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WWE Smackdown 3/29/2013

WWE Smackdown on SCI-FI!
WWE Smackdown on SCI-FI!

People Power returns on Smackdown!

WWE Smackdown Results
March 29, 2013
Hershey, Pennsylvania
Report by: Mike Tedesco of

“Then. Now. Forever.” The WWE video leads us into the show.

A video promotes that The Rock will appear on Smackdown. He’ll face John Cena in nine days at WrestleMania XXIX. What will he have to say about him? We’ll also see what Alberto Del Rio has in store for Jack Swagger. The video also highlights Big Show joining forces with Randy Orton and Sheamus against The Shield.

The Rock’s music hits, and the WWE Champion comes out to the stage to a massive reception. They show footage of The Rock giving John Cena a Rock Bottom after the question and answer segment with the WWE Hall of Famers. The Rock holds up a Hershey’s Chocolate Bar to the delight of the crowd. The Rock says he did a thing on RAW about a month ago called “story time.” He talked about how he bought his first car from a crackhead in Nashville, Tennessee, but he figured it should continue tonight. When he turned fifteen, he moved with his family to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. He was no ordinary fifteen year old. He was 6’4 with a mustache, and they show a photo of him on the big screen. One of the great benefits of living in Bethlehem is that he was an hour away from a special town. He and his friends would go to a certain park, ride some rides, and eat as much chocolate as he could. Every time he comes back as a man, he gets that magical feeling all over again. That’s why he can stand in the middle of the ring and say, “Finally, The Rock has come back to Hershey!”

The Rock says he loves coming back to Hershey. He remembers going there on a Saturday, and he really wanted a Hershey’s Whatchamacallit. He couldn’t find it, and he was driving his friends all around. His friends wanted beer, but all he wanted was that candy bar. He finally found it, but someone else grabbed it before him. Then something special happened that night. He said something to that person that would change the course of history of WWE forever. He told that person, “If you don’t put down that candy, I’m going to kick your candy ass.” That old lady put the candy down and left right then. The bottom line is “kicking your candy ass” started in Hershey, Pennsylvania.

A man will go through great lengths to get what he wants. That means Hershey Whatchamacallit, and that means beating John Cena at WrestleMania. Last Monday on RAW, Cena got in his face, and he kicked his candy ass. He knows at WrestleMania, John Cena is going to have more passion and fire than he’s ever had, but he’ll still kick his candy ass. He’ll step up to him in his jean shorts and Fruity Pebbles and kick his candy ass. Not only will he do it at WrestleMania and in front of the world, he’ll do it in front of the millions…

All of a sudden, John Laurinaitis’ music hits, and the former General Manager of both RAW and Smackdown makes his way to the ring! He hasn’t been seen since last June!

-Commercial Break-

The Rock asks who in the blue hell he is. Laurinaitis asks if that’s a trick question. The Rock knows who he is, and the WWE Universe knows who he is. He is Mr. John Laurinaitis, and he is the former Vice President of Talent Relations and the former General Manager of RAW and Smackdown. The Rock says Laurinaitis has him confused with someone who gives a crap. Laurinaitis interrupted the story time.

Laurinaitis says his former adversary Teddy Long gave him permission to come out and talk to The Rock. He’s sure that Teddy, like everyone in the WWE Universe, thinks he’s going to come out here, talk to long, and wind up getting Rock Bottomed. That’s not going to happen because he and The Rock have a lot in common. They’re two peas in a pod. The Rock is the People’s Champion, and he created People Power! He was the greatest General Manager the WWE has ever seen until one man ruined it: John Cena. John Cena is the reason he was fired, and John Cena is the reason he’s back. The Rock says if he doesn’t get to the point, John Cena is going to be the reason why he gets his monkey ass kicked around the arena.

Laurinaitis says his point is that John Cena will do whatever he needs to do to beat him at WrestleMania. He has a business proposition for The Rock. Laurinaitis asks if he can be in the corner of The Rock. Laurinaitis says the crowd may not like it, but winning is everything at any cost. He can be popular or he can win. With him in The Rock’s corner, there is no way, and Big Johnny means NO WAY, John Cena will beat him at WrestleMania. With him in The Rock’s corner, he can guarantee his victory. They’re like the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup: two great tastes that taste great together.

The Rock says since he is the People’s Champion and he invented People Power, he thinks it’s only fitting if they involve the people. The Rock asks if the crowd would like to see this stale, old, indigestible, stick-to-the-top-of-your-mouth-until-you-want-to-vomit piece of peanut butter team up with the most electrifying piece of chocolate the world has ever seen. The crowd doesn’t respond favorably. The Rock says the people have spoken. He’s a businessman like Laurinaitis, so he has a business proposition for him. It’s not a Rock Bottom. How about they send John Cena a message together like a peanut butter cup? Laurinaitis likes that. The Rock says the first thing is a handshake, and they shake hands. The Rock doesn’t release his hand, and Laurinaitis smiles as he doesn’t realize the trouble he is in. The Rock then gives him a spinebuster before delivering a People’s Elbow to the heart of the creator of People Power.

The Rock grabs a microphone and says, “John Cena, at WrestleMania, your candy ass is going down, again. If you smell what The Rock is cookin’!”

Big Show, Randy Orton, and Sheamus will take on Team Rhodes Scholars and Antonio Cesaro in tonight’s main event. Ryback and Mark Henry will also compete in a Bench Press Challenge later tonight.

Chris Jericho’s music hits, and he makes his way out to the ring to a great reception. He’ll be in action, next.

-Commercial Break-

The Miz is on commentary for this match. He’s scouting his WrestleMania opponent, Wade Barrett. The WWE Intercontinental Championship will be on the line.

Chris Jericho vs. Wade Barrett

They show footage of Fandango assaulting Chris Jericho last week on Smackdown. Jericho will face Fandango at WrestleMania.

They lock up, and Barrett applies a side headlock. Jericho whips him off, and Barrett runs him over with a shoulder block. Jericho comes back with some chops before sending him into the ropes for a back elbow. Jericho quickly follows up with a dropkick before clotheslining him over the top rope. Barrett gets up, and Jericho takes him down with a baseball slide. Jericho bounces his face off the apron before rolling him back into the ring. Jericho kicks him a few times, but Barrett comes back with some hard right hands. Barrett kicks him down in the corner, but the referee backs him up. Jericho reverses a whip to the corner and charges, but Barrett back drops him onto the apron. Jericho punches him and begins to climb to the top, but Barrett big boots him off, and Jericho falls to the floor.

-Commercial Break-

We come back from the break to see Jericho trapped in a chin lock. Jericho fights up and elbows out. Jericho ducks a clothesline and hits a pair of shoulder blocks. Barrett quickly sends him over the top rope, but Jericho lands on the apron. Jericho quickly goes to the top rope and hits a double axe handle. Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Barrett moves. Jericho lands on his feet, and Barrett catches him with the Winds of Change for a near fall.

Barrett punches him in the corner before whipping him to the opposite corner. Barrett runs into a boot, and Jericho catches him with a cross-body block off the top rope for a near fall. Jericho kicks him a few times before hitting the ropes. Barrett goes for The Wasteland, but Jericho elbows out and goes for the Walls of Jericho. Barrett kicks him off and charges, but Jericho gives pulls down the top rope, making him fly to the outside. Barrett gets back on the apron, so Jericho goes for a springboard dropkick. Barrett ducks, and Jericho flies out of the ring in front of the commentary table. Barrett throws Jericho in the ring, and he begins arguing with The Miz. Barrett gets back in the ring, and Jericho catches him with the Codebreaker for the win!

Winner by Pinfall: Chris Jericho
Match Rating: * 1/2

Chris Jericho gets on the microphone and says he would love to savor this moment with every single Jerichoholic here tonight, but it seems like the stage setup indicates that the man he will face at WrestleMania will make his grandiose entrance. He still can’t pronounce his name properly, but he’s going to try again. Jericho calls him Fan-dingbat, Fan-doodle, Fan-fan-dancie-pants, Fan-Phantom-of-the-Opera, and he sings Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody as well within the name.

Fandango’s music hits, and he makes his entrance along with a female dancer. Fandango comes down to the ring, and Jericho is holding the ropes open for him. Fandango then backs up as the crowd chants, “You can’t wrestle!” Fandango then dances with the woman in the middle of the ramp before posing at the top of the stage.

A preview of the No Holds Barred match between Triple H and Brock Lesnar will be shown next. There will also be an interview with Paul Heyman, Brock Lesnar’s representative.

-Commercial Break-

A long video package is shown highlighting the entire feud between Triple H and Brock Lesnar. They’ll fight at WrestleMania in a No Holds Barred match with Triple H’s career on the line.

They show a video of Josh Mathews interviewing Paul Heyman earlier in the day. Mathews asks for a rebuttal to what Triple H had to say on Monday Night RAW. Heyman says he won’t do that. He’s here because Lesnar wants it on the record with the position that they’ve placed Triple H in. It’s a must-lose situation. When he said his career is on the line, he meant his entire career, including as an executive. Heyman says Lesnar is going to crush Triple H at WrestleMania. Then what happens to Triple H? He has to sit behind a desk and live vicariously through the superstars under his employ. He’ll have to then watch as two men enter a ring and compete the way he can only fantasize, but he can’t do it anymore because the option was taken from him. Triple H will resent the entire WWE Locker Room. How can you lead the next generation of superstars into prominence when you hold them in such contempt because you’re jealous of them? The locker room will be poisoned, and they’ll rebel. The entire roster will rise up against Triple H. After all these years behind the scenes and in the ring, Triple H made back-to-back the two biggest mistakes of his career and life. Triple H thought he could compete with him intellectually, but he’s no match for him. Then he thought he could compete with his client physically, and Heyman assures that Triple H is no match for Brock Lesnar.

Ryback will face Mark Henry in a Bench Press Challenge. That will happen, next.

-Commercial Break-

Smackdown General Manager Booker T is on the stage alongside his senior advisor Teddy Long. A bench press is set up on the stage. Booker says we are less than two weeks away from WrestleMania, but tonight, before their WrestleMania match, two of the most powerful guys in WWE will prove who is the strongest. This contest is something that is used in all the NFL combines. It’s the Bench Press Contest. Booker first introduces Ryback to the stage. Booker goes to introduce Mark Henry, but Teddy Long interrupts him and does it himself. Michael Cole mentions that the World Record at 225-pounds is 51 consecutive reps.

Henry and Ryback go face to face, but Booker steps in between them. Booker says if either of them violate his “no contact” clause, they will be banned from WrestleMania. Long says he doesn’t mean any disrespect, but he wanted to remind him that they flipped a coin to see who would go first. Henry won, so he’s up first. Henry gets pumped up, chalks up the palms of his hands, does some smelling salts, and he sets himself up on the bench. Henry begins to do the reps at a fast pace. He slows down a bit when he gets to forty-five, but Henry impressive gets past the current World Record and ends at 53.

Ryback gets himself pumped up and starts with the reps. Ryback begins at a fast pace, and he begins to slow up in the forties as well. Ryback ties Henry’s current World Record at 53, and right before the record-breaking rep, Henry approached him and pushed the bar down across his throat. 225-pounds begins to crush Ryback’s throat until Henry releases it. Henry says he never touched Ryback, and he walks off. Ryback coughs and tries to catch his breath on stage. Trainers and officials come out to check on him.

-Commercial Break-

A replay is shown of the events that just transpired between Mark Henry and Ryback.

Dolph Ziggler and AJ Lee w/ Big E. Langston vs. Daniel Bryan and Kaitlyn w/ Kane

Daniel Bryan will start the match against Dolph Ziggler. They lock up, and Ziggler applies a side headlock. Bryan whips him off, but Ziggler floors him with a shoulder block. Ziggler shows off a bit before hitting the ropes, but he’s caught with an arm drag. Ziggler punches out, and Kaitlyn blind tags in. AJ is automatically entered. Kaitlyn goes to attack, but Ziggler distracts her. AJ kicks her before taking her down with a nice roundhouse for a two count. AJ throws her down before hitting a neckbreaker. AJ holds on to her head and hits a second neckbreaker for a near fall. AJ talks some trash, but Kaitlyn pushes her off. AJ hits the ropes, and Kaitlyn takes her down with a shoulder block. Kaitlyn then tags in Daniel Bryan.

Bryan ducks a clothesline and hits his running elbow. Bryan dropkicks him in the corner before setting him up on the top rope. Bryan hits a top rope hurricanrana, but Ziggler counters with a roll-up for a near fall. Bryan quickly pops up and begins kicking away at him. AJ distracts the referee as Big E. Langston grabs Bryan’s feet. Ziggler dropkicks Bryan for a two count. Kane then takes Langston out at ringside with a big boot. Ziggler quickly takes Kane out with a baseball slide. Bryan goes for the No! Lock, but Ziggler fights out and desperately tags in AJ. Bryan and Ziggler continue fighting at ringside, so AJ jumps on Bryan’s back. Ziggler kicks Bryan and charges him, but Bryan gives him a back body drop into the timekeeper’s area. Kaitlyn tries to pull AJ into the ring by her hair, but AJ is able to snap her off the top rope. AJ gets in the ring, and she charges into a Spear for the loss!

Winners by Pinfall: Daniel Bryan and Kaitlyn
Match Rating: *

The Shield is backstage. Dean Ambrose says WrestleMania is upon us. Of all the horrible clichés you hear at this time of the year, the worst of all was when Randy Orton, Sheamus, and Big Show claimed they could put aside their differences and work together to fight a common enemy. Roman Reigns says they’ll choke on their clichés and fail just like everyone else. Seth Rollins says the strength of their purpose is stronger than any of them. They don’t stand a chance against them. Ambrose says a giant, a viper, and a Celtic warrior doesn’t mix. Reigns says their team will be lucky if it doesn’t implode before they beat them at WrestleMania. Ambrose says this is not a game. It’s a story about justice. The Shield will write the final chapter at WrestleMania. At WrestleMania, they will believe in The Shield.

The Great Khali’s music hits, and he makes his way to the ring with Hornswoggle and Natalya. He’ll face Jack Swagger, next.

-Commercial Break-

Jack Swagger makes his way to the ring with Zeb Colter. Swagger asks his fellow Americans to open their eyes. What is in the ring is everything that is wrong with this country. Zeb Colter says it’s multiculturalism gone awry. He’s reminded of that every time he tries to make a service call, and the voice on the end of the line sounds like The Great Khali, only a little more incompetent. Jack Swagger is a real American. When he broke little Ricardo Rodriguez’ ankle, they took the next step in regaining their country. He broke a bone to bind a country. Swagger finishes the promo with “We the People!”

The Great Khali w/ Natalya and Hornswoggle vs. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Colter

They lock up, and Khali throws him down. They lock up again, but Khali is able to shove him to the corner. Khali goes for a chop in the corner, but Swagger avoids it. Swagger punches away at him before hitting the ropes and eating a big fist from Khali. Khali puts him in the corner and hits a big chop. Khali puts him in another corner and chops the chest again. Khali goes for the Punjabi Plunge, but Swagger fights out. Swagger gets him in the corner and knees away at him. Khali pushes him off and hits a back elbow. Swagger then charges into a big boot. Khali hits some clotheslines and waits for Swagger to get up for the Big Chop. Swagger quickly rolls out of the ring before he can hit it. Khali goes to get out of the ring over the top rope, but Swagger yanks the knee over the rope. Swagger gives a shoulder block to the leg, and Khali rolls out of the ring to recover. Swagger gets out of the ring and goes for the Patriot Lock, but Khali fights him off. Swagger goes for it again, but Khali fights him off again. Swagger then kicks him in the head and applies the Patriot Lock on the outside of the ring. The referee counts them both out.

Double Count-Out
Match Rating: 1/2 *

Swagger really yanks at the ankle of Khali and appears to have broken it. Hornswoggle tries to intervene by biting the leg, but that just angers Swagger. Zeb Colter stands in Hornswoggle’s way to leave, and Swagger throws him into the barricade. Colter signals to Swagger to break Hornswoggle’s ankle.

Ricardo Rodriguez comes out to the stage on crutches. He asks who Swagger thinks he’s messing with. He’s already attacked him twice, so it’s time to make it a third. Rodriguez hobbles down to the ring. Swagger is anxious for him to get there. All of a sudden, Alberto Del Rio runs in from behind and attacks him. Del Rio punches away at him before applying a Cross Arm Breaker. Colter rips at Del Rio’s to get him off Swagger, so Rodriguez cracks him in the back with the crutch! Rodriguez tosses it to Del Rio, and he swings it at Swagger twice but misses. Swagger escapes the ring with Colter as Del Rio yells at them.

We’ll see what happened on this past Monday’s RAW between CM Punk and the Undertaker, next.

-Commercial Break-

The RAW Rebound features CM Punk again disrespecting the legendary urn of Undertaker and Paul Bearer. Punk says it means everything to Undertaker, but it means nothing to him. Punk threw the urn down before saying he would destroy the streak. The lights then went out, and Undertaker was in the ring when they came back on. Undertaker beat up Punk for a few moments before he managed to escape with the urn still in his possession.

Renee Young, the new female announcer, is backstage with Sheamus, Randy Orton, and the Big Show. A video is shown of Big Show joining forces with Randy Orton and Sheamus against The Shield on RAW. Young asks how they’ve been gelling as a group. Orton says they have a common enemy, so nothing else matters. Young asks Sheamus if he’s put aside his differences with Big Show. Sheamus says from now until WrestleMania, Big Show knows he’s a part of this team. He says they won’t have any problems. Big Show says he didn’t have any problems. It was Sheamus with the issues. Orton says they need to focus before asking if they’re good. They agree, and Orton says they’re all on the same page. That’s bad news for their opponents, but even worse for The Shield.

-Commercial Break-

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be inducting Bruno Sammartino into the WWE Hall of Fame.

Sheamus, Randy Orton, and Big Show make their entrances together. They wait in the ring for their opponents.

Team Rhodes Scholars and Antonio Cesaro make their way to the ring. Damien Sandow says that unlike the dysfunctional and motley crew they are about face, he, Cody Rhodes, and their esteemed colleague Antonio Cesaro are the quintessential six-man team. Not only do they possess superior intelligence, they also possess a mutual disdain for ignorance. Cody Rhodes says their opponents have nothing in common except that they are common. Rhodes says they will the instruments of their downfall. Cesaro yodels on the microphone, and Sandow says, “You’re welcome!”

Sheamus, Randy Orton, and Big Show vs. Team Rhodes Scholars and Antonio Cesaro

Randy Orton will start against Antonio Cesaro. They lock up, and Cesaro applies a side headlock. Orton whips him off, leapfrogs him, and hits a back elbow. Orton gives him a European uppercut before tagging in Sheamus. Sheamus kicks him and puts him in the corner before clubbing away at him. Cesaro catches him with a boot and an uppercut. Cesaro sends him into the ropes, but Sheamus blocks a hip toss with a short-arm clothesline. Big Show is tagged in, and Cesaro quickly tags in Cody Rhodes.

Rhodes doesn’t look happy about facing Big Show. Big Show says he’ll give him a free shot. Rhodes accepts, and Big Show shoves him in the corner. Big Show viciously chops away at his chest. Cesaro tries to get a cheap shot, but Big Show chops him off the apron. Big Show charges toward Sandow, but he avoids his grip. Big Show body slams Rhodes and tags in Orton as a commercial hits.

-Commercial Break-

We come back from the break to see Sheamus holding Sandow by the beard. Orton is tagged in, and he puts Sandow in the corner for the classic ten punches. Orton uppercuts him down, but Sandow is able to drive him to his corner. Orton tries to fight off the others, but Sandow is able to take him down. Rhodes is tagged in, and he stomps Orton in the midsection. Cesaro is tagged in, and he jumps on Orton’s chest for a one count. Cesaro stops him from tagging his partner by dead lifting him and giving him a gutwrench suplex for a two count. Cesaro yodeled as he executed the move. Rhodes is tagged back in. He kicks away at Orton before applying a modified crossface. Orton quickly fights up and head-butts out. Orton hits the ropes, but Rhodes turns him inside out with a knee to the midsection. Sandow is tagged in, and he picks up a one count. Sandow knees away at Orton before hitting a side leg sweep. Sandow drops the Cubito Aequet for a near fall. Sandow applies a chin lock, but Orton fights up. Orton tries to punch out, but Sandow stops the momentum. Orton is then able to counter a whip with his patented backbreaker.

Cesaro gets on the top rope for a cheap shot, but Big Show shoves him off. Sheamus and Rhodes are tagged in. Sheamus hits some Irish hammers before sending him to the corner and hitting a million dollar knee lift. Rhodes ducks a short-arm clothesline, and Sheamus sends him to the apron. Sheamus then hits the Beats of Bodhrán to the chest. Sheamus then turns and catches Sandow with the Beats of Bodhrán as well. Rhodes quickly snaps Sheamus off the top, but he’s soon caught with White Noise. Cesaro and Sandow try to double-team Sheamus. Big Show delivers a KO Punch to Cesaro, and he whips Sandow into an RKO. Big Show and Orton root Sheamus on, and he connects with the Brogue Kick to Rhodes for the win!

Winners by Pinfall: Randy Orton, Sheamus, and Big Show
Match Rating: * 1/2

The Shield’s music hits, and they make their way to the ring through the crowd. Big Show, Sheamus, and Orton then go over to the barricade to meet them in the crowd. They fight in the crowd and up the aisles. After fighting amongst the fans and sending drinks flying, The Shield retreats. Orton, Sheamus, and Big Show stand united among the WWE Universe as the show ends.

Bob Colling Jr. View All

34-year-old currently living in Syracuse, New York. Long-time fan of the New York Mets, Chicago Bulls, and Minnesota Vikings. An avid fan of professional wrestling and write reviews/articles on the product. Usually focusing on old-school wrestling.

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