WWF RAW 8/2/1999

Written by: Kevin Kildenberger

I forgot to mention a few “RAW is Jericho” signs last week. And JR briefly mentioned that the Countdown to the Millennium begins in two weeks! That will be sweet. Nitro got better this week and here is hoping RAW can too. I guess the CM has just disbanded, no fanfare or nothing. After months and months of build and the great unveiling and it just unravels and dissipates. It is clear that the WWF keep booking themselves into a corner, and are just tossing shit around. But they could just show a piece of shit in the ring and the ratings are sky high so they can experiment to see what sticks and what does not while WCW cannot really afford too. With HHH getting a push and with the Rock getting more airtime as are the Hardyz and Edge, this means RAW should start moving in the right directions. Hopefully. Ratings fell to a 5.85 while Nitro fell to a 3.1.

Acolytes are standing in the opening pyro and head down. They are clearly turning face as they challenge UT and Show and want to kick their ass. Holly comes out first and he is their spokesman. Bradshaw asks which one of the two are going to kick his ass. Holly is willing to take on both. He rolls into the ring and gets obliterated with ease.

Show and Undertaker have arrived.

Edge in an earlier interview is not happy with Gangrel.

Match 1: Edge v. Gangrel Bloodbath Match

They lock up and neither can get the advantage. Gangrel knocks him down and goes for the garbage can of blood but Edge cuts him off only to be slammed and Gangrle drops the elbow. He goes for the vat again and again Edge stops him. He nails him with a running heel kick and now he goes for the blood. Gangrel grabs him but is nailed with a Russian sweep. Gangrel reverses the whip but lowers his head and is kicked and powerslammed. They play grab ass for a minute, Edge misses and is knocked down and his neck is snapped off the rope. Gangrel drills him with elbows over and over, and drives his head into the side of the ring. Edge is tossed to the floor and Gangrel brings him back in. Gangrel bulldogs him and whips him into the corner but he misses and is crushed with a Tornado DDT but he catches Edge off the whip and spikes him with a release suplex. He goes to the floor and delays so he is pulled down by his hair. Both are stumbling around and Edge charges him but is launched into the steps. Gangrel rolls him back into the ring and goes up to the middle rope and is caught and put on Edge’s shoulders and slammed front first. Edge slowly makes his way up top and takes way too much time and is crotched and superplexed. Now Gangrel is going for the blood, nope he goes the other way and grabs a chair. Edge kicks it into him and whips him into the corner where he sandwiches him. Another whip and Gangrel has the chair and hides it and as Edge leaps for the spear he gets all chair and now a DDT. Gangrel now goes for the blood. The lights go out and the Brood music starts and after they come back on Christian stands over a bloodied Gangrel. Now he and Edge hug and are a team.

*** Nice, long match. Jesus, a clean finish? I guess they are blowing off this feud on TV instead of a PPV. If that is the case they should have had Christian come down with Gangrel begging for his help and he turns his back with Edge getting a clean victory. A clean fucking victory. They do wonders sometimes.

Shane comes down looking contrite as he is called an asshole. He thanks the fans for the compliment. He does not deserve that accolade yet. He thinks many were wondering where he was last week when Vince was ousted for the last time. He brags about Vince and all his positive attributes, mostly exaggerated. Shane whines that Vince left like a man on his own terms. Everyone disrespected him. He babbles on and calls out JR for singing the song last week and the fans half-assed do so. Shane reminds us that Vince built the WWF into the biggest entertainment company….not wrestling of course. Without Vince there would be no Austin and all sorts of other wrestlers. There would be no t-shirts or fans etc. There would even be no WCW whose stars Vince built years ago. He asks what will happen without Vince and he pauses for a month. Now he talks about SS and how HHH will win.

Fuck, shut up. This is going on forever. I know why I have liked the beginnings of the last two weeks. No start with Vince in crew but they sidle the segments later and it SLOWS the show down to a fucking crawl.

He will bring the CM back together or just the “C” and the first person he is focusing on is Test. He proceeds to call him some nasty names and Test comes out and he had warned Shane to mind his own business. Now he is going to get him and the Posse. He is going through the Posse and then deal with Shane. Steph is going to be an only child! Shane gulps.

Road Dogg is talking with Kane. Jesus it is clear they do not know what to do with Kane….Like Show. Road Dogg is trying to talk to him about something, I think their match tonight.

Al is talking to a dog and Head at a toilet….

Match 2: Big Show and UT v. Kane and Road Dogg

All four slug it out and Dogg is tossed to the floor. Kane avoids the double backdrop and DDT’s UT and Show misses the elbow. Road Dogg is back and both heels get clotheslined over the top rope. For the next two or three minutes both UT and Show demolish Road Dogg. Show drops the elbow and Kane makes the save and that allows a brief doubleteam. Show is nutted but UT cuts Dogg off, but he too is kicked in the nuts and Kane gets the hot tag and hammers the Undertaker. Show is clotheslined to the floor and he goes back to work on the Undertaker and hits the big boot and he follows up with a dropkick. Kane goozles UT and it is Chokeslam time! Road Dogg was going after Show but got dropped like a bad habit. He goes for the Tombstone but instead walks over to Show and gets his throat bounced off the top rope and stumbles into a Tombstone.

** Not buying Show being buddies with Undertaker yet. Road Dogg did little of note. I think Show and UT could have had a decent feud.

Acolytes come out out and Holly blasts both with a ball bat. He yells at Show and UT telling them thi sis the last time he is saving them.

A worker wants to shake Rock’s hand and Rock will highfive him but threatens to elbow him and the guy flinches and leaves and then pays the guy carrying his bags and tosses the money and shoves him….Why is shit written like that? Austin did that when he turned face. It is out of character for him to pick on random workers. It is stupid.

Rock was with the Pittsburgh Pirates for the day. Lord knows they needed help then and do now.

Chyna and Ass are in the ring and Ass is talking about Rock’s naked ass. They show a big fat naked ass walking on the TitanTron. He tells the crowd to kiss his ass. Fuck me. Rock is on the TitanTron and he has come back to Columbus. Rock is going to let the cat out of the bag and that is Ass’s fat mother. He is going to take some Diet Coke and a Tampon and shove them up someone’s ass. Rock talks about killing Ass and then talks about his fans and we can smell what he is cooking.

Mark is eating salad and two baked potatoes with no butter. He is bitter but he is on a diet and D’Lo is feeding him.

Match 3: Jeff Jarrett (c) v. D’Lo Brown (c) Title v. Title

Brown starts strong and after knocking him to and fro he bodyslams JJ. JJ retreats to the floor and yells at Debra and finally pulls her back to ringside and lure D’Lo over and pulls him out to the floor but he is picked up and dropped onto the steps. Back in the ring, Brown goes up top and leaps into a dropkick. JJ does the armbar takedown and continues to work him over for about two minutes. After a swinging neckbreaker he gets two and puts him back in a chinlock. D’Lo elbows free and takes him down, catapulting him into the corner. JJ keeps bouncing off the ropes only to get punched and finally a spinkick drops in. He drops the legs and gets a near fall. D’Lo backs JJ into the corner where he mounts and pounds JJ. Debra is in the ring and it is Puppy Time! D’Lo turns just in time to take out JJ with the belt that JJ was trying to use. He loses.

**1/2 Not bad. It is clear this is done because JJ and Debra are going to break up.

JJ demands a rematch at SummerSlam. Debra beat him and not D’Lo.

Here comes Austin! He has had enough of HHH and is going to kick his ass at SS. Here comes UT and Show! UT demands his rematch, or he and Show will stomp a hole in his ass. They do not wait as UT decks him and both he and Show do indeed stomps a hole in his ass.

During the break Austin staggered to the back.

Match 4: Big Bossman (c) v. Viscera for WWF Hardcore Title

I thought they were allies. Oh well. They hammer each other but Viscera crushes him with a belly to belly suplex. He squashes him in the corner and dumps him to the floor.

I am an idiot. Sometimes you miss shit and I did. Shane DISBANDED the Corporate Ministry. They can fight whomever. I just misunderstood or was busy writing my rant on his speech. Hell that 13 minutes could have been only 3, and he would have gotten everything in that he needed to say.

The fight heads towards the staging area. They have been pounding each other. Bossman tries to hit him with an extinguisher but fails. He is placed on a table and Viscera goes for the splash but misses. Bossman uses his steel nightstick and beats down Viscera getting the win.

** Not terrible for two big men.

HHH is in walking in the back and during the break Chyna had informed HHH of the title match tonight. HHH throws a hissy fit about that and tosses things.

Match 5: Test v. Posse Member

It is Rodney. Test is blindsided by Joey Abs and Rodney. Abs leaves and Rodney immediately gets clotheslined and he is then thrust into the steps. Test runs him into the post and then back into the ring. He picks him up and spikes him and then straddles him, pummeling him with hard rights and now another hard slam. He drops the leg on the arm and does it again. He scoop slams him and positions the body and goes up top and drops the elbow on the arm. He goes up top again and does it again. Now he has him in a hammerlock and picks him up and slams him down. Rodney gives up before being slammed.

** Nice squash for Test. He took out one member last week and now Rodney is done for.

He places a chair on his arm and leaps on it. Joey Abs starts to come down but wisely leaves instead. Test pulls him over to the post and swings the chair onto the arm (clearly misses but oh well)!

Cole is with HHH and he states it is now the Undertaker’s time. HHH pushes down Cole and calls him names. His opportunity will not be taken….

UT and Show are conferring…

Match 6: Val Venis v. Steve Blackman

Val is dropped after two elbows. Steve hits him in the temple and slams his head into the canvas. Val is shot into the ropes and his knee is clipped. Blackman is relentless as he stomps a hole in him. Val reverses the whip and it was supposed to be a spinebuster I believe, but he just kind of slammed him. Steve counters with a move but Val strikes back with a Perfect Plex and gets two. He slams him again and goes up top but leaps into a boot. Here comes Shamrock with a chain and Blackman runs for his life but he is caught and run down. Shamrock hits him, and security pulls him off. Steve is just wandering off instead of running and gets blindsided again. Blackman is out as Shamrock is held back and screaming….Steve is able to crawl away. Shamrock breaks free five seconds later and opens the door Steve crawled through….and he is gone.

** Not bad.

Match 7: Undertaker v. Steve Austin (c) for WWF Title

HHH comes down and tells everyone to shut up. This is his time, and know one is facing him but HHH himself. UT has to go through him as HHH is going to kick his ass. Austin belts him from behind. Now all four are brawling. Here comes the Acolytes and now Kane and Road Dogg. Holly is in and what we have here is a good ol’ fashioned slobberknocker. Ass runs in and Rock sprints down and goes after Mr. Ass but gets choked out. Now it is just Road Dogg and HHH and Ass and Austin. Ass eats a Stunner and Road Dogg a Pedigree and as HHH and Austin glare at each other we fade….

Well that was a non-main event. Disappointing but understandable. It makes HHH that much more intense and really Austin v. UT for the 5000th time does little for me. Therefore it worked.

*** I am going to upgrade my rating. It was not as good as Nitro, the Shane promo was ten minutes too long. But, they started with a good match, and everything flowed quite well, nice to see Edge almost away from Gangrel, or he might just be and JJ does not really need Debra, it holds him back now. The CM was put out of its misery. Maybe later when I have time I will argue that it was one of the worst stables/angles of all time. Anyway, I am overrating the show as there was some stupid shit such as ass jokes and Rock being a bully. Also, it has become annoying to waste 2-3 minutes each show showing Austin lacing his boots or pacing. Yeah, I get it, we get to see the wrestlers in their element before a match….tying their shoes. WHO FUCKING CARES. Get on with the program and show some goddamn wrestling instead. Oh and there was a countdown to Millenium sign, a countdown sign that is!! Sad to see Jericho leave WCW but hopefully he gets a deserved push in the WWF. He does not become world champ for another two plus years but it will be interesting to see what they do with him.