Written by: Tom Hopkins
Last week Hulk Hogan was attacked from behind by the Undertaker. Ric Flair’s Big Gold Belt has been blurred out for the opener. I guess WCW had just sued WWE and they weren’t allowed to show the belt anymore. I wonder when the Tag Team Title replaces the Big Gold Belt. Paul Bearer and Undertaker tell Hogan he’s going to go down again at Survivor Series and nothing, not even his, “cheap cold crucifix,” can save him.
Wow. So Vince is here with Macho Man and Roddy Piper. Piper looks ridiculous, like all his body is tanned except for a little bit around his bottom lip. What the hell is that? Macho Man is also waiting to be reinstated.
-El Matador vs. Bob Smedly-
We get a look at the crowd and this girl is cheering for Tito and she has some of the biggest hair I’ve seen. It’s like totally 80’s. Tito plays around with his cape to start and Smedly charges at it. He’s arm dragged down and he gets frustrated. He charges but Tito sidesteps and Smedly falls to the outside. He must’ve learned that in his Matador training. Tito raises his hands like he’s going to kill his prey and he delivers a big knee lift and his flying forearm to end this at 1:24. This was a really fun jobber match.
Sean Mooney is at the Event Center. We hear from the team of Berzerker, the Bully, Col. Mustafa and Skinner. Talk about a Job squad. I can’t think of anyone those four guys combined ever defeated in the early 90’s. We also hear from the team of the Rockers and the Bushwhackers. Shawn was close to his breaking up the Rockers and they teased it last week. Shawn keeps the tension going by saying he’d survive even if it was 3 on 1 and then cutting off Jannetty in mid sentence.
-Bret Hart(c) vs. Big Bully Busick for the WWE Intercontinental Title-
Bret was a fighting champ and he took on all comers, even this loser. We hear from the Mountie as Hart grabs a headlock. Mountie claims he’ll become the IC Champ and he was true to his word, winning it at a house show shortly before the Royal Rumble. Bully grabs an abdominal stretch and since he’s a mean bully he uses the ropes. Bret hiptosses out of that but he’s taken down anyway with one of the weakest clotheslines I’ve seen. Bully seemingly blows a whip to the ropes which boggles the mind. Hart hits a backbreaker and his second rope elbow (with Bully getting into position while writhing on the floor) before putting on the Sharpshooter. The Bully submits at 2:46. So that was about a minute longer than the normal jobber match. This definitely didn’t make the Bully look strong heading into Survivor Series.
It’s Mooney time! He brings us promo’s from the team of Jake Roberts, IRS and the Natural Disasters. Everyone talks about what they’ve been doing to get ready: IRS has been auditing, the Natural Disasters have been beating people up and Jake has been wondering if this match is fair since he may not have anyone to punch!
Even though he’s already made his debut we have a cool Repo Man vignette. He repossesses a woman’s car because she’s three days late with her payment!
-Texas Tornado vs. Greg Green-
Kerry gets a kiss from a fan at ringside as he heads to the ring and he looked happy about that. He seems very popular with the ladies. Vince shills the latest WBF magazine. Green gets in two shots in the corner and that’s about it. The discus punch ends this at 1:03.
We make our third trip to the event center and we’re only 18 minutes in! We hear from the team of Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, British Bulldog and Virgil. This is not a jobber team like the ones we saw before. Bulldog has won a few titles (IC, European and probably a Tag title), Virgil has a Million Dollar Title, Piper won the IC title and Bret is an original Triple Crown winner (IC, Tag and World). Hart is pissed and he wants at the Mountie, Bulldog wants Warlord, Virgil wants DiBiase and Piper scares Flair.
Miss Elizabeth is backstage and she tells Jack Tunney that her husband, Randy Savage, should be reinstated. The fans are helping out chanting “RE-IN-STATE.” Liz is hoping that Tunney will listen to the fans. It’s funny, that’s what everyone wants from the WWE now.
-Skinner vs. Ben Jordan-
Savage asks Piper how he hurt his lip and Roddy dodges the question. Jordan ducks out of the way of Skinner a few times to the delight of the fans. That doesn’t last long and Skinner defeats Jordan with an inverted DDT at 1:31.
Vince now shills the newest Coliseum Video: Hulkamania 6. Speaking of Hulk, Gene Okerlund is here and he brings out the WWE Champ for a special interview. Gene asks what Hogan thinks about people questioning if Hulkamania will live after Thanksgiving Eve? Well, even though Hogan walks through the valley of death he fears no Undertaker. The yellow will light him through said valley and will blind the Undertaker. The red also provided immortality because of the blood spilled by God on the cross. That’s deep, Hulk. Hogan also has his eyes on Ric Flair. That was a really good promo.
Mean Gene makes his first appearance at the Event Center and he’s all about the Survivor Series. He’s so serious he calls the phone the “blower.” The big match is the Undertaker/Hogan match for the WWE Title which has been dubbed Hogan’s Gravest Challenge. Undertaker and Paul Bearer are here with another promo. Boss Man & Legion of Doom are short-handed with Sid Justice being out of his match against Jake Roberts, IRS and the Natural Disasters. We hear from the trio of the Legion of Doom and Big Boss Man. We also have the team of Piper, Hart, Bulldog & Virgil taking on the team of Flair, Warlord, DiBiase & The Mountie and we hear from that quartet. Flair’s belt is still blurred out. Flair talks about his new executive consultant and it is revealed to be Mr. Perfect! Neidhart has been injured and he can’t compete with his teammate Duggan, Tito Santana & Texas Tornado as they take on Col. Mustafa, Berzerker, Bully and Skinner. Rumors have it that Slaughter will be the one replacing Neidhart. Finally we have the Rockers and Bushwhackers vs. The Beverly Brothers and the Nasty Boys.
-Jake Roberts vs. Bob Werner-
Jake goes right after Werner and Werner has no shot against this evil Jake. The short-arm clothesline sets up the DDT and this one’s over at 0:44.
Jake grabs the microphone after the match and calls out Macho Man. Jake said he almost looked up to Macho Man but now he just sees a softie who is hiding behind the skirt of a woman. Macho can’t take it anymore and heads to the ring, “to get a closer look.” Macho actually goes to the apron and the official at ringside tries stopping Macho. Jake uses that opportunity to clothesline Savage down. He beats him down, brings him into the ring and ties him up on the bottom two ropes. Jake takes out his cobra and he actually has the snake bit Savage’s arm!!!! The big red X is on the screen showing this as censored material. So critics should see that WWE was PG long before Linda’s Senate run. Anyway we have Piper and Liz run down (with really bad piped in screams from Liz). Savage’s arm is busted open now and McMahon thinks that the snake may not have been devenomized. I do know that the snake didn’t have any teeth but the gnawing of its jaws caused the blood. There’s a great shot of a kid crying at ringside. There’s no preview for next week because of the chaos that ensued after Jake’s match.
-The Bottom Line-
This was a really awesome episode of Superstars. Their pre-PPV shows are usually very good and I know it’ll sound odd but they are really good because of the lack of wrestling on the show. There is a lot of angle building moments that are there for the hard-sell of the PPV and I liked it. Hogan’s interview was actually very good, the Savage/Jake confrontation was really well done and the various promo’s thrown in were entertaining. The matches were just there for show (with the longest coming at under 3:00) and not even worth the time. I was actually waiting for the matches to be over so I could get to the next set of promo’s! Maybe I’ve gotten used to the flow of the show now and I think I can appreciate it more as a hype-machine rather than a vehicle to watch wrestling matches.