Written by: Tom Hopkins
We’re pre-taped from Tucson Arizona in time for the Fourth of July week.
-Big Boss Man vs. The Intruder-
The Intruder is a small fat ball of pudge with a mask on. Why wasn’t this match on masked month last week on WWE Classics.com? There’s a Mountie promo thrown in here, too. The Boss Man Slam ends this yawner at 2:02.
We head to the Update Center with Mean Gene, and his first topic is the relationship between Macho Man and Elizabeth. Liz said she loved Macho Man on Primetime (or one of those channels) and Mean Gene proposes that Macho Man propose to Liz on Superstars.
-The Bezerker vs. Larry Williams-
When you talk about wrestling names, nothing strikes more fear in ones heart than Larry Williams. The announcers talk more about Liz being on Superstars next week than the actual match. Bezerker does a couple of powerslams before tossing Larry to the outside and having him counted out at 2:24.
-Texas Tornado vs. Louie Spicolli-
The death rate in this ring right now is 100%. Kerry is basically towards the end of his life here and it was unraveling by the minute. We get a series of punches from Kerry here, and it’s sad to see him just a shell of his former self right here. The Discus Punch ends this at 2:36.
We head to Sean Mooney who introduces us to some promos including: The Nasty Boys (w/Jimmy Hart), and Greg Valentine. Valentine promises that for Jimmy Hart it will be Hammer Time.
-The Natural Disasters vs. Bob Allen & Larry Sampson-
This would be the debut of the Natural Disasters, though Earthquake was still wearing the blue tights here. The big guys throw their weight around, avalanching the opposition. A big splash followed by a butt splash ends this at 2:30. This certainly showed that the Disasters who big fat-asses that would contend in the WWE.
Let’s go back to Mooney. We hear from Hacksaw Jim Duggan (oh noooooooo) and the Orient Express.
-Virgil vs. Randy Sharkey-
Virgil does his juking and jiving in the ring which is rather pointless. This guy couldn’t work and is as green as the grass in this match. Piper keeps talking about Virgil in a manner that is just way over the top. Virgil bodyslams the poor jobber in a jobber match that is going on way too long. The Million Dollar Dream ends this at 3:13.
It’s Funeral Parlor time and Paul has three special guests: Sgt. Slaughter, Col. Mustafa and General Adnan. He says he’s gonna roast Hulk Hogan.
SUMMERSLAM! August 26th, only on Pay-Per-View.
-The Dragon vs. Dale Wolfe-
I wonder what Ricky’s music was at this time because what is on here is obviously piped in. Ricky is attacked from behind by Dale Wolfe. Soon Ricky realizes that he’s fighting Dale freakin’ Wolfe and starts picking apart the jobber. A top rope tomahawk leads to the top rope crossbody to end this at 2:23.
We hear from some WWE Superstars about Sid Justice, including the Legion of Doom and the Nasty Boys.
-Warlord vs. Larry Luden-
It feels like forever since I’ve seen the Warlord, even though he appeared earlier in June. Warlord simply overpowers Luden before ending this with a full nelson at 3:00.
Let’s head to Sean one more time. It seems like he introduced someone but it was cut out since we join him mid-sentence. We hear from the Mountie and Jake Roberts.
We give a preview for next week, with Sgt. Slaughter wrestling, Elizabeth getting interviewed and a Haku/Bret Hart match.
-The Bottom Line-
Like last week, there was nothing terrible here but nothing memorable, either. Next week should be a decent episode, though.