Written by: Tom Hopkins
With the fifth Monday of the month, WWE Classics.com decided to throw us episodes of all the shows they air. Hey, I’m down with that!
We’re in Ottawa, Canada just in time for National Newspaper Week. Vince McMahon is joined by Roddy Piper and Macho Man. The fans are chanting Macho’s name. Roddy is still pissed about Flair and what happened last week.
-The Legion of Doom vs. Two Jobbers-
The jobbers weren’t announced and I don’t care to listen close enough to the announcers for their names. One of the guys is huge, though. He towers over the LOD. Hawk starts with a dropkick and chops him down. Once the tall jobber’s been played with enough they toss him to the corner to bring in the other jobber. We hear from the Natural Disasters and they want the tag belts. Animal is whipped into the jobber and the Doomsday Device ends this at 2:51. This was a boring squash from the LoD.
Mean Gene is here with the Update Center and it is brought to us by Toys ‘R’ Us! We re-visit last week’s footage of Flair messing around with Piper and Roddy being disoriented enough to whack McMahon in the back with a chair. Flair and Heenan have some comments for Piper.
-Berzerker vs. Scott Taylor-
I feel like I know Scott Taylor. Berzerker starts with a big boot and tosses a few more in there. He wraps up Scott on the top ropes and charges with more big boots. Berzerker does a standing powerslam twice before dropping Scottie to the outside. He’s counted out at 3:06. Wow, another boring match.
Vince mentions something about Wrestlemania and we cut right to Sean Mooney who seems to be joined mid-sentence. We hear from Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Hacksaw calls out the Undertaker showing exactly why he’s not the brightest bulb in the box. We also hear from the Bully and Harvey Whippleman.
-Virgil vs. A Jobber –
We don’t hear this jobber’s name either. That’s 3 out of 4 jobbers who didn’t have their names on the TV! Virgil atomic drops this guy, who Vince says is Mike Williams to the outside before slingshotting his way out, and almost tripping himself on the top rope on the way out. We hear from the Million Dollar Man and he wants his belt back. Virgil ends this with the Million Dollar Dream at 2:08.
It’s back to the Event Center! We hear from Slick and the Warlord and they see gold in his future. We also hear from British Bulldog and he calls out the Mountie with his “portable electric chair.” He also calls out the Undertaker. Two people have called him out already this episode. It’s funny that almost 19 years later and the guy still hasn’t lost in Wrestlemania.
-IRS vs. Jobber-
Another jobber that wasn’t announced. 4 for 5 right now. The jobber allows IRS to put his glasses away in his briefcase. He should’ve blindsided him but nope. IRS makes him pay for not attacking earlier with some armdrags. This jobber comes back with a bodyslam and a dropkick (that barely hit and Vince noted that). IRS realizes this guy’s a jobber and just lays into him. He drops an elbow three-times before going to the abdominal stretch (with the help of the ropes). The jobber (Jim Powers) gets in one last shot (slamming IRS’ head into the turnbuckle) before the Samoan Drop ends this at 2:27.
Vince tells us that Wrestlemania 8 will be at the Hoosier Dome. That was a very quiet announcement. We head to the Funeral Parlor where Sid Justice joins us as the guest. Sid calls Jake Roberts a serpent.
-The Nasty Boys vs. 2 Jobbers-
So Scott Taylor is the only jobber they’ve actually announced on the screen so far. Knobbs starts with the jobber in green and the jobber is manhandled.. They allowed the other jobber to tag in and he’s back suplexed. A pump-handle slam from Sags follows. The bodyslam/flying elbow drop combo ends this at 3:09.
Hey, it’s Tito Santana! Tito is training to become a Matador. That was awesome.
Hey, it’s Sgt. Slaughter! Slaughter is at Arlington National Cemetary and it’s another “I Want My Country Back” promo. Piper still doesn’t want him back.
-Ricky Steamboat vs. Mike Durham-
Ricky has his ridiculous outfit on. Ricky hits an early flying body press for two. He armdrags him and goes for the arm but Durham forces him to the corner to cause a break. Durham sends Ricky to the corner but misses a blind charge. Durham bodyslams Ricky but Ricky kicks him off and chops away. We hear from Skinner. He wants to stomp out the Dragon’s fire with his boot before skinning him alive. Steamboat slams Durham’s head into the turnbuckles, first the top a few times and then the second and then the third and finally to the floor. That was cool. Steamboat bodyslams Durham and ascends to the top. It’s flying karate chop time! Let’s go back to the top! The flying bodypress ends this 2:34. This was the best match of the night!
Sean Mooney talks about Hulk Hogan’s All-American Story, a Hot Ticket PPV event. Mooney brings us promo’s from Jake Roberts (who talks about coming to forks in the road and always going his own way). We also hear from the Rockers who are now #1 contender’s for the WWE Tag Team Titles. We preview next week’s action (Jim Neidhart, Jake Roberts, Big Boss Man, Ric Flair is interviewed, and a Survivor Series Announcement).
-The Bottom Line-
Wow, this was a steaming pile of crap. The two highlights for me were the Santana and Slaughter vignettes. Other than that this was terrible. You had terrible squash matches that weren’t even fun to watch.