Written by: Scrooge McSuck from Da Wrestling Site
– All matches are taped from the War Memorial Auditorium in Utica, NY, with Vince McMahon and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan calling the action. The 1991 edition of the Survivor Series marked the first time that a traditional singles match was the main focus heading into the PPV, in this case, that being the WWF Championship / Gravest Challenge featuring Hulk Hogan and the Undertaker. This might’ve been the first time, as a child, I knew that the heel was going over for the title, without needing to think about it for more than a few seconds. It seemed implausable for the Undertaker NOT to win.
Big Boss Man vs. Earthquake (w/ Jimmy Hart):
Wait a minute… didn’t we get this match at the last years edition of the Survivor Series Showdown? The only difference is the level of push that Earthquake was recieving. In 1990, he was paired off with Hulk Hogan, and now (1991), he’s teaming with Tugboat and feuding with the Legion of Doom. There was some interesting storyline going on with their teams. Boss Man’s team consisted of the LOD and Sid Justice, but the latter was injured, so there was sspeculation that Randy Savage would be reinstated to go against the team of Jake Roberts, I.R.S., and the Natural Disasters. Fans were urged to write in, or better yet, call a 900 Hotline to vote wether or not it should be done. I wonder whatever came about for that little storyline… maybe we’ll see footage later in this broadcast.
Earthquake attacks before Boss Man can even come in the ring and stomps away. Whip to the corner, and Earthquake already slaps on a bearhug. It’s only for a moment, as he rams Boss Man into the corner, then drops an elbow across the back. Boss Man avoids a second elbow, and hammers away. Irish whip, and Boss Man with an elbow, followed by more rights and a big boot. Earthquake goes down like a tree. Irish whip is reversed, but Boss Man rolls out of the ring to chase Jimmy Hart around, then runs back in the ring and punches Quake in the ASS. Earthquake takes control, pounding away on the back of the Boss Man. Whip to the corner, and Quake charges in with a crushing blow. Trash talking and bitch slaps follow, with the Boss Man gaining the upper hand and trapping Earthquake in the Andre The Giant Special™. Suddenly, I.R.S. makes his way too ringside as we take a commercial. We return, with Earthquake knocking Noss Man out of the ring. Quake stomps away on the hand of the Boss Man, then works a wristlock. Quake tosses Boss Man out again, but he nails i.R.S. then charges back in to hammer away on Earthquake. Boss Man with mounted punches. Earthquake regains control and goes back to the arm. Boss Man attempts something, but spills out of the ring, again. Crowd is so into this one, they start chanting “Irwin!” Boss Man fights back, squashing Quake in the corner, but again, Earthquake works the arm to take control. Boss Man uses some fancy foot work and an enziguri to take Earthquake off his feet. I.R.S. sweeps the leg and pulls Boss Man out of the ring, and gets pounded for his troubles. No bell? Irish whip, and Boss Man with a clothesline. Suddenly, Typhoon and Jake Roberts hit the ring, but so do the Legion of Doom. Boss Man, to his credt, grabbed his nightstick when it was just 4-on-1, so you got to give him credit for being a real man. It’s a Disqualification at 10:16, by the way. Really flowless match.
– We recap an episode of the Funeral Parlor. Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair have a big confrontation, but the Undertaker, SHOCKINGLY, pops out from a standing casket and KO’s Hogan with the urn. Geez, didn’t anyone learn from the incident with the Ultimate Warrior? Roddy Piper and Randy Savage make the save, but Undertaker shrugs them off. Then, in one of those weird unexplained moments, Undertaker rips the cross off Hogan’s neck, then drops it as if his hand was on fire. Interesting, but nothing ever came of it.
Bushwhacker Luke vs. Blake Beverly (w/ The Genius):
Come on! Are you kidding me?! This is a cheap “teaser” for the Bushwhackers and Rockers vs. Nasty Boys and Beverly Brothers, but we honestly had to get a singles match with a Bushwhacker instead of one of the two more capable workers on the team? Please Lord, let this be short. We don’t get any entrances, for whatever reason. Blake attacks from behind and stomps away in the corner. Whip across the ring is reversed, and Luke bites the bottom of Blake, then kills him with a clothesline. Blake actually lands on his head trying to over-sell it. Luke sneaks around the ring and noggin’ knockers Blake and the Genius. Blake tries to sneak back in, but gets biten again, then takes a hike. Blake comes in and offers Luke to put him in a headlock. Irish whip, and the Genius trips him up. Luke marches around the ring, chasing the Genius back to the locker room. We return from commercial, and he wasn’t counted-out? Vince and Heenan spend the majority of this match hyping what happend on Superstars between Jake Roberts and Randy Savage. Whip to the corner, and Luke over-sells. Blake with a back breaker and some strutting. Blake scoops Luke up again, and gives him the SHITTIEST version of the Oklahoma Stampede you will ever see. Blake comes off the ropes and connects with a clothesline, then comes off the second rope, missing a headbutt. Luke trips him up, and a roll up gets three at 6:29. Luke won a match? Ew… match was atrocious, but thankfully short.
– Mean Gene Okerlund is standing by with the threesome of the Big Boss Manand Legion of Doom, who are in need of a tag team partner. Will Randy Savage be reinstated? Call the Macho Man Reinstatement Hotline to vote yes or no on such a critical decision! It wasn’t until the actual PPV took place that we find out that Jake Roberts, the only heel worth looking forward to in the match, was pulled, in favor of promoting their “spur of the moment” PPV special, Tuesday In Texas.
– Let’s take ourselves back to SuperStars. Jake Roberts had squashed some scrub and began taunting Randy Savage, who was working the broadcast position at this point of his career. Roberts attacks him, then ties Savage up in the ropes. Things get interesting from here, as Roberts unleashes his Cobra, which proceeds to BITE Savage, and the camera makes nice and sure to get some close up shots of this and the pooling blood on Savage’s arm. I say this EVERY time, but Savage had to have some serious balls to go through with that. Elizabeth makes her way to the ring, screaming while the camera shows some little kid crying and their parent laughing. Sick fuck! Savage sells over the top, the way only he can, and falls off the stretcher at one point. Pretty serious shit for the cartoon era WWF. Jake Roberts, in a sports term, had to be the second-half MVP of the WWF for 1991, between his set up with the Warrior and this program with Savage.
– Mean Gene is back, but this time he’s joined by Jake Roberts, Irwin R. Schyster, and the Natural Disasters. As I mentioned before, I really never cared for any of these guys except for Jake Roberts. It might’ve been that, in comparison, none of them could hold a candle to Jake in the promos department, but they just didn’t do anything for me. Jake has the best lines, of course, and is still gloating over what he did to Savage. I have a feeling things are far from over, though.
Million Dollar Championship Match:
Virgil © vs. “Million $ Man” Ted Dibiase (w/ Sensational Sherri):
Weird choice to feature a “title” match on a special like this. While this is the only match to really feature feuding mates, it also helps promote the match they’re involved in, and what a match that is on paper: Virgil, along with Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, and the British Bulldog, taking on Ted Dibiase, the Mountie, the Warlord, and the REAL World’s Champion, Ric Flair. Virgil won the “title” back at SummerSlam, but since it’s only a prop, it’s hard to consider it a real championship. Unlike WrestleMania VI, the belt can only change hands by pinfall or submission now. Lockup, and Dibiase takes Virgil over with an arm drag. Lockup, and repeat. Dibiase with a side headlock, then goes behind with a hammerlock and shoves Virgil down face-first. Dibiase with another headlock, and this time Virgil takes him over with a pair of hip tosses, then a school boy for a two count. Dibiase with a knee to the midsection, but Virgil surprises him with a crummy small package for a two count. Back in the ring, and Dibiase goes to work on the arm. Virgil counters a wristlock and slaps on an armbar. Virgil with a headlock takeover, and they exchange near falls. Dibiase takes things to the corner, then nails Virgil coming in with an elbow and tosses him out of the ring. Sherri gets in a few cheap shots while Dibiase keeps the referee distracted. Dibiase heads outside and stomps away.
We return from a commercial break, and Dibiase tosses Virgil back in the ring. Dibiase stomps him a new one, then taunts the crowd. Dibiase with a perfectly executed suplex, but it only gets a two count. Dibiase slaps on a chinlock, and McMahon honestly says “he pulled the hair” of Virgil. Heenan, thankfully, calls him out on it. Virgil fights back to his feet and elbows Dibiase to escape, but runs into a knee. Dibiase measures him up and stomps the face, then hits one of his signature fist drops for a two count. Dibiase goes back to the chinlock, and Virgil sells it by repeatedly kicking away at the canvas. Dibiase with a scoop slam, but he misses the second rope elbow that always misses. Virgil wills his way back to his feet and pounds away with rights and lefts. Irish whip, and Virgil with a pair of clotheslines, followed by a Russian leg sweep for a two count. Whip to the corner, and suddenly, the Repo Man sneaks to ringside and snatches the million dollar belt! Virgil sees it and tries to stop him, but Repo Man nails him with it and creeps away. Dibiase covers, and the three count is made at 10:03, giving us a NEW Million Dollar Champion. Dibiase gloats about his victory and tries to stuff money down Virgils mouth, but Tito Santana hits the ring and gets up in Dibiase’s grill about it. And thus, the Miracle Jobber Connection was born! I’d go into more detail on Santana, but he’s due for action later, so we’ll talk about him later on. Ted Dibiase seemed to get a lot of help from Barry Darsow. First, it’s as a masked man leading up to SummerSlam, and now it’s as Repo Man, who I guess is also a masked man. Match was fairly entertaining, by the way.
– Mean Gene is back again, this time with the Texas Tornado, Tito Santana, and their team captain Jim Duggan. Their other partner, Jim Neidhart, was injured at the hands of Ric Flair and the Beverly Brothers, so they too need a fourth man. Enter Sgt. Slaughter, who had been running around all Fall begging for forgiveness, because “he wants his country back!” Duggan gives the spot to Slaughter, but can Slaughter be trusted? Yes, because this is 1991, not 1999. I think Tornado is a substitution for the recently departed “Dragon”, but this whole match was a mess. I’m pretty sure the heel side had its share of substitutions too.
“El Matador” Tito Santana vs. Skinner:
I’m not sure where to begin with these two. Skinner (Steve Kiern) is probably best known as one half of the Fabulous Ones with Stan Lane, but I don’t know how relevant he was to the wrestling world by 1991, and I was half tempted to put “That Filthy Pig” in front of his name since all the babyface commentators seemed to call him that. Santana has been repackaged as “finding his roots” as a bull fighter, because I guess this was all he needed to freshen his act up. The only thing memorable from that transition was a horribly filmed vignette of Santana fighting a bull, but all the shots with the bull were done from so far away you couldn’t tell what was going on. I seem to recall this match popping up on a Coliseum Video (1992 Battle of the Superstars, perhaps).
Lockup to start, and Santana gives a clean break. Skinner with a side headlock, then a hammerlock. Santana counters and Skinner grabs the ropes for the break. Lockup, and Santana with the side headlock. Irish whip, and Santana with a shoulder block. Back in the ring, and Santana traps Skinner in a head scissors, then works a headlock. This match is dragging some serious ass. Santana with the move of the match, the headlock, again. I swear, they’re wrestling like the match is set to go 30-minutes. Skinner with a thumb to the throat, then tosses Santana out of the ring. The canned heat is obvious here. Commercial break, and we return with Skinner biting the arm, then clawing the face, and more biting, then more choking. Santana tries mounting a comeback, but Skinner claws the face s’more. Skinner with a slam for a two count. Skinner rams Santana face-first into the canvas and applies a chinlock. Skinner hammers away in the corner, snapmares Santana and goes back to the chinlock. Santana tries to escape, but a yank of the hair brings him back down. Repeat about a minute later. Skinner with another slam, but he (un)wisely goes to the top rope and jumps into a fist. Santana with a pair of dropkicks and a knee lift. Santana with pounds away and hits the Paso del Muerte for the three count at 11:40. Yes, that long for this garbage. Really boring and worthless match.
– Courtesy of Superstars of Wrestling, Mean Gene Okerlund is with the WWF Champion, the Immortal Hulk Hogan. The GRAVEST Challenge is coming up this Wednesday from the Motor City. The hot topic of the match… will Hulkamania finally rest in peace at the Survivor Series? Hogan calls attention he’s been hearing that for EIGHT years. Hulk tells us what the yellow and red means. Yellow stands for the belief in training, prayers, and the vitamins, and the red represents immortality, then mentions JESUS told him, through his cross that his blood was spilled on, that Hulkamania will never die. What?!!?!? WHAT?!!?!?!? I’m sorry, I got nothing, no words can describe how wrong that last little bit was, and I’m not the least bit religious.
“Rowdy” Roddy Piper vs. Hercules:
This is the first match in the history of the Showdown specials where a match did not include participants from opposing Survivor Series matches. Hercules was a late substitution for the departed Big Bully Busick on Col. Mustafa’s team and was doing JTTS duty once Power & Glory split, and Piper is captaining a team against one headed by Ric Flair. They get up in each others business and talk trash. Lockup, and they tussle around the ring jockeying for position. Piper slaps the taste out of Hercules’ mouth, and they exchange blows. Piper controls with his obnoxiously unrealistic flurry of punches then gets nailed with elbows across the side of the head. Hercules forces him into a Greco-Roman Knuckle-lock, since that’s the only thing he can do good. Piper rolls through and reverses the preasure on Hercules. Hercules with a shoulder to the midsection. Irish whip, Hercules blocks a sunset flip, but gets a thumb to the eyes for his troubles. Piper unloads with rights and chops as Bobby Heenan takes a walk from his broadcast position to meet up with the REAL World’s Champion. Hercules with rights, but Piper’s just having a fit. Da’ Maniac unloads on Hercules, but gets thrown out of the ring this time. Piper with a shoulder to the midsection, and a sunset flip back into the ring gets a two count. They managed to blow that spot, or should I say, Hercules did. Piper punts Hercules in the face and takes him out of the corner with a running bulldog for the three count at 5:09. Typical match from Hercules, and Piper wasn’t really worth much in the ring either, especially at this point of his career.
– Mean Gene is standing by for one last time with one of the biggest gatherings of heels the WWF has seen since the coronation of the Macho King. He’s gotTed Dibiase, along with his million dollar belt, DA Mountie, the Warlord, and then brings out the REAL World’s Champion Ric Flair, along with the executive consultant, Mr. Perfect, and his advisor Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. They hype the biggest and most important Survivor Series style match coming up at the PPV.
– Promotional consideration paid for by the following… NEW Electronic Battleship, so real it talks! G.I. Joe, a Real American Hero! Electronic Hot Shot Basketball! The WWF ring with flag and championship belt! Double Dragon II for Nintendo Game Boy!
Final Thoughts: Probably the worst of these Primetime specials, so far at least. Only one match was worth sitting through, while a couple of them were just a tedious chore to have to watch. The few highspots were recaps from the weekend shows, like the snake bite incident, and Hulk Hogan’s blasphemus promo about Jesus speaking to him through his cross. If I were watching this show today, as it happened, I wouldn’t be looking forward to Survivor Series, and would be really pissed once I found out that the $25 PPV was nothing more than a fucking commercial for another PPV the week after.