Written by: SamoaRowae from DA WRESTLING SITE
Lord Alfred Hayes welcomes us to the show, being held in England in front of a highly excited crowd. Jim Ross and Bobby Heenan are also here, this being one of J.R.’s first shows with the WWF. They hype up a couple of matches, including our “main event” of Jim Duggan vs. Lex Luger. Also, Bobby Heenan will interview Yokozuna, who won and lost the WWF title at Wrestlemania IX just a week ago.
Fatu (with Afa) vs. Brian Knobbs
Scrooge, what the hell have you done to me?!? I take comfort that Heenan is on commentary for this ‘classic.’ The crowd really likes Knobbs for some reason. It was 1993 and he was already out of shape. Knobbs plays to the crowd for more than a minute after the bell rings, as Fatu and Afa do their pre-match ritual. Knobbs taunts Fatu, who attacks from behind, finally starting the action after two minutes of stalling. Knobbs sends Fatu off the ropes into a back body drop. Fatu retreats to ringside, for more stalling. Fatu returns and makes a challenge for a test of strength. Knobbs plays to the crowd again, and then catches Fatu in a side headlock. Fatu sends Knobbs off the ropes, misses a clothesline, and gets hit by a side tackle. This is followed by more stalling. They tie up, and Knobbs applies another side headlock. Fatu pushes him into the ropes and Knobbs takes him down by the hair. Afa grabs Knobbs’ ankle, allowing Fatu to hit a big kick to the face. Fatu establishes dominance with a head butt and strikes. Clothesline by Fatu. Fatu goes for a pile driver, but Knobbs counters into a body drop. Knobbs attempts a come back, but Fatu strikes his way back to control. Knobbs is tossed through the ropes. Afa gets a cheap shot in. Knobbs chases Afa, and gets blindsided from a flying clothesline off the apron by Fatu. Back in the ring, Fatu applies the reverse chinlock. Hurray! Knobbs repeatedly slams his hands against the mat, which I guess doesn’t count as tapping out. Knobbs fights to his feet, dodges a clothesline, and kicks Fatu in the face. Knobbs hits another back body drop and a scoop slam. Knobbs is blown up and does the ten punch in the corner. Knobbs whips Fatu into the corner, charges into Fatu’s boot, and gets covered. Afa held onto Fatu’s foot, stopping Knobbs from kicking out, giving Fatu the cheap win at 9:42. I had to look at Knobbs’ hideous mullet for ten minutes for that finish? Sheesh, ½*.
-Backstage, Alfred Hayes is standing by with Doink the Clown. Hayes appreciates Doink’s sense of humor. Doink feels that most Americans don’t appreciate his sense of humor. Doink is facing Kamala tonight, but laughs it off as Kamala isn’t too bright. Doink laughs about outsmarting Crush at Wrestlemania IX, and heads to the ring.
Doink the Clown vs. Kamala
Seriously, Scrooge, WHAT have you done to me? I take comfort in that this is evil Doink, when the gimmick was still awesome. The referee pats down Doink and finds a billy club in his sleeve. Heenan makes a good crack about it being one of Kamala’s tooth picks. The bell never rang, but they lock up. The bell must be broken. They lock up again, but Kamala shoves Doink to the mat. Single leg takedown by Doink, and then an arm bar. Kamala makes it to his feet but is taken down by the leg. Doink stomps away and puts the arm bar back on. Doink wrenches the arm, but Kamala hits some shots. Doink knocks Kamala off his feet and stomps away. Another arm bar by Doink. Kamala gets back to his feet and swings Doink to the mat. Kamala tosses Doink around and squashes him into the corner. Doink retreats to under the ring. Doink comes out from the opposite side of the ring and takes control of Kamala. Doink goes high risk and flies into Kamala’s fist. Kamala hits a double thrust and a big splash, and covers Doink, who is on his stomach. Kamala doesn’t understand that Doink needs to be on his back. Kamala argues with the referee and gets rolled up at 4:25 by Doink. What the hell was this? ¼*.
Winner: Doink the Clown
-Samu and Afa come to the ring, at first I thought my DVD was skipping when I heard the Headshrinkers music again.
-Backstage, Alfred Hayes is standing by with Mr. Perfect. He is upset about what Luger did to him at Wrestlemania. Mr. Perfect has Samu in singles action, so his vengeance on Luger will have to wait.
Samu (with Afa) vs. Mr. Perfect
Huge pop for Mr. Perfect, which warms my cold heart. Bobby Heenan makes fun of a fan’s sign that stated ‘Mr. Perfect is more perfect than before.’ Did I mention that I love Bobby Heenan? The bell rings this time, and Perfect plays to the crowd for a bit. They tie up, but Samu shoves Perfect off. They tie up again, but Perfect grabs the ropes. Another tie up leads to a side headlock by Perfect. Samu pushes Perfect into the ropes and gets hit with a shoulder block. Mr. Perfect quickens the pace, hitting a body cross, drop kicks, and some ‘perfect’ arm drags. Samu retreats to ringside. Heenan takes this break to make fun of England, ‘Does the sun ever shine here?’ Samu finally reenters and challenges a test of strength. Perfect denies the test, and they tie up. Perfect hits a shoulder block and leaps over Samu, before getting hit by a big clothesline. Samu pummels Perfect into the corner and hits a nasty chop. Samu tosses Perfect over the ropes to the floor, where Afa takes a cheap shot. Perfect turns his attention to Afa, allowing Samu to leap off the apron right onto him. Wow, this is booked just like the opener, except that Perfect is a far cry better than Brian Knobbs. The action returns to the ring, Samu hits a chop, but misses a running kick into the corner. Perfect takes advantage and targets the leg. Samu kicks Perfect in the face and punches him through the ropes. Afa gets another cheap shot. Perfect returns, and gets bitten by the hungry Samoan. Samu gets a kick and a close fall. Samu resorts to choking. Perfect fights back with some perfect chops, but Samu thumbs him in the eye. Perfect is tossed to ringside again. Perfect hits the ring post, and drags himself back to the ring. Samu hits some head butts, including one towards Perfect’s lower region. Scoop slam by Samu and a falling head butt into a near fall. Samu bites again. They exchange shots, but Samu thrusts the neck, knocking Perfect down. They exchange shots again, with Perfect gaining advantage this time. Perfect stomps at Samu, who hits him in the nether region again. Samu takes control again with his methodical offense. Perfect gets an inside cradle and gets a near fall. Samu thumbs the eye to regain control, and tosses Perfect to ringside AGAIN! Perfect grabs Samu’s leg and wraps it around the ring post. Samu no sells it, hits a scoop slam and goes high risk. Samu misses the flying head butt! Perfect hits the Perfect-plex for the win at 13:35! Match was by the numbers, but Perfect brought his working boots, **1/4.
Winner: Mr. Perfect
Damien Demento vs. Bob Backlund
Good lord. Scrooge: you’re sick. Backlund does a goofy work out routine before the match and offers a hand shake. Backlund dodges a running Demento. Backlund hits a single leg pick-up, causing Demento to hit the mat. Demento hits some hard strikers. Backlund blocks a clothesline and gets a near fall out of a backslide. Backlund knocks Demento out of the ring. Backlund chases Demento, who rolls across the ring to escape again. The crowd is absolutely dead, by the way. They boo Demento’s stalling, but that’s about it. Demento takes control of Backlund with traditional big man offense. Demento applies the crappiest looking reverse chinlock I’ve ever seen. Backlund fights out, but gets caught in the chinlock again. The chinlock lasts so long, the crowd threatens to turn on the match. Backlund finally hits an arm drag to escape, and hits a stalled scoop slam. Sunset flip by Backlund gains a near fall. Demento flees to ringside, but sees Backlund’s bare back and goes for the cheap shot. Backlund was too obvious about making himself an easy target there. The action is back in the ring, Demento hits a snapmare and a leg drop and gets a near fall. Then, you’ll never believe this, Demento goes back to the damn chinlock! If I don’t hear ‘boring’ chants soon, I will call this crowd the most generous I have ever seen. Demento rakes the eyes, stomps his ass on Backlund, and goes back to the chinlock. Backlund knocks Demento face first on the mat, goes for a slam but falls under Demento’s weight. Backlund then pushes Demento in the ropes and rolls him into a reverse cradle cover for the win at 7:56. There is a good reason why Damien Demento isn’t remembered well today, DUD.
Winner: Bob Backlund
-Backstage, Alfred Hayes is standing by with Mr. Perfect. Hayes puts over Perfect’s win over Samu. Perfect puts over Samu as one of the toughest wrestlers he’s ever faced. Perfect vows to take down Luger before this U.K. tour is over. Perfect is going to watch Luger’s match tonight from the background.
Brooklyn Brawler vs. Typhoon
You know this is a top grade WWF show when Brawler makes the card. This match is going to suuuuuuuuuuck. Brawler dodges Typhoon’s fat ass to kick things off. They finally tie up and Typhoon corners Brawler, who quickly escapes. They tie up again, and Typhoon shoves Brawler through the ropes. Another tie up leads to Typhoon knocking Brawler down and gaining an Irish whip. Brawler runs into Typhoon’s boot and then Typhoon hits a drop kick! Good job, Typhoon. Brawler takes a breather at ringside. Brawler returns and shoves Typhoon a couple of times before getting shoved himself. Brawler takes control, knocking Typhoon down and stomping away. The crowd has been dead for the entirety of this match too. Typhoon crawls into the ropes, and Brawler uses the ropes for leverage to stand on him. Brawler hangs Typhoon on the ropes and takes a bite out of his forehead. Brawler gets a two count, but Typhoon tosses him off. Brawler applies a revere chinlock, the most popular move in WWF wrestling. Typhoon sucks as a babyface and gets no heat during his comeback. Brawler knocks Typhoon down again and gets another cover attempt. Brawler rakes the eyes, and what started as a lackluster match had died. Brawler goes for the hair and gains another two count. ANOTHER reverse chinlock by Brawler. The referee drops Typhoon’s arm twice, but Typhoon shows life on the third drop. The crowd is actually behind Typhoon this time, they probably sense that the match is almost over. Typhoon whips Brawler into the turnbuckle, but misses a running splash. Brawler stomps away at a fallen Typhoon and targets some stomps at the hamstring section. Brawler goes for a scoop slam, but Typhoon blocks it and slams him. Typhoon connects with a splash in the corner and hits a power slam to end this travesty at 8:41. DUD!
-Alfred Hayes is standing by with Lex Luger. Hayes states that everyone is talking about how Luger can knock people out with his right arm. Luger makes fun of Mr. Perfect for whining about him. Luger doesn’t mind that Perfect is watching his match, because someone is watching his back tonight.
Intercontinental Championship: Shawn Michaels © vs. Crush
HBK receives a huge pop, the crowd is awake again after napping through the last two bouts. The hairstyles of both men are hilariously dated. The influence of the 1980’s were still alive until about 1994, where it was replaced with 90’s attitude. This is a rant for a different day. HBK gets a side headlock, but Crush picks him up and places him on the top turnbuckle. Clean break by Crush. HBK charges for a tie up, but is quickly caught in a side headlock. HBK pushes Crush into the ropes, and leaps into a bear hug! HBK quickly breaks the hold. HBK slams Crush into the turnbuckle. Crush reverses an Irish whip, the pace quickens, and HBK runs into a big backbreaker! HBK falls to ringside. Crush chases HBK around the ring, but HBK reenters the ring first to take the advantage. Crush no sells a clothesline and hits a military press slam, after teasing to throw him into the audience. Crush clothesline HBK over the ropes, bouncing off the metal barricade. Crush pursues HBK, nails a head butt, and rolls HBK into the ring. Crush grabs HBK by the neck and throws him into the turnbuckle. Crush hits a hard Irish whip into the corner, but misses a charge. HBK drives a running knee into Crush, knocking him to the floor. HBK drives Crush’s head into the steel steps. HBK knocks Crush into the ring post and takes a breather in the ring. I don’t know if it’s because the rest of his show has sucked, but this match is kicking a lot of ass thus far.
Crush pulls himself to the apron, but HBK kicks him in the shoulder. Crush finally gets into the ring, but HBK drops a sledgehammer off the second turnbuckle. HBK goes high risk for another double first sledgehammer. HBK goes top again for an elbow drop onto Crush’s head. DDT by HBK earns him the first close fall of the match. Side headlock by HBK. Crush fights to his feet and elbows his way to freedom. Crush barely blocks the sweet chin music and hits a clothesline and big boot. Vertical suplex by Crush and a leg drop. Crush signals the end, but HBK rolls to ringside and grabs the IC belt. HBK tries leaving, and the referee calls the bell. I’m not sure why, HBK should have had a twenty count. Crush drags HBK to the ring and hits a tirt-a-whirl backbreaker. The bell keeps ringing, suggesting the match ended at 8:54. HBK is dead, and Crush poses with the IC belt as if he won the title. It’s a shame this match had such a horrible, sudden ending, because it was going really picking up steam, **1/2.
Winner by count-out: Crush
-Bobby Heenan is in the ring for his interview with Yokozuna. He introduces his guest, accompanied by Mr. Fuji. Heenan demands that the crowd show Yokozuna the respect he deserves. Heenan recaps Yokozuna winning the WWF title from Bret Hart at Wrestlemania, with Hogan then challenging him and winning the title himself. Heenan mocks the whole situation, basically echoing my sentiments. Mr. Fuji angrily rants about Hogan’s actions. Heenan brings up that Hacksaw Jim Duggan is hunting Yokozuna. Mr. Fuji states that Duggan is in big trouble and rambles. I can barely understand what Mr. Fuji is saying. Yokozuna stands there looking threatening, something he did well. Heenan wishes them the best of luck and thanks them for the interview. Yokozuna takes a place at ringside for the main event.
-Backstage, Alfred Hayes is standing by with Jim Duggan. Duggan does his ‘hoooooooo’ routine and puts over his happiness performing in England again. Duggan says that Luger does look good, but this is wrestling, not body building. Luger is in for a long night and marches his way to the arena. Serviceable interview by Duggan.
‘The Narcissist’ Lex Luger vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan
This is the main event? Really? Scrooge, you will pay for this! Duggan starts a ‘USA’ chant despite them being in London. Heenan calls the fans ‘dumb’ and accuses the chants of being piped in. Luger and Duggan finally tie up, with Luger gaining advantage with some strong shots. Duggan hits a series of clothesline, chasing Luger out of the ring. The crowd chants ‘USA’ again. Luger returns, and Duggan offers him a free shot. It was a swerve, as Duggan blocked and hits a series of jabs and a haymaker. Luger bounces off the ropes and gets a knee to the face. Luger hits a powerful clothesline, draping Duggan on the ropes. Luger uses the ropes to choke Duggan, with the referee breaking it up. Luger then goes for the headlock! Duggan fights out with elbow shots. Typical WWF stuff. Duggan runs into Luger’s boot and hits the mat hard. Luger hits an ugly elbow drop and gets a two count. Luger goes back to the headlock. Duggan fights out again and hits a football block. Duggan runs into Luger’s knee, and is the victim of yet another headlock. Duggan fights out and knocks Luger’s head into the top turnbuckle. Luger clubs the back of Duggan, who no sells it and corners Luger for some turnbuckle punches. Luger reverses and Irish whip, but they knock each other down. The referee is distracted by Luger in the ring, and Yokozuna hits a sit down splash on Duggan! Yokozuna rolls Duggan into the ring, Luger goes for the cover, but it is interrupted by Mr. Perfect! This calls the disqualification at 6:42! This was a meh match, elevated by a hot crowd, *1/4. Winner by disqualification: Lex Luger
After the match, Perfect and Luger continue to brawl. Yokozuna enters the ring and helps take down Perfect. Yokozuna misses the second turnbuckle splash, and Duggan returns with the 2×4 and cleans house! The crowd goes nuts. I’m glad they enjoyed this, because they were treated to a pretty crappy show.
Final Thoughts: The stink of Wrestlemania IX was all over this glorified house show, as there were bad gimmicks and finishes all around. It was worth watching, if only to see some vintage Hennig and Michaels work, as they both carried their bouts to respectable levels. The majority of this show was pretty awful though, so I would have to recommend not going out of your way to see this. Scrooge, I’ll see you in hell! Of course, I’ll probably be begging for this show when I’m through with Heroes of Wrestling
Recommendation to avoid.