Written by: Kevin Kindelberger
WWF Monday Night RAW 8/17/98
Nitro destroyed RAW with a near 5.0 to 4.2 as RAW’s hours were 3.9 and 4.4 while Nitro had a two 5’s and a 4.9.
Austin tosses something at Vince’s door and is trying to break in.
AC/DC’s Highway to Hell blares as a Hearse backs in and it is Austin driving. He has a beer and warns Vince that he has 23 more and will drink them all if he does not come down. First all his cronies show up and Austin calls them jackasses and finally Vince comes out and down. Austin wonders if Vince is happy that he and UT are not tag champs. Vince acts like he is not and Austin goes off yelling about how he is going to take his foot out of the grave that Vince said he was in and shove it up UT’s ass. He is going to beat him up and if Vince gets in his way he is going to get it to. UT will be put in the Hearse and driven off and somewhere.
Match 1: Ken Shamrock v. Owen Hart
The Nation is sent to the back and Owen leaps on top of him and hammers him…..this is a triple threat match as Dan Severn is there. He is just watching as Owen kicks Ken around and after a side slam gets two. He works him over in the corner but gets shoved off. Owen though stays in command and connects with an enzuguri. Shamrock fights back only to be dropped with a crossbody after whipping Owen into the ropes. Shamrock returns the favor with a spinkick and now a hurracarana. Owen is flung into the corner and Ken gives him a belly to belly and he covers Owen and Dan pulls him off. Shamrock turns to go after Severn but Owen grabs him from behind and gives him a belly to belly and Owen goes for the Sharpshooter and he is pushed off and put in the Ankle Lock. Dan grabs him him from behind and puts him in a chokehold and Owen stomps on Shamrock for good measure and the bell rings.
**1/2 Not a bad start. Owen and Dan will fight in a pit or some shit at the PPV.
Blackman comes down and drops Owen and glares at Severn who breaks the hold. Steve checks on Shamrock and now Blackman is put in the chokehold. Shamrock has recovered and the heels run and Slaugther is there trying to calm down an angry Ken.
Match 2: Bart Gunn v. Godfather
No Ho offering here as they glare at one another. Bart tries to take him down but cannot. They are swinging at one another. Godfather connects and the bell rings.
Second Round: I guess he did not connect as Bart got points. They are going back and forth. Bart connects but the Godfather goes after him and punches him in the ribs a few times. Now Bart unloads on him and the Godfather is wobbly and the bell rings and then he goes down.
Final Round: Bart is not messing around and Godfather is knocked out!!
*** For the great knockout. Fuck he just killed him with a right hook.
Match 3: Gangrel v. Brian Christopher
Gangrel has vampire teeth. Why? He is drinking blood too. Fucking stupid. Brian Christopher just got demolished.
* Lame. I mean this guy fucking sucks.
There is a brawl in the back with Blackman and company.
Clinton has been on the phone.
DX and Nation are now brawling in the back.
Match 4: Farooq and Scorpio v. DoA
Lawler has Clinton on the phone. This is the type of shit they pulled back in 95-96 and Clinton babbles that he is loving RAW and the country is doing great so the more often he screws other women the better he does his job.
Farooq is taking it to Skull and Scorpio is tagged in as is 8 Ball but the latter is tripped up and put in a headlock. Ball shoves him off and then catches him in a powerslam. Ball misses the elbow drop and is dropkicked. Scorpio hammers him in the corner and whips him to the other one but he is run over. Now both DoA team up and pound Scorpio and Skull side slams him and Farooq has to make the save.
The DX and Nation are still fighting with Rock and HHH beating on one another.
Scorpio is knocked to the floor and Ball and Paul pound him down there. Back inside the ring Scorpio ducks a blow and connects with a heel kick. Farooq gets the hot tag and goes off and after a powerslam they pan to DX and the Nation as they brawl on the ramp. Scorpio hits the 450 but the ref is distracted and the other Twin comes in and Scorpio is rolled up and pinned.
** Okay.
Match 4: DX v. Nation in a Street Fight
DX clears the ring with some trash cans. HHH bashes the Rock in the head with one too. Brown gets his throat bounced off the top rope and double suplexed into the ring. Rock blasts Pac with a garbage lid. HHH comes up from behind and hits the Rock. It is chaos as shit and bodies are flying everywhere. HHH is belted in the head by th eRock and is DDT’d. Road Dog helps out and Brown is walloping everyone with a lid, DX is getting walloped that is. Road Dog is bodyslammed. Rock gives Dog the Elbow. HHH is assualting Brown. Rock wants to pin Road Dog but of course the ref is not there and Rock is hit and then Billy Gunn gives him a piledriver. For some reason JJ is out there and he goes after X Pac who beats him down and now Southern Justice is involved. JJ is cutting X Pac’s hair and HHH eats a Rock Bottom. Now JJ and Pac are going abck and forth as HHH is solo in the ring with the Nation. Rock is destroying HHH and they have a ladder set up in the corner and he is introduced to it. Now Rock picks up the ladder and drives it into his ribs and now the back. Pac is on the apron and Mark Henry makes sure he gets no further. Rock heads to the back and the match is over….
*** Not sure how this was supposed to end but DX was wasted and that is a good thing.
They go from a fun match to Tiger Ali Singh….fuck. I have no idea what the fuck I am seeing some East Indian dude is training. He will give 500 dollars to lick the dude’s unwashed shoes. He has to lick in between his toes and they are dirty….or at least supposed to be and he does so.
Sable is stretching in the back. After the break she is still stretching….
Sable and Jacqueline are arm wrestling. Jackie yanks Sable’s arm down before it starts. I think Jackie would kill her in reality. Sable is fighting her off though. This is long…..they are going back and forth and Jackie finally releases the hold and shoves the table into Sable and takes the trophy and then breaks it over the back of Sable. The Oddities run down and clear the ring, and checking on Sable.
Droz is on his back porch with a bucket and showing off his tattoos. He pukes. No idea fucking why either.
Match 5: Droz v. Bradshaw
Brawl for All: Not much happened in the first round just some wild pot shots. Okay Droz did get rocked by a blow.
Second Round: Droz is connecting with some blows and Bradshaw fends him off. They are winded but Droz tries to take him down and finally is able to take him down.
Final Round: Droz is able to connect with a few shots and Bradshaw has to hug him and they get one last wind and and fire off at one another.
*1/2 Finally they are declaring a winner and it is Bradshaw and honestly that is the wrong person.
Al Snow is in a bar talking to Head.
Sable is angry and headed back to the ring…..
Shit a lot is happening now Dustin Runnels is telling us to curl up with a good book like the Bible because he is coming back (Goldust is my guess).
Now they show the Hearse and here comes Sable. She calls Jackie a bitch and wants to fight. Jackie is on the TitanTron and calls her a ho and will not walk into her trap. Her and Mero will face her at SummerSlam and the Oddities show up in the locker room anyway and attack.
Cole is in front of Austin’s door babbling.
Now fucking Val Venis. Jesus I need Ritalin. The Big Valbowski will not be blackmailed. He is not a screamer and then says something about shouting it out…..well he is attracting the homely ladies, not that there is anything wrong with that.
Match 6: Val Venis v. Kaientai
It is a Gauntlet match where they come down one at a time. He and one of the dude’s are going back and forth. Val takes command and finishes him with the Perfect Plex. Another dude runs down, Funaki who leaps right into a powerslam and it is over. Now another one and he dropkicks Val.
Clinton is on the phone again. I feel like I am watching some sort of shitty skit program. He is talking about sex with Lewinsky.
Val powerbombs the guy but he kicks out. It is Togo and he strikes with a spinning backbreaker. Val heads to the apron and Togo goes after him but gets his throat bounced off the top rope and another powerbomb. Val takes an hour but hits the Money Shot and it is over. Here comes Taka and he runs into a side slam. Taka is getting dismantled but he lowers the rope and out goes Val and Take lands on him with the flying plancha. Taka waits for him to get back into the ring and that is a mistake as he gets run over and eats a big boot. After a double underhook toss he gets two. He runs into a boot and then misses. Taka cannot bodyslam him so Val does it. Val goes up to the middle rope and misses the elbow drop and Taka hits the Driver getting the win so Yamaguchi does not have to face him tonight. The rest of Kaientai comes down and stomps away. The lady is in the ring now and slaps Val.
** A bit long for a midcard angle that is rather lame.
Val has a supersoaker and sprays some sort of milky liquid….of fuck me. And Yamaguchi’s wife does not seem to care. But she leaves, slowly.
UT’s music blares and out he comes as does Austin and they stare at one another. Kane’s flames shoot and Austin is distracted and chokeslammed. It is UT in a Kane mask as the announcers are unsure and think it is Kane. I will say it is Kane for now as that is what JR and King are claiming. Kane manhandles him for a bit but Austin fires back and clotheslines him to the floor. They fight on the floor with Kane hammering him and he takes him to the Hearse but Austin kicks and tosses him into the back of it. He goes to the driver’s seat but it is locked and UT is there and slowly drives off leaving behind a baffled Austin.
*** Once again the best parts are the UT and Austin parts. Still the wrestling was decent and there were some long matches. I just cannot get too involved in the sexual antics as it is just way too much. Also, there is almost too much going on. The show has lost some focus as it tries to do too much, but I must admit that it is easy to follow and I may get used to it but the flow just seems off. Still, there is more to like here than dislike…..Oh, shit there is Gangrel I forgot about that disaster.