Written by: Brad Dykens from Online World of Wrestling
Sweet & Sour” Larry Sweeney vs. Gran Akuma: FIP kicked off with a little sweet and sour, just like they did the previous night in Melbourne. Mr. Sweeney is withering away on the under-card, when he should be dominating the main event division, and carrying (or at least challenging for) the FIP World title. Instead, Sweeney works long matches with jobbers he should be squashing in two or three minutes. That’s not to say Gran Akuma isn’t a solid performer, it’s just that they haven’t built him up to anything. I guess there is some mutual respect between Sweeney and Akuma, seeing as though they both come from Chikara. The “Sweet & Sour” man scored the victory after the Macho Man elbow from the top rope!
Jimmy Rave w/Dave Prazak vs. Hallowicked: After coming out on the losing end on his bid for the FIP World title the previous night against Roderick Strong, DP Associate Jimmy Rave got right back up on the horse with this match against the masked Hallowicked. The Crystal River locals witnessed a miracle as the crippled Mr. Milo Beasley leapt out of his wheel-chair and performed an amazing dive off the ring apron before ending up back in his wheel-chair in pain. God works in mysterious ways. Jimmy Rave used his ruthless ROH Heel-hook submission hold to make Hallowicked tap out, giving the merciless DP Associate the victory.
My eyes perked up when the YRR came out in their swimwear, looking past the goofball dudes and focusing on all the beach babes; So-Cal Val, Rain, Lacey, and even short-stuff Becky Bayless. God bless the Florida sunshine. They doused announcer Jonathan Gold with water-guns and proceeded to throw an indoor beach party in front of the jeering fans.
Irish Airborne (Jake & David Crist) vs. Rex Sterling & Damien Wayne : The Crist’s made their mark on the FIP tag team division the previous night with an upset victory over YRR members Sal Rinauro and Jason Blade. Tonight they were booked against a couple of ham-and-eggers named Rex Sterling and Damien Wayne. The YRR remained at ringside continuing with their beach party, oblivious of the action in the ring. A beach ball ended up in the ring, attracting the attention of the idiot-by-rule referee. Irish Airborne remained focused and picked up their second straight victory in an FIP ring.
Seth Delay vs. Jason Blade w/The YRR: This match started because Seth Delay was upset he didn’t get invited to the YRR’s beach party. Seth Delay won his match with Jason Blade, but the YRR went into attack-mode after the match. The parade of flesh was shown stumbling around ringside like a bunch of drunk Joe Francis worshipers. The Heartbreak Express hit the ring to help Seth Delay, and before you could say “Mississippi Hippy,” we had an impromptu tag team match going on in the ring!
The Heartbreak Express vs. The YRR (Chasyn Rance & Sal Rinauro w/So-Cal Val & Becky Bayless): The YRR were barefoot, but there was no beach sand in sight. The rest of the YRR was out of control at ringside, redirecting the fans attention away from the match. Wouldn’t you rather watch four drunken hotties try to hold each other up? Val was either legitimately drunk, or is a really good faker! The YRR stole a victory within all the chaos, and then the entire YRR joined in a post-match beat-down until Black Market and Allison Danger hit the ring. Almost everyone escaped, except for poor Becky Bayless, who was violently dropped by Allison Danger.
Allison Danger & Daizee Haze & Sara Del Rey vs. Lacey & Rain & Amazing Kong: These kind of matches definitely help satisfy my SHIMMER sweet tooth, as I patiently wait for my SHIMMER Volume’s #13 and #14 (Hot Summer Nights) to arrive in the mail. As beautiful as Rain and Lacey are together, Amazing Kong is ten times SCARIER! The babyface contingent of SHIMMER champion Sara Del Rey, Woodstock flower-child Daizee Haze, and SHIMMER ambassador Allison Danger spiced up the lives of the viewing audience with their electrifying entrance into the FIP arena. The Minnesota Home-wrecking Crew (Rain and Lacey) were happy to cheer from the ring apron as Amazing Kong proceeded to take on all three opponents all by herself! If there was a plate big enough for the Haze, I’m sure Kong would eat her for breakfast. The YRR kept a close eye on the match, but I prayed to the wrestling Gods that they would keep their greasy sun-screened noses out of it. For those of you who don’t know, here’s some trivia; 1) Allison Danger is Steve Corino’s sister, 2) Sara Del Rey is my favorite women’s wrestler, 3) Daizee Haze enjoys marijuana, 4) Amazing Kong is known as AWESOME Kong in TNA, 5) Rain is known as Miss Payton Banks in TNA, and 6) Rain hates men, almost as much as Lacey. Without this match on the card, this show would only be called “Summer Nights.” Kong, Lacey & Rain won the match, all thanks to Kong’s power, but Lacey and Rain acted as though they were responsible for the win. Typical!
Florida Heritage Title – Erick Stevens vs. Jigsaw: Jigsaw had the fans in his corner as he challenged for the FIP Florida Heritage title for the first time. Unlike Damien Wayne, Strong’s last opponent, Jigsaw didn’t irritate the natives by announcing that he would win the belt and leave Florida immediately! I’m sure Jigsaw would represent Florida with respect, but I was also sure that Jigsaw wouldn’t win the belt tonight. Erick Stevens is the fastest rising star on the independent circuit right now. Stevens couldn’t execute the Doctor-bomb, but a few minutes later he finished off Jigsaw with a Sarasota-screwdriver to retain the Florida Heritage title!
FIP World Title – Roderick Strong vs. Eddie Kingston: Eddie Kingston beats a ham-and-egger in his debut match and twenty-four hours later he’s challenging for the FIP championship? I think the guy is talented, but, for the love of God, build him up a little bit. “Sweet & Sour” Larry Sweeney deserves a title-shot before this guy! Kingston sort-of reminds me of Savio Vega, and that is supposed to be a compliment (by the way). Kingston took Strong to limits that have so far been unheard-of in Full Impact Pro, at one point nearly causing the champion to pass out with a submission hold. Roddy recovered and dropped Kingston on the back of his neck with a botched Gibson-driver, which Dave Prazak referred to as the “Gonzo-bomb.”
The four YRR guys returned, still wearing their beach gear, and refused to participate in the Crystal River Street Fight. The YRR instead sent hired assassins Madman Pondo and Ares to the ring to deal with Black Market.
Crystal River Street Fight – Black Market w/Allison Danger vs. Madman Pondo & Are$: You might be asking yourself, “who the heck is Ares?” Well I’ll tell you. Ares is a wrestler from the UK, who happens to be engaged to little miss Allison Danger. He also happens to be the European tag team partner of Claudio Castagnoli, who ironically is an inactive member of the YRR. Logic in wrestling, ya gotta love it! Pondo almost immediately pulled out the staple gun, but Machete choked him with a golf club. A few minutes later, Pondo covered Machete’s crotch with a cinder block and then smashed it with a sledge hammer. Ouch. Pondo then started stapling money to Machete’s head, as parents dragged their children away from the ring to protect their innocent minds from the senseless violence masquerading as family entertainment. Black Market absorbed the punishment, but still managed to score a triumphant victory! The YRR attacked Black Market after the match, as Pondo and Ares exited while proclaiming “we earned out money!” The Heartbreak Express showed up to make the save and said they were sick and tired of it being four on two and suggested they even the odds by joining forces with their former enemies, Black Market, to take on the YRR in an Anything Goes Bunkhouse match!