WWF Superstars 5/23/1992

Written by: Tom Hopkins

We’re at the Onondaga Coliseum in Syracuse NY. Vince McMahon and Mr. Perfect are in the announce booth and they’re here just in time for Memorial Day! McMahon mentions that died for our country. Perfect mentions Warrior’s puking from last week. Speaking of Warrior, he will be here for an interview this week.

–Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Bill Pierce–
The jobber tries attacking Undertaker from behind but he fails miserably. Undertaker chokeslams him as Berzerker and Fuji have some pre-recorded comments for Undertaker. Rope Walk, Tombstone, goodnight Irene at 2:23.

Time for an update from the Update Center! It’s brought to us by the 1992 WWE Catalogue. Two weeks ago, Shango put a curse on Warrior. Last week, Warrior felt the effects of this curse in the form of an abdominal pain followed by vomiting. Shango tells us he owns Warrior’s spirit now.

–Virgil vs. Dwayne Gill–
Yeah, I didn’t really pay attention to this match. I was checking Facebook. I got back just in time to see Virgil end this with a Million Dollar Dream.

–Money Inc. (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Mark Kay & Jim Powers–
IRS complains about the tax cheats who applied for an extension. McMahon brings up the Natural Disasters feud but I haven’t actually seen anything from the Disasters during this month of Superstars. Mark Kay tags in and Perfect references Mary Kay, some sort of cosmetics person. They work some puns into the match and they weren’t terrible. DiBiase powerslams Kay and IRS ends it with a Neck-Tie (the flying clothesline).

Sean Mooney tells us that the moves done in the ring should not be tried at home. Shit, why do they waste time making those Don’t Try This At Home spots at the beginning of all the DVD’s when they could just put Mooney’s clip here on them all! Hey, it’s High Energy! Feel the electricity! The Model, with his Eagle Feathers stolen from Tatanka, He says some generic threatening things towards Tatanka.

–British Bulldog vs. Barry Hardy–
Perfect mentions some evidence with Liz which should be interesting. Speaking of interesting, I wonder if comments regarding Bulldog’s hanging will be cut out. It’s a Bulldog squash match, so of course we get a headlock rest-hold. We hear from the Repo Man and he talks about the choke collar he has for the Bulldog. Running powerslam ends this at 1:38.

Ric Flair, Mr. Perfect and some woman are having a picnic. They talk about Liz and her relationship with Flair and even play a message from Liz! Wait for the WHOO and the beep. It sure SOUNDS like Liz! Perfect tells Savage that he bought the cow but Flair is getting the milk for free. I love that line. I may have to tweet that later.

We got back to the Event Center, being here only minutes before. Hey, it’s Crush. I’m upset because he’s been around for a month through vignettes and all and he hasn’t said BRAH yet. Crush sends a message to all the bullies of the WWE, too. The Beverly Brothers with the Genius have something to say, too, but I must’ve tuned them out because next thing I know I’m watching a Mountie match and I realized I missed a promo. I had to rewind to see this After hearing them I realized it was a mistake. I should’ve just kept with the Mountie match.

–The Mountie vs. Bobby Knight–
Bobby Knight’s hair isn’t as grey as it was during his coaching days. Perfect complains about Liz running after Ric Flair and McMahon mentions that Liz never actually said Flair’s name in the message. McMahon the private dick strikes again! We hear from Slaughter who salutes the men and women who died for Memorial Day and then tells Mountie he will never surrender. Mountie ends things with the lamest finisher ever – a dropkick. Mountie intimidates Knight with the shock stick afterwards and then demands to hear his song so he can sing along with it.

Crunch Classics VHS! Earthquake’s on the cover, too!!!

Special Interview Time!!!!!!! Gene brings out the Ultimate Warrior and I’m PUMPED about what’s going to happen. Warrior talks about Shango and the curse as a challenge they must survive when Warrior’s paint stars running! There’s black stuff dripping all over his face!!! What is happening! It’s the curse of Shango!

–The Bushwhackers vs. Vince Sola & Dublin Destroyer–
The Dublin Destroyer has nothing on Fit Finlay. Yeah, I won’t be recapping this crap, sorry. I’ll check FB for a few minutes before I give you the match time and all that good stuff. Even McMahon and Perfect don’t care about this garbage – they’re all about Shango’s curse. Battering Ram ends this at 1:16.

–Kamala (w/Harvey Whippleman & Kimchee) vs. Kerry Davis–
Wow, they’re really stacking the end of this show with great wrestling superstars. I should’ve stopped watching after the Warrior. Just read my Kamala review from two weeks ago because it’s the same damn match. Kamala wins with the big fat splash of doom at 1:23, after eventually rolling the poor jobber over. What’s worse, having to job to Kamala who was covering your back or losing to Bundy and getting the 5-count pinfall?

Time for one last go around with Mooney. Shawn Michaels is in the building (with Sherri) and he tells Bret Hart his days are behind him and Shawn’s time has come. He could’ve used that promo 5 years later and instead of IC Title change it to World Title. Ha, now it’s the Natural Disasters! I was just saying I haven’t seen them in a while. They want the Tag Belts and want to destroy Hart’s whole camp. Next week – The Natural Disasters, the Big Boss Man (Nailz shows up?), the Legion of Doom and Papa Shango! Where are the big matches? Oh well, expect more angles to be built up in an regards.

–The Bottom Line–
This was like the Super Bowl for me. I didn’t really care about the wrestling matches and was just looking forward to the commercials if you will – the interview segments. The matches were just boring squashes but the build-up to on-going angles through the interviews was very well done and made for a very entertaining show.