Written by: Tom Hopkins
This is the second week in a row with a cold opening. This time we start with a match. The only downside to these cold openings is that they don’t announce where the event take place and the witty repartee between Vince and Perfect are no more!
–Big Boss Man vs. Skinner–
This is Boss Man’s first match back since being assaulted by Nailz. Skinner attacks Boss Man from behind but Boss Man turns the tables. Skinner bails and Boss Man chases eventually bringing him back into the ring. Skinner bails a second time and slugs Boss Man with his alligator claw behind the ref’s back. Skinner chokes Boss Man, a nice call-back to his earlier assault at the hands of Nailz. Skinner plays hide the illegal object and the ref never catches on. Skinner charges at Boss Man in the corner only to find a knee straight from Cobb County. The Boss Man slam ends this moments later at 3:40. This was a good return for Boss Man and the match played up his previous injuries well. I would’ve liked for Skinner to control a bit longer and Boss Man’s comeback to be a little lengthier.
Perfect reveals to McMahon that his phone has been ringing off the hook the whole week with offers from both participants of the Summerslam title match and of course whatever corner he’s in will be the corner of the man who walks out the WWE Champion.
–Kamala (w/Whippleman & Kimchee) vs. Jobber–
I could pretty much copy and paste what I wrote for the Kamala match last week but that’s lazy and I am definitely not lazy! I miss the jobber’s name because I was checking Twitter so I don’t know who this guy is. Even Vince and Perfect ignore this match, focusing only on Perfect’s involvement in the Summerslam World Title match. Fat-Ass Splash ends this at 2:30. Kamala exits through the crowd just to show how stupid he is.
We got Sean Mooney in the event center to hear from some of the competitors in Summerslam. Repo Man is preparing for his match against Crush and he’s going to repossess Crush’s career! Undertaker and Bearer are all about putting Kamala in a casket.
We return from commercial with Kamala still in the crowd. Kimchee and Harvey bring him back in as the next match starts and sure enough, it is an Undertaker match. Undertaker and Kamala have a stare-down as they pass each other. See, that’s a nice subtle way to set up a PPV match.
–Undertaker vs. Chris Nothing–
I didn’t catch the jobber’s name during the epic stare-down so I just guessed at his last name. Turns out it is Duffy. He’s quickly duffed out with a Tombstone to end this at 1:19. Perfect leaves the announce booth after the match to take care of business.
Gene Okerlund brings out Macho Man Randy Savage and Savage dances around the fact that he’s been negotiating with Perfect because of the psychological advantage it would give him over the Ultimate Warrior. Perfect walks out and tells Savage that the price for his services has gone sky-high because he know whosever corner he’s win will win. Savage says that he will enter England the WWE champion and will leave there the WWE Champion. Savage still won’t confirm or deny if he’s working with Perfect.
–Money Inc. vs. Tim McNeavey & Jerry Seavey–
What’re the odds the jobbers names would rhyme? We hear from Paul Ellering & Rocco in anticipation of the LOD’s match with Money Inc. How sad is it that a dummy gets promo time? I know there’s a joke in there somewhere to be made but I’m just going to keep it at that. Money Inc take care of these tax cheats fairly easily, with the Million Dollar Dream ending things at 2:03.
Man, I’m running on fumes here with this review. I’ve seen four episodes of Superstars in two days and this is not holding my interest at all. You know the deal – Mooney, Promo’s and Summerslam Hype. We hear from Virgil (who actually quotes MC Hammer by saying he’s 2 Legit 2 Quit), the Berzerker (who will beat Tatanka with his hands, his big boot, his sword and his shield) and Tatanka himself. Tatanka tells Berzerker he will die by the sword.
It’s time for the Summerslam report! I should note that I indeed turned off Superstars last night and I’m watching it here about 20 hours later a bit more refreshed. Gene runs down the card with no new matches listed. The Main Event is the main talk of Okerlund, especially with Flair and Perfect’s involvement. The IC Title is also heavily hyped due to Bulldog’s involvement as well as the fact that Bret and Bulldog are related. Diana Hart-Smith is telling us the family’s falling apart! We hear from both the Bulldog and Bret Hart, as well as the Beverly Brothers and The Natural Disasters who are vying for the WWE Tag Team Titles. Other competitors making comments are Kamala (w/Kimchee and Whippleman) and Sensational Sherri (who create a no-punching in the face stipulation for the match between Michaels and Martel).
–Razor Ramon vs. Jim Powers–
Ramon’s got the toothpick tonight and he wastes no time tossing at the jobber. He also tells the ring attendant to watch his gold. Ramon misses a blind-charge and Powers grabs an arm-wringer. Ramon pikes him in the eye to break and then chokeslams Powers. A top-rope back suplex sets up the Razor’s Edge which ends this at 2:29. The move hadn’t been named the Razor’s Edge yet for those keeping track of those sorts of things.
We take one last trip to the Event Center with Sean Mooney. Wrestler’s commenting during this visit are Crush and Money Inc, who are each preparing for Summerslam. McMahon and Perfect tells us who to expect for next week: Crush, Nailz, Bret Hart and a big 6-man match featuring Repo Man &Beverly Brothers vs. Duggan & Bushwhackers. I remember reading about a match like that in the WWE Magazine. Cool.
–The Bottom Line–
This was just an uninspiring episode. Boss Man vs. Skinner was just 3-minutes and I always wished their “main event” matches at least broke 5-minutes. The Summerslam hype was in full swing and thankfully the Summerslam Report is long enough to carry the show, as was the whole Perfect/Warrior/Savage angle. Is it bad when I’m watching a wrestling show and I just want the wrestling matches to end so I can watch the interviews? Such is Superstars.