This week on Impact, Impact Knockouts Champion Laurel Van Ness marries the championship. Eddie Edwards battles Sami Callihan in the main event.
Impact Wrestling presents Impact
From: Orlando, FL
A video highlighting the breakup between EC3 and Tyrus from last week is shown. That leads us into our first match of the night.
Opening Contest: Ethan Carter III vs. Tyrus: Carter bails to the floor to avoid Tyrus and stalls for a few moments. Tyrus shoves Carter to the mat and Carter decides to walk up the ramp to stall again. They’ve stalled for over two minutes. Carter takes a fans phone in the front row to continue to stall. Tyrus grabs Carter’s finger and bites him when Carter gets in the ring. Carter drops Tyrus throat first over the top rope and chops away on Tyrus. Carter tries to clothesline Tyrus and it doesn’t work very well. Tyrus scoop slams Carter and follows up with a couple of atomic drops. Tyrus butt splashes Carter several times to keep control of the match. They go to the floor but return to the ring where Carter gets control with several strikes. Carter hits a middle rope axe handle to drop Tyrus. Carter delivers a jawbreaker but runs to a head strike and an overhead suplex by Tyrus. Tyrus splashes Carter in the corner but the referee gets in the way allowing Carter to eye rake his former friend. Carter tries for the One Percenter, but Tyrus counters and hits Carter with his own finisher. Tyrus has a Tongan Death Grip on Carter and hits a chokeslam for the win. (DUD. I honestly hated this match and they did nothing to entertain me. I remember being a Tyrus fan back during his WWE stint before being a comedy wrestler. This was just a match full of stalling and then doing very little in terms of actual wrestling.)
Joseph Park assures his grandmother that Abyss won’t come out and tries to sound positive about his match with Kongo Kong.
oVe share a video promoting the main event between Sami Callihan and their next target, Eddie Edwards.
Second Contest: Braxton Sutter vs. El Hijo Del Fantasma: Sutter didn’t get an entrance, so that already gives the impression of a squash match. Fantasma takes Sutter down with a running hurricanrana and a kick from the apron. Fantasma misses a top rope crossbody. Sutter keeps control on the mat with a sleeper. Fantasma stops Sutter with a tilt a whirl backbreaker. Fantasma knocks Sutter to the floor with a jumping kick. Fantasma takes Sutter out with a suicide dive to the floor. Sutter knocks Fantasma down on the apron and nearly wins with his feet on the ropes. Sutter plants Fantasma down with a powerbomb and has a handful of tights for a near fall. Fantasma wins the match with a Cradle Shock. (*1/2. Well, I’m taking this as some kind of heel turn for Sutter since his actions were heavily mentioned on commentary. There was no reason to care about this.)
Braxton Sutter remains in the ring and he’s not very happy. Sutter says that Allie isn’t out here for a reason and that’s because she ruin lives. He’s been disrespected too many times. Sutter says he’s the biggest star that anybody has ever seen. Sutter notes he didn’t even get an entrance tonight. Here comes Brain Cage to cut off Sutter and he promptly destroys Sutter with a Steiner Screwdriver after a discus clothesline.
Impact Grand Champion Matt Sydal is interviewed and he says that he’ll win the X-Division Championship next week. X-Division Champion Ishimori comes over and accepts the match, but wants a shot at Sydal’s Grand Championship, too. Ishimori calls Sydal a douche bag. These two were friends and the apparent heel turn from Sydal appear to be happening.
Third Contest: Kongo Kong vs. Joseph Park: It shouldn’t come to a surprise that Kongo Kong has an easy match this week against Park. Kong comes off the top rope to deliver a big splash for the win. Kong wants Abyss. After the match, Jimmy Jacobs asks Park is Abyss is going to come out and play. Kong chokes Park with something and Park continues to say that Abyss isn’t going to play. Jacobs tells Park that they are just getting started.
Caleb Konley and Trevor Lee think they have LAX rattled and they will win the tag titles next week. Konnan and the Mumbai Cats arrive. Konnan insults the Cult of Lee saying they aren’t going to win the titles and that they are women. Guess who was dressed as the Mumbai Cats? Yeah, it was LAX. They proceed to murder Konley and Lee by drowning them in a pool. This would have been better had they not reminded fans of the Abyss/Christian Cage pool angle from 2006 recently on Impact.
Albert El Patron is interviewed and he cuts a promo on Impact World Champion Austin Aries. Patron thinks he should be getting a title shot and he’s going to become champion again because he’s set out for destruction.
Fourth Contest: Rosemary vs. Hania in a no disqualification match: Rosemary tosses Hania across the ring by her hair a couple of times. Hania battles back with a jumping kick. Rosemary gets control with an upside down head scissors over the top rope in the corner. Rosemary comes off the top with a missile dropkick. Rosemary comes off the ropes to hit a spear. Rosemary wins following the Red Wedding. For something they gave a few weeks of promotion, that was almost a complete squash match.
Rosemary remains in the ring and has a microphone. Rosemary says that Hania thought she wanted to play, but she’s nothing but a puppy. She considers herself the alpha bitch. She wants the Knockouts Championship. She’ll stop at nothing to get it back. Taya Valkyrie makes her return to Impact Wrestling and seemingly nobody in the live audience cared at all. Taya asks if Rosemary missed her and she knows everyone missed her. She heard what Rosemary was saying and thought it was hilarious. Taya thinks they should call Rosemary Taya’s bitch moving forward. Rosemary gets in Taya’s face and wants to fight her, but Taya isn’t interested and just backs away. Taya attacks Rosemary from behind to knock her off the apron. Taya drives Rosemary face first onto the aisle way. Taya laughs standing over Rosemary.
Laurel Van Ness is going to marry the Impact Knockouts Championship next. KM is in the ring and he’s claiming to be an ordained minister so he can marry Van Ness to the title tonight. Van Ness doesn’t want a whole ceremony but rather just have KM get to the good part. There ends up being an objection from Braxton Sutter. Sutter realized that he made a mistake leaving Van Ness. Sutter says that Allie ruins lives and that Van Ness is beautiful. Van Ness isn’t interested and chases Sutter from the ring. KM asks if anyone else has an objection, but instead Allie sneaks in the ring and attacks Van Ness. These two are going to have a title match next week.
Josh Matthews and Sonjay Dutt appear on camera for the firs time in many weeks. They promote Crossroads, which takes place next week. This is honestly a minor league feel segment. It came across like something you and your friends would produce and put on YouTube.
Main Event: Sami Callihan vs. Eddie Edwards: Edwards takes Callihan out with a suicide dive, but Callihan comes back with one of his own. Edwards hits another one to actually add some level of excitement to the show for the first time in nearly two hours. Edwards chops Callihan on the floor to keep control of the match. The referee ejects The Crist Brothers from ringside. Sami kicks Edwards from the apron as we go to commercial.
Sami controls Eddie with a chinlock for a moment but Edwards comes back with a series of clotheslines and an atomic drop. Edwards tosses Callihan with an overhead suplex. Edwards brings Callihan to the apron looking for a piledriver, but Sami is able to avoid it and they trade strikes. Sami plants Edwards with a piledriver on the apron. Callihan nearly wins the match following a sit down powerbomb. Sami continues to work over Edwards with chops in the corner. Sami sends Eddie hard back first into the corner to keep control of the match. Sami keeps a modified abdominal stretch on Eddie until Edwards stops Sami with a jawbreaker. Edwards avoids Sami in the corner and is met with an elbow. Edwards boots Sami on the top turnbuckle. Eddie takes Sami off the top with a suplerplex. Sami kicks Edwards but is met with a kick from Edwards and Eddie hits a backpack stunner for a near fall. Sami is able to send Edwards face first into the middle turnbuckle and delivers a running face wash.
Callihan connects with an elevated swinging neckbreaker for a two count. Sami forearms Eddie and they begin to trade kicks until Edwards knocks Sami down. They trade kicks to the face until Sami delivers a clothesline. Edwards counters a backdrop and pins Sami. (***. A decent match and by far the best thing on the show and it’s not even close. By comparison to anything on the show this felt like a classic.)
Bobby Lashley has been attacked backstage by the Crist Brothers. Sami Callihan attacked Edwards after the match and whacked Edwards with a baseball bat. Sami stands tall.
This was a bad wrestling show and was just a complete filler week before Crossroads. I’m just glad the show is over at this point.
Thanks for reading.
34-year-old currently living in Syracuse, New York. Long-time fan of the New York Mets, Chicago Bulls, and Minnesota Vikings. An avid fan of professional wrestling and write reviews/articles on the product. Usually focusing on old-school wrestling.