Written by: Kevin Kindelberger
WWF Monday Night RAW 12/14/98
Despite its issues I was pleasantly surprised by the PPV. However, anything below the top tier in the WWF is rather dull. The fans while hot at times thought so last night too as the final two matches was where the crowd really got involved. Of course Debra got the crowd revved up and rightly so with her strip tease. Hopefully we can get a nice follow up to the PPV. I won’t talk about gaining momentum because RAW is beating the ever living shit out of Nitro in the ratings. RAW got a 5.2 off of hours of 5.3 and 5.1. Nitro stayed the same, almost a 4.1 as the first hour fell from a 5.0 to a 4.8 and then got a 3.8 and 4.0.
I forgot that JR is out, his mom died and then he got sick….so he was out last week and the PPV. And tonight. It is Michael Cole instead, annoying but not as much as he is today.
Here comes DX acting like Vince and company and HHH is dressed as the Rock. The midgets are clearly Brisco and Patterson and they are sniffing Vince’s ass! Gunn is Vince. He calls himself an asshole to the fans. Gunn is Shane and he is wearing Depends! Shane repeats what he says and then Road Dog asks if his ass smells good and Gunn shows off his ass as they discuss sphincter’s and HH declares the crowd does not want to smell what they are cooking. X Pac is Shamrock and asses are getting him in the zone and Chyna is the Bossman and she twirls the baton before losing. HHH or the Rock, it is interchangeable at this damn point. He is talking about asses and sticking heads up it. He says it again for Christ Sakes, I get it, a lot of ass jokes. Here comes HBK carrying a basketball and orders them to clean up their act and he drops the ball and HHH tells him he dropped the ball again. It is that one dude, the Owen impersonator and he is doing a damn good job and he always kisses ass and bends over. X Pac freaks out as Shamrock and HHH or the Rock wants him to switch to DeCaf….more ass jokes too. He has two words: Suck It. Here comes HBK and Rock and company, and the former wants his music cut. He recaps the obvious that they are doing a parody. He calls them worn out. He wants to show them that he has a sense of humor and the Outlaws get a rematch against Bossman and Shamrock tonight. It will be the Corporation who has the last laugh. Rock has the mic and does not not like being imitated as he is the great one and plans on whipping his ass all over Tacoma. Shawn mocks HHH for being a midcarder for life and never been a champ so it should be a non-title match. HHH responds refreshes his memory about kicking his ass before he left. Rock counters that it was Chyna who interfered, and cost him the title. He will put the title up. He is going to say his phrase but says Hogan’s then Flair’s then Savage’s then Hart’s first…..mocking them as Shawn giggles. He finally asks if everyone can smell what he is cooking.
Godfather and Val are down. He has the crowd repeat that “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy!”
Match 1: Godfather and Val Venis v. the Brood
Christian and Val start off and they go back and forth and Christian spikes him getting two. Now Val has the arm and takes him down with a Russian leg sweep. Godfather gets the tag and knocks both Edge and Christian down. Now all four are in and Val pins Christian….
*1/2 Well, the Brood is useless/
Gangrel declares there will be a bloodbath.
Blackman wants the Blazer.
Match 2: Blue Blazer v. Goldust
The fans chant Nugget as the Blazer takes down Goldust and leaps off the second rope drilling him with his elbow. Goldust takes him down and then throws him for a two count. He has him set up for the Shattered Dreams but JJ runs in and attacks but Blackman runs in and chases him off, and he unmasks the Blazer and it is Owen Hart. JJ runs back in and covers his face.
*1/2 Angle advancement. Maybe an unmasking at the PPV….oh well.
Mark Henry is grooming in the back and is now officially Sexual Chocolate with Barry White music.
Outlaws and Shamrock and Bossman are arguing.
Here comes Mark and D’Lo with Terri and Jackie. Henry has come out not to fight but to detail what happened with Chyna. D’Lo looks confused. He is nodding happily and Henry claims her voice is sexy, and Brown recorded her asking him into her bed. Job Squad runs down and the match is on. Blue Meanie is random and annoying, give him some background….
They are all going at it and Brown misses a somersault from the top. Henry is getting doubleteamed as Terri checks out the gut of Meanie. Henry then squashes Holly and gets the win.
* Jesus, so much happening here I need Ritalin. Jackie came off the top and then Henry powerslammed Holly.
Outlaws are walking towards the ring from the back as are Shamrock and Bossman.
Match 4: Outlaws v. Shamrock and Bossman for WWF Tag Titles
Bossman decks Gunn but he wants some more and then fires back. Road Dog is in and he gets flung into the corner and down he goes. Gunn is run down too and hurts his knee after being nailed by the Bossman. Shamrock gets the tag and he unloads on Gunn hammering him. Shamrock works over the knee for a bit and then slams him. He goes for the hurracarana but is powerbombed. Road Dog is able to make the tag and Bossman is in and Dog pounds him. Road Dog comes off the ropes and as he does so HBK hits him with a chair and Bossman slams him getting a near fall. There was a ref bump there. Shamrock is in the ring and he Gunn goes after Shawn threatening him and he plays the coward. Gunn turns his back, when he knows Shawn has the nightstick and it takes like an hour too….he flinches waiting for the hit and it happens and Shamrock puts him in the Ankle Lock and it is over.
*1/2 Um, could that shit have been telegraphed any more? Terrible.
Vince and Shane come down and hope Mankind gets beat up tonight. Also, they are bitter because Austin qualified for the Rumble with his win last night. Kane got involved and that irks Vince and so he and Mankind will be fixed in a No Holds Barred match between the two. They do a Rumble lottery and Austin is number one, and Shane in the spirit of the season gives him one more chance and Vince acts pissed but it is number one again! Vince continues and mocks WCW as the WWF has him, a free agent signing and he will compete in the Rumble. Shane introduces the person and it is his dad. Shane reaches into the tumbler for his number and Vince hopes it is two and Vince is thirty and Shane apologizes. Vince calls it fair! Mankind is on the TitanTron and goes off on Vince and will see him in the ring.
Jeff Jarrett is with Debra and she will not strip tonight. She taps his shoulder, and she slurs that it was so fun she may do it again tonight….Fuck, I forgot how terrible she was on the mic.
Match 5: Jeff Jarrett v. Steve Blackman
Guitar on a pole? RUSSO! Oh well, they go off the ropes and Steve takes him down. Steve ducksand goes behind, hooks him and hits a snap suplex. He goes for the guitar but is pulled down and run into the other corner. JJ hits him but misses the dropkick, and gets catapulted into the corner. Debra shows some cleavage and that allows JJ to nearly get to the guitar but he is pulled off and beaten to a pulp. Blackman beats him around the ring, and clotheslines him to the floor. Now Debra does it again and this time in the ring and starts to take off her clothes as JJ goes up and grabs the guitar and he leaps off the top and misses. Blackman swings and misses and now the ref is down as Steve shoves JJ into it. Blackman back suplexes him but Owen runs down with the guitar and blasts Blackman allowing JJ to get the win.
* So, you have to get the guitar, or hit someone with it, or be pinned….not sure.
Bloodbath is written in “blood” in Babu’s dressing room and he is getting booted by Brisco….he whines it is not him.
Vince is ready and willing to take on Mankind and shows off his abs and Shane kicks out the cameraman as he oils up his dad….kidding on the oiling up part. But I am sure it happened as Shane was gushing over his dad’s body.
Here comes Tiger Ali and the lights are out and cue the Brood’s music, which I admit is pretty bad ass. Tiger is leaving but is cornered and assaulted by the Brood. The lights are out….They come back on and Tiger is covered in blood.
Kane is pacing in the back….
Match 6: Mankind v. Kane
They brawl at the bell, exchanging punches until Kane clotheslines him and then kicks him in the head as Mankind tries to get up. Kane knocks him to the floor and goes after him but the whip is reversed and he slams into the steps. Mankind picks them up and is kicked, now Kane has them and drives the steps into the head of Mankind. Kane rolls him back into the ring, Kane pops him and then uses the ropes to choke him out. Mankind is shoved into the corner and battered with punches. Kane whips him into the ropes and strikes with a swinging neckbreaker. Mankind fights back, clotheslines him to the floor and Kane lands on his feet. Vince is at the top of the ramp and tells him that Mankind can have him but it has to be in the parking lot for a street fight. Mankind goes after him.
Kane is being carted off….missed something. Okay, during the break Kane is attacked by Shamrocka and Bossman and they finally take him down. A straitjacket is placed on him and he gets carted out. First though he flung some orderlies around until Shamrock and Bossman knock him down and he is tied up as Shamrock holds him in the Ankle Lock.
Now to the outside and Mankind is beating up Vince. He is shoved into a fence and just pummeled. Now he is run into the storage door. Brisco and Patterson arrive and they get beaten. Vince punches at Mankind but eats Socko. He is pushed into a trunk. Bur the Rock has arrived. He Rock Bottom’s Mankind onto the hood of the car!
Match 7: HHH v. Rock (c) for WWF Title
Rock knocks him down with forearms, sends him into the corner and backdrops him. HHH gets up and is knocked back down and Rock gets two. HHH is flung into the corner again but he comes out with a clothesline and another. HHH whips him into the corner where he mounts and pounds him nine times, does the Suck It motion and peppers the head with blows. Rock though lures him in off the whip and tosses him to the floor. He goes after him and they go at it but HHH knocks him into the steps and then on top of the announce table, driving his head into it. But HHH is reversed into the barrier and clotheslined. Rock grabs Cole’s mic and declares this is the Rock’s show and mocks his wrestling ability. He goes after Lawler too, making fun of him as he rams HHH’s head into the announce table. Back inside the ring and HHH reverses the whip and misses with two lariats but not the high knee and after a suplex and knee drop gets two. Oh, Shawn is down at ringside. Rock counters with a swinging neckbreaker and clothesline and he gets two. He follows up with a Russian sweep and another two count, after which he applies a chinlock. Rock still has it on but HHH shows signs of life, gets to his feet and elbows free. Rock is reeling but grabs him and spikes him with a DDT and he gets two. Rock puts him back in the chinlock. HHH again gets vertical, but slowly and he goes back down to his knees as the Rock wears him down. HHH is up and he is free, unleashes a flurry of chops but runs into an elbow and slam. It is Elbow time and the fans erupt. He connects and he rolls over getting a two count as HHH barely gets his shoulder up in time. Rock goes back to the chinlock. HHH is up and counters with a back suplex. Both are slow to their feet and HHH blocks a shot and unloads some of his own. He rocks him with shots to the head and hits with the big knee again. He stomps away in the corner. Rock reverses the whip and telegraphs it and another fucking knee from HHH. Jesus, he loves that knee. Out on the floor HHH hits him and Rock tries to flee but is corralled and driven into the steps. Now HBK is involved and he grabs HHH but Chyna nuts the Rock and HHH DDT’s him and gets two. Now the ref is admonishing Chyna and so it is Pedigree time. HHH gets blasted with the title belt. Chyna chokes out HBK and the ref goes out…..Rock and HHH tussle but here comes a blonde dude and he takes out HHH with a pump handle slam allowing the Rock to get the win….enter Test.
*** Fun match. Ending was a cluster but I am getting used to it….good stuff.
*** The main event really saved the show. Not bad. I am starting to buy into the Crash TV BS at times, but but then they pull some absolute nonsense. I will have to delve deeper when it is not so damn late…..Odd there was no Austin but they still get the high ratings.