Written by: Tom Hopkins
We start with a Wrestlemania VIII Press Conference. It looks like Sid Justice, Roddy Piper, Randy Savage, Hulk Hogan and Undertaker are there. They are the top five contenders to Ric Flair’s WWE Title. Slick Ric is here, too and he cuts a promo to the photographers there. There’s a really annoying camera clicking sound effect that is added here. Jack Tunney gets up and speaks and thankfully that camera sound effect is gone. Tunney announces that the challenger to Ric Flair’s title will be Hulk Hogan. Sid stands up before his name is called and he looks really pissed. Hogan says that Flair will discover what the power of Wrestlemania is all about but unfortunately we actually wouldn’t see that match until 1994 in WCW of all places.
Vince McMahon and Mr. Perfect are calling the action tonight but they just throw it back to the Press Conference. Savage isn’t too happy with the decision but he wishes the Hulkster luck. Sid is even unhappier. He calls Tunney’s decision “bogus.”
-The Beverly Brothers (w/The Genius) vs. Kevin Katlin & Scott Colantonio-
The Genius reads a poem about the New Foundation. The Genius jaws with Jameson at ringside and some old lady comes to his defense. We hear from the New Foundation in a cut-away promo. Neidhart calls the New Foundation poetry in motion. I’d like to see them do the Hardy’s version of that move. Beau does a neck-snap from the second rope which was pretty cool looking. The 3D ends this at 2:16.
-Big Boss Man vs. Terry Davis-
Terry walks into a spinebuster early as Perfect and McMahon argue about Perfect calling Boss Man a big man and how he’s “agile for a big man” when the big man tag may not necessarily be needed. Boss Man hits a big boot and the Boss Man Slam ends this at 1:22. At least it was quick.
Sean Mooney is here to introduce some promo’s. We hear from Jake Roberts who is still talking about the Savage feud. Their big match is coming up at Saturday Night’s Main Event. I am assuming that is the blow-off to this whole thing. Savage responds to Jake and runs down all Jake’s transgressions against the Savage family.
-Tatanka vs. Pat Tanaka-
It’s funny that Tatanka debuts against someone who has the same letters in his name, just a few less. This is in Atlanta and the fans immediately start with their chop and cheer garbage. I wonder why the St. John’s Redmen had to change their name when professional sport franchises (Redskins, Braves, etc) did not. McMahon explains that the red stripe in Tatanka’s hair represents the blood of ALL the Indian nations. Tanaka chokes Tatanka to try and build some suspense to this match. Tatanka starts war dancing around and finishes with a “flying double-tomahawk chop” at 2:03. Those were McMahon’s words, not mine. He would change his finisher later on down the road.
Wrestlemania! This April! Hoosier Dome!
-IRS vs. Bob Swindley-
IRS gets cheap heat by telling the people they shouldn’t cheat on their taxes like they did last year. Perfect asks McMahon about his tax situation but McMahon keeps silent. It’s funny that IRS is fighting a guy named “Swindle”-y. IRS uses an abdominal stretch but has to break when the ref catches him using the ropes. So IRS ends it with the Write-Off at 1:40.
Mooney runs down the SNME card, including Sid and Hogan teaming together. The Legion of Doom will also put their titles on the line against the Beverly Brothers. We hear from the Beverly Brothers (they will win the titles) and the Legion of Doom (they will retain the title).
Papa Shango! This is his very first vignette. He’s a wrestling voodoo guy!
-El Matador vs. Bob Morgan-
Perfect says he say El Matador at Taco Bell the other night where he was paying his phone bill. Jesse would be proud of that one. Morgan looks absolutely terrible, even for talent enhancement. He’s about the size of a bull that a matador would kill. A flying forearm to the back of the head ends this at 2:05.
It’s Funeral Parlor time! Sensational Sherri is our guest for the evening. She’s on Cloud 9, she’s in love, and the object of her affection is Shawn Michaels. Since Shawn has gone solo Sherri’s wanted a piece of the Boy Toy. Bearer asks about Ted DiBiase and Sherri says that he’s left the door open for her return to his side.
-Undertaker vs. Mickie Jay-
A girl at ringside is holding a foam tombstone that has Taker’s face on it – the same one I had from this time period. I think I got it in summer of 1992 at a Nassau Coliseum House Show. Taker ends this with a Tombstone at 1:45.
Mooney is back to start closing out the show. It’s all SNME talk. Piper will be taking on the Mountie for Piper’s IC title and we hear from both. Mountie declares he will take both Piper’s manhood AND his skirt away. Piper says that Saturday is alright for fighting for him, a reference to the Elton John song. We get a preview for next week (Shango’s debut, Virgil is there, as is Jake Roberts and Marty Jannetty. Plus, WMXIII matches will be announced).
-The Bottom Line-
This was a very pedestrian show. It had a running time of under 40-minutes and aside from Tatanka’s debut and the first Papa Shango vignette there’s not much interesting of note going on here. The Wrestlemania Press Conference was a great start to the show but the matches just couldn’t hold up and there was nothing in between those matches to make this fun to watch.