Written by Tom Hopkins
New opening! We’re at the Wings Stadium in Kalamazoo, Michigan just in time for Correct Posture Month. Vince and Mr. Perfect are here and as usual, they make a bunch of puns surrounding Posture Month, including calling Savage spineless.
–Big Boss Man vs. Mark Roberts–
Boss Man tells us he’s not afraid of this convict who is coming after him (in a pre-recorded promo, of course). We will learn that convict is Nailz. He’s getting out of prison this week, in fact, according to McMahon. Boss Man Slam ends this at 1:53. Boss Man does the one-finger cover to boot.
We see replays of the match, which is ridiculous considering it was not even two minutes long.
Gene is with us at the Update Center and it’s brought to us by the WBF Magazine. Last week on Superstars, Fuji and Berzerker stole the urn from Paul Bearer and the Undertaker. Great, the one memory I have of Superstars from the time and Classics.com doesn’t even put the episode on their service! Berzerker and Fuji cut a promo about their actions last week – they aren’t going to take it easy on him! Berzerker tried to impale Undertaker but Undertaker was able to roll out of the way. Yeah, definitely remember that happening. Not too happy right now. This was the first time Undertaker was seen as vulnerable. Undertaker was piledriven on the concrete, too. We hear from the Undertaker and Paul Bearer, too.
–Papa Shango vs. Red Tyler–
The reactions of the people as Shango walked into the ring are pretty funny. Some of them actually look scared! Shango wants to curse the living and raise the dead in a pre-match promo. He mentions that the river is red, just like the name of his opponent! Not only is he a voodoo master, he’s a prophet! Shango misses an elbow in the corner but that just pisses him off more. A bodyslam sets up a legdrop. Nice, stealing from Hogan’s moveset. Shoulderbreaker ends this at 2:02.
Sean is in the new and improved Event Center. Tito Santana is getting closer to the top thanks to what he’s learned to become El Matador. He’s ready for anybody. Meanwhile, Sid Justice (with Harvey Whippleman) says he’s the top dog in the WWE right now. He calls out the Undertaker and the Ultimate Warrior.
–Tatanka vs. Brian Costello–
Costello bails early and Tatanka follows. Perfect with the line of the night about Tatanka, “if he keeps dancing like that we’re gonna have rainstorms.” Tatanka brings Costello in and throws some chops, sending Costello back out. Costello is suplexed back in and throws more chops. Rick Martel pops up for an impromptu “interview.” He will spray Tatanka with arrogance. Tatanka ends this with a Samoan Drop at 2:22.
Martel comes down to the ring with Arrogance and disinfects the ring. Martel is on the apron talking to the crowd and Tatanka sneaks up behind him and shoves him off. That was certainly uncalled for. In fact, that could be assault on Tatanka. He tries a tomahawk chop off the apron but Martel gets him in the eyes with Arrogance. Well, Tatanka had it coming. He initiated the physical altercation and obviously Martel was just defending himself. I’m on Martel’s side here. Martel then sprays Tatanka’s eagle feathers with Arrogance before trying it on and walking off with it.
Sean Mooney is back! We hear from Virgil (coming off a shattered nose at the hands of Sid Justice) who wants to fight his way to the top. That was almost a heelish promo. We hear from Shawn Michaels and Sensational Sherri. Shawn knows that everyone in the WWE (especially the Hitman) are jealous of him!
Tatanka is still in incredible pain in the medical room. His eyes are still burning!
–Money Inc. (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Ron Cumberledge & Chris Hahn–
IRS tells everyone to pay their taxes because DiBiase is tired of paying his and taking care of everyone. I don’t know who the two jobbers are and they are both wearing red so don’t expect a lot of great PBP here. McMahon tells us that Cumberledge is in the ring. Hahn gets in there and fares poorly. DiBiase lands a big powerslam and IRS comes in and ends this with a flying clothesline at 1:57.
We look at highlights of Wrestlemania with Flair trying to kiss Liz and Liz going ape-shit on him. Savage won the title by pulling the trunks and Perfect wasn’t too happy with that. Back on Superstars, Gene brings out the current champ for an interview. Savage issues a challenge to Flair just because of what he did to Liz and he can’t wait to drop him one more time.
We get our first ever (well, first that I’ve seen) Crush vignette. There’s an old video of him breaking a baseball as a kid. Interesting.
–High Energy vs. Tom Bennett & Dwayne Gill–
This would be the debut of High Energy. There’s a shot of two kind of large women wearing garish gold outfits and Perfect asks McMahon if they came with him to the show. Owen flips out of an arm-wringer and chops at the future Light Heavyweight Champion. That puts him one title more than hall-of-famer Koko B. Ware. Oh yeah, High Energy was Koko B. Ware and Owen Hart for those who didn’t know. It will be the only time I mention this during the reviews so remember that fact. Koko tags in and bulldogs Bennett but lets him tag out to Gill. That’s why your team never went above JTTS. Plus your dancing is stupid. Owen Hart gets a nice belly to belly suplex and covers but Bennett breaks up the pin. Stereo missile dropkicks end this at 2:19. Owen was clearly ahead of everyone else here.
–Skinner vs. Ultimate Warrior–
Skinner’s got the tobacco running down his beard which is quite disgusting. I can see why people thought this was a different Warrior – the hair was shorter and he wasn’t as muscular. Skinner spits in Warrior’s face to start so Warrior just bodyslams him down. Warrior dumps Skinner and follows – clotheslining him on the outside. He brings him back in and hits another clothesline. Flying shoulder-block leads to the big splash and this one’s over quickly at 1:37. This was the shortest match of the night I believe.
Sean Mooney starts to bring us home with a last batch of promo’s. We hear from the Beverly Brothers and the Genius. They call themselves the only unbeaten tag team in the company, despite High Energy now owning a 1-0 record. The Beverly’s should be champions! They want LOD, too! Sgt. Slaughter has his country back and he wants the Mountie. Xenophobia is strong if he’s calling out our friendly neighbors from up north.
Speaking of Slaughter, he’ll be wrestling Ric Flair next week. We hear from both combatants. I have my money on Ric Flair.
–The Bottom Line–
It’s Superstars so you know what you’re getting with it. Decent episode, light on wrestling but high on energy (no pun intended, I think). Angles were developed (the Tatanka/Martel one being the most prominent) and it was a good waste of 45 minutes. This will be rated on my Superstars scale of 5, getting 3 and one half Eagle Feathers out of 5.
34-year-old currently living in Syracuse, New York. Long-time fan of the New York Mets, Chicago Bulls, and Minnesota Vikings. An avid fan of professional wrestling and write reviews/articles on the product. Usually focusing on old-school wrestling.