WWF Superstars 5/16/1992

Written by Tom Hopkins

We’re at the Onondaga Coliseum in Syracuse NY. Vince McMahon and Mr. Perfect are in the announce booth and they’re here just in time for National Hamburger Week! McMahon makes a “Where’s the beef,” joke, which was dated even in 1992. Perfect quotes the Big Mac jingle, mentions Whopper’s and Warrior’s buns are as good as toasted thanks to Shango’s curse. I love these introductions where they try to work as many puns as possible working around whatever McMahon mentions during the opening.

–Shawn Michaels vs. Sonny Blaze–
Shawn is gunning for the IC title, a feud that would create the company’s first ladder match, an idea Shawn stole as his own with his match against Ramon at Wrestlemania X. Shawn slugs at Blaze in the corner then connects with a swinging neckbreaker. Blaze is dropkicked and then dumped to the outside where Sherri distracts him. Shawn lands an axe-handle off the apron. Shawn superkicks Blaze in the ring but that wouldn’t be his finisher for another year or so, so the Teardrop Suplex ends this at 2:31. Shawn poses over Sherri to celebrate after the match. I love how McMahon asks if Michaels thinks he’s Elvis or something – especially how he was doing the whole, “left the building,” gimmick.

It’s the Update Center! It wasn’t on the last episode. Gene is here to talk about the Slaughter/Flair match from last week where Slaughter was shocked by Mountie’s shock-stick. We see a big portion of the match, including the failed catapult spot. It seems this shock-stick is even more powerful than the original one. We hear from the Mountie who tells Slaughter he will surrender to him.

–Tatanka vs. Barry Hardy–
Tatanka is without his eagle feathers, thanks to Martel, a point Perfect brings up. Hardy shoves Tatanka from behind who immediately charges at him. Hardy bails and Tatanka follows with a big chop. Back in and Hardy is drop-kicked down and clotheslined back over the top. Tatanka has words for Martel in a pre-recorded interview. He wants revenge on Martel! More chops for Tatanka! The Samoan Drop ends this at 2:00 on the dot.

–Berzerker (w/Mr. Fuji) vs. Scott Taylor–
Vince mentions a WBF event featuring some bloke named Lex Luger. Why is Perfect calling him the Total Package? Weird. Berzerker tosses around Scotty Too Hotty with ease. He powerslams him and then tosses him to the outside, drawing the count-out victory at 1:53.

It’s time for Sean Mooney and the Event Center! We hear from Tito Santana, who names some of the heels of the company, but he’s going to work hard to get to the top. We also hear from the Nasty Boys. They call out High Energy, telling them their high-flying stuff won’t work in Nastyville.

It’s a Crush vignette! He shows us what he does to relax – he crushes cars with a compactor!

–Repo Man vs. Jay Sledge–
Jay Sledge is about a buck-fifty soaking wet. Repo Man looks like a heavyweight next to this guy. Repo Man attacks Sledge from behind. British Bulldog calls out Repo Man in a pre-recorded interview and now I know why the last two episodes weren’t shown. See, Repo Man choked British Bulldog with a rope, literally hanging him and I guess it had a prominent role in the previous two episodes of Superstars, first as a match and then in recaps. For some reason the WWE is really against choking right now. It sucks that is the reason the other two episodes of Superstars weren’t shown. Repo Man wins with a single-leg crab at 1:17.

We’re back with Mooney. Skinner makes an appearance and he needs to stop with that chew. Bret Hart’s here, too, and he’s got the IC title. Bret says he’d take on anyone at anytime and anywhere, including Shawn Michaels. You know, it’d be cool if these two one day feuded for the WWE Title. I couldn’t see it happening though, they are too small.

–Big Boss Man vs. Glen Ruth–
Perfect tells us that Michaels has left the building. Thanks, Curt! Our announce team mentions this convict guy again (though not by name). I wonder how they are going to show that because Nailz finishing move was just choking people out. In fact, he choked Virgil with a nightstick and probably did the same to Boss Man. Is that another bunch of episodes that will be cut out? I guess choking is not PG. But then again, these are on the Pay service AND they have warnings before the show starts off by saying it is for adults only. Man, this is just starting to piss me off a bit. Boss Man wins with a Boss Man slam at 1:29. After the match, Nailz says something over the PA telling the Boss Man he’s coming for him!

–Ultimate Warrior vs. Brian Knobbs (w/Jimmy Hart & Jerry Sags)–
Knobbs gets the honor of fighting Warrior tonight. Warrior runs out and clotheslines both Nasty Boys into oblivion to start the match. Warrior tosses Knobbs around on the outside and then attacks Sags, allowing Knobbs to nail him from behind. The Nasty Boys double team the Warrior and Sags chokes him with his leather coat – and it made it to TV! I guess you couldn’t see the actual choking like you could with the Bulldog getting hung by Repo Man. I totally remember that episode, too. Just to be clear, the attempted impaling of Undertaker was OK, Bulldog getting hung was not. Cool moment as Warrior loses a wristband and Papa Shango comes out and takes it. I love little details like that. Knobbs tries a pit-stop with Sags (on the apron) but Warrior luckily escapes. Hart distracts the ref, allowing Sags to nail Warrior in the back with a chair. Sags leaves, for some reason, as Knobbs covers for two. Warrior starts to Warrior-up and clotheslines Knobbs some more. I don’t know if he’s done something other than a clothesline. Here’s a flying shoulder-block! A big splash ends this at 3:53 and now Sags comes out. Well, you should’ve never left, idiot. There was a lot of stuff going on here in the condensed time. Fun match, let’s go *1/2.

Shango makes his way out after the match. He does some voodoo and Warrior actually starts clutching his side. The curse of Shango has affected the Warrior! Man, it may be hokey but I LOVE the stuff from this time because it’s what I grew up with. I had just gotten into wrestling and I remember a TON of these angles from about April of 1992 until around 1994. Backstage, Warrior is throwing up all over the place – including on the camera and the poor medical staff. It looks like pea soup.

–The Beverly Brothers vs. Jumping Jim Brunzell & some other Jobber whose name I didn’t catch–
Genius has a little poem about the Legion of Sissies before the match. Jim starts with Beau and Brunzell does a decent dropkick, almost bee-like if you know what I mean. The other guy tags in (Bobby Knight I think) and he’s immediately squashed. The 3D ends this at 1:49. The Brothers paint Knight’s face and body afterwards, something the New World Order would do 4 years later.

It’s Event Center Time! That’s how you know the show is going to be heading to its conclusion. Virgil is around for some comments. He thanks everyone who is behind him 100%. He calls out Papa SHAY-NGO (how he says it). Repo Man is here, too. It’s like JTTS hell here at the Event Center this time around. Next week we have the Bushwhackers, Kamala, the Undertaker and Money Inc. Seems like a real boring episode if you ask me.

–The Bottom Line–
I’m kind of split with my feelings for this show. Not really the episode itself because I thought it was really fun – especially that Warrior/Shango stuff. Like I said, I know it is corny but I fondly remember watching it as a 10-year old. It was a real good episode to just sit through and enjoy. No, what I had problems with is the WWE’s new stance against choking. Was it really worth getting rid of two full episodes? There are disclaimers before each episode if kids shouldn’t watch it, so why can’t I, as a 30-year-old, watch what I did 20 years ago? It was fine for me as a 10-year-old and didn’t mess me up. Plus, we know it’s all fake anyway. I can understand taking Benoit matches away and sure, keep it off today’s shows if you so desire. But don’t censor it on a pay service like this.