Are you ready? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it’s time for Monday Night RAW!
Mick Foley’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring wearing a suit. A *Foley* chant breaks out in the arena. He says that he planned to come over tonight as a blast from the past to help promote the 1000th episode next month. Instead, he found out that he is in the running to become the new GM of RAW. They are reaching out to past GMs for consideration. He throws out a cheap pop for Long Island. He announces that he will host both RAW and Smackdown this week. He recaps that John Laurinaitis was fired last night, but he is still in attendance last night. Foley introduces the former GM.
John’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring with a neck brace, arm cast and crutch. Foley holds down the bottom rope to help him into the ring. The crowd chants *You Got Fired*. He tries to introduce himself, but the crowd continues to boo heavily. Foley asks them to be quite, but then claims that he said Long Island Sucks! John stares on incredulously. He yells for the crowd to shut up. He says that the fans of the WWE Universe are extremely rude. He is going to wait to give his farewell address later. He says that tonight’s main event will be John Cena v. Big Show, Otunga & Laurinaitis. He made the match before he was fired, and it will be his parting gift to the WWE. John tells Foley to, “have a nice day”.
Sheamus’ music hits and he makes his way down to the ring past an exiting Laurinaitis. Punk’s music hits next, and he joins Sheamus in the ring. Up next, they will take on Daniel Bryan and Kane in a Tag Team match.
Sheamus & CM Punk v. Daniel Bryan & Kane
Sheamus goes right on the attack with a leapfrog shoulder block form the apron. Sheamus tags in Punk to take over. Bryan regains the control with a couple of kicks, which allows him to tag in Kane. Punk springs back with a heel kick, but Kane knocks him to the mat with an elbow. Kane is caught with a boot as Punk knocks Bryan off the apron. Kane whips Punk into the ropes, and he flies to the outside with a suicide dive to Bryan! Punk tries to springboard back into the ring with an arm lariat, but Kane punches him in the face for his troubles.
Back from the break, Punk tags in Sheamus. He takes to the top rope for a shoulder block. Sheamus hits a hard knee to the face, and follows with a scoop slam. He hits an Irish Curse Backbreaker and then attacks Bryan who tries to run in and interfere. Kane accidentally knocks Bryan off the apron, but then throws Sheamus to the outside. Bryan charges at Sheamus and hits a hard running boot. Bryan and Sheamus make it back into the ring as Bryan gets the tag. He runs towards Sheamus in the corner and connects with a dropkick. Bryan locks on a rear headlock. Kane gets the tag and punches Sheamus in the head. Sheamus gets to his feet, but gets whipped into the corner and hit with a sidewalk slam. Cover, but Sheamus kicks out. Kane heads to the top rope and connects with a big clothesline on Kane. Bryan gets the tag and takes it to Sheamus with a series of boots. Sheamus tries to kick his way free, but Bryan holds him back. He sets up Sheamus in the corner and runs for a leaping dropkick. Sheamus moves out of the way and makes it to Punk! Punk hits Bryan with a spinning heel kick, and after a couple of counters hits a scoop slam and cover. Bryan kicks out. Bryan is hit with a high knee in the corner which is followed up by a bulldog. Punk scales to the top rope and readies for the elbow. Bryan follows after and hits a HUGE Superplex.
AJ’s music hits and she comes prancing down to the ring wearing black and red gear with a Kane style mask! Kane can’t help but be distracted and starts to follow up the ramp. Back in the ring, Punk hits the GTS on Bryan and Sheamus immediately follows with a Brogue Kick! This match is over!
Winners: Sheamus & CM Punk
# Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler are arguing in the back. Ziggler says Swagger is tall, but he has the “it” factor. Dolph says that Vickie knows who the real star of the team is. Vickie says that she is tired of them arguing and bickering. She asks which of the two really deserves her admiration and respect. They are going to settle it in the ring right now.
# John Laurinaitis & David Otunga are making fun of Foley in the back. He walks in and asks what’s so funny. John says that it’s funny that Show is going to knock Cena out tonight; it’s funny how the WWE Universe will never forget the name John Laurinaitis. It is also funny that the people don’t deserve him as GM. Show says that he doesn’t find anything funny, nothing at all.
Dolph Ziggler v. Jack Swagger
Vickie is ringside to watch the two men fight for her affection. Swagger hits a take down and follows it up with a couple of pushups. They square off and Ziggler trips Swagger. Swagger pushes him back, only to get caught in a side headlock. Swagger throws him away and it looks like Ziggler tweaked his knee. Swagger dives right at the knee and throws him down hard to the mat. Swagger pushes Dolph into the corner and he falls down to the mat. Swagger pulls part of his knee pad off and drops a series of elbows across the knee. Swagger wrenches back on the knee and then pushes Ziggler away. Ziggler goes for a roll up, but Swagger kicks out. Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag, but Swagger moves out of the way and releases Ziggler. He locks on the Ankle Lock, but Ziggler makes it to the corner for the break. Ziggler hits the Zig Zag, and this match is over!
Winner: Dolph Ziggler
After the match, Vickie gets into the ring and embraces Ziggler. They lock lips before heading to the back.
# In the back, a limo is shown.
Brock Lesnar’s music hits and Paul Heyman walks out! He says that he is here tonight as the advocate for Brock Lesnar. He says that Lesnar will NOT fight HHH at Summerslam. He thanks everyone for the time, and also thanks HHH. Heyman goes to leave, but HHH’s music hits. He makes his way down to the ring to address Heyman. HHH says that the truth is that Heyman is a perpetual liar. The truth is that Lesnar will fight him at Summerslam. HHH says that he isn’t going to listen to anyone but Lesnar. HHH shows a Summerslam poster with Lesnar’s face. All that Lesnar has to do is step up and agree to fight; he will get everything that he wants. Heyman claims that Lesnar has no ego. HHH laughs and points out that Lesnar asked for RAW to be called RAW Starring: Brock Lesnar. Lesnar is ALL about ego. Lesnar will do this because if he doesn’t, he’ll go down as the guy that is scared of HHH.
Heyman says that HHH is good, he almost had him convinced. Heyman tells HHH to stop pretending to be a wrestler, and to go back to his corporate life. Heyman asks if HHH is getting angry, and laughs in his face. Heyman says that HHH is becoming like Vince, so he knows how to push all of his buttons. He dares him to hit him, but HHH resists. Heyman says that he has something for Stephanie, and HHH grabs him by the throat! Heyman starts to turn red and says that he can’t breathe. HHH eventually relents and starts let him go. Heyman says that he knew HHH wouldn’t hit him, because he can see everything that he is going to do from a mile away. HHH punches him square in the face. HHH leans over his fallen body and asks if he saw that coming. HHH tells Heyman to tell Lesnar that he will see him at Summerslam.
Alberto Del Rio v. Santino
They lock up and Rio drops him to the mat with a headbutt. Santino dodges a clothesline and hitsa n arm drag. Santino goes for a headbutt, but Rio moves out of the way. Santino plants him on the mat and reaches for the Cobra. Del Rio kicks him square in the head and locks on the arm bar, this match is over.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio
After the match, Ricardo attacks Santino with a drop arm bar.
Layla is in the ring to introduce Wendi Richter & Cyndi Lauper. Cole apologizes to the audience for what we are watching. Well put. They start to put over their history together. Heath Slater comes down to the ring and says that this is nothing but a train wreck. Cyndi asks who he is. He asks if that’s a joke. He says that he is a one man band, and starts to sing a song. Roddy Piper comes down to the ring and asks Slater to leave. He ends up giving Cyndi a gold record. This is terrible. The record ends up smashed over Slater’s head to end the horrific waste of time.
Darren Young & Titus O’Neil v. Primo & Epico
Young goes after Primo at the start with a couple of arm drags. Primo hits a Backstabber and tries to go for the cover. Titus pulls him out of the ring to make the save. Epico and Primo go to leap over the top rope to the outside, but AW backs his team away. He says that they are the #1 Contenders and they don’t need this. The referee finishes the 10 Count, and this match is over.
Winners: Primo & Epico
John Laurinaitis is in the ring and laments the actions of Vince McMahon last night. He says that the real losers are the WWE audience. He introduces his partners for the handicap match against Cena tonight: David Otunga & The Big Show.
Big Show is on the mic when we come back from the break and announces that he will NOT be involved in this match tonight because he no longer respects Laurinaitis given the fact that he has been fired.
John Cena v. David Otunga & John Laurinaitis
Cena takes the advantage at the offset as it is clear that JL will not be of much help in this match. They brawl to the outside of the ring and Otunga throws him into the steel steps. Back in the ring, Otunga slams him to the mat and takes a moment to pose after a shoulder block. Cover, but Cena kicks out. JL decides that he does want to be in this match and drops an elbow before going for the cover. Cena kicks out. Otunga walks away from the tag attempt and decides that he is finished with his former boss. Cena hits the 5 Knuckle Shuffle and then goes for the AA. Cena gets back to his feet and decides that he wants to go for another. After that one the crowd chants for one more. Cena obliges and then immediately locks on an STF. This match is over.
Winner: John Cena
Foley did not do anything all that special in his opening segment with Laurinaitis. Johnny received a decent amount of heat, and it will be interesting to see if they continue to use him in any sort of on screen capacity given the reaction he is still able to generate. The fact that Foley disappeared for the rest of the night was pretty puzzling. Not much of a GM.
Sheamus looked GREAT against Kane. The whole tag match was really well done with a great and hot crowd. I had to laugh at the Harley Quinn-esque getup of AJ tonight. She really is my hands down winner for Diva of the Year so far. She has it all, and has really emerged as a star in her own right. I know fans of Divas wrestling won’t be thrilled with this statement, but I believe that the way the Divas like AJ and Eve are being used is much more effective than 3 minute matches. They actually seem to have character and purpose. I’d rather watch AJ prance around the ring distracting Kane than watching her never get tagged into an 8 Diva tag match. That’s the truth.
Ziggler and Swagger had a disturbingly good match. It was simple in terms of formula, but everything looked crisp and precise. Of the two, Ziggler is the one I see with the most upside. I was kind of hoping that Swagger would win so that Ziggler could be the one to stem off on his own, but he can certainly continue to benefit from the heat that Vickie brings. I just feel a bit bad that he has to lock lips with Vickie. I do not envy that poor man.
Heyman is simply fantastic on the mic. His segment with HHH was very well done, and I preferred it over a segment that would have involved Lesnar. Brock can’t talk for crap, so having Heyman come out as a mouthpiece preserves his contractual dates, and quite frankly does a better job of forwarding the storyline.
The Cyndi Lauper segment was terrible. That’s the nicest way I can put it without flipping out cause DAMN that was bad.
I have no interest in Darren Young & Titus as a tag team. Plus, Titus is just gross to look at. And what’s with the pink? They aren’t the Hart Dynasty.
It was very disappointing that we didn’t get to see Ryder. Now, I say that with the caveat that it’s because they were in Long Island. I’ve actually grown bored with the Ryder character as of late, but that’s a whole different conversation.
The main event was a bit lame. Cena was hot by the end, but it seemed more about Vince wanting to watch Laurinaitis get beat up than any real segment of value.
RAW started off hot in the first hour, but fell completely flat during the second half.
34-year-old currently living in Syracuse, New York. Long-time fan of the New York Mets, Chicago Bulls, and Minnesota Vikings. An avid fan of professional wrestling and write reviews/articles on the product. Usually focusing on old-school wrestling.