to be a big draw. Sin Cara just needs more. Hunico did enough to make the match enjoyable.
Ryback vs. two jobbers that had names like lawyers was what one expects. Ryback shows off true power potential and I can’t wait until they elevate him a bit more.
For the most part, Kane vs. Punk was not bad. I felt that they were just going move-for-move and lacked selling at times, but the match itself was not a loss. It was a bit choppy at times, but all the variables made it for an interesting story heading to No Way Out. Also, AJ is smiling at Kane was an interesting twist. Is Crazy AJ flirting with The Big Red Monster? Only time will tell, I guess.
AJ’s backstage segment with Josh Mathews really elevated her “crazy” character. That is all. AJ was brilliant.
I actually laughed out loud when Michael Cole asked for social media assistance.
The Big Show’s video package was great. Now I can “get” the fact that he is an angry giant.
The Kingston/Truth vs. Hawkins/Reks match was just there. It missed the mark, and I just can’t invest in the fact that Kingston and Truth are injured when they did high spots like that. If one is upset, too bad.
This is the best Michael Cole has acted since becoming the heel commentator. He shows genuine fear and concern. He also acts jubilant when Lor…I mean Tensai “saves” the day. However, that was short lived. Cole portrayed a great jerk throughout only to get his just desserts when Cena embarrassed him in front of the live audience. Overall, I felt the segment went a bit too long.
On a side note, there were not Divas except for AJ. Honestly that was fine. AJ is the best thing the WWE Divas have going at the moment.
I want to be entertained when I watch Raw. Tonight, I was entertained. Overall, it was a decent Raw. But I totally understand that people can be upset with the layout of the show.