Are you ready? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it’s time for Monday Night RAW!
A highlight video recaps some of the greatest moments in RAW history.
The arena is absolutely packed and there is a big night feel to the show as the commentators are dressed to the nines. Justin Roberts introduces the Chairman of the Board and Vince McMahon walks down to the ring. He thanks the fans in attendance. *Thank You Vince* erupts in the crowd. He replies, “Welcome to Monday Night RAW”. McMahon calls out Degeneration X!
HHH and Shawn Michaels make their way down to the ring to the old school DX intro video. Before chopping in the ring, Michaels grabs a microphone and says that something is missing. HHH agrees and asks Shawn didn’t there used to be more of us? He points to the ramp.
Billy Gunn, Road Dogg & X-Pac ride out on the jeep that was used in the WCW invasion angle. Everyone makes their way down to the ring to chop and tell the crowd to suck it. Pyro erupts around the ring. Road Dogg launches into his Tag Team intro.
HHH leads the crowd – “For the thousands in attendance and the millions… let’s get ready to suck it!” Michaels and Road Dogg argue about who is going to do the next part. They say that HHH never gave them a big enough part over the years. They agree to do it together.
Damien Sandow’s music hits and cuts them off. He walks down to the ring with a microphone and say that they world has fallen to the level of the degenerates in the ring. Michaels says that that is true of him so he is going home to church to ask for forgiveness. Sandow ignores the sarcasm and continues on claiming to be a martyr for the salvation of humanity. HHH says that DX needs to huddle to figure out what they are going to do. They break the huddle with a DX cheer. HHH says that this is what they decided to do – Shawn Michaels delivers Sweet Chin Music! HHH follows up with a pedigree. Dogg finally gets to his part and says, “if you’re not down with that we’ve got two words for you: suck it!”
Lillian Garcia introduces Jim Ross! Ross walks down to the ring to the Oklahoma Sooners’ fight song. He appears to be joining in for commentary for the next match.
Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara & Sheamus v. Chris Jericho, Dolph Ziggler & Alberto Del Rio
Back from the break Ziggler is working on Sin Cara in the ring. Jericho gets the tag and turns his attention towards the neck area. Cara goes for a roll up but Jericho kicks out and responds with a low drop kick. Jericho poses as he covers, but Cara kicks out. Del Rio gets the tag and works the neck of Cara. Alberto walks into a swinging DDT in the corner. Both men crawl to their corners for the tag. Sheamus charges in at Jericho and clobbers him with some knee lifts. Sheamus hits the Irish Curse Back Breaker and goes for the cover. Alberto saves the day with a cover. Rey knocks him out of the ring and flies out to meet him with a seated senton. Cara knocks Ziggler off the apron and the attention returns to the ring. Jericho attempts to hit a leg lariat from the second rope, but Ziggler attacks his own teammate! Sheamus knocks him back off the apron. Sheamus looks towards Jericho and connects with the Brogue Kick. This match is over.
Winners: Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara & Sheamus
Charlie Sheen is live on Skype and chats with Michael Cole about the show so far. He calls it “epic” and says he would fit in well with Degeneration X and puts over that Sheamus would probably be a good partner for partying. This is what’s replacing his Twitter contributions it seems.
# AJ is in the locker room saying how amazing tonight is going to be. Layla asks her if she is sure she wants to go through the wedding. AJ wants to know why people keep asking her that. She also wants to know why people keep saying she is unstable when everyone in the company is unstable. Outside the door to her locker room various Superstars appear.
Jim Duggan is shown shouting Hooooooooo. Roddy Piper and R-Truth are playing jump rope with Little Jimmy. Mae Young appears with a man wearing a full size hand costume. He says that he is Mae Young’s son all grown up!
Brodus Clay w/ Dude Love v. Jack Swagger
Clay goes right after Swagger and knocks him down to the mat. Clay hits the splash and this match is over.
Winner: Brodus Clay
After the match, Foley joins in the dance celebration and uses a tye-dye Mr. Socko to attack Swagger!
# HHH is in his office with Trish Stratus. She is helping him yoga. The other members of DX walk into the office to laugh at him for the awkward “rear entry” stance he has taken up.
The ring has been set up for the wedding tonight. Jerry Lawler introduces the priest for tonight’s service – Slick, the first African-American Manager in the WWE! Daniel Bryan’s music hits and he does a bunch of Yes chants on his way down to the ring. AJ is wearing a wedding dress and comes down to the ring to the wedding March. Slick starts the vows and gets to the part where if someone has a problem they must speak now or forever hold their peace. No entrance music hits, but the crowd begins to loudly chant no. Bryan takes the ring from Slick and recites his vows. AJ and Bryan each say yes. As Slick is about finish, AJ interrupts and says that she wasn’t saying yes to Daniel. She was saying yes to someone else! She says it is another man that made a proposal to her earlier tonight.
Vince McMahon’s music hits and he comes out onto the entrance ramp. Vince tells Bryan that it isn’t that kind of a proposal, it is a business proposal. Vince then goes and says that he is announcing the new General Manager of Monday Night RAW – AJ!!!
Bryan looks baffled. AJ shoves a flower bouquet into his hands. She then prances her way up the entrance ramp. Bryan snaps and starts to throw things around the ring.
CM Punk’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. Bryan is still throwing a tantrum in the ring. Punk says that it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Punk says that he is going to continue being the best in the world. Bryan repeats the phrase and says that Punk isn’t even the best that is in the ring right now. Bryan says that not only is he better than him, but he is the best WWE Superstar of all time. The greatest of all-time!
The Rock’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. His music plays for a few minutes and then cedes to the chants of the crowd. Rock looks at Bryan and says that he doesn’t get to say who the greatest of all time is, the crowd gets to make that decision. “Finally The Rock has come back, to St. Louis!”. The Rock goes to continue, but Bryan attempts to cut him off. Rock is not happy with the interruption. The Rock announces that whoever the Champion is at the Royal Rumble, will face the Great One for the Title! Punk says that he is going to win his match against Cena tonight, and then win against The Rock at the Rumble.
Bryan is furious and starts screaming no. He says that tonight was supposed to be about him. It was supposed to be the greatest night of his life. Bryan vows that somehow he will be the one fighting The Rock. The Rock says that he is sorry Bryan didn’t get married tonight, but he brought him a wedding present anyway – and delivers a Rock Bottom!
Bret Hart is introduced and he walks down to the ring. He says that one of the greatest moments of his career was winning the IC Championship from Mr. Perfect. He is out to introduce the participants in tonight’s IC Championship match.
Christian [c] v. The Miz
Christian leaps from the second rope with a missile dropkick. He throws Miz to the outside of the ring and flies out after with a slingshot crossbody as we head to commercial.
Back from the break Christian nails Miz in the face with a couple of punches. Christian takes to the second rope and hits a crossbody. He goes back to the second rope and hits a flying European Uppercut. Christian looks for the Killswitch, but Miz is not caught. Miz is caught in a sunset Flip attempt, but kicks out of the cover. Miz goes to work on the leg of Christian which was tweaked when he came off the second rope before the commercial. Christian catches him off guard with a swinging DDT. Christian falls back towards the corner and tries for a spear. Miz counters and connects with a hard DDT. Christian dodges a splash but is clutching his knee. He tries again for the KillSwitch but Miz pushes him away. Christian again tries, but gets sent backwards. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale, and this match is over!
Winner & NEW IC Champion: The Miz
Charlie Sheen is again present on Skype and gives a rundown of the past hour’s happenings.
# Regis Philbin appears on video to congratulate RAW on reaching 1000 episodes.
HHH’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring still wearing his DX attire. A video clip airs HHH being placed in the Komura clutch by Brock Lesnar. HHH says that the fun for him tonight is over; he wants to fight Lesnar at Summerslam. He knows that Lesnar is in the building, so he calls on him to come down to the ring and give his answer.
Lesnar’s music hits, but it is Heyman who walks down to the ring. HHH says that he wants to talk to the horse’s head, not his ass. Heyman says that Lesnar is in fact here tonight. Heyman has been authorized through power of attorney to answer HHH’s challenge. Heyman says that HHH may want to main event Summerslam, but the answer is no. HHH says that if Lesnar isn’t going to come out then maybe he’ll have to go find him himself. Heyman says that HHH should probably want to avoid another lawsuit. HHH starts to call Lesnar a coward, so Heyman calls him out on resorting to name calling. Heyman makes a comment about being embarrassed for HHH’s children.
Stephanie McMahon’s music hits! She makes her way down to the ring and tells Heyman to never talk about her children ever again. Stephanie says that the lawsuits are really about Heyman trying to mask his failures over the years. Stephanie says that at least her kids will be proud of their father and grandfather, unlike Heyman’s kids. Stephanie says that Heyman’s kids are ashamed because their father is a professional parasite. She slaps him across the face.
Heyman is furious and grabs a mic. He says that the match is on; it’s Lesnar v. HHH at Summerslam. Heyman catches himself and starts to laugh; he knows that Stephanie tricked him. Heyman starts to say something about her kids, but she jumps on him and starts to pound on Heyman.
Lesnar’s music hits and he runs down to the ring. He begins to brawl with HHH and all hell breaks loose. HHH ends up throwing him out of the ring. They stare each other down and take off their shirts to add some fuel to the fire.
A video package highlights the Steve Austin v. Vince McMahon feud.
Santino and Hornswoggle walk down to the ring with a bunch of WWE Brawler Bodies. It’s a series of plush toys. Howard Finkel is brought out to be tonight’s special ring announcer for the next match.
Slater is introduced and comes down to the ring. He says that everything that has happened in the past doesn’t matter anymore. The only thing that matters tonight is his next match. Slater says that this match is going to be epic. He challenges any legend to a no-count out no dq match.
Heath Slater v. Lita
After the bell rings, Lita takes the mic and says that she hired some protection for tonight. The APA comes down to the ring! Slater decides to high tail it, but instead all of the legends that Slater has faced over the past couple of weeks comes down to push him back towards the ring.
Lita hits the Twist of Fate. Bradshaw follows up with the Clothesline from Hell. Lita takes to the top rope and leaps for the moonsault, this match is over!
After the match the legends all enter the ring. Ron Simmons grabs the mic and delivers the obligatory, “Damn”.
Sean Mooney is backstage with Daniel Bryan and asks him about his night. Bryan says that everyone including Charlie Sheen has insulted and humiliated him tonight. Bryan says that Sheen needs not Anger Management, but Life Management. If Sheen was standing right next to him, Bryan would lock the Yes Lock on him faster than he could say winning.
Michael Cole is ringside with the 100,000,000th Social Media follower for the WWE.
A video plays hosted by Fozzie Bear featuring the greatest catchphrases in the history of RAW.
# Zack Ryder is backstage with Gene Okerlund and John Cena. Ryder claims that Gene was behind GTV. The Rock walks into the shot and all but Cena slink away. Cena welcomes him and goes over what The Rock said tonight. Rock wishes him well in his match, and says that if Cena has the Title at the Rumble he will take it from him.
Kane’s music hits and he comes down amidst a bed of fire to the ring. Jinder Mahal’s music hits and he comes down to the ring with a handful of guys to try and take out Kane. They get in the ring… but The Undertaker’s music hits!
The Undertaker slowly makes his way down to the ring. He enters and takes off his spiky attire. The men with Jinder get in the ring and try and take out the Brothers of Destruction. Kane and Taker quickly clear the ring. Taker and Kane hit a stereo Tombstone, followed by a double Piledriver! They take a moment to pose before the break.
Charlie Sheen is back via Skype to address the comments made by Bryan. He says that anytime Bryan is in the area he will face him in the ring.
CM Punk [c] v. John Cena
This match is starting at 10:59 ET. Cena bounces off the ropes with a shoulder block. Punk goes for a backslide cover, but Cena kicks out. Punk gets behind him with an abdominal stretch. Cena escapes and grabs for Punk’s legs but gets kicked away. They lock up and Punk is pushed back into the corner. The referee makes them separate. Cena starts to unload with a series of punches. The crowd begins to boo. Cena cinches on a side headlock.
Punk hits a side slam as Jerry Lawler astutely observes that Cena is like Superman. Punk gets behind Cena and has a rear chinlock applied. Cena gets to his feet and tries to punch his way free. They begin to exchange blows back and forth. Cena tries for a back body drop but Punk lands on his feet and pushes Cena into the corner. He charges and connects with a high knee. Punk mocks the You Can’t See Me, which results in him getting caught in the lifted bulldog. Cena tries for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle, but Punk kicks him in the skull! Punk tries to lift Cena up into the air, but Cena scurries off of his back! In the process the referee gets knocked out of the ring. Cena would have picked up the win, but there is no referee to count off of an Attitude Adjustment. Cena gets out of the ring to check on the referee.
With the referee down, Big Show runs to the ring and spears Cena! He delivers the Knockout Punch which leaves Cena down for the count. Punk gets back up on his feet, but knows that he still doesn’t have a referee in the ring. Punk heads out of the ring to revive the referee and brings him back inside. Punk goes for the cover… but Cena kicks out! Punk lifts Cena up on his shoulders and looks for the GTS. Cena counters and applies the STF. Big Show runs back down and attacks Cena which causes the ref to call for the bell.
Winner via DQ: John Cena
The Big Show attempts to continue the attack, but The Rock runs down to make the save. Rock hits the Rock Bottom on Show and goes for the People’s Elbow. Punk runs at Rock and hits a hard clothesline! Punk lifts Rock up into the air and hits the GTS. The crowd begins to boo the WWE Champion as he walks up the ramp to close out this 1000th Episode of RAW.
1000 RAWs. Where do I even start? I thought about turning this into some sort of historical look back at the history of RAW, but I think that the WWE has done an admirable job of covering that base. Instead, I’m simply left in awe of a company that has managed to keep RAW on the air for nearly twenty years. It’s had its ups and downs, but overall it’s a show that has been present to help us all through our difficult times in life when a little escape into the zany world of professional wrestling was the best remedy on earth. RAW has provided us all with memorable moments, and a reason to hate Mondays just a little bit less.
Degeneration X opened up the show in a grand fashion. It was fun to see the gang back together again. Chyna wasn’t present tonight, but that’s because the gang she is currently involved with focuses on the bang variation of the word. Cause she’s a porn star. Gang bang is what I’m trying to say here, she does gang bangs now.
I’ll confess that aside from a preview promo I’ve never seen the work of Damien Sandow on Smackdown. If you have a box of Crayola present you might as well take out the one labeled “impressed” and color me. The guy has a certain presence that I admire.
It’s always a treat to have Jim Ross commentate a match, and it was an added bonus that Lillian Garcia stepped in for the announcement assist. Kudos to Howard Finkel for making it on the show as well.
The six-man tag match was entertaining though obviously very short. I have to appreciate the fact that WWE is still holding off on a Sin Cara v. Mysterio feud. I’ve long felt that that match should be saved for a ‘mania, IF Cara can get his act together.
Charlie Sheen is probably going to be wrestling at Summerslam, which is what I took out of his little Skype exchange about Daniel Bryan tonight. It’s going to most likely be a trainwreck, but you never know. Just remember, Snooki actually had a decent wrestling match. I guess that the Skype bits were to make up for the fact that Sheen quit Twitter only two weeks before being the social media ambassador for the WWE. I would like to point out that Sheen was supposedly watching RAW live, but he lives out on the West Coast where RAW is on a tape delay. Just saying.
It was nice to see Mick Foley as Dude Love, perhaps his least exploited character as Mankind and Cactus Jack receive most of the attention. It added a touch of spice to what would have been just another dance party from Brodus Clay.
Where do I even start with the wedding angle? The whole storyline culminated with AJ being appointed the GM of RAW. I’m not really sure why they decided to go in this direction, and I wouldn’t be shocked if this was a decision that was made either on the spot, or because all of their other plans fell through. She is in many ways just going to be a gimmick GM, which runs its course rather quickly. AJ is hot right now, but overexposure could be her undoing. Just ask Eve how her run at the top is holding up.
Punk’s involvement in the wedding was partially to calm down his former friend, and partially to gloat. The Rock took the segment to a whole other level, as he so often does. The revelation that he will be fighting for the Title at the Rumble could suggest that he will win the belt and hold it until dropping it at Wrestlemania. If done correctly, it could elevate the person that beats him to another stratosphere.
So much happened on this RAW that it is hard to get to everything in the time restraints I have here – so congrats to The Miz and let me jump ahead to the Lesnar/HHH storyline. I have to hand it to Stephanie McMahon for telling Heyman not to talk about her kids… and then in the same breath talking about his kids! Hypocrisy 101 is now in session.
Lita looked phenomenal tonight. I’ve never been a huge fan of hers, but she looked fantastic. I also noticed for the first time that along with looking pretty fantastic tonight she has a really cute face. It took a long time but I guess I’m finally starting to appreciate her “look”. The rest of the legends that appeared acted as a nice kicker to close the segment.
The Undertaker and Kane cleaned house with a Brothers of Destruction reunion. I love them together, they always seem simply unstoppable.
The Championship match was straight up disappointing. Obviously I wanted to see a good match to close out RAW, but instead they went with a heel turn. Punk has been a face for a while now; let’s see where the change will take us. The guy already looks like a greasy douche, so why not reflect that in his character. I’m a fan of Punk’s work, so I look forward to seeing where this progression takes him.
To close out this recap of RAW I’ll just leave with a thank you to all involved with the WWE. RAW has been a mainstay in my life for quite some time now, so all that I can say is thank you to those that risk their bodies for my entertainment.