WWF RAW 4/26/1999

Where to begin. I ranted a bit on my Nitro page. I just feel that the WWF escaped and still does escape a close look into how terrible their programming was at times from 1998-9. Now, who can argue with success? History is written by the winners and the WWF won. Austin, Rock and Foley (later Angle and others) are beloved by fans and pundits alike (rightfully so) while Hogan and Nash are reviled (again rightfully so, more for the former than the latter). However that does not excuse a lack of objectivity. WCW failed for a myriad of reasons some I have documented and some I will continue to elaborate on as we get closer to 2001. No doubt that the WWF pushed or at least entertained a facade of pushing younger talent (they did more so than WCW for sure) and they tapped that mythical and hard to garner youth market. I give them enormous credit for doing that. Now that I am older and not necessarily wiser, crash TV does not appeal to me. The constant interference, overbooking and confusing storylines make my head hurt and even piss me off from time to time because it is so unnecessary. I want wrestling with good angles, not a blitzkrieg of sound and visuals. Many applaud the WWF during this era for making sense and having easy to follow angles (Mooneyham is one) but I disagree; there is too much going on. It is like a soap opera that would be hard to jump in the middle of because of all the swerves and so forth.  That being said, RAW is more dynamic than Nitro. I do see the appeal and I understand why a teen or young adult would watch it over Nitro. They assault your senses and grab your attention and do not let go. They have Debra nearly flashing her “puppies” while men in their 40s are struggling to get into the ring in WCW….is it any wonder that the WWF is kicking the living shit out of them right now. Instead of looking old, the WWF is hip and edgy and even industrial. They have taken what Nitro began and perfected it for the youth of America. RAW wins with a near 6.0 while Nitro got a 3.9.

The WWF has a scroll in commemoration of the Columbine Massacre. For some reason I almost forgot about that though I just talked about it with Berlyn a few days ago.

A limo shows up and a somber looking Vince exits….

Here comes the Rock. The Electrifying One has come back to Hartford. He soaks in Rock chants. A face turn is needed. Rock said he would whip Austin’s ass all over the arena and he did so. He has to give credit to Austin but changes his mind and calls him Texas Trailer Trash. Now Austin chants as Rock talks about their match. Rock gets a “Millions” echo from the crowd. They chant Rocky. He calls Shane some names and told him not to interfere in his match but he did so anyway. Here comes Shane and the Corporation. Shane disagrees and claims he all but handed the belt to the Rock. It is all the Rock’s fault and he is a loser. Rock is going to stick something up his ass. Shane looks like he pooped his pants and warns the Rock. He tells the Rock what the Boss is cooking. Shane tries to look tough and the Rock tells him that he has three seconds and he means three seconds…..HHH grabs at him and is decked. Chyna hits the Rock who slowly turns towards her and clocks her. Now he is swarmed and pummeled. Shane tells him that he is fired. Rock is up after they leave and Rock does not think Shane has the balls to face him. Shane is ready and willing.

Vince has everything ready and all the papers signed. He just wants Steph back. Brisco wonders how he can trust him and he does not know but has no choice.

After the break they are all waiting for a phone call as Vince wallows…..he is not a face. Jesus.

Shane and the Corporation are cracking stupid jokes. Shane just tries too damn hard.

Match 1: Brood v. Kane and X Pac (c)

Gangrel is handling X Pac with ease. He runs into boot but powerslams Pac getting two. Pac fires back and tags in Kane. Edge is in and Kane destroys him. He strikes with a clothesline from the top rope. Gangrel gets annihilated as does Christian. Gangrel is Bronco Busted and Edge runs back into the ring only to be chokeslammed.

*1/2 Jesus Edge is so damn misused….Kane and X Pac make an okay tag team. Like Raven and Saturn there is not much for them to do so put them together!

The lights go out and flicker. Brood is beating up Kane. Kane has been doused with blood. Kane grabs X Pac and chokeslams him over the barrier!

Rock is sitting in the locker room muttering to himself.

More wallowing from Vince. Finally the phone rings…..commercial.

They show what happens after the fact. UT tells him that he knows what he wants. UT has controlling interest and all Vince wants is Steph. Once UT gets those documents Steph will be returned but warns Vince that he better not slip up. Vince now warns him and UT calls himself Steph’s soulmate and should not be spoken to like that. UT wants to meet in some random area. He wants Austin to deliver them and Vince is baffled and not too happy.

Here comes Austin. Cole is in the ring and Austin tells him to get his ass out of the ring. Damn right he overcame all odds. He tells Rock that he beat him on his own and beat his ass to boot. Vince comes out looking sad. He does not mean to interrupt. This is not easy for Vince but he needs Austin’s help. Austin is taken aback. He repeats what Vince said. Vince knows that Austin does not like him but this is personal and Steph needs his help. Austin is sorry but does not give a rat’s ass about his problems. Vince is still trying to explain. Now he tells Austin that he is the one that has to deliver the documents. Austin gets to the point that Vince needs him. He wants Vince to say that. He does so. Austin reminds Vince about the last 15 months making Austin’s life Hell and he has done a good job in doing so. He remembers everything and then tells Vince to kiss his ass!

Match 2: Val Venis v. D’Lo Brown

Girls squeal for Val when he shimmies his hips. He has controlled the match the first minute or so. He goes up top but is crotched and superplexed. Val comes back after some give and go. He Russian sweeps him. Here comes Nicole Bass and she propositioned him on Heat. She bellows like a man that Val wants him….her….whatever. The distraction causes  Val to lose.

*1/2 Fast paced but short.

Ivory leaps on her back and chokes out Bass but is flipped over. Holy shit Bass is fucking heinous. I mean wow.

Austin is in the back and Show stares and Austin wants to know what the hell he is staring at and Show tells him that Vince needs him or something.

Gunn is not happy for Pac failing last night.

Match 3: HHH v. Billy Gunn

They go back and forth. HHH has control but Gunn dodges him and leapfrogs. HHH though catches him with a powerslam and Gunn sells the knee. HHH goes after it and wraps it around the post a couple of times and then chop blocks him. He keeps after the knee. Still going after it. Now a Figure Four. Gunn finally escapes and gets in a blow and powerslams him getting two. They brawl on the floor. Road Dogg is trying to come down but Chyna heads him off. HHH Pedigrees Gunn and wins.

*1/2 That was dull. DX is done for.

Shane giving useless orders to take care of business. He then whispers something to Bossman.

Match 4: Mankind and Big Show v. Big Bossman and Test

Mankind runs over Test and then leaps on the back of his head. Bossman whips him into the corner and sandwiches him. Test is back in and he gets pummeled. Bossman refuses to tag in Test. Test though drops Mankind with a big boot. Now Bossman accepts the tag and punishes Mankind. Test hammers him too from the apron. Bossman clubs the back of Mankind. Mankind reverses the whip but runs into Bossman and both topple. Show is in and he headbutts Bossman and tosses him. He flings in Test with ease but Bossman uppercuts him in the nuts. Show is pissed and goes for Bossman after shoving Test aside. Mankind has Socko and Test eats it! Mankind gets the win.

**1/2 I will give this a high score because it was non-stop action and actually fairly fun.

Bossman is in the face of Test who is not happy either. They are nose to nose. Test decks him and goes to leave but knows he is about to get hit and tenses. He is nailed with the nightstick.

Vince is waiting for the Undertaker’s arrival with a briefcase. Austin sees him there on a monitor and is pacing.

Holly is beating up Snow with a pole. After laying waste to him he demands a rematch.

Rock is pacing in his locker room.

Match 6: Jeff Jarrett v. Godfather (c) for WWF IC Title

Godfather informs us that Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy! JJ has the mic and does not know who Godfather thinks he is and he is pissed off that this is not a title match. He calls him Huggie Bear and mocks him for not defending the title. He wants to know how he is hung and wants the title put up. Godfather rambles about something. Debra has to do something but he agrees and it is on.

JJ hammers him and leaps off the top striking with a double axe. Godfather fires back with two clotheslines and he drops the elbow for two. JJ grabs him and takes him down by the arm and jumps on his back as he is hung up on the ropes. Val is coming down eyeing Debra as JJ dropkicks the Godfather and follows up with a DDT. JJ does not like that. Nicole Bass comes out and threatens Debra as Val wisely leaves. JJ is rolled up and pinned. Debra is a Ho! Owen takes her away….

*1/2 Too short.

Vince is still waiting.

PMS is with a dude and rubbing his body. Terri calls him USDA Meat. He assures him that the meat is not done until they are satisfied. Really?

Match 8: Bradshaw v. Ken Shamrock

Farooq blindsides Ken. They pummel him though he tries to fight back. Test runs down and he gets dismantled too. Test and Ken clear out the ring. They glare at each other but seem to be forging a bond.

Match 9: Shane McMahon v. Rock

Shane is destroyed. Posse runs down and they too get destroyed. Shane charges but is decleated by a clothesline. Rock Bottom! Elbow time! HHH comes in from behind and stomps a hole in the Rock. Here comes Chyna. The fans chant for the Rock as the fans chant for him. Refs are being held back as HHH and Chyna work him over. More HHH I should say.

NR A way to get Rock over as an emerging face…..make HHH more hated as a heel.

Vince is still pacing in the garage and Vince leaves.

Steph is screaming as the Ministry hold her. They are in the arena….

Now X Pac comes out and has been looking for Kane. He does not know what his problem is and wants his Big Red Ass to get out here. Owen and JJ blindside him and put the boots to him. Here comes Kane. Kane clears the ring. Now Pac still wants to know what Kane’s damage is and he gets chokeslammed! Kane though picks him up and carries him off.

Steph is in the ring being put on that damn insignia. She is wearing all black and has been screaming no the entire time. Vince did not leave up to the agreement and Austin showed his true colors. Bearer has some stupid book and is going to read from it. Steph is squealing like a stuck pig. She is asked to take the Lord of Darkness as her husband or something. Ken comes down and gets crushed by Viscera. Shane is holding back the troops. Paul continues about Steph bearing his offspring. Show comes down and starts to clean house. UT has a baseball bat and he knocks Show over the top rope and he is swarmed on the floor. UT may kiss his bride and here comes Stone Cold and the fight is on. UT just leaves as Mideon eats a Stunner and Austing lays waste with a chair. Austin unties her. Steph gives him a nice fat hug that stuns him. Vince comes in and hugs her.

** Another lackluster effort. There is just not enough wrestling. So much happens in one episode. It is not too hard to follow, but rather if I want to expend the mental effort. Finally they are making the Rock a face and HHH is starting to shine as a heel. Vince does not work as a sympathetic figure. It is time to get teh McMahon’s off the screen but that will not happen any time soon.