Written by: Kevin Kildenberger
WWF SmackDown The Debut Edition 4/29/99
Here comes Vince and Steph. Vince is called an asshole and admits he has been called that many times. He has also been that. Vince tries to get the crowd on his side. He thanks all those that helped him and the fans pop when he mentions Austin. Steph has the mic and talks about being stripped and violated and the fans love that. She is grinning as she talks….she too thanks Austin. She hopes UT burns in hell and there is a slight snarl at least. Jesus she is a terrible actress. Here comes Shane and the Corporation and he wants to know why Vince is here. Vince tries to speak and is told to shut up. Shane wants the ruthless tycoon Vince back. He is pissed that Vince thanked Austin. As it relates to business he does not give a rat’s ass about Steph or Vince. Vince is about to sock him but Chyna and HHH get in his face. Shane tells them to back off and then threatens to slap the wrinkles out of Vince’s face. He tells them to leave the ring as this is his show. Vince calls him a petulant little boy. They live. Shane thanks them for coming and keeps saying goodbye. Fuck he is annoying. They can go home and watch the rest of the show on TV. Jesus he keeps saying adios, sayonara and goodbye. I fucking get it.
After they leave Shane is called an asshole by the fans. He wants to get down to business. He has issues with the Rock and Austin. Since they have had problems he is teaming them up (A Russo special). He wants to know if there are any volunteers to take out the Rock and Austin. Bossman and HHH raise their hands. HHH is picked and Shane keeps asking if there are any other takers despite Corporate hands raised. UT comes up on the TitanTron. He is not happy that Austin spoiled his sacrifice so tonight he will act as judge, jury and executioner. Shane acts like nothing happened and makes the match. He asks the crowd if they can feel the power of Shane McMahon.
JJ is walking with Debra in the back….Blue Blazer is in the back running saying the WWF needs a hero and he is here to give them one. So fucking unnecessary….that gimmick. The whole thing.
Match 1: Val Venis v. Jeff Jarrett
Val does his thing. JJ tells Val that he pisses him off. He will wrestle him. I guess it was Owen who was supposed to wrestle. Blazer I mean, he tackles Val from behind and hammers him in the corner with some chops. Val reverses the whip into the other corner and Val misses the running elbow. They go back and forth. Fans want Puppies. Val drops him and then drops the elbow. Debra is on the apron and Val waggles his hips. I love White Trash! Val turns and takes down the Blazer again. JJ runs in and nuts Val and Blazer covers him for the win.
** Okay. Short and with shenanigans.
Nicole Bass comes down and claims Val owes him (Heat). Val books to the back with that thing in pursuit.
Here comes the Godfather and he charges. Debra is supposed to be a Ho. He clears out the ring. Debra seems okay with going along but he is chop blocked and now JJ hits the Stroke and Owen leaps from the middle rope and they destroy the Godfather.
Rock is talking to himself in the back. He and Austin togther and he is going to make people famous.
Blazer is back and the WWF needs heroes. There is too much cleavage and he cannot say Venis! Everything is deplorable in the WWF. Kevin Kelly calls him Owen and Blazer states he is not Owen and is in fact looking for him. He tells all his little Blazers to say their prayers, take their vitamins and drink their milk!
Match 2: Big Show v. Test
Bossman comes down….Test gets in some punches but Show dropkicks him. The Chokeslam finishes the match.
*1/2 Squash.
Bossman is in the ring and he is swinging the nightstick around. He runs away and backs off as Show goes after him. Now Bossman gets back into the ring and he beats up Test with the stick. Show runs back and chases Bossman off.
Rock comes down and calls Shane and HHH monkey asses. They checked into the SD Hotel. He calls them Roody-Poo candy asses and the fans finish it for him. He does it again. He will fight with Austin but they are not friends and if he messes with the Rock he will stick something up his ass. I think his hands. Rock jumps as Austin’s theme hits. Here comes. He flips him off and goes up top for the fans and keeps doing that! Austin wants to get something straight. Rock will always be some punk kid spitting out nursery rhymes. SCSA will take some horns and put them on the BBQ grill or something to that effect. Here comes Shane. He is happy that they cannot get along. His plan is getting bigger and better as they speak. Cue Ministry music. UT is standing side by side with Shane and the latter wonders if Rock and Austin understand what is happening. Now the rest of the Corporation and Ministry come out and stand by him. Cornette and Cole are having kittens. Shane introduces us to the Corporate Ministry and Rock and SCSA better get together and change their strategy.
Kevin Kelly is talking to X Pac and Kane and how they need to figure shit out. He replays Monday. Pac admits it will be unpredictable when they face the Outlaws.
Match 3: Droz v. D’Lo Brown
Brown takes him down and then hiptosses. He works him over in the corner but Droz explodes out with a clothesline. Brown goes back on the offensive as he works him over. Droz hits him back but is powerbombed. D’Lo goes up top but Prince Albert who is now Droz’s crony pushes him off the top. Droz accidentally runs into Prince Albert who is on the apron and then Brown slingshots on top of both men. Back in the ring he bodyslams Droz. Again he goes up top but Albert gorilla slams him from the top rope. They beat his ass.
*1/2 More unnecessary interference.
Droz has a needle. A piercing needle. Marke Henry runs down and cleans house.
A bunch of Sable promos with her promoting Playboy.
Road Dogg talks about friendship and Gunn decries that there is no friendship when it comes to titles.
Match 4: X Pac and Kane (c) v. New Age Outlaws for WWF Tag Titles
Pac and Road Dogg start off. They lock up and Pac applies a side headlock. Road Dogg elbows him down but runs into a spinning heel kick. Pac sends him for the ride but misses the lariat. Road Dogg goes for a back drop and Road Dogg dances. They square off and give each other the suck it signal. Billy Gunn gets the tag and gets in Pac’s face. Kane gets the tag and Gunn gets in a few blows but is dismantled by Kane. He is run around the ring and whipped from corner to corner as he gets pummeled. X Pac is in and he takes it to Gunn. Road Dogg gets the hot tag and down goes Pac and Kane. But Kane rises up and goozles both Road Dogg and Pac and Gunn knocks down Pac and Kane. But Kane fires back. Road Dogg eats a Bronco Buster; I think he missed it as Pac is down and Kane is doubleteamed. The Famouser is hit but Pac makes the save. Gunn has Pac in a gorilla slam but Pac shoves Dogg into them and Pac lands on top of him getting the win.
**1/2 Okay back and forth match. Keeps teasing the end of DX.
Austin is lacing his boots in the back.
Gunn is whining is like a baby for losing.
Dok states that we have always wanted to hear the Brood speak. Gangrel speaks and I really wish he had not. Nothing makes sense and he awkwardly grins and stops and starts his sentences. Something about looking for a different light. Edge rambles some New Age stuff and he warns Dok that the freaks come out at night. Dok thinks it is a gimmick and they are trying to get attention. Lights go out and Dok is covered with blood.
Gunn is looking for X Pac.
Shamrock reminds he was born on the street and he is going to break Bradshaw and after that beat the crap out of him some more.
Match 5: Bradshaw v. Ken Shamrock
This is a street fight and they start brawling before the bell. Bradshaw gets the upperhand and pounds him for a minute. Ken trips him up and has the leg all tied up. Bradshaw finally gets to the ropes and Bradshaw hammers him. He has a ball bat and wallops him with it over and over. Now Ken beats him with it over and over. He chokes him out with the bat and Bradshaw is out and the match is over. Ken will not let go. Now officials swarm and try to pull him off. Shamrock beats Slaughter with the bat and everyone else has run off besides an out Bradshaw.
Mankind is talking about the Boiler Room. He thought about calling the match but did not as this is his job. He describes himself and he has a match against Bossman. Gunn is yelling for X Pac and Mankind calls him a whiner.
Match 6: Big Bossman v. Mankind
Bossman takes it to him. He leaps on Mankind who is sagged against the ropes. Bossman beats him some more but is dumped to the floor. Show comes down and decks him. Back in the ring Socko finishes the match.
*1.2 Jesus that was quick.
Gunn finds Pac and tackles him. Kane throws him off and Gunn pouts and leaves.
Rock is pacing in the back. Austin too.
Match 7: HHH and Undertaker v. Rock and Steve Austin
Rock is surrounded by escapes into the ring. He tries to fend them off. Here comes Austin and he cleans house. HHH is pummeled and he goes after UT. Now we officially start the match and HHH stomps on Austin in the corner. Austin is up and he fires back but is whipped back into the corner. Both men duck and dodge until HHH knees him and then drills him with a knee….and yet another fucking knee. He gets two. HHH clobbers him in the corner. Austin makes a comeback and the Rock is tagged in and he unloads on HHH. UT gets the tag only to be clotheslined but Rock runs right into a DDT. UT gets two and pounds on the Rock. Rock is up and sent for the ride and they clothesline each other after some initial whiffs. Both men are up and UT clubs him but he is snagged for the Rock Bottom! HHH runs in thus causing Austin to as well. HHH gets stomped. Here comes the Corporate Ministry. Now Shamrock, Test and Show and it is an all out melee. UT is stomping on Austin as HHH goes over the barrier not sure if he is running or chasing. Austin is chokeslammed. Vince has come down and Shane goes to hit him but is knocked out! Vince tries to stop UT with the chair but gets walloped upside the head. Austin finally gets up and Stuns the Undertaker. Shane comes in and beats up his dad and yells at him for good measure. Austin looms over him and flips off Shane who tries to run but is caught and Stunned!
** Too short but it was angle advancement.
** Not an auspicious debut. But it showed potential new viewers what the WWF has to offer and therefore did the job. It was meant to forward angles and did that. Now we have the Corporate Ministry and it is just getting bigger and bigger: The stable that is. Nothing but long vignettes punctuated by short matches.